All Comments on 'A Hollywood Story'

Good story with a nice twist ending. Could have used a proofread as their were some errors.

I thought it was going to be humor!

4

Interesting premise with a well-concealed reveal at the end. Thank you for posting it.

A bit brutal at the end, but a very-well written story. Unusual, but well done! Did not expect that ending! Thanks for posting this.

It's hard to have some new twists in the loving wives category because the applicable themes have been thoroughly explored. The revenge against the contractor was well planned and his permanent handicap was satisfying.

The "ghost" of his wife visiting him was not unique but not often used and was a well done surprise. Further, his ex was not a dummy, like most loving wives, but was thoughtful and sorrowful. She took full responsibility and apologized. Her action of suicide was to fully release her husband from an unfixable situation, a loving apology for her actions. Now, two years later, she completes his release with a final visit. This closure is pretty unique.

Good story.

"...rumors of divorce"? You mean rumors of infidelity? Otherwise, a very good story. It sets the scene and you can feel the character's pain and struggle. I liked it.

If wife was dead at age 46, and they were married 25 years, then that means that Sharon was about 19 years old when she wrote and optioned the spec script.

Author I think screwed the timelines.

Adultery is bad but should not be a death sentence.

Great writing.

Well if she wanted to “release” him, I think she went about it the wrong way. Suicide does not release anyone apart from the one who does it (and depending on your beliefs, not even then). All it leaves is carnage in its wake for those left behind who have to grapple with a distinct lack of closure. Ghost or not, there is no closure here … just life to be lived, and maybe with grace, loved in the shadow of the act.

Some grammar "tense" mistakes were a bit distracting and the jump to the closing scene was as abrupt as it was brilliant. I agree with "only's" comment about suicide, but it fits in your story. 4.6*

This story could have been a little longer and fleshed up!

Great story with a nice satirical send up of celebs at the beginning.

Great twist.

I agree with some of the other commentators, it could have been a little longer, maybe exploring the complexities of the rise and fall of the relationship a bit more, but still a decent story. Maybe you should explore the Hollywood thread more, you could probably get a few good stories out of it since you seem to know something about it. This is not advice, just observation.

Oh, I read your bio. For someone who says they're not easily triggered, something or someone really set you off. Makes me wonder. If invitationals bother you so much, maybe you should do your own, so you can pick and choose.

Thank God the useless hoe killed herself, wtf else was she going to do , the waste of space

This is a happy ending as far as i'm concerned, she deserved it. he's holding on this is pointless survivor's guilt to a completely undeserving woman. move on already bro

did she really think their would be no consequences, she was a coward and a hoe and deserved the bullet

Unfourtunatly. Nope nothing more yo say

Minus Minus 1 star

I can tell bacchant2 isn’t a Christian if ‘death always makes a story pointless’ pretty much negates Christianity don’t it. Poor old JC on the cross making the ultimate sacrifice for humanity only to be ruled pointless a couple of millennia later. Dang that’s harsh.

The story was good if you believe in ghosts (or hallucinations).

A sad story with a tragic end.

Sharon was a cheater...and a coward too. Taking the easy way out.

Lucky break for Doug he didn't do any jail time but really he could have just make it uncomfortable financially for Bobby to do business in Hollywood. But why Doug seems to be pining for Sharon? Seems like a clingy little man who lost his blanket, a typical doormat, could have reconciled with Sharon if she had begged him.

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Good story offkilter123.

Well-crafted and quite original.

Thanks for sharing.

How terrible

It is a good story but this line is confusing.

“The Showalters had recently divorced amidst rumors of divorce on the part of Mrs. Showalter.”

I had to read it a few times to figure out it was an error. That is why I gave 4 stars and not 5.

Obviously written by someone who struggles with words, and who indulges in misogyny. Two stars is generous.

First 90% of the tale 5*, last 10% 1*.

OK, so she killed herself out of guilt perhaps. But he reads the note all the time? He forgives? I guess he is a better man than I as even with her killing herself I wouldn't forgive nor forget but to keep and read the note? Nope. I wouldn't even attend the funeral.

No word on the sons either as in how old they are. She kills herself when maybe the boys would still want her around? Piece of crap woman so better off having her gone.

Sad, but a good story.

Dumb, violence is the cheapest way to write an ending to any story. It is an easy answer to the tough questions raised by such an emotional betrayal. Suicide is even worse because it leaves behind a whirlwind of emotions that never completely abides.

I enjoyed this but would have preferred her to have to explain why she not only cheated, but went along with the additional humiliation of him around the workers and on the phone call. If she "loved" her husband so much, why do that?

I also feel suicide was taking the easy way out. She's gone and her husband and children have to pick up the pieces.

Would be very interested to see a second part portraying everything from her perspective.

Thank you for submitting.

Why would she not try to hide her affair? She was an intelligent woman. Surely she knew this would eventually get back to her husband. And as a famous Hollywood writer it would also get around to the media. Did she want to be caught for some self-destructive reason?

And a very sad ending. Kind of wish they could have reconciled.

Bourbon comes from Kentucky. American whiskey is what you meant to say.

"The house is years?" Someone was in a hurry to get this published.

Embarrassment was the cause of her suicide. Being outed as a assfucked cum slut was just too much to bear. Our mc was truly blessed by the slut blowing her own deficient brains cells over that cars interior. No division of assets with the author of their marriage demise. I hope that still being relatively young with a great support network, which includes the tramps family, he has a happy life playing the field in LaLa land.

5 stars for Officer Downe.

Excellent story. There are consequences in life to being a cheating liar...to the people you supposedly love and care about the most.

Sometimes it's not pretty.

A few mistakes...but not badly written. A little editing and this would have been a perfect 2 page story with a twist at the end.

Keep writing.

Another otherwise fine story marred by a completely unneccesary reference to anal sex. What is it with this author and that silly fixation?

Decent start, terrible ending. Mostly a deus ex machina to "resolve" things, which actually resolved nothing.

"He's got Downe's Syndrome" - Um, he's OFFICER Downe, it's still Down's Syndrome.

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"That you're a cuck?" - By many opinions in LW, he's a cuckold, not a cuck.

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Learn the difference between "have" and "had." = "When you HAVE me served?"

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When the same speaker speaks over multiple paragraphs, there are close quotes only on the last paragraph.

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The formatting of the note is weird, with line breaks in the middle of sentences.

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"divorced amidst rumors of divorce?" - LOL!

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"Adultery is bad but should not be a death sentence" - It can be if it's self-inflicted.

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I thought that she was alive, but he was going to find that she had leaped off the deck to her death.

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"He walked to the end of the deck to see if Sharon was walking in the sand but he did not see her anywhere." - This is a bit of a cheat, since he knows she's dead.

You mauled the hell out of what you hoped would be complex sentences on the first page. There is no E in Down Syndrome, nor is there much humor in it.

I also read your bio and chuckled. Your "healthy self esteem" seems to exist only in your dreams. Not being invited to a party appears to bother you a great deal. Being a bit simple, I had to Google "egalitarianism" and was pleased to learn that you support such a noble philosophy and that you are so smart. It must be great to be you.

When you invite people to a party, what criteria do you use? Do you limit it to denizens of Texas, the USA, the northern hemisphere, the planet Earth or the entire cosmos? Infinity and beyond? If you had a party, would you invite me? What if I asked you not to invite Brooksie? Would you invite homely women, or those with small breasts?

The story is okay except one thing doesn’t fit. Why would he inhabit the house where Sharon humiliated him?

Okay, so here goes. I loved your story. Yes downs syndrome is spelled without the e. okay so what, everybody knew what you meant. I think the spelling had to do with the character-not the author per se. Remember the character presenting it was a little disturbed. What really got me though was why she committed suicide right after the divorce was final. I guess she just couldn't live without her one true love. But if that was the case why did she cheat in the first place. And Hollywood of all places, please they go through marriages like toilet paper.

Liked the story, though I do wonder what you did to royally piss off Harddaysknight & sbrooks103x? They ripped you a new asshole

Thanks for writing

I see your profile notes have ruffled the feathers of the Literhierarchy, even though they seem to have missed the point completely. I'm sure you will rise above that nonsense and continue to write far better stories than 'most' of them can, whichever nom de plume they are using. Anyway the story was great thank you, I thought everybody would understand the deliberate Down (e) mis-spell but never mind. The only serious comment would be...Why the fuck would anyone long for Brighton :) 5*

Good story. Kinda mediocre ending.

4*.

Him spending his time sitting by himself drinking and talking to a ghost seems to me a pointless ending.

The Showalters had recently divorced amidst rumors of. #divorce#. on the part of Mrs

I think this needed another read before posting.

* We were told two different times that the sunset was the reason they bought this house.

* “The Showalters had recently divorced amidst rumors of divorce on the part of Mrs. Showalter.” ???

More significantly,

* The timeline was not clear. Was this next episode the next day, the next month, the next year?

* There were too many details about his past and present work in film that had nothing to do with the story.

"...The cause of death appears to be a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head..." —

It may be of some interest to note here that when women use a firearm to end their lives they rarely shoot themselves in the head. As I understand it they will turn the gun on themselves and shoot their heart. So I have been told.

Different tale but also similar to the usual.

Some earlier commented ‘adultery is bad but shouldn’t be a death sentence. Unfortunately it sometimes is, sometimes as a direct result of the betrayal and sometimes (often) as a result of the consequences.

Men make up the vast majority of suicide cases and a lot are a result of parental alienation when they lose access to their kids or are left financially struggling a a result of the legal system and child services. Look the stats up and you’ll see a lot of men commit suicide in despair at losing their kids, home and financial well being as a result of divorce. Of which most are instigated by the women.

Puzzled her as to why she’d appear to give him peace or why he’d need it. She didn’t just cheat but got off on humiliating him publicly. Not the actions of someone who ‘loves’ their souse’

In 2023 where so much is said of ‘equality’ and women being equal to men why id there still this mindset of women being seduced by predators and falling as a result of seduction. Women are strong and intelligent so why are they not held accountable for their own lack of character, moral diffidence’s and bad action. Women can lie, cheat, be self centred etc as can men so quit they ‘victim’ tag and pushing all responsibility to someone else.

It’s why so many cheating husband takes end with them being immediately thrown out and taken to the cleaners whereas cheating wife takes often have calls from family and friends for forgiveness and reconciliation.

Double standards and hypocrisy

Don’t understand how the husband would have even considered taking her back?? I know most men wouldn’t consider it. A slip up, drunk one nighter with regret and apology maybe but a long term affair where the cheater and her boyfriend got extra kicks by humiliating and laughing about the clueless husband paying some guy to fuck his wife.

@stillaonewomanm: She did not kill herself after the divorce. She killed herself right after she was served. She gave him everything because she was dead or would be momentarily.

I personally do not like suicide or murder in stories, but it completed the story. The first bit was fluff and was not meaningful to the story in any way i could see. I gave the author 4 stars for this story.

A very awful tale and too much unrealistic.

Dispatch, Officer Downe here....

They had to fire him for the chaos he wrought. I made that terrible joke up many years ago.

The Plot had promise but you spoiled it by shoehorning in all the tired old tropes and publishing some really glaring mistakes.

You've done much better, time to find an editor.

It's a good story, and in the last third, your pacing and 'voice' were excellent. This is the way you need to write, man. The first two-thirds were awfully wordy and over-written. The reader loses his way, and worse, interest, in the superfluous description and verbiage. If it's not related to the story, cut it. Trust your readers to go a long way with a few, well-chosen words or phrases. The perfect example is the play on words between Down Syndrome and Downe Syndrome. This as a vehicle to introduce his cringeworthy project idea was brilliant, but you over-complicated the explanation. I had to read it twice to figure it out, and from readers' remarks, others still don't get it. Four stars because of the good finish and story idea.

Hey, HDK. Don't include this clown in with the rest of us. Down here, we say dudes like him are, "All hat and no cattle." He also petulantly culls comments.

Wow. A lot of surprising comments. I, for one, enjoyed the creativity and found this a compelling story. Please keep writing!

Yeah, Corky definitely doesn’t stand the test of time. Nice reference and use of social commentary, i had forgotten about that show!

Good story. Needs a little polishing. Officer Downe had me rolling. From reading the comments below seems like the Anal rejuvination kit works as advertised. Cant wait to read the next one.

I got curious and read this guy’s bio after HDK and Q mentioned it. Yep, a real POS. Good to know.

Could have been so much better, but the author seemed more intent on sharing his insider knowledge of Hollywood and spending time discussing ridiculous show plots than exploring the mental anguish when cheating is involved. 3*

Tragic and poignant. Beautifully done.

A decent plot idea, but awkward and illogical. She wrote the note Before they were divorced, and killer herself the next day? So why did the news report describe him as her EX husband; they never got divorced?

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So she is so selfish and arrogant and contemptuous that she's yelling to the whole house what a great fuck her asshole is and what a lousy fuck her husband is. But then she's got the conscience and the regret to kill herself? She might fuck the asshole once then quit in regret and guilt, but to keep fucking him, apparently for weeks if not months, is not a person with a conscience, a soul, or any sense of self reproach. God, she was Loving the Sex, why not take her 50% and keep getting the best fucking of her life? No, suicide makes no sense.

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Could have been good, but the preposterous details and character portrayal ruined it.

@HDK - "There is no E in Down Syndrome, nor is there much humor in it." - As much as the author derides my comments, I feel I must defend them on this one. I don't believe that the author was finding humor in Down's, but was mocking the character who did.

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I also checked out his Bio, and I'm not going to get into a debate on the merits of invitationals, I obviously don't see what the problem is, except him being butt hurt at not being invited, and he's not increasing his chances of being invited with his rant. The thing I want to address is deleting comments. I have 100% NEVER deleted a single comment. I rarely even go to the CP except to submit my own stories.

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For someone with such a healthy self-esteem, he DOES seem easily triggered, and how he would know if and when I comment anonymously, since they are, you know, anonymous, is beyond me.

She committed suicide? I don’t think so… Loved the story, fun and evil are a powerful combination.

Great story

The Showalters had recently divorced amidst rumors of divorce on the part of Mrs. Showalter.

rumors of infidelity not divorce

The story could have started at the point where Doug drives up to his house. All of the verbiage preceding it was unnecessary to the telling of tne story — which was about a tragic marriage ending with cheating, divorce, and suicide. Instead of that long winded nonsense about Rip, all that was needed was a brief exposition about who Doug was and what he did.

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I thought the demise of the marriage was powerful. Accepting that he really was visited by his wife’s ghost and was not manufacturing it in his mind, it should be hoped that he now is getting that “closure” she wants him to have. The note certainly indicates that she had real remorse….even though her guilt compelled the suicide.

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Still…lost a ⭐️for that incoherent too long and unnecessary introduction.

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4 ****

@nestorb, check out the author's bio.

@nestorb, where do you see me pissed off, despite the ad hominem attacks in his Bio. I had some critiques of the story that I think were valid, and even defended against one of HDK's comments.

Heavy duty. 5 Stars.

I didn't like it much. Just enough to keep reading to the end. I wish I hadn't bothered, the end was terrible.

The (relatively) high score is a mystery. I might have given it a 3 if I was feeling generous, but I really do need to do my bit to bring it down.

Good story. You painted a perfect picture of the Hollywood cesspool as it is today. You took your characters from TMZ and people magazine. I agree with Doug that Bobby received proper punishment. Sharon met a sad end, caused by her openly slutty behavior.

At first I thought was original however after reading it, I knew the ending long before it came, why because so many TV series and films have exactly the same ending, this wasn't original this was snippets from various other sources other than the writers own imagination. Sorry but won't rate copies and bad ones at that. Become a writer use your own mind not something you have seen or read and think wait I can use those exact lines in a story for others to fall asleep at.

Blah.

A so-so cheating story that ends as a ghost story.

🌟🌟

You don’t need to use the death penalty for a cheating wife, but it helps to get good scores from the BTB’s if that’s what you’re shooting for. KS

Good story. "She was dead all along" is not my favourite trope, but you tild it well.

Awesome story. Forget that BTB crap. People are obsessed with the amount of burn or not-burn or Raac or whatever...

What about celebrating awesome fiction?! Extremely powerful story. I absolutely loved it. The characters are so realized, they pop off the page. This is top five on the site. Seriously impressed.

Well done.

Definitely twist at end.

Still undecided about my feeling about storyline ending this way But I'm going with 4 stars

⭐⭐⭐⭐

I've been reading the new LW posts and giving careful thought to my vote. Thanks for clarifying the difference between a four star and a five star story. High five!

The ending made my gut tighten, and as a result, I think it was worthy of five stars. Though fiction, something that can get a genuine reaction is a good tale.

My only comment is that I wished we got her motivation. The note and conversation on the deck did bring some of the closure to this.

Having investigated many suicides, it is unusual for a woman to put a bullet in their head. Women who use a gun as the means, normally shoot themselves in the heart. They don’t want to mess their face up. Most women choose pills or wrist cuts as the means

One of the few times I was surprised by the twist. Good job not projecting it

Too ashamed to live, but can carry on a public affair while trashing her famous hubby, does not line up

A very good and brilliantly written story especially the end! full marks 5 - Stars!

Average

Don't buy the sorrow.

Gives a blowjob while on phone with husband?!!!

Seduced maybe But she then went in all out.

Good riddance

I don't give 5 stars very often, but this was good, if I had to nit pick, it has, like most of your writings, too many names in it, too much background story.

5 Stars as I liked the ending . Usually the wife takes pills but pulls through .

A nice, well written story with an unusual twist of an ending. I liked how you handled the ending. It was different yet effective.

Very well executed.

Wow, a gem of a story. Thank you

Women take a softer way out, never shoot themselves. Look at the stats.

Still having reread the story, l upgraded my score to 5/5. Despite some poor dialogue it was a good story.

@wargamer - while stats show men more often use guns, women also kill themselves that way as well.

Women are more likely to be acting out, but some really do have a suicidal mindset.

Finally a story where the traitor understands the price of atonement! This is excellent. Thank you.

ZK

Sad but beleavable..

Good read. Sad. Well written and still enjoyed it the second time.

Men suicide by gun at much higher rates. But you cannot say women never do. The stats show that only 14.6% as many women use a gun for suicide as men. While much lower, that ain't never..... 3100 women a year vs 21k men. Smaller but nowhere close to zero.

That said, it IS just a story.... And a will written one at that.

So sad, too bad she was an idiot.

That had a twist I didn't see coming. Does her spirit self (memory self?) visit him often? I would suspect the former. Very well done. I have enjoyed many of your stories. Tim

Sad

Sorry!! You caused me to waste my time reading this when there are so many better stories out there!!!

Bleak. The ex wife didn't deserve that. She was so broken. A tragedy.