All Comments on 'A Mighty Pen'

If you had used up all the space you used on the "we met in college" bullshit to write a decent ending, you might have had a good story. Talk about anticlimactic.

Congratulations on your first story, Mr. Bratt. Write another please, Randi.

Please for the love of all that’s holy. PUT CUCKOLD IN YOUR TAGS!!!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhh woe is me something is happening I’ll just run away tail between my legs and let my

" FRIENDS FUCK MY WIFE "

CUCK SIMP

I just found Pete to be too weak a character. What kind of friends did he have? They were completely bereft of morals. No true remorse or decency was shown by anyone. If I had been a part of the group, I would never be able to stomach the presence of the guys. They wrecked a marriage and betrayed a friend. Just the fact that the group continues to get together shows a lack of conscience in all of them. Pete should have done something to enact retribution. He just left town due to the humiliation of being cucked. Just another sad story of a weak marriage and the amoral people around them.

Jeff deserved a good pounding and if the other "friends" continued to hang around with him, then they're the worst kind of friends - and complete fools. Jeff has demonstrated he has neither integrity nor boundaries: do the other think their wives/girlfriends will be safe around him?

Good story. Well done. Thanks for posting. 5 stars.

you chicken shit you let him get away clean.wimp out,should broke his legs.

Well done. A good story well told.

LWlurker

God, this is good. Please write some more. We need you.

out fucking standing .. arguably BEST LW story of the year

in the end none of them where his friends anyway. They chalked it up to Jeff being Jeff. And the fact that he didn't kick Jeff's ass or even attempt to shows way Jeff picked Gwyn. Jeff ass would be in hiding if the hubby had any balls.

Great story!

5

"I never planned it. I never thought anything like that could ever happen. We were all friends. It was as safe as could be."

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the IDIOT wife STILL doesnt get it.

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When the husband asked her to drive back with him before his trip she found every reason/ excuse to INTENTIONALLY spend no time with him him.

Good story.

But I've read this before. Can you explain that?

Could only give it 2 stars because no revenge on Jeff of any kind.

Very good thank you

This should have rated a 5, but it was a 3, at best. The reason is simple: there was too much back-story, and a GREAT story got lost. A good writer with a lot to say can easily include too much needless information, extraneous dialogue, diversions, asides, observations and descriptions. Edited, this would be a masterful story, possibly one of the best in a long while.

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We don't need to know what they ate on their first date. Yes, there needs to be some back-story, some context, but it is frustrating for a reader to plow through extraneous information to find the meat of the story. I really liked the characters, and they made the story good, but it was a lot of overkill.

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A clever, talented and imaginative writer loves to create a perfect setting for his/her story, but it cannot be allowed to slow the pace to a crawl or inundate the essential plot elements. This was a fantastic first offering, but as much as I liked it, you almost lost me a couple of times, and I did something I detest when reading for pleasure, I resorted to speedreading in parts. Pacing and backstory need a lot of work.

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Keep writing, but consider an editor.

Too much bullshit, this was a 2 page story at most.

This is what happens when you don't put douchebags in their place. Bullies won't leave you alone just because you ignore them. If anything, they'll raise the stakes until you can't ignore them anymore.

In a situation like that, where everyone's blasted and getting worse, it would be easy to goad some asshole into taking a swing. Once he throws the first punch, you're free to give him a good ol' ass whooping right there in front of everyone. Put his ego in the dirt along with his face. Being passive and cowardly gets you nowhere, and tends to make others lose respect for you. Including spouses.

Why do so many stories spend so much time on background and details that in the end don't really serve any tangible purpose to the story?

Why does Jeff still have his testicles? Destroying one FRIENDS' marriage means nothing to him and will think nothing of destroying another.

Assholes need to pay even if their twin is in on the payment.

Condoning his brothers action is the same as concurring with it.

Well done very poignant. Thick with emotional impact. An enjoyable read. I hope you post again. Thanks

L_P_N, your critiques are worth their weight in gold. I couldn't agree more, but I'm going with the full 5* due to inflation.

To the Author:

The epilogue raised your score a full point. I know you saved the twist--prior to that, I thought Pete had co-dependency issues that drove Gwyn to "taking a break"--but you're not going to have a twist to play at the end of every tale.

And I do hope you write more. Great first offering.

Your Art is a good reflection on life. This is why marrieds grow out of friendships with immature assh*le singles. By the time the marrieds have toddlers, their kids are more mature than the assh*le singles. And any friend that can't respect boundaries will eventually turn on you; it's just a matter of time.

Pete and Gwyn should have known that. And I don't think giving up 2.5 days out of a 5-day couples outing is too much to ask a spouse.

Four pages for a two page story. Like the old lady in a commercial from years ago said, "where's the beef?" I commend you for making an attempt, but as others have stated, there was far too much background and very little here and now. I'm not sure how you guys that write cuck stories exist in a marriage. One has to imagine these things to write them, what you've written reveals more about yourself than you probably intended. Maybe it's time to grow a pair and write something less humiliating about yourself. I gave it a 2 and that was a stretch.

Way too much time spent on the back story and not enough on the ending of the marriage.

How is the other couples felt bad but everyone seems to be okay with Jeff betraying their life long friend?

The only good part was that Pete move away to start over.

Plain and simple, too much build-up, not enough payoff.

3-stars.

-JMFC

No revenge sorry don't believe he'd just leave his wife but not take revenge on his friend.

meh...

Welcome to a good writer. We NEED more of these.

I see the potential to be a great writer, but agree with others that there was too much padding.

Mood setting and background are clearly vital to a great story. Too much of it did get in the way.

Powerful story. A sequel describing how he reconstructed himself would be welcomed, but it en excels the way it is

Wow. I don't think I've ever disagreed with the few comments I've read more. You have a facility with words that made the story enjoyable. I realize everybody has preferences for outcomes that suit their choices, but those choices cannot become a straightjacket for the author. The writer gets to write his own story, not yours. I enjoyed the characterization and detail that the story included. These elements are part and parcel of good writing. Different strokes for different folks.

Saw Gwyn cheating from the point where she danced around the being exclusive discussion with Pete. When she said - "you're dominate in my thoughts" but never proclaimed Pete was her everything that right there was a huge read flag about her ability to commit and be exclusive and revealed her true thoughts about fidelity. Pete caught her lie of omission but still forged ahead in the relationship when his gut was telling him she's break his heart down the line. Always trust your instincts as that's the part of your primitive brain watching you back and never shy away from having those hard discussions about relationship deal breakers. If you can't come to an agreement on the important shit than its time to find a different partner that values you the same things you do. Also get rid of the shitty friends as well if they don't have your back.

Way to much detail and a male protagonist that was too stupid and trusting.

I thought this was a great story. Especially liked the twist with the pen. I would have preferred that Jeff get his due and wish the author had spent as much time on the confrontation as they did on the build up but a very good first story. I hope you continue to write and post here.

Shackman

Very good first submission! Well worn trope, of course, but a really good rendition of it.

A bit inconsistency to Gwyn. For someone portrayed as being pretty strong and sensible, she sure did fall off the wagon real easy. I guess there was a Martian Slut Ray around that July 4th 😎

As well….no consequences for Jeffy?

Still…..4 ****

Solid writing, way too much filler. I'm guessing that's the general consensus. Can't disagree with Pete's actions, he gave her so many outs, it was ridiculous. Short of throwing her over his shoulder and taking her back with him, there wasn't much left to do. People will be stupid.

I gave it a 4, mainly because of a whole lot of extraneous backstory that wasn’t really germane to the plot. Well written otherwise, though I do think Jeff deserved at least a tire iron to the knees in a dark alley.

Congratulations on your first post. It takes guts to take on the fickle LW crowd. 5* from me.

What really bugs me is no one is really blaming Gwyn. It is all on Jeff and Jeff being jeff and crap like that. It takes two. She was not raped and she had two days with him and not one. So these friends letting Jeff skate by is sad but them making her to to be some victim is wrong.

Thank god!......a story where the man walks away with his dignity intact.

Good wrap up although it took a long time to find the pen.

I liked the drama of the story but some of these characters in real life would never be friends and would definitely think twice about touching a married woman after several beating. You made quite a few of these characters unlikeable but its your story. Thanks for writing

Such a long story arch really asks a lot from its reader. In the end one has to answer the question if it was worth it. Couple that with a main protagonist who appears to avoid confrontations at almost any cost, the answer to that question is most certainly "No!". 2*

The balance of this story was off. It was too front-loaded with the focus on them meeting, then only a minimal confrontation, and a rushed aftermath. The best part of a BtB is the consequences, where the betrayed husband kicks the slut to the curb and moves on with his life.

The sad reality is that none of them were his friends. They took Jeff's side by not immediately ostracizing him from the friendship group. Jeff seduced their friend's wife, then started bragging about it, which is appalling considering he just destroyed a marriage.

The real problem here though is Pete's lack of spine. He took shit off his friends without giving back worse, then didn't read his wife the riot act for not supporting him. The worst failing though, was letting Gwyn stay drinking and partying without him, when he knew it'd probably end up just her and a bunch of guys. He didn't take steps to protect his wife from making a drunken marriage-ending mistake and paid the price.

A page and a half of a four-page LW story before they're even married? Maybe a HALF page about the friend group; otherwise we know they met, dated and got married, or we wouldn't be here.

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Kind of sneaky him not mentioning about leaving the pen on the made up pen. I was wondering how he knew.

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I could MAYBE buy the first night of drunken sex, but the next day should have scared her into not drinking and slapping/kicking Jeff in the balls if he tried for a repeat,

Extremely well written piece that drew me in from the start and only brought me deeper. Your narrative flowed well and the plot slowly built bringing us readers to the long foreshadowed conclusion. Like another story I commented on today, this story has likely played out in real life hundreds, if not thousands, of times in real life. I don't disagree with other comments about too much back story, but I can also see where you left little close in that prose foreshadowing future problems. As always, I wish we would have had "the rest of the story" where he found love again and Jeff had his nuts cut off by an irate husband at some point...LOL 5*

Well written and thought out. Didn’t know the significance of the pen until the last few lines, well played.

brilliant, enjoyed it very much. especially well written for a first story. hope to read more of your work in the future. thanks for sharing your talent.

This story sucked

Great story. Well written. Please write more.

Great story!

Loved the details

Mature approach

Do not listen to negative comments

Keep writing

Definitely 5 stars

Apart from the very long lead in this is one of the very few lw stories to elicit an emotional response from me.

Please consider a follow up. I can tell they both love each other and maybe after some time has passed they will bump into each other. Also the perpetrators need to be held to account. 4 stars that could easily have been 5 but it took a bit too long to get to the story then it finished too quickly.

Excellent story telling. I don't understand how Jeff maintains a relationship with any of the other friends when they know that he is actively, eagerly working to destroy any loving relationship they might ever have

He bragged about it. Why hang out with such a piece of shit?

So what did he do with the pen? Also how did it prove to him she had been cheating?

Poignant and sad.

But trust was broken and can't be fixed.

Gwyn played the stupid game, got what she played for -- a stupid prize.

Good piece of read. Thanks rhetthebrat.

Seemed solid but left me feeling meh.

I liked the plot angle though.

2* Wimpy, cucky, obtuse husband written by wimpy, cucky author who has an obsession with excessive background filler. Man up and try again! Or not!

Wait a year, then sneak back into town and pulverize Jeff. He should have shut Jeff up that night and insisted Gwyn go with him. Eventually the marriage would have failed. She was too immature. There are good women in Upstate NY. He will find a better one. I agree with others, cut the fat and it will be a good story. Chekhov's gun was all through this story without resolution. I thought he would end up with Jenny and find out her "man" was gay and using her as a beard.

Thanks for posting to this site, really enjoyed your story. Please continue writing and posting.

No winners here

A great first effort but I agree with those who say there is to much detail. Still the story was great. I wouldn't mind a sequel where they possibly reconcile maybe with to much water under the bridge or not. I hope we see more from this writer!

I really liked the story but it had a narrative hole in it so wide that it made it impossible for me to absolutely enjoy it. Not a logical hole, but to coin a phrase your hero uses: “WTF.” The problem is that Pete never calls Gwynie on why Jeff is allowed to call her that and not him. I get that in the evening he may have been to drunk to really connect the dots, but in the cold light of day when he explains he doesn’t trust Jeff, narratively, and I guess logically (!), should have asked the simple question, “Why does Jeff get to call you Gwynie while you tell me you hate that name, like last night.” Or, imagine for greater emotional and dramatic impact asking that question while they were all drinking. That party is the climax of the story—and it ends a bit suddenly without ratcheting up the tension even more; all the rising action leads to it and then the story slides down in a series of codas from that point (IMHO). This why Pete looks weak to me, and perhaps others, because you paint him as unwilling to at least inquire into whether he should fight for his marriage. Not a good look. Asking that question complexifies the narrative, making Gwyn more of an actor rather than swept along by circumstances. And given how you painted her, it would have made it virtually impossible to stay after he asks her to, except as a result of the Martian slut ray. And that would have made for a different story. I guess I feel that the payoff wasn’t earned and that the house had rigged the table as well… Thank you for the story.

A really good story for a first one and contrary to others commenters I like detailed background.

5* for me.

Light on emotion, but it sure stirred up mine!

The lesson here is that physical infidelity is generally preceded by an emotional infidelity. When she distances herself from him and seems to laugh at the put downs thrown at him, he knew and the reader knew. The only cure for that kind of immaturity is time and pain. I suspect she got plenty. Good story.

Great ending. I didn't see that coming and I don't remember seeing it anywhere else either.

Best story in awhile. Thanks. Jeff is going to come to a bad end.

where is the pain for jeff?

Sad ending, but brilliantly written.

Needs to be more concise with back story details so as not to lose readership.

Maybe Jeff deserved some beat down, but why would everyone still hang around him? Certainly the couples would avoid him and their little group implodes.

Great first effort! Well written. I also would have liked Jeff to get some payback. Even the “single friends” have to know something is dead wrong about backstabbing a buddy.

Loved your story. I liked the way you developed the background for them. It added more punch to the story. I felt the sadness of the lost marriage. Yes, revenge/punishment is needed. Maybe something involving interference in his ex-wife's life, let her parent's know, tell her new boy friends what happened. let people know at her work, people she knows and so called friend Jeff, the same goes for him. Just keep at it. Your life can go on but do their life in.

Epilogue, 3 years later Jeff and Brian are jumped and receive multiple broken bones , facial disfigurations and busted nuts

others have posted about too much background so I will leave that alone. Needed more...something. Consequences for Jeff would have been great. Over all, a good piece of work

Good first story. Hope you continue to enjoy write. Thanks for the effort. Enjoyed it a lot.

Decent story, but the group should have self destructed or split after that event. Jeff should have been at the very least ostracized and made a pariah. Having a non-platonic relationship with any woman in a committed relationship is frowned upon, and doing it with a friend's wife is the worst offense. There should have been some serious fallout. The parent's should have been told about Gwyn's cheating. Gwyn had 1 option to fix the mess - file sexual assault charges against Jeff - if she was so drunk she didn't know what she was doing. If it was consensual then she deserves the sh-t karma gave her and the reason for the divorce should be made public. That way any future guy can research her and can decide if he wants to waste his time with a known cheater. Maybe all of Jeff's conquests will be made public, and many husbands will do a public service and either destroy Jeff's reproductive equipment ( along with other damage) or just kill him and bury him.

I would like to know more of the aftermath. There should have been some punishment for the friend. His wife seems genuinely remorseful. I think given time they could reconcile.

Hopefully, this author has read enough stories and comments on this site to realize that it provides an outlet for bloodthirsty sociopaths to vent their spleen. All of the ones complaining about the length of this story don't give a single, solitary shit about context, about character development, about balance. Most of them don't know what those things are and all of them have freely admitted, at one time or another, that they don't read the stories, but go to the end to smell the cinders and wallow in the blood. Their complaint is actually that it took several extra clicks to get there and were disappointed upon arrival.

This site cannot and, perhaps, should not keep these sociopaths out. Who can tell how many mass shootings this site has helped to prevent? Just remember what the old Oklahoma pastor said: "Even a chicken has enough sense to spit out the rocks and swallow the corn."

LWlurker

Jeff was not the sleaze. Gwyn was. Jeff made no promises. Gwyn did. Jeff is a hound dog. Gwyn is filth.

No ass kickin for Jeff, and no real punishment for her-its a 2.

A complete story from start to finish. The ending as they seem to be was predictable, the pen was a nice touch. Allowing Jeff to get away without a degree of revenge was wimpy, a planned accident would have been nice.

More more

Goid story. You’re a better story teller than most on here, but wayyy too much detail. I remember taking a screenwriting class in college, it was by a professor who had written and directed many Hollywood movies. He said every line, every detail should be moving the story forward. That wasn’t the case in this story and I found myself skipping through a lot.

Still gave the story five stars. Good story, no crazy characters, real life. Human nature, mistakes by otherwise good people, realizing that, but still doesn’t make a difference.

Very nice and original trick with the pen. Most creative way of proving the cheating I've seen in awhile.

For all the anonymous comments jeff was a prick that the wimp husband should haves destroyed he was worse than a sleaze. But than thats what happens when a pussy husband leaves his wife with jerks.

That re

That really was very good, excellent tale for a first story...or any story. Thank you for this and I very much look forward to seeing more from you.

Your use of the pen was well thought out and added an interesting twist to the revealing the infidelity of the spouse. While it is nice he took the high road, it is disappointing that Jeff's friends didn't ostracize him. Gwyn should have also felt the wrath of at least someone besides Pete.

A potentially good story drove me nuts with your New England geography. If you had just looked at a map for 5 minutes for Vermont relative to Maine and airport locations you could have saved yourself. It’s just simple background homework.

Forget her. Once a cheater always a cheater.Youwill be fine. Have a good life and FUCK HERand the horse she rode in on

That was one of the best stories I've read on here in quite some time. Very well done with the turn at the end. There was no way to come back from that. He told her his fears and asked her to come home and she refused. That was really the end. The cheated really seemed inevitable at that point. I really think she knew what she was going to do and somehow, despite him pointing it out to her, she still thought she could get away with it. It was really stomach turning to watch the collision playing out.

I hope you have a LOT more tales to tell because as heart wrenching as this was it was a well wrought drama. Love it and made it my only 7th 5 star tale out of thousands read.

Good story on your first attempt, would like to see a completion. Doesn't seem to be quite finished. Keep up the good writing.

This need to have the pen on the bed fore shadowed:

Pete wrote a note to Gwyn just before leaving, placing the pen on her pillow.

Folded up the note and carried him suit cases to the car.

<continued party>

< he talks to Gwyn, an talks about lost pen>

The ending would would be clearer that he was testing her, and she failed.

old guy

A worthy first story. Hope to read more from you soon.

I agree with SwordWielder, Jeff would be kicked out of my group of friends. It tells me he is no friend to anyone, a selfish prick. I could see him not being invited anywhere else with the group. Gwyn lied from the beginning, She should have told Pete she was FWB with Jeff at the very beginning. Also the other friend would be dead to me too, He should have protected a drunk wife, or even told her that he would call her husband right then and there. That is what a good friend does.

OK first story but I couldn't get into it. Kind of ho hummed through the first 2 1/2 chapters before much really started to get going but even that was pretty unemotional it seemed to me. I gave you a 3* mostly because it was your first story and it was fairly well written.

Welcome to the fray. Very good first story.

Hooked

Jeff needs his ass kicked BADLY! This story isn’t over until it is. Brian and everyone else there also needs some pain!

Finish the story!

Pete needs to turn his man card in immediately!! This whole group of "friends" needed to be taken down with Jeff getting the worst of it. You should have spent much more time on the cheating, fallout and aftermath than the 2 pages of senseless background information.

Anon: He put the pen in his bed before he left. There were still two nights left in the weekend, and Gwen did not find the pen and call him about it even after the weekend was over. When Gwen did not call to tell him she found the pen, it confirmed for him that she did not sleep in the bed either of the two nights. That’s how he knew.

Author: lots of positive and negative comments, and the truth is somewhere in the middle. Good story telling, wordier than necessary, Jeff / Friends get no penalty.

Great twist with the pen.

Good story. I didn't get the pen thing, but enjoyed the story. If BR1958 liked it, you're off to a great start. She's edited half the toplist stories here. I gave you a five.