A Man Alone

We were more than two hours out from the village when the first blast of cold air descended along with a few scattered snowflakes. The entire sky was gray, the mountain slopes appeared even more barren, and rugged in their dulled colors. It then Sullivan halted the squad, raised his binoculars to this eyes--looking ahead of us. "Mitri!"

I quickly walked up to stand beside him, "Yes, Staff Sergeant."

He handed the binoculars to me, "Is she the woman you spoke to who speaks English? She's at the base of that slope on the left at three hundred meters sitting down."

I raised the binoculars and focused on the location as I held my breath to steady them. I couldn't believe he had even seen her from this distance--especially under this low light condition.

"Yes, it looks like her. Same clothes, and headscarf. Shall I go to her?"

"No, not yet," as he turned and gave the signal for the squad to take cover--I was confused. Why was he worried about a lone girl on the trail? He took hold of my flak vest, and pulled me behind a large boulder with him as he said, "Binoculars."

I handed the binoculars back to him, and watched as he scanned the mountainside and ridgeline to our left, and then the right. He swept the binoculars back and forth several times before holding them in one hand at his waist.

"Okay. If she walks toward us you ask her why she's here. I don't want her to get too close to us in case she's wearing explosives. So, tell her to stop if she gets to that point."

I looked at him incredulously, "You don't really believe she's a suicide bomber, do you? After what I told you."

"I don't think so, but I don't know for sure. Do you want me to bet your life on it?"

I swallowed hard. He was right of course--I didn't. "No, but what if she isn't, what do we do then?"

"Mitri, one thing at a time. Do you see where she's sitting?"

"Yes. But, I don't see anything to be concerned about."

"That's the pinch point along the trail--a perfect ambush point. It brings us within gun range with them on the high ground, and no place for us to take cover. I suspect they're using her as bait, and she doesn't know it. I saw four men on the left side, and I suspect another three, or four on the right, though I only saw two. We would be caught in a cross-fire, and pinned down."

I felt like an idiot. It was then I remembered something from basic infantry training. Something I had forgotten--sitting up an ambush and establishing fields of fire. If it worked for you, it worked for your enemy too.

The wind picked up and snow started coming down hard about two minutes later. The snow was coming down so hard the mountainsides disappeared from view. I watched as Sullivan took his pack off, then looked at me, "Take off your pack and wait for me here. I'll be right back."

I took my pack off and watched as he ran back to Corporal Tanner. He returned a minute later, "Okay, Mitri, time to play the hero. We're going to approach the girl, you engage her in conversation, and see what she knows. If it looks like she's not part of this trap we get close enough to talk with her. We'll make a decision afterward as to what to do. You know as far as her people are concerned she's dead already. Maybe she knows, maybe she doesn't. I expect she does."

I gripped my rifle, making sure the safety was off after Sullivan did the same. We were off, me trailing behind him. The snow obscured our view of Ahlum as we advanced, and as soon as we were able to see her I called out to her in English. At first, she didn't respond. Then I called out again, this time she lifted her head, and looked in our direction. She didn't shout out a reply as we approached a little closer. I called out, "Ahlum, it's Adeela. American Adeela. Are you well?"

"No, my people have forsaken me as I am of no use to them," this time her voice louder and anguished.

"Ahlum, did they plant explosives on you, or around you?"

"No. I walked here after I was told to leave. They took me to a hut for a while, then brought me to the trail, and told me not to return."

"Mitri, I'm going to check on her. Tell her I'm coming, and not to move. If she moves I'll shoot. Make sure she understands."

"Staff Sergeant, shouldn't I go to check on her?"

He looked at me, not a hard stare, but an expression that told me I had my orders--I nodded my head. He said nothing as he moved forward. I called out to Ahlum telling her to remain still and not to move, or she would be shot. I prayed she understood my instructions in Pashto, and then followed up in English just to be sure.

I watched as Sullivan moved nearer to her, holding my breath at times, hoping I wouldn't hear gunfire. I watched as he stood in front of her, and motioned for her to stand after he inspected the area around her. He stepped back, and had her walk towards him a few steps. Then, he turned, and motioned to me to advance. When I got to them, I could tell she was frightened, though the shivering I detected could have been from the cold as much as from fear.

"Ahlum, I must ask you. Are you willing to come with us? We will honor your wishes if you choose to remain." This time I spoke in her native tongue.

"Adeela! You speak my language. I did not know this until you told me not to move."

"Ahlum, I must know if you will agree to come with us or not. I can't take you unless you tell me it is your wish. We have our rules and we must follow them."

"Yes, I wish to come. I do not wish to die as my people have said I should. I have done nothing wrong." This time, she spoke in English.

"Good, now walk with us. We will keep you safe."

She looked at me, then to Sullivan, "The blue-eyed man will keep me safe now?"

"I will," replied Sullivan.

I stood with my mouth agape as this man smiled at her and led her towards the squad. I walked beside her, telling her everything would be alright despite knowing there was going to be some rough road ahead. It was important to give her confidence. I needed to debrief her to learn her history. I took her into my care as Sullivan gave orders to move out. The falling snow now obscured the ridgeline making it impossible to spring an ambush. We walked for another half an hour before it was impossible to keep going. The snow was now about a foot deep, and visibility was less than one hundred meters most of the time.

Sullivan ordered a halt and the tents erected. Sullivan and I erected our tent as Ahlum watched silently. We spread the sleeping bags out, our foam pads underneath for insulation from the cold ground. I was beginning to feel the cold seep through my coat and motioned for Ahlum to enter the tent for warmth. She looked at me with wide eyes as if to question we would shelter in something that appeared so flimsy.

"We will eat and sleep in this?"

"Yes, it will keep the wind and snow from us and these bags will warm us," as I pointed to the sleeping bags. It was then I realized the sleeping arrangements would be a potential problem.

"Ahlum, will it be alright if I'm between you and Staff Sergeant Sullivan? I don't think there is much choice as this is all we have."

Ahlum looked at me, wide-eyed, "You would sleep with a man in this?"

I nodded, then in her native tongue said, "You would rather freeze to death?"

Slowly a frown appeared. "No, I would not wish that," she replied.

Sullivan appeared and asked, "Mitri, is there going to be a problem we can't solve?"

"I don't think so. Ahlum wasn't sure about the three of us sleeping together in one tent. She agreed with me it would be better than freezing to death."

"Well, if both of you agree to that then I'm safe for the night."

I wasn't sure if he was serious or not until I looked and saw a small grin appear.

"Sorry Staff Sergeant, I wasn't planning on our first night together being a three-some. But, I'll be next to you."

"Great, wait until this gets around base. I can hardly wait," he replied without enthusiasm.

I smiled broadly, "Neither can I."

He looked at me, but said nothing--there was no smile or grin on his face.

I pulled out an extra set of rations for Ahlum, and set up the small burner to warm the food. I placed my rifle at the head of the tent, and waited for Ahlum to finish her meal. I was sure the food wasn't tasty for her as she ate it slowly, and made faces. We talked for a while until it was time for me to relieve myself. I explained what I was going to do, and suggested she should do the same. We left the tent and moved to a location hidden from view.

It didn't take long as the cold wind against my bare bottom was great motivation for getting my business done quickly. I had handed a spare set of wipes, and paper to Ahlum as we found a spot, and quickly returned to the tent where we found Sullivan inside eating his ration. The tent was cramped enough with two. Now it was even more so as the three of us squeezed in.

Once inside, I opened the sleeping bag for Ahlum, and noticed her peculiar odor--a mixture of smoke from the cooking fires, and who knows what else. It wasn't pleasant--but there was nothing I could do about it. I looked at Sullivan and whispered into his ear, "She smells terrible. I'll give her my sleeping bag if you're willing to share yours with me."

He looked at me with a sigh of resignation, "It's going to be tight."

"I know, do you have a better idea?"

He shook his head no. I removed my vest, belt, and other gear as he did the same, placing our helmets and everything else at one end of the tent. Ahlum had rolled over, cocooned within the sleeping bag--she was apparently exhausted and had simply said goodnight to me. The wind was blowing, the tent sides billowing in and out slightly from time to time. A cold breeze came in through the vents. At least we shouldn't have a buildup of condensation with this much circulation I thought. We both removed our boots, and Sullivan slid into the sleeping bag facing away from me. I slid in behind him and pulled the top of the sleeping bag over our heads after I settled in--it was tight and he was warm.

It was comforting to know we would not be bothered that tonight. The weather was not fit for man nor beast. I admitted to myself it was a good thing we had tents and sleeping bags with us along with spare rations. Sullivan had once again proven his worth. He had moved us into radio range--making sure our base knew we had dug in for the night. I pressed my body close to his and enjoyed the warmth he provided. I soon fell asleep thinking I was sleeping with a man who cared for me as a fellow Marine and nothing more--for now, it was more than enough.

I awoke in the dark and found I was sleeping half on top of Sullivan. I was warm as toast, though my hip was sore from having to lie on it most of the night. Sullivan was on his back, his arm around my shoulders, with my arm across his chest. A few minutes later I felt Sullivan rouse and then a little rush of cold air touch my face. There was no sign of light, and I felt the sleeping bag close over my head again. We shifted position a little to get comfortable, but we remained silent. It seemed the best thing to do. I felt good with his arm around me. I wondered if we were breaking some kind of regulation--then realized I didn't care if we were. I woke a while later, feeling him outside the sleeping bag putting his boots on. He must have gotten out very carefully--I hadn't felt a bit of cold air.

I heard him open the tent door and slip outside, then the door zipped shut again. It was light now and I noticed his rifle and helmet were gone. I rolled onto my back and closed my eyes for a few more minutes enjoying the warmth and the freedom to move. The memory of having been in his embrace lingered.

Ahlum moved a few minutes later as I was pulling on my cold boots. She pulled the top of her sleeping bag down and gave me a drowsy smile, "It is morning, and I am still alive. Thank you Adeela."

I heard voices as the other members of the squad opened their rations. I made sure Ahlum ate after we made a bathroom run. The warm food felt good going down, and the bright light outside signaled the storm had passed. I found another shirt in my pack, and gave it to Ahlum to put on under her dupatta, and over her long dress for warmth. I finished putting my gear on and took Ahlum outside the tent. Sullivan stood eating his ration. He had left Ahlum and myself to the relative comfort of the tent.

"Fifteen minutes before we gear up," Sullivan said loudly. A flurry of activity followed as the tents and sleeping bags were packed away and backpacks made secure. It took an hour before we were low enough in elevation for the snow to disappear making travel easier. There had been no further contact with enemy forces. Ahlum seemed to grow more relaxed as we left her village farther behind.

Once we arrived at the base, I took Ahlum and introduced her to Kerri. That way I could go to ops and get my mission report submitted. It took longer than usual as I had to enter a great deal more information I had gleaned from Ahlum on our walk back. I thought it better to talk with her sooner rather than wait to do a more formal interrogation after we arrived. The more I learned about her, the more I was impressed with her ability to adapt. I couldn't imagine a woman raised in a larger city, given what amounted to a secret education, was capable of when sent to a remote village to marry a man she had never met. It was an alien concept to me and sent a cold chill through me every time I thought about it.

After a few days, Ahlum was processed, and forwarded to a larger complex near the capital. There she would complete her application for emigration to the States based upon her refugee status as being in extreme danger. I learned she had a paternal uncle living in California who could serve as a reference, and potential source of support. All those things worked in her favor in the application process. Our farewell was brief, but heartfelt.

Word circulated rapidly Staff Sergeant Sullivan had slept with two women. Of course, he was the brunt of good-natured ribbing. I received my fair share, though it was mild in comparison. Neither of us had spoken to one another about our time in the sleeping bag. I assumed he viewed it as necessary and nothing more. I knew how it had affected me, the memory of his odor, and body next to mine remained strong for days afterward. I wondered if I would have felt the same way if we were in separate bags--my vivid fantasies suggested it wouldn't have been.

The night before Sullivan's tour ended, we held a party for him. Kerri and I shared a few stories about him just as the others did. Of course, our night in the tent came up. For the first time, I saw Sullivan actually look embarrassed. He gave me a quick glance, but said nothing. As the party broke up I walked outside and looked into the gathering dusk. I heard movement behind me, and turned my head to see Sullivan standing there.

"I won't miss this place," he said casually.

"I'm sure you won't. I don't think I will either when my time comes to leave."

"Mitri, take good care of yourself. I want you to know you did one hell of a fine job. I appreciate the fact you're an intelligent woman with a tough assignment. I would like to think someday we might meet again."

To say I was surprised at his remark would be an understatement. It was closer to shock actually. I turned to face him--his handsome face showing a softness I had never seen before. His steel-blue eyes looked softer, not as piercing as I remembered them. Though it still seemed to me he could see right into me--perhaps he knew how I felt about him better than before. At the same time, I realized we would never cross paths again.

"I would like that. I appreciate the compliment Staff Sergeant," I replied quietly.

"It was well earned. You're a good Marine," he said simply and walked away. I felt there was more between us than what we had just exchanged--at least I knew there was for me.

I watched the next day as he placed his gear onto the chopper, strapped in, and gave a final wave as the helo rotated and flew off. We hadn't spoken another word to each other. I can't explain exactly why I felt a tinge of loneliness, but I did. This was the last time I would ever see him as his hitch was going to be over in two months. He would become a civilian again. I still had six months left before I would achieve the same status. This rugged country would leave its mark on me just as it had him--I was sure of it.

As soon as the helo was gone it was mail call and all of us eagerly gathered as the mail was distributed. I had received two letters, and found a shady spot to read them. As I read my first letter I realized Sullivan was never at mail call. I had never heard his name called out. I put my letter down--in seven months he had never gotten a single letter, or package. Not a single one. I was flummoxed--how could that be?

My tour wound down slowly--there had been a few injuries and one loss. It had taken a toll on all of us to see the body bag placed onto the helo. We all knew it could happen, but we all thought it would be someone else. This time it had been, next time? You never knew. But the days passed and the end of my tour arrived at last. I packed my gear in preparation as my friends came to say goodbye to me, each in their own way--some joking good-naturedly, others wishing me well with a small hug and smile.

I had mixed emotions about the native people I had met here. They were a reflection of an older generation of my own family. Being of the second generation to live in America I'd shed the ideological baggage of their world. My family had accepted Western practices without a great deal of discomfort. What I saw here of the women and how they lived tore at me--I could have been one of them. I had physical features of these women, black hair, complexion, and greenish eyes. But, I wasn't and was glad of it. I was an American woman who could chart her path without extreme male involvement. I could marry whomever I fell in love with--they could not all too often.

It was the night before I was to leave. It was a small party, but festive, the guys ribbing me they were going to miss my stumbling gait. I did have a habit of not watching where my feet were going as I scanned the hillsides. Terri had left a month before and I had been mentoring her successor. After several active operations with airstrikes, the rebels had reduced the number of attacks after suffering considerable losses. Recently, our visits to villages were received in a friendly manner. You couldn't help but feel they were happy to be left in relative peace.

The children had come to see me with laughter as I handed out sweets during my last few visits--something not allowed before. It was a sign the rebels had departed that spoke more than words ever could have. These people were more than if nothing else, pragmatic.

I watched as the base disappeared from sight from my seat in the helo. I was heading to the airport to receive my orders, get a medical examination, and board a plane for California. I had thirty days of annual leave coming, then two months of duty before my enlistment would be over. I knew I would miss the Marines I was leaving behind, but not the place. Perhaps, I felt the same as Sullivan had felt when he left. Funny I would think of him now after all these months in this way.

I was processed, received my new orders, and left to take my leave from my new duty station. In a matter of days my life had changed dramatically. It seemed unreal as when I got home it didn't seem that people knew there was a war going on.

I'd been home on leave for a week staying with my parents. It had been wonderful getting back into a stress-free environment--visiting family members with smiles and laughter. It amazed me how good it felt not to have to look around wondering if someone was going to shoot at me. It took a week for me to start feeling comfortable again, though the impulse to look for threats continued wherever I was. Some things take more time than others.