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Latest 15 Reader Comments

There is something askew with Literotica's rating system.

How, oh how, do stories written as poorly as this one ever attain an "H" rating? Perhaps the Literotica gurus should insert a line of code in the rating subroutine that requires a minimum of ,say, 200 ratings before posting an "H." They need to do something to counter the "grade inflation" on this site.

I remember

Learning to dance that way.
I never was any good and got little practice.
Never made it to Come Dancing!

Nice

I too need a cold shower by the end of that one.

May / December... The Devil

What a great story... Well written, well thought out and well paced! A real pleasure to read. The development of the characters made the story quite believable; kind of made me wish I was there...
The developing intimacy between the experienced and inexperienced and the details used to do so, created very vivid imagery in my mind; vivid enough to give me a raging hard-on!! Well done!

loved it

another chapter please

Very Enjoyable

This was quite an enjoyable read.

Thank you of writing and posting here,

I am loving this xxxx

I am really enjoying this series. Keep up the good work. I can’t wait for the next episode.

A sequel would have been nice.

A sequel to this story would have been very nice. This is the only post/story from this writer and 12+ years after it being originally posted it still gets current positive reviews.

I swore it would happen

Wanted them to jump fully into it, wish your chapter got a tiny bit longer too. Still loving the story btw, keep them coming.

Learn to write!

OMG you need to learn to write. POV - who is telling the story? You change POV several times in the beginning, even in the same sentence. Is it an outside observer, 3rd person - someone who sees everything, knows what people are thinking? Or is it 1st person - you, me, I? You know what you see, what you observe, what you think but shouldn't know what others are thinking and feeling.

When "he" does something with "his" hands or she does something to "him" that's 3rd. When it's "my" hands, mouth, tongue, that's 1st person.

Here's the most offending sentence because you have both 1st and 3rd person in ONE SENTENCE! == "As he moved his nose to her thigh he touched both sides of her hips with my hands." Your first few paragraphs you're 3rd, 3rd, 3rd, then suddenly you change and mix it up - "his nose"; "my hands"

Stuff like this really detracts from your story. If readers have to stop every few words to figure out who the players are, you'll lose your audience.

You need to go back
and check the action and make sure it doe not jump back a step or two on what has happened before.
Look for errors likely introduced buy some spell checker also

Yes Anonymous, do check the action for errors.

Wordmate

Hot story. Check out my older women stories Granny's Delight, Seduced By A Granny, and The Landlady series.

Correction

Great STORY! Not sorry. God I hate auto spell correction. Five Stars too!

do hope

What a really great sorry! Thank you for it. I do hope these really good friends with Bennie's, and SciFi lovers go see the first Start Wars together. I think we readers also hope you give us another chapter or two.

Delightful

Superb start - wonderful characters - looking forward to seeing where this burgeoning relationship leads.
Thank you so much for what will be a joy to receive

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