All Comments on 'A Girl on a Ship'

It is always good to welcome a first time story writer. LW is the most critical of all audiences but you seemed to have missed out on the worst of the scalp takers...for whatever reason. The critiques you did get are all very appropiate. The story rambles and never does take us to what she did with 7 months away from him. The wierd thing of ending a sentence.Then starting the new one is every sentence so it is not a careless typo, it is on purpose ???

You two REALLY need to engage the free services of one of us volunteer Editor/Proof Readers.

First story!

3

4 Stars. Has possibilities, looking forward to part 2. B.T.W. the other commentors are right about proofing and punctuation.

A start

I realize this was your first attempt at a story, so let me just suggest you look for an editor to help. This was an OK scene in a story, but you needed to flesh it out and continue/complete it.

As it stands, it isn't a complete story...

2 for the idea, and please take the suggestion as the idea was interesting, if taken to a conclusion.

EastCoaster

Story has a developing theme but no plot,

I’m assuming they’ll be more parts to this story ? Despite all the misspelled words and the sentence structure flaws this story was still interesting and has great potential. For a first story I’m impressed , just get yourself an editor or at least a spell checker app . Hope to read more of this story soon !

This reads a little like a draft version. The idea, and even the initial development is good, but it’s difficult to read because of the errors, and it dies out towards the end. The advice to get an editor is good as they’ll critically review and help you improve. Just putting a space after the end of each sentence would make it better. I hope you write more parts, and edit and republish this one first.