All Comments on 'Reunited'

I couldn't get past the first paragraph! The grammar and punctuation is horrendous. The opening line is a run-on sentence.

Do some editing and perhaps I'll actually be able to read this and give you a better score.

It wrapped up very quickly but was a sweet story, keep writing!

Whoa! This isn't a race. Plz take a little time and develop the characters (main and supporting) and settings. Didn't anyone have a close friend or confidente? This plot could be expanded into several chapters and could be much more interesting.

You could have make this a longer story, but regarles, it was very nice. Do not let the negative comments intimidate you, you writing skills will evolve and the more you practice and let your imagination run the better you will get.

I do agree that it had the potential to be a long and interesting story - as this felt more like a plot run down BUT that aside, this was a wonderful story and I hope you continue to write and work on your artistic skills.

I have edited this short story somewhat you know added some taken some out and have re posted it today should be up soon. Thankyou for the kind words.

It was too good, in my mind, to only be one chapter! I really think it is the perfect beginning to the story of how Bridget and Leyland find one another again. I'd love to see you do that story. This was definitely a sweet short story, but it feels like it should clearly be expanded. Even in this very short form you presented a great cast of characters that it would be really interesting to see developed. Looking forward to more of your work.

Congrats on the first story! I clicked on your name to see what else you had written and realized it was your first. It is nice to see someone who comments on so many of the stories in this genre try their hand at it. Hope you keep writing.

it's always nice to see on of "our" loyal readers take that daunting step into this writing world.

i liked the story plot, but i agree with the others it has a lot of potential to be a longer story then just this chapter.

and yes a proofreader and/or editor does wonders.(if you want drop me a line, i don't mind doing a quick proof if you want) even when you read it twenty thousand times yourself you will miss mistakes and little errors ;-) even in a few chapters i have up i still found error, they're sneaky little buggers ;-)

just watch out for the run on sentences and punctuation. shorter paragraphs would make it easier to read. but all these are just "cosmetical" findings. what is more important is the story and i would really would love to read the entire story of these people.

well done willie!

You may like to check back to this story later when the re edited version is up I posted it Saturday so hope it will be up soon! It gives a bit more detail of Leyland's life before Celest was taken I have also changed a few other things in the story. I hope it will be an improvement.LOL

I am in the middle of another story at the moment.

checked and it seems no update yet. checking in a day or two again. with all those competitions going on ;) can get crazy at times.

i couldn't wait and just had to reread this one. this turned out ten,no twenty times better with the minor additions. really really good :)

I also re-read it now that the second part was out. It was great and the additions helped alot. Just check the tenses used as it seemed you switched back and forth sometimes. Keep writing

Wow! What a great start! I agree with the other comments that this has great bones and a good foundation…One way to expand the length (which I think we’d all LOVE) is to expand on some of the interaction scenes and flesh out the conversations/actions more. Think like you’re watching a movie and what would want to see : -) I loved this though. Absolutely amazing and I am moving onto the next chapter…

...or better yet, "Welcome to our hell," said LitE authors to Willie. Fun ain't it?!

The story has a unique blend of non-human species which allows free reign w/ plot and characters. I appreciated your bold approach to the sensual aspect of the story. Very Literotica. While I see others request a longer story, I admire the brevity - makes a great read for someone who doesn't have all day to "see what happens."

I apologize for just seeing your submissions. I'll catch up on reading and feedback. PS - a pregnant vampire? Seems you left me a negative comment about that.....hmm.

It's just so hurried. I felt like I was running a marathon reading it. I think this story would be even better with some more information. But I enjoyed it very much.