Mind Control Feedback Portal

Load newRequesting new commentsRequesting new commentsNo new comments, try later

Latest 15 Reader Comments

WHAT

What happened to your wonderful story? Chasing rabbits? Lucinda and Susie? Chinese eggs? Putting Ms. Bourbon's job in jeopardy? William now acting like an uncaring thirteen-year-old? Further loss of control to his Easy Six classmates? Your story is beginning to unravel. And it was such a promising story.

epic

i was hoping 4 something that would lead him back to space cant wait 4 more

Only Flaw In Your Story

Allowing the two teachers who are supposed to be more than sex toys for William to be shared by three class members is a terrible weakness in your story. Now the teachers have lost control, not to William, but to his classmates who have no idea how to fix the first problem that arises. This has no other result but to explode in everyone's faces and ruin the lives of all eight people. Well, it was a terrific story for eight chapters.

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

Once again another great story spread out with a great foundation, plot, subplots, interesting characters, surprises, and building "climax".

When

Is there going to be a Parfum 06?

no morals...just fap material

on

Rubbish

Total and complete rubbish from sick people!

The Ultimate Road Trip

This has been a wonderful journey. But to be honest, it has been a source of tremendous arousal to me. Your story is making its way into my dream fantasies. Sometimes I wonder if I have been hypnotized, as well.

addicted

I cannot stop thinking about you and I don't even know you. Please master proceed with taking me over.
Broken_spirit69@Yahoo.com

Mind Control Intrigues Me

Other than this series, do you have any other works that focus on mind control?

Written like an idiot by an idiot. What was the point?

Fantastic Story

I LOVE stories of mind control, mentalists, and hypnotists using their talents on women stage guests, teachers, moms, etc. Looking forward to CH. 2.

Want more

When can we expect the new chapters. This is the best

xyz

please give me names of similar stories like this..i want to read more.

You don't have it

I don't want to rain on your party but you don't have the skill to pull this off. The last page proves it. I felt nothing. You didn't describe the event with coherence much less excitement. You didn't make us feel what the characters experienced. The toughs in the car were paper thin. One minute bullies of extraordinary gullibility and crelty and the next moment simpering pussies. That's fine but if your going to spend 13,000 words getting to that point you really need to do an extraordinary job pulling it off. And you didn't.

Really, this whole thing is a disjointed mess. It should be half as long which would make it twice as good, but, alas, still not worth it.

If I were you I'd pull this, do a total rewrite, because the premis isn't bad, make it three pages and try again. Try writing real people instead of fantasy characters that don't have substance. You spent pages telling us about Jack but nearly all was wasted. You'd think after all the focus on him you could make us like him but I feel no simpathy or interest.

It's not that your a bad writer, it's that you don't have the experience to make it work. Three stars for effort.

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar:

   Cancel