Trish's Wedding Day

Maybe she was getting cold feet.

Maybe she didn't want to go through with it.

Etc.

I think it is safe to say that what she wanted to talk to me about was nowhere on the list of possible reasons for her to want to talk to me.

For some reason today when Trish referred to what we had been doing as "fun" it made me angry. I mean she had always referred to what we did as "fun" and I did always wish that she would call it what it was either us making love and if she couldn't or wouldn't call it that she at the very least could have called it us having sex or fucking anything was better than her always referring to it as having "fun"

Despite in the past having got angry about her calling it us having "fun" I was always able to tolerate it.

However today from the very first time she referred to it as us having "fun" I hated it and I wanted to say to her.

"We weren't having fun Trish we where fucking we where having sex we where screwing each other's brains out."

I just wanted her to refer to it in some way other than how she always referred to it.

An when she said we couldn't have "fun" anymore I wasn't that surprised.

I think apart of me had always expected or knew that it would end eventually however I do admit that I didn't expect it to end today. I thought maybe after a few visits I guess you could call them we'd end it then.

"Boy was I wrong."

I once again say aloud to myself.

What really hurt me more than her referring to what we did as "fun" was when she went straight from telling me we couldn't be together anymore to telling me what time the wedding was it was like.

"Right now that's sorted back to business."

It was like it didn't mean anything to her.

"I guess it didn't."

I say aloud to myself smirking at the fact that that is exacterly what she told me.

I also remember her telling me that she had paid for the room and for the dress.

Now the room I wasn't surprised she had paid for it. However I was surprised she had bought the dress as I was also surprised when I first saw it hanging up on the door knob of the wardrobe with a note from Trish saying.

"I hope you like it and I hope it fits."

I have to admit I did want to try it on right then and there however for some reason I decided to wait until today and now no thanks to Trish ironically I'll never know if it fit one thing is for sure I sure did like it.

After a while my thoughts slowly go from the now totally destroyed bridesmaid's dress to the next thing that Trish said to me.

"Well I'll just be going then. Big day. I don't want to keep Ron waiting."

I don't know why Trish said this.

I mean maybe I'm just reading to much into it but it was almost as if she was looking for a reason to leave or trying to find an excuse to leave. Like I said I'm probably reading to much into it.

Looking back on what I said next I can't deny that there is a small part of me that wishes that I hadn't said what I did.

The reason I feel that way is because if I hadn't said what I did then I would still be going to the wedding I don't know why that is important to me maybe it is because I want to see Trish happy maybe it's because I want to see her in her wedding dress maybe it's because I want to torture myself.

However despite a small part of me wishing I hadn't said what I did a larger part of me can't help but be happy that I said what I did or rather that I asked what I did because at least now I know the truth.

One thing that really pissed me off was when Trish said that she didn't love me the way I claimed to love her.

An the thing that pissed me off wasn't the fact that she didn't love me the way I did and if I am honest deep down still do love her it was how she said that I "claimed" to love her.

In short she was calling me a liar by saying that I claimed to love her and then she asked me if my falling in love with her was her fault despite the fact that I had never said anything to make her think that I was blaming her or that I did blame her.

It isn't her fault I fell in love with her at the same time I don't think I can really blame myself for the way I feel I mean it isn't like I just woke up one morning and said to myself.

"Hey I think I'll be in love with Trish from now on."

I don't know why exacterly I said or rather asked her that if there was any chance she might love me back not to go through with the wedding because she had just said she didn't love me so in a way I knew that she was still going to go through with the wedding.

I guess maybe I was trying to show her my cards or rather reveal my intentions as far as the wedding was concerned without coming right out and saying.

"I'm going to try and stop this wedding from happening."

I can't believe Trish actually said that she talked about Ron all of the time.

I mean she never talked about him the only time she ever talked about him was when I asked her if she was seeing anybody when we first met that very first day and she said and I quote.

"Yeah I'm dating a guy called Ron he was my high school sweetheart we've known each other for years."

The next thing I asked her was how the relationship was and she told me that it was fine and everything and that was pretty much it.

His name was never ever mentioned again.

She never talked about what they did together on the days that she got off the road.

She never said that she had seen him during her days off.

She never interjected him into a conversation for example she never said.

"Ron once did this."

Or

"Ron once said this."

Even when she was engaged she never brought him up in conversation funny thing is she didn't tell me she was engaged I had to hear about it from the girls in the locker room.

Apparently one of them I think it was Amy aka Lita had seen Trish wearing her engagement ring and Trish had confessed to her that Ron had asked her to marry him and she had said yes.

As soon as I heard this I went looking for Trish and I actually assaulted her in the sense that I grabbed her hands and looked for the engagement ring which she wasn't wearing at the time so I asked her where it was and she asked me where what was and I told her and she asked me how I knew about that I told her and I asked her if it was true and she admitted that it was and then she told me why she hadn't told me first.

Apparently the reason she hadn't told me was because she wanted to find the right time.

It's funny how Lita managed to catch Trish wearing her engagement ring and yet all the times I saw Trish up until the day that Lita blabbed about the engagement ring I never saw Trish wear it.

An even funnier thing is how I was the first person to find out that she was retiring from wrestling as if finding out that she was getting married wasn't enough of a shock she also told me the same day in fact almost as soon as she had confessed to getting married/engaged she then told me that she was also retiring from wrestling.

Despite telling me both of these things Trish still didn't mention Ron.

I mean she didn't tell me how he proposed to her she didn't tell me if he was happy about her retiring she didn't tell me anything about how he was feeling etc.

It's weird how I was supposed to be her best friend or at the very least I thought I was her best friend and yet I had to find out from her former best friend Lita that she was getting married.

I guess I didn't know the real Trish after all.

Hell maybe I didn't know Trish period I just thought I did.

It felt like the real her though. I'm not just talking about physically I mean it felt as though it was the real Trish when she would talk to me and tell me stuff she didn't tell anybody else heck she told me stuff that she hadn't even told Lita at least she said she hadn't told Lita some of the stuff that she told me.

Now I don't know what to believe.

Weather it was the real her or not. Weather what she told me really was stuff she hadn't told anybody else or not.

I don't want to think that it was all an act.

I mean it couldn't have been could it?

What did she have to gain from it if it was all an act?

I don't know exacterly what she had to gain from acting if it all really was an act however I can't help wondering maybe it was.

I mean looking back on the argument we had it was almost as if I was trying to stop myself from believing the truth that everything I thought was real wasn't.

Maybe the real Trish Stratus wasn't the woman I met almost a year ago or the woman I have spent the last god knows how many months with but maybe she was the woman I argued with a short time ago.

As this thought slowly sinks in I can't help but feel tears run down both sides of my cheeks and I don't try to stop them I just let them run until eventually I fall asleep due the drink as well as everything else that has happened this morning.

The next thing I know my eyes are open and I can hear a knocking on my hotel room door I roll over and look at my bedside clock and when I see the time I can't help but smirk due to it being 3:30pm.

"I hope Trish is happy."

I say due to the fact that I have missed the wedding for sure due to her having said it starts at 2pm and normally a wedding lasts an hour which means that Trish is now Patricia Ann..........whatever Ron's surname is.

Huh that's another thing she never told me.

Once again there is a knocking on the hotel room door and I slowly and rather groggily get off of the bed and walk over to the door and open it.

However the moment I see who is there my grogginess goes and I am fully awake at least I think I am awake due to the fact that the person standing opposite me can't or rather shouldn't be standing opposite me. She should be either at the reception or on her honeymoon and yet here she is standing directly opposite me wearing her wedding dress

I swallow hard and somehow manage to utter the word.

"Trish!?"

Trish's POV

"Trish."

Knock. Knock.

That's the third or fourth time I've heard my name being called and the seventh or eighth time I've heard a knocking on my door.

"Trish.......... it's Lillian.......... are you there?"

I had known Lillian for years. She was my best friend and maid of honour, and yet for some reason I hadn't recognised her voice until now.

"I'm here." I finally replied.

"Ok.......... can I come in?"

I actually thought about this for a moment.

"Sure, why not."

Lillian walked in, giving me a small smile before closing the door behind her, walking over to me and sitting down next to me. She didn't say anything at first. I think she was waiting for me to say something but I'm honestly not sure what to say.

It's 2:30.

I was supposed to leave this room 30 minutes ago but I haven't moved from the spot for hours.

I came straight from seeing Mickie and immediately got into my wedding dress. I then sat down here to do my makeup and then when I was done I just didn't move. I just ended up staring at my own reflection, the events of not just today, not just this past year, but of my entire life flashing before my eyes.

And I'm not even sure why. I'm not even sure why I haven't just gotten out of the seat, gone to my wedding and moved on with my life. My heads just so full of noise right now I can barely make out anything. I'm surprised I even heard Lillian's voice earlier.

Suddenly I'm awoken from my thoughts by the feeling of a hand on my arm. It startles me and I turned to look at my long-time friend who immediately removes her hand.

"I said are you ok?" Lillian said, with a puzzled look on her face.

"I'm fine, why do you ask." I reply, quickly realising how stupid that sounds.

"Well it's just that.......... people are waiting.......... and you weren't responding before.......... and a second ago I asked you if you were ok and you just stared blankly into the mirror."

"I was just thinking to myself, I'm sorry if I'm holding everyone up, I'll be out in a minute ok." I said quickly in a voice which didn't even convince myself.

"Are you sure.........." Lillian started to say before I cut her off.

"I said I was just thinking to myself and I'll be out in a minute." I said a lot more firmly.

Lillian paused for a second before she said something which both shocked and baffled me, "Do you want me to call Mickie?"

"What!" I exclaimed.

"Mickie James.......... you know.......... your best friend.......... do you want me to call her?" Lillian said, reaching into her handbag and pulling out her mobile phone, "I haven't seen her yet but I'm sure she's around here somewhere, I mean after all it is your wedding. I'm sure I have her number here somewhere.........."

"Don't call her." I snapped.

"Ok.......... do you want me to go look for her?"

"No, I don't want to see her."

"Ok.......... sorry.........."

"No.......... Lillian I'm sorry.......... it's just that.........."

"Trish."

I suddenly turn around to see my Dad.

I didn't even hear the door open.

"Trish, honey, are you ok?"

"I'm fine Dad, I'll be down in a minute!"

"Ok.......... are you sure there's nothing wrong.......... do you want me to call Mickie?"

"What?"

"Mickie James.......... that girl you're always talking about.......... she's your best friend right.......... I was looking forward to finally meeting her.........."

"She isn't coming."

"Oh, why not?"

"Because I don't want her too. Now go, I'll see you in the church, ok?"

"Ok, I'll see you out there. Love you." He said as he left.

"You too." I called after him.

Once Dad had left I turned to see Lillian staring at me.

"What?"

"Nothing.......... it's just you seem.......... I don't know.......... a little on edge.........."

"It's just wedding jitters, it will pass."

"It's not just a day.......... you've been on edge for months." Lillian said, "What's wrong Trish? I'm your friend, maybe I can help."

"There's nothing wrong. I told you I'm fine." I said, before realising I wasn't going to get any peace here, "Let's just go."

"Ok, if that's what you want." Lillian said, following me as I walked out the door.

Leaving my hotel room I slowly walked over to the elevator and pressed the button. Lillian is talking to me about something but I don't hear a word she says.

I'm too busy thinking about her, or more accurately I'm too busy trying not to think about her.

Before I can become lost in my thoughts the elevator arrives. Getting into it I notice that Lillian is still talking to me and I'm still not hearing a word. She continues to talk once we exit on the ground floor and make our way to the cars.

This is where Lillian and I part. She has her car, I have my stretch limousine. Ron thought it would be nice for me to make a grand entrance.

Now all I need to do is give them some time to get there before I can make my grand entrance. After all I don't want to be closely following behind anyone. I want all eyes on me for my big day. And now Mickie won't be stealing my thunder with her absurd little crush I can do that. I can marry the man I love in front of all my friends and family in the happiest moment of my life. Which is exactly what I'm about to do. So it stands to reason I should be giddy with excitement right?

So why aren't I feeling excited? Why am I feeling so miserable? Why do I have this feeling of dread in my stomach every time I even think about marrying Ron? What's happening to me?

I guess it's because I'm feeling.......... I don't know.......... guilty. Mickie was my friend, and I used her. But I told her, I told her right from the start that it was nothing, that it always would be nothing to me.

So it's her fault, all her fault. If she got hurt she only has herself to blame.

I shouldn't feel guilty.......... I should feel sorry for her, and I do, but I can't put my life on hold just because I feel sorry for someone who fell in love with me.

Is.......... is that what I believe now?

I never believed her before when she said she loved me, but today when she said it it was the first time she was looking me in the eye, or more accurately it was the first time I was looking into hers. Since she told me about it I have believed Mickie's philosophy that you can always tell if someone is lying or not just by looking in their eyes, and when I looked into them today Mickie's eyes weren't lying to me, they were just telling me an inconvenient truth.

Inconvenient for her that is.

And it's her loss really.

Even if she is in love with me it would be far better for her if I had convinced her she wasn't. I mean it's not like she actually has a chance with me, so I could have probably saved the poor girl a lot of grief if she had just believed me. So when you think about it I was trying to do her a favour. Ok so I wasn't really sure that she was actually in love with me, and I'm still not completely sure that's true, but it doesn't stop the fact that we would be both better off if she didn't love me. As a matter of fact we would be both better off if she had never opened her mouth about the whole L word in the first place. I mean, everything seemed just so great when we were just having fun, but then she had to go and make things complicated, especially for herself.

So like I said, her loss.

As for me, I'm not going to let Mickie James ruin my big day any more than she already has.

"We're here Miss Stratus." said the limousine driver.

I don't even remember getting into the limousine but apparently I did and now I'm here. Getting out of the limo I began walking to the church where the ceremony is being held. It isn't a long walk, and yet it feels like with every step I take the journey gets longer and my feet become heavier. I feel more like I'm going to a funeral than a wedding. Hell, I feel more like I'm going to my funeral than my wedding.

Walking into the church I noticed my Dad standing by the doors, waiting for me to arrive. Evidently everybody else is on the other side of the double doors behind him.

I do my best to smile at him trying to convince him as well as myself everything is fine.

"You look great." he said to me, smiling ear to ear.

"Thank you, I feel great." I said, smiling back and lying through my teeth.

"Are you ready to get married?" He asked.

I nodded my head, for some reason unable to answer him verbally, but it seems enough for him. He holds out his arm and I take it as he leads me into the church. As we walked forward the big double doors are opened for us, allowing me to make my big entrance.

Within the blink of an eye me and my Dad are standing one end of the isle with my husband to be and his best man standing on the right side of me down the other end of the isle and standing directly in front of me down the other end of the isle is the Minister.

At this moment everybody turns to look at me. I have everyone's eyes on me, and it feels like they're all judging me. I feel like I'm completely naked with the word 'slut' stamped on my forehead, a giant picture of me receiving head from someone who clearly isn't my fiancé, someone with long brown hair, someone I know very well, behind me on the wall.

Looking down I can see my wedding dress is still on and everything is 'right' with the world but that's just not how I feel inside. I want to run, to get out of here, to analyse my feelings some more, but I don't. Instead I walk down the aisle with my Dad beside me, feeling as if I was a death row prisoner taking their last walk.

When I finally reached the stand the music that I have only been barely aware of stops and I feel my Dad let go of my arm which causes me to turn my head and look at him and he gives me a smile which doesn't reassure me however I force myself to smile back at him as I watch him sit down next to my mother in the front row and once he is set down I turn my attention to the Minister who starts droning on about true love, and soul mates. Like I didn't get enough of that crap from Mickie this morning.