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Latest 15 Reader Comments

The thing is...

I don't want to sound harsh but you're kind of falling into the same trap as other mind control stories. You're kind of spiraling to gain infinite power without a goal in mind.

Nicely Done

There aren't many of these stories that I can truly appreciate, mainly because of the writer's grasp of the English language and horrible punctuation. That said, I enjoyed yours a great deal and hope you will keep up the good work.

I had a hard time staying enticed

I had a hard time following at the one line parts, scrolling the page every few sentences made it very hard for me to focus to the point I eventually gave up.

RE: awesome... but, um... "bonuses?"

Just on Patreon--the bonus chapters aren't going to be anywhere near as polished as my Literotica chapters. They're INTENDED as interesting side story jaunts I can ditty out in a hurry (so that I'm not losing weekends where I would be working on the main story), but naturally with my workload this time of year increasing I'm already falling behind on them, too.

I'm not making ANY of my Patreon posts pledge or patron-only until this time next year, though--I recognize that many readers don't have money to burn, because... well, I don't, either. So my weekly updates, teasers, and anything else I post up there should all be public.

awesome... but, um... "bonuses?"

5 stars all the way!

But, those "bonus chapters" ... are those just going to patreon, or will you be posting them here as well?

(can't get enough)

more please

Please come back and add to Aphrodisia. It is an awesome story and needs to continue and evolve. You have a talent and I would really like to see more writing from you. Thanks for all of your efforts so far.

Nothing wrong with one page, in my book. Closer lines like that always feel kinda unnecessary and somehow off-putting, to me, but otherwise, I enjoyed it!

Original series

I like the premise of the series. It's pretty original in it's concept, but yes, the sexy action after enslavement is pretty lean. More details about just HOW he uses them sexually are needed. I would say a minimum of a couple of long paragraphs of descriptive language exactly what he does to his slaves per encounter is a necessity to keep interest flowing.

But damn, the thought of doing something like this is red hot!

Really well written

I missed this one when it came out so a nice surprise and even better it was a good read. I have read many of JimBob44 stories but mostly LW. I enjoy JimBob44 story telling so thought why not on this story. Well worth time to read.
Please keep writing and I will keep reading.

Nice tale

Awesome story. I wonder how it will go in time. Will he ever run out of crystal if he has to install a bit in each model?

Damn

Well, that's harsh, but fair, thank you for the feedback. I was wondering whether or not doing six at once would be overkill, and it appears to be so. Good point on too much at once, I can see myself getting ahead of what I want in this case. I will however NOT thank the person who ran off at the mouth under "Anonymous" since they did the one thing that really annoys me. They didn't provide any real feedback, just "I see what you are doing, aren't I so clever?" and didn't even have the courage to post under an email handle. But for those who did provide a handle, thank you. You were professional, you were polite, and you were honest. Even though the comments were not good (as in you didn't like my work, not rudeness), they were helpful.

Details

Yes, the previous comments are true, but in keeping with your first chapter’s author’s note I’ll provide more explanation. With the exception of chapter four most of these have been rather bland. Categorizing under ‘non-erotic’ might be a good idea. Your protagonist is apparently having a lot of sex, but readers see a sentence or two to describe it… that’s it!

The writer’s maxim of show don’t tell is apt here I think. Yes, you mentioned the new girls’ names and some description but nothing else. None of them had piercings, no tattoos, how deep or light their tan, a breasts size beyond one of them? I learned more about the penthouse than I did about the women.

Props for the lack of grammar and/or spelling errors, but two pages will rarely get four stars from me. The premise is certainly interesting but I think you’re running into one of the pitfalls of the mind control category: too much too fast. I can’t remember if Shannon is the Asian/black mix or the Brazilian because you lumped them together too quickly. This would likely have been avoided had you devoted more than a page and a half to their enslavement.

The attraction for me to this category is the dominance but also the subtly, the manipulation. Given the nature of your plot point (magical contracts) the subtly option is limited. What’s irksome is that this is a more or less original idea but the application is falling flat. The devil’s in the details. As it is in contract law so too is it in writing. I wish you the best of luck.

So good. I wonder how big his collection will get.

Predictable. Boring.

Even killed off my boner. Maybe you should try Non-Erotic.

Re: Timtom12

How is what the hot cop did worse than what dipshit with mind control powers has been doing this entire series? You must be a liberal.

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