What happened to your wonderful story? Chasing rabbits? Lucinda and Susie? Chinese eggs? Putting Ms. Bourbon's job in jeopardy? William now acting like an uncaring thirteen-year-old? Further loss of control to his Easy Six classmates? Your story is beginning to unravel. And it was such a promising story.
i was hoping 4 something that would lead him back to space cant wait 4 more
Allowing the two teachers who are supposed to be more than sex toys for William to be shared by three class members is a terrible weakness in your story. Now the teachers have lost control, not to William, but to his classmates who have no idea how to fix the first problem that arises. This has no other result but to explode in everyone's faces and ruin the lives of all eight people. Well, it was a terrific story for eight chapters.
Once again another great story spread out with a great foundation, plot, subplots, interesting characters, surprises, and building "climax".
Is there going to be a Parfum 06?
no morals...just fap material
Total and complete rubbish from sick people!
This has been a wonderful journey. But to be honest, it has been a source of tremendous arousal to me. Your story is making its way into my dream fantasies. Sometimes I wonder if I have been hypnotized, as well.
I cannot stop thinking about you and I don't even know you. Please master proceed with taking me over.
Other than this series, do you have any other works that focus on mind control?
Written like an idiot by an idiot. What was the point?
I LOVE stories of mind control, mentalists, and hypnotists using their talents on women stage guests, teachers, moms, etc. Looking forward to CH. 2.
When can we expect the new chapters. This is the best
please give me names of similar stories like this..i want to read more.
I don't want to rain on your party but you don't have the skill to pull this off. The last page proves it. I felt nothing. You didn't describe the event with coherence much less excitement. You didn't make us feel what the characters experienced. The toughs in the car were paper thin. One minute bullies of extraordinary gullibility and crelty and the next moment simpering pussies. That's fine but if your going to spend 13,000 words getting to that point you really need to do an extraordinary job pulling it off. And you didn't.
Really, this whole thing is a disjointed mess. It should be half as long which would make it twice as good, but, alas, still not worth it.
If I were you I'd pull this, do a total rewrite, because the premis isn't bad, make it three pages and try again. Try writing real people instead of fantasy characters that don't have substance. You spent pages telling us about Jack but nearly all was wasted. You'd think after all the focus on him you could make us like him but I feel no simpathy or interest.
It's not that your a bad writer, it's that you don't have the experience to make it work. Three stars for effort.
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