All Comments on 'A Mighty Pen'

Well, you know.... ;-)

Fine first story with a very well-done zinger. I agree with some others that there was a bit too much wind-up, but the payoff was worth it. Hope to see more from you here.

Excellently done. I was reading along and thought I'd somehow missed an important part so went back a page and read again. Nope, I didn't miss it. That damn pen. 5*

Good starting story, the idea with pen is a a nice plot vehicle, I don't think I have read that before so it does sound original.

I am afraid that your main character lacks energy and I am really hoping you won't turn into a cuck writer. But the behavior of your hero is way too fatalistic, he lacks guts and a normal male energy. Typical cuckold type that we have around in way too many stories. It is hard to believe that a normal male would not try harder to warn his wife about drunken descent she is *obviously* planning (despite her denials afterwards). It is even harder to accept that a normal male would not strike at Jeff either before leaving or after learning about betrayal. I am saying you are too close to cuck stories while trying to make cuckold dignified.

Damn. Cold and quick. Probably the best way.

I thought that this was a very good story!

Thanks for the story. Please keep writing.

I look forward to reading your next one.

"Buckeye Fan"

That was a very original use of a plot device. There are so many stories where the same idea is recycled over and over. Thankfully this was not one of them. Great first effort, more please!

Minor technical issue only because I'm from the area. It would be faster to fly into Manchester NH or Burlington VT then Portland. Otherwise fairly well done story.

First, thank you for taking your time to give us some free entertainment.

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Great first effort. I'd like to see a follow-up story that gives us some closure, at least for Pete and how he moves on if nothing else. The end felt kind of abrupt compared to the lead-in.

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In any case, 5* for your first story.

Well

Gwyn was a cheating cunt wife whore. Who the fuck wants that. Fuck her. Great tale.

Five Stars

A very good entry

Well written. Decent story.

Sorry Anon Jeff WAS a sleaze, he was friends with her husband that makes him as bad as her. I love how you weak little boys can only blame women in stories like these. Try and stop being afraid of women and be a man little boy.

I have no idea why but one writer used this line...which literally no one has EVER said in the history of the world but every writers just has to use it...STOP..." I love only you". Its "I only love you" this is why I give writers so much crap, its always follow the leader, one does, right or wrong and everyone does.

Yes, it was a bit cliched at times, not as bad as most, but she did end up being e carbon copy of every wife ever on LW. Goes from a boo boo to a whole weekend, claims it was a mistake, wants to save her marriage, totally emotionally destroyed. So yes, well written but again, you didnt dare step out of the box and wrote something thats yours. You followed a template that 99% of them use here...a tedious and worn out template. The sad part is is that you can obviously write better than many that try here. But you need to get away from the same old same old that everyone writes. The pen thing was great, you need to apply that much effort into the rest of the story. So throw away all the crap you've retained here and do you own.

Yes there is only so much new you can write, you just need to make feel fresh not just more of the same.

Looking forward to your next one....hopefully.

out with a whimper......what a waste of read

Congratulation & thanks for the effort

Good first effort. Can't remember anyone using the "Silver Serving Spoon" gag to discover the infidelity so kudos for an original discovery method. A solid 5* effort for a first entry. Keep up the good work.

LWlurker, you talked about other commenters, what's your review of this story? What is the positive? Are you willing to say the negative? Or are you just one of those sociopath you talked about?

Interesting in the way he set the trap for the cheaters. That was a positive twist, although it was kinda given away. I’m good with the consequence for Gwen just being the loss of her marriage. No reason to burn her down. I do think something should have happened to Jeff, but, again, not over the top stuff to be consistent with the overall tone of the story.

intelligent and tense story. Will evoke alot of reaction from the thoughtful and the morons. Great work.

Pathetic. He should be happy he got out of that immoral circle of people.

If you wrote that much for the background, write just as much or more for the confrontation and the ending. Right now, it's 2 pages too many.

The first comment I read was "Jeff was not the sleaze" That is something only another sleaze could say. Jeff broke the bro code. He is the worst kind of sleaze. It's bad enough to go after your buddy's girl friend, but to go after his wife! If there is a hell, old buddy Jeff has a special bench with his name on it. Gwyn was stupid to the max. She was emotionally compromised by the pressure that her life would change if they started a family. She needed to have a serious talk with Pete. She was in a weakened condition and Jeff capitalized on her weakened state to get his rocks off. I think if Mute was really Pete's friend he would have beat the shit out of his brother. When asshole Jeff is wrong, he is wrong, brother or not he needed a good ass kicking. Pete was right to just walk away from Mute's "Jeff can be an asshole sometimes." That should have gotten Mute a punch in the mouth.

I thought it was a well crafted story. I like happy endings but some times the story just doesn't take you there. Loved it anyway.

No one wanted to take sides? There's a very clear action to take, and that's expelling Jeff from the group, full stop. Every friend who failed to do that is no friend.

Pete saw the signs and gave Gwyn enough rope to hang herself, which she did twice. The pen was a nice element.

I thought it was a good first effort. I liked how it moved, and flowed. I liked how the background was filled in on all of the people in the story, and how it was a plausible story. I felt the end was kind of chopped off, meaning there was more to tell. At one point (before the cabin trip) I felt that an end of their marriage was coming, but didn't know when. And after Mutt and Jen left, I knew it was coming soon (the story kind of telegraphed it) with the drinking going on, and Tom upstairs the reader could see it happening (Gwyn getting hammered) before Pete and Gwyn went to bed (to do nothing again). Then her not wanting to leave was the dead give away that she was going to do one of the single guys (maybe more than 1, turned out to be Jeff). Since the story left out what happens at the cabin, the reader can't fill that part in (would make a better chapter 2) which means we're only left with his side of what happens/he did. Him coming home early, after she left for work and collecting his stuff tells the reader they were done for sure. Gwyn wanted him to come home, so she could try and make up with him after feeling guilty about having sex with Jeff. I was kind of hoping he'd hook up with Jen (it started telegraphing that way), but the plot twist was he didn't get with anyone. Kind of a shame the end got chopped off so soon. Other than Pete being cuckolded by Jeff, there was no BTB, or RAAC, or anything like that. Like I said I liked the story for your first attempt, but the ending left more questions than answers. Maybe you set it up like that for a part 2 to pick up where you left off. I gave it a 4, because I felt the ending was missing.

Retribution and it’s a 5

Wow, good for Gwyn to dump that looser husband. I do want to get tickets to when he walks on water next, or raises the dead? Oh right, he can't well every self-important dick like him believe they can. I suspect that Gwyn is better off without him.

As I neared the end of the story I started thinking that I must have missed something. Then I thought that perhaps you missed something. I was wrong on both counts.

You pulled it together perfectly with a very clever ending.

Well done.

Jeff WAS a sleaze! Jeff did not do the right thing, alcohol use is NOT a valid excuse for going after his best friends wife. Real friends would have recognized and shut down any improper behavior and protected the interests of both Pete and Gwyn. Pete was terribly wronged in his relationship with Gwyn. Pete should wake with a good start on a gender reassignment!

That was very, very real….alcohol makes idiots out of so many people and forgiving a deliberate choice that spiraled out of control is asking for it to happen again. Painful…but very well written. Just wish he’d kick the shit out of Jeff.

Jeff is a scumbag. Amoral homewrecking shit. What was his consequence? He fucked her, broke up the marriage, and went on to brag about destroying another couple. At the very least he needed a foot up his ass.

Great story. Really enjoyed it and feel the backstory was mostly required to develop the connection and later loss with the set of friends. I know I enjoy a story when I’m drawn to reread portions over the course of a day or two after the first pass. This fits the bill. Keep on writing and in time I’m sure you’ll be among the solid LW authors. I’ll volunteer to edit if you like… that would be a fun project.

Great first story! I liked the characters in the story. I would’ve liked a lot less background, a lot of it could’ve been paraphrased, it was just a lot to take in. Instead of the long background, it’s been nice to have the ending more complete, in regards to aftermath.

1 star - you need more practice and perps always need payback.

If another man's penis enters any orifice of my wife or lover, when we are in an exclusive agreement or marriage - my mantra is ONCE&DONE - No second chances - especially if it is premeditated or planned and the violation happens more than once. RAAC is never an option unless there are extenuating circumstances beyond the control of my partner ie: drugs or rape.

Nice job..I thought the character development was enough to see where the story was going. The pen in the bed was one of the best reveals, better than walking in on the lovers in action or other countless methods of finding out the spouse was cheating. I look forward to more stories from you.

So sad for both parties. Well written and the very clever twist at the end revealing that he hid the pen in the bed and waited for her text telling him she found it was so moving. Excellent story from beginning to end. Five stars

More proof that every woman will be a lying, cheating slut when they think they can get away with it. Yeah I know it's just a story but we all know couples like this.

Not a big deal, he just married an infantile female who lacked character, ethics, and self discipline. Why didn't he know that before he married her? Why didn't he learn that after being marred to her for years? And who's fault is that?

Nothing in the story indicates that Gwyn went through any great personality change or catastrophic event or any other reason for a sudden change in her personality. Which means the slut who fucked Jeff for the weekend is the woman he married, and fully justifies divorcing her. She could easily do it again if the right opportunity and circumstances presented themselves. Only the next time she would be much more careful and deceitful.

It was a good plot and well told. Too bad you don't have the stones to allow Pete to bring the pain to Jeff that he so justly deserves. Maybe that's part of the reason she fucked Jeff? What would Jeff do if someone fucked his wife? Darwin says the Jeff's win; tough shit. Reality sucks.

Thanks for the effort.

Yes, Pete was too passive, but there were other people in the story, and their lives went on afterwards.

---------

"Hey Gwynnie."

The sound of the voice alone made her skin crawl. The name just made her mad. When Gwyn turned around, there was Mutt, Jeff, their parents and sisters, and Jenny of course, sitting around a large table looking expectantly at her. She pasted a smile on her face as she walked over. Mrs. Franks smiled and asked, "We haven't seen you around much, Gwyn. How've you been?"

"Yeah Gwynnie, how've been?" Gwyn could hear the smirk in that Jackass Jeff's voice. "Don't call me Gwynnie." The venom in her voice caused a small ripple of discomfort around the table. "No problem Gwynnie Gwyn."

This time she ignored the jab, glanced around the gathered family and asked brightly, "So what brings you all out tonight?" Mutt and Jeff's youngest sister, sitting just to Gwyn's left answered her, "It's Father's Day, of course."

"Of course it is." This time Gwyn focused her attention on Jeff, but addressed his father, "I bet you're proud of your family, Mr. Franke? Proud of how they turned out?" Jeff's Dad understood something was going on, but uncertain of exactly what it was, replied, "Of course." Gwyn gave him a grimace. "Of course you are." She glanced back at Jeff to see his smirk firmly in place. As soon as he saw her look at him, he rolled his eyes down her body, his smile turning bright. Gwyn turned back to Me. Franke. "I don't have a family. I don't have a husband. We were talking about having kids. You know, starting a family. It scared the shit out of me." Mrs. Frankie's tutter of disapproval earned her a scathing glance from Gwyn before she turned her attention back to Mrs. Franke's husband. "I don't have a family. I don't have a husband because in my emotional turmoil over the huge to my life kids would bring, your shitbag son there, instead of encouraging me, or helping me over my fears decided it would be better to fuck me, the wife of his friend, in my moment of weakness while Pete was away on business. I bet he makes you so proud. Such a great son for the oh, so proud papa. It must make you beam with pride to have raised a son who destroys the families of his friends. Happy fucking Father's Day, you miserable failure of a man."

Stunned silence lasted for a few seconds, until Mrs. Franke laid her hand gently and comforting on Jeff's forearm, "Perhaps if you had kept your legs together, you'd still be married." In that instant, Gwyn saw the identical smirk to Jeff's on his mother's face.

Thinking back, she could only remember heat, and a pounding in her ears. What she could not remember was any thought, only a fury. She grabbed the steak knife from the table. With her left hand, without turning from Mr. Franke, she grabbed the youngest Frankie's daughter's hair, and said, "Tell Daddy you love him." Meg, a senior in high school and suddenly terrified, cried out, "Daddy!" Anything else was cut short as Gywn drove the knife into the side of her neck. Time slowed. Meg's mother's face lost its smirk, her mouth opening in a long wailing scream. Mr. Franke dove across the table, futilely reaching for his daughter as she fell off he chair, a long gush of blood arcing across Gwyn. Jeff jumped up, his chair flying back. But Gwyn had swept her right hand back around, catching Jenny who had sat quietly just to Gwyn's right through the short confrontation. The knife caught Jenny, carving a dep cut through her cheek and ear. "Maybe you would still have a daughter, if you had just kept your mouth shut, bitch." Before she could do or say anything more, Gywn found herself looking at the ceiling as what felt like a truck hit her back, snapping her head first back, then down to the table. "I miss you, Pete," was her last thought as her head hit the table and all went black.

Of course she went to trial. Of course she was convicted. The lack of a death penalty in her state was all that kept her from lethal injection. Instead she received a life sentence with no possibility of parole.

By the time she received her sentence, the Franke family had disintegrated. Jenny was the first to go. The evening of Meg's funeral, she took Mutt aside and tearfully told him that she could no longer be around his family She wanted a family, and she would never want her children around Jeff, or frankly his parents either.

The family remained intact, largely to support each other for Gwyn's upcoming trial. That is, intact until Thanksgiving. Despite her best efforts, Mrs. Franke could do nothing to raise Mutt's mood. The loss of Jenny, following the death of Meg, weighed on him. It was Jeff's smirk that broke the dam of anger. As they sat across the feasting on Turkey, and all the fixings, Jeff, almost as if he had just realized it, spoke the fateful words, "It's too bad Jenny couldn't be here. I think she was always my favorite cousin." Glancing at Mutt, he noted, "It's too bad you couldn't keep a hold of her. But then, that frees her up." The knowing smirk was all it took and Mutt was across the table, swinging as he knocked Jeff backward. He could hear screaming, legs rushing past, then his father yanked him off Jeff and flung him back, under the table. Mutt could hear his mother screaming, "Get out! Get out!" Thinking she meant him, he crawled out from under the table only to see his mother pointing at Jeff as his father dragged Jeff to the front door and threw him out. His sisters were gone. The table was a mess of food and broken dishes. His mother collapsed into her chair, sobbing, as his dad turned and walked through the door to his basement television room.

Their marriage lasted a few more months before disintegrating into vile arguments. The final nail came when Mr Franks looked at her one evening, said, "Meg would still be alive if you had just kept your mouth shut, bitch," then turned, walked out the door and never came back.

Oddly enough, one good thing came from this fiasco. Mutt moved away. A few years later he met, fell in love, and married a lovely girl. A few years later, they went to a party. Mutt rarely drank more than a beer when out, but lovely Sarah had had a bit more than usual. She and Mutt had begun to discuss beginning a family and it terrified her. Mutt watched Sarah's drinking with unease, but let her unwind. It was when one of the single men, a bit of a player, began to pay too close attention to Sarah that Mutt stepped in. He walked up, firmly grasped the other man's shoulder, and looking directly into the man's eyes, stated, "I think it's time for me to take my wife home." Sarah, her anger rising, began to argue. Looking from the man into Sarah's eyes, Mutt spoke only two words, but with such intensity it immediately calmed his wife, "We're leaving." She turned to the man, repeated Mutt's words, "We're leaving," and she walked out on her husband's arm.

Awesome story, very well written. Progresses well, good tempo and a clever ending. The best aspect may be that the dialogue and prose actually sound like a 20-something wrote it as opposed to the typical AARP LW author.

Jeff would have a really bad accident. That's all I am saying.

I gave you 4 stars. I thought it was very well-written with just a couple of typos. I agree with the comment that Gwyn was too immature to be married, and had I been Pete, I would have divorced her regardless of her sexual affair with Jeff (did she do Brian too--I couldn't tell) because of having children issue. Pete made it clear before they got married that he wished to have children, and Gwyn had agreed that she wanted them as well; however, it was clear that Gwyn had changed her mind and had no intention of getting pregnant. If Pete truly wanted to have children and Gwyn did not, she owed it to Pete to let him go so that he could find someone who shared one of his life's goals. I did like Pete's pen trick--it reminded me of the old joke where a husband told him he was going to go fishing with the boys and asked her to pack his bag for the weekend trip. In reality the husband was going to meet with his mistress. When the husband returned home, and his wife asked him if he had caught many fish, he lied and told her that he had. The only problem with the trip, the husband told her, was that the wife had forgotten to pack his pajamas. The wife icily replied, "That isn't true, you cheating son of a bitch. I packed them in your tackle box." Busted!

I enjoyed it. Great first submission.

Yep....liked it & thank you!

Great First Effort

Maybe to much fat in the back story and too many unnecessary details at other times. Could have put those extra words into the confrontation, counseling, closure with ex-friends, etc. I'm afraid the significance of the pen was too subtle for most of this crowd. Nice touch though. Thanks for the effort. Keep writing.

Oh boo, fucking hoo! She got drunk and let men that were supposedly her friends take advantage of her. It felt like she was looking for a way to end her marriage anyway, what with her putting of the "kids" talk. I'm sorry that Jeff suffered no consequences. There's always a Jeff in every group. Some asshole that needs to be put down like a sick animal. Too bad Pete didn't have the balls to do it. And why wouldn't Pete just tell his parents the truth? None of these characters were worth a damn. Ugly story of betrayal.

Welcome to LW and congrats on your 1st story.

Like many others have said, far too much background. There are ways to feed information into the story if you need to without resorting to shopping lists of a couple of pages of filler. Sometimes, 'we met, fell in love and got married,' is all you need. I think the meeting is quite pertinent and the discussion about exclusivity too.

You could have written Pete stronger IMO. I was scared but not scared enough to lay everything on the line and demand you come home with me.

Please don't use WTF in the body or dialogue at most it should be limited to quoting a text message.

As for the friends.

Jeff IS a sleaze - friend's girlfriends/wives/SO are ALWAYS out of bounds. Even after a split it's the right thing to check in with the ex first. To go bragging about it just makes him worse. That it turns out he was dropped by Gwen for Pete seems like he may even have been looking for payback adds to the shit piling up around him.

Brian and Noah are not much better, even pissed they should have been backing Jeff off and protecting their friends' marriage. Noah doesn't get off lighter because he was newer, he was friends to both Pete and Gwen, rather than Pete first then Gwen. Then they take another hit for spreading tales of the weekend, if something like that can be kept quiet then there may be chance for a reconciliation, but pride would stop Pete backing off once the rumours started. And what exactly were they saying? Was Gwen just with Jeff or did they all jump on the bicycle?

'they just chalked it up to Jeff being Jeff' and 'no one wanted to take sides' scream volumes. In doing either of these actions they took sides, Jeff's. Jeff was in the wrong (as was Gwen it's not really mentioned what happens with her regarding the group.)

'Jeff can be an asshole sometimes' getting drunk and being the fool maybe causing an argument is being an arsehole. wrecking a long time friend's marriage by screwing his wife is being a cunt of the 1st order. "What he did is unforgivable but he is my brother and for the family I have to find an accord with him. But I'll never forgive what he did and I'll make sure he knows that every time I see him." may have been a better way to keep friends with Pete.

The fact is the group and Jeff were more important to all the others than Pete, so he is better off away from them. Maybe away from them him and Gwen might be able to start from the beginning who knows.

>

The story suffers from lack of epilogue. What happened with the friends? I'm sure the group would have at least split into couples and singles. What happened with Gwen? Did she carry on with Jeff/the group or go her own way after? Did Jeff get his balls turned into earrings? What really went down that weekend? Did Gwen go airtight?

>

All that said, a really good 1st story.

Great story, would love to see a follow up to these characters

Good story but depressingly sad ending.

I look forward to the next story.

Great story. Please keep writing.

Great story. Really intelligently written. I had something similar happen early in my marriage. But my wife denied and my “friends” unanimously supported that nothing happened. It was several years later I found out the truth. In hindsight, I was stupid to believe. Unlike Pete, I stayed married. Life goes on.

Hope you write many more.

You set the stage well enough to keep me reading and when the ending came I was surprise by the method he used to catch his wandering wife. Hope to read more of your stories.

Great story. You really had me wondering where the pen was going to come into play.

It's a sad ending. I could have seen the two of them finding a way back.

I hate when the person who was cheated on runs away after catching their partner cheating. He should have met with her. He owed that

Unique catch. Enjoyed your first story. Keep writing.

Jeff is lucky. He should suffer.

Is part 2 coming? Hope so!

I gave it 5 stars for the unique twist of how he knew she was sleeping with Jeff. I actually felt it deserved 4.5 stars, since there was zero pushback against Jeff. I mean I understand that some of the group might have defended him as just being the man-slut everyone knows he is, but some should have been seriously angry over his crossing the line by betraying their trust. Yes, I know that's a double standard, but that is how we rationalize our own faults. We all know our friends lie, cheat, and steal because we all lie, cheat and steal; however we don't lie, cheat, or steal from our friends and family. Jeff did it with impunity, and nobody pushed back about it.

Would love to see a follow up with the story where she follows after him and their love rekindles after some major discussions or something and the pen comes back into play

Loved the story, keep up the great work!!

Why is it that a man does not believe his instinct that something wrong will happen… is it not worth the risk to fight for ur family? People do get caught up in something that in some situations one does not realise the larger implications… In the armed forces we always have a person who keeps outside the loop and only monitors the safety situation… as the persons actively involved in an evolution/operation are unable to see wider implications! He saw that his wife was drifting… should have stopped speaking in riddles and stated clearly what he was afraid of! Then this would either have given her a bum kick and got her awake or she would have deliberately ignored his misgivings and dug her grave! In the second instance he atleast could rest without guilt that he did all that was possible to try and save her from failing!!!

A women who cheat is 100 times worse than a man cheats. He made the right decision. If she loves him so much, then she will not cheat and would not put her in a position to cheat. Period. He lost his assets and won't trust women in future. Think about a MAN before pitying about the ending you Beta Simps.

A great story rhetthebrat.

Until the the very end.

It's not always a question of the crime,

but the size of it.

If a guy fucks another man's woman, it can be overlooked.

But if that woman is the wife of a friend

the shit needs to be punished.

The hero of this story failed to do that.

Not only does he have to deal with the betrayal of a slut

but also his lack of seeking justice.

No wonder he needs professional help.

4 out of 5 from me.

I really liked the subtle use of the pen as the means of revealing the infidelity. Great device! Sure, some of the 'how we met' etc. was superfluous, but overall a good story.

What an excellent method of discovery. Unique. Well done.

Actually, discovery isn't right, it was just the.means of confirmation, because his eyes were wide open all along.

It was obvious she truly loved him, but divorcing her was right. She was lying when she said she didn't plan it. Well, maybe not lying, maybe self deluded.

On a sub-conscious level she wasn't ready to fully settle down and get married. Even earlier in the story, where she wanted to hang with the singles instead of going home. Then the resistance to having children... Then the actions surrounding the weekend were fully deliberate. In fact she resisted his attempts to pull her back from the brink.

And lastly, if she was ever going to be his true partner, she should have disclosed early on that she had dated Jeff.

Anyone would have wanted the foreknowledge that the resident man-slut, the one who didn't care what a woman's status is, as long as she was legal-age, or not dead (and maybe those two conditions weren't hard limits) had dated your girlfriend more than once, and was obviously interested in 'Gwynie', to whatever short-sighted, selfish capacity he had.

I am sorry for the protagonist. Not over the divorce from her, but over the divorce from the town. He may have grown up there, and been a part of a life-long group, but in truth, they didn't hold him in high regard. They couldn't have. They didn't give him a heads-up, Jenny being one of them. None of them tried to stop Gwyn or Jeff. None of them told Pete.

Fuck all of that. I know if I were Mutt, I would have beaten my own twin brother to a pulp. I would have disowned him for just fucking around with other guy's women in general... but to do it to a friend... with full intent? Jeff is NOBODY's friend.

I would have told him to fuck off and find a new set of suckers to shit on somewhere else.

No, it's obvious Pete didn't mean that much to the group. It would be a very hard feeling to leave behind the world you grew up in... to learn that maybe, you didn't really matter to anyone there.

You would have to question your own value as a human being.

A very sad, hard story, but well worth the highest rating. Because of the excellent telling of the plot, the unique, intelligent way Pete dealt with things, but even moreso for the subtext.

I'm sure the author knew what he was doing, which means he is a writer of considerable skill, and I will follow his work with interest.

Thank you for such a good story. I could go on about more aspects. I am wondering if others know just how good this is.

Clever. Such a test of a spouse.

Great story, loved the ending.

I gave this story 4 stars instead of 5 because of all the unneeded backstory. I expect that this author could become one of the elite on this site. Hope you continue writing.

I have to admit that I thought that Pete went for the nuclear option of divorce too soon with only circumstantial evidence that Gwen cheated. Her lack of backing him at the cabin, not responding to being called 'Gwenie' by Jeff when she hated that nickname, making excuses to stay the rest of the weekend instead of leaving with Pete and most damning, being unreachable by phone for Saturday night and all day and night Sunday into Monday. All of these things are certainly incriminating, but Pete had already condemned Gwen before actually knowing if she had definitely been unfaithful. He got her to admit her sex with Jeff, and probably with Brian as well, but he had already gotten the ball rolling by then. He made the assumption she had willingly gone back for a night of sex on Sunday after having fallen off the fidelity wagon Saturday night. Her conscious decision to cheat again was what sealed his decision to go for a divorce. One drunken night of sex could possibly be forgiven but not a deliberate choice to do it again. But there was no hard evidence that she had cheated.

It must just be me but I was puzzled about how the pen proved that Gwen had cheated. Jeff's sister found the pen in bed presumably when she was cleaning the place up. I didn't know if the bed was from the room they were using or whether the bed was the one in Jeff's room. Was Pete's test that if Gwen was going to cheat she wouldn't be spending any time in the next two and a half days in their bed because she was always in someone else's bed having sex? If that was his plan, it could very easily have failed if Gwen had taken a nap at some point or had slept in their bed after having had sex somewhere else. She could have searched for the pen and found it in the bed and still have cheated. In fact, when Pete asked her to look for the pen, she could have looked in their room and discovered the pen in the bed. The pen was a good plan to test her but hardly full proof.

Good story but a sad ending.

very good story. written in away that you felt like she cheated more than she did, so it was nice to see her contrite. This is one story that could almost see reconciliation.

but the carryover 2nd day changed the rules and the marriage, while the lying lingers on. TK U MLJ LV NV

Did you get bored writing this? I only ask because here I am reading and then boom, it ends suddenly and abruptly leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

It could have been a very good story but the lack of an ending made it a one star waste of time.

Great first story. Definitely brought out emotions. I liked the more realistic ending where no one wins in the end.

A very story loved the ending a fever twist

Hiding the fact that he left the pen on the bed from the readers, to reveal at the end that that was how he knew she cheated was a cheap trick of a "twist." We didn't need to be led by the nose; just a simple statement that he left the pen on their bed, many of us would have forgotten about it and wondered how he knew she had cheated, then would have had a "D'oh!" moment when we got it!

Excellent story. Write more. Read the comments, use the ones you think add value, flush the others, then lets see another or a sequel.

Really enjoyed your story. Well paced and written

That was very good.

I expected him to say that she had confirmed on the phone what he expected had happened. The missing pen was excellent.

I just hate cheating wives, and no revenge? at least give Jeff a good beating? Can´t give it more than 3*

Man, I loved this tale so much. I really felt sorry for Pete.

Liked the story a lot but it was far too much of the early relationship and not enough of the collapse and end of the marriage. The early emotions disappeared and it was over and done. Should have been a 5* but definitely better than a 4.

Packed with telling detail, rich characterizations, and emotion. Superb.

Well written emotional story. I really hated no retaliation on former buddy Jeff. Jeff the sleeze ball that fucked Gwynnie all weekend with no remorse. Jeff the buddy that destroyed a marriage for his own selfish gratification. I know it takes two to tango, but Gwynne payed big time, and Jeff just moved on to fuck some more.

A classic LW tale should have at it's core a wife's betrayal that not only hurts the husband, but also hurts the reader. In order to accomplish this, the wife's character needs to be developed sympathetically, and the reader needs to invest emotionally in the happiness of the couple.

You took the space needed to build up the characters and their relationship, so that when the betrayal happened and the marriage was destroyed, it felt like the tragedy it was. Betrayed love blights lives and crushes spirits.

Another dumb cunt

Great story but there shluld have been.some.pain for Jeff, bone crushing pain

A well-written story, plenty of emotion, and a guilt-ridden Gwyn. I felt a great deal of sympathy with both parties sadly the real villain of the piece gets away with it. I agree also that the other so-called friends were not there for support either. Although that being said Gwyn must still take the majority of the blame for putting herself in that position. It seemed also that even their relationship was based upon a lie as she was actually seeing Jeff when they first started dating. 5 Stars

Thanks for a great story. You captured that dreadful feeling at the turn of a relationship

Apologies, I meant to say you captured so well that instinct of dread as things start to go wrong at the end of a relationship, when nothing has yet been acknowledged. I would have been interested to see you explore the therapy, but it wasn't necessary, in fact the economy of the story is a strength. I find it hard to believe that Pete could have accepted a single night of betrayal - Gwyn chose to betray him with a close friend, not a random pick-up in a bar when away from home. Subconsciously, no doubt, she was making sure the action was irrevocable. The sadness comes as much from her failure to understand herself as for the impact on Pete.

No pain for Jeff,he should have kicked the shit out of him.Pleaseedhe was strong enough to divorce her.

It's sad; there still seems to be so much love there.

But, I would've nuked the friends and gone after Jeff with a vengeance.

Jeff definitely needed an ass whooping for doing that to his supposed life long friend but a good story none the less

I enjoyed this story very much, and I never saw the true significance of the pen until the end. Well done.

I think there could have been a bit more aftermath, especially with Gynn. Maybe she actually would've ended up with Jeff in the end, because I didn't believe a word of her contrition, not after learning she'd done it two days in a row. By then her actions were not only premeditated but brazen; she did it in full view of mutual friends. After that, she was simply sorry that she got caught (as clichéd as that might sound). Someone like her would've done it again. Life can be ugly like that.

Then I have a quibble. I'm a stickler for syntax, and near the bottom of Page 3, the narrator suddenly went into third person referring to himself: "He typed a reply: 'All fine here. Forgot charger 2. Finally borrowed 1.'"

This kinda thing drives me nuts. It's what happens when a good writer briefly loses focus. Or maybe he originally drafted the story in third person and overlooked a pronoun when he was switching to first person. I dunno. In any event, everyone should enlist an editor or — as an absolute minimum — put the story down for a few days and re-read it painstakingly.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

FTDS

enjoyed the story mostly. the only thing that i didn't was that that only she got hurt and not the others. would have like to see at least even some token payback.

I can understand him leaving his wife. I can't understand why he let Jeff off the hook.

Great story. Great character development.

1 star. No comments other than I am surprised that not everyone understands the significance of the "PEN". He placed the pen under the covers, so that his wife would see it when she went to her own bed. He made a point of mentioning it several times. However, she never slept in her own bed, because she was having sex with the single guys in their beds on Sat. & Sun. nights. She got exactly what she deserved - NO HUSBAND and now she is free to have sex with anyone she chooses.

Pen confused me until end. Considered it switched with recording device.

What respect for themselves group has to put up with Jeff!!! Why have friends who have such different views on fidelity etc. jtwheels

What kind of friends let their friend's wife fuck their other friend? What a shitty group of people. Good riddance.

Good story. A divorce is the only.possible outcome after her cheating, but he should have saved a little pain for Jeff and Brian.

Well structured story. Clever plot. And a great debut. Keep on contributing.

I never planned it. Of course she never unplanned it when the opportunity approached and then continued the next day. You know, because she loved him so much.