All Comments on 'A Promise Made, A Vow Broken'

Like the fact that he didn't hang around till the next morning. But took off that evening.

Too over-the-top. Instead of running away, meet it head-on. Beat Jackson's ass and carry her away over your shoulder. Then, let a nice rural jury of your peers weigh in on your 'temporary insanity' plea. Next, either launch Traci like an Exocet or get her under a post-nuptial agreement so strict that she will be dressing and undressing in the dark. Sometimes, ya jus' need to save crazy from itself. And remember, Atilla The Hun, John The Wayne or Billy The Kid never resorted to candy-assed Fakebook [sic]. 3/5.

Did you have Hooked's permission to use his story? If not, you fucked up.

If you're redoing an existing story, I think there should ideally be as much meat in the story as in the original. This was a little light on substance and human emotion. Not to mention, the main notable thing about the original is that Bobby doesn't do the immediate finance separating, facebook posting, telling the loved ones and going scorched earth. He waits it out for the kids, holds on to his resentment, and then pulls the plug years later. By changing that part of the story here, even that is taken away.

Completely unnecessary and not very interesting alternative ending.

If you are going to produce a sequel you should at least have a decent follow-up. While I wanted to say I didn't like it much, I had to go back and review the original. You did stay true to form of the original so I called it a borderline good story.

You have posted many stories over the last few days. I have read most of them and they are mostly good ⭐⭐⭐ stories. I have given a couple ⭐⭐⭐⭐. To me that says your writing is on par with some of the better writers on the site.

I just wonder what a story you could create if you spent more time delving into a topic. To me you have the ability to tell tails that are interesting and nice reads. Again as I always say it is my opinion on stories and your as the writer tell them in your manner. They are yours.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

Pure fantasy. I hope it was cathartic.

Your ending for someone else’s story just had to be written but you still left loose ends. Maybe stop rushing out six stories at a time and actually craft one?

Story has no relationship to reality of a divorce, and particularly that kids would side with the father in this situation. There was not one new idea in the story, but simply cut-and-paste of innumerable equally-defective badly-written stories in LW, and I hated that I wasted time reading.

Traci just disappeared.

She thought she could threaten to destroy Bobby's life if he doesn't give her a hall pass

What a sad tale of a vile, selfish person.

Tip my San Miguel beer to Bobby boy here.

Real man does real actions.

Nice work richardbedfordwhite.

U wrote like a hatchet job laborer!

Pathetic spin on the tale. What an ending! Maybe an ending from "hell." Goodall Jackson just continues sailing along ruining marriages with no harm to him. Bullshit.

Oh, can't help by noticing comments are all scrubbed from the site. Shame, shame author.

A better story than the original but I'd want some hell to rain down on Jackson. Preferably vicious, violent, and merciless...

No real dialog, which, to be honest, is the meat of the story. I don't give a crap what you did because you do the same thing EVERY husband in this genre does.

I gave it a 1 because there was nothing to it.

Awful, I wish there was a way to warn people not to read this.

Only thing I didn't like was her disappearing. Despite her actions she was his children's mother and he should have attempted to find her to make sure she was OK. Her "crime" didn't warrant her coming to serious harm.

kind of boring

Another one that missed fuckin‘ ol Jackson for good.

Captcha

The seeming, and practical, acceptance over a number of years by the MC in the original story by Hooked1957, though as you would expect very well written, did stick in my throat. So in that respect this is an improvement. However really need to build up a little tension, the story here came off as flat and predictable. Still a solid 4*s from me overall.

Way over top, the art of a good revenge is its not loud. This is just loud and unpolish

LoL! I definitely like your version better. I must say I'm also impressed with the volume of work you have been doing.

Not a real strong ending sorry.. seems like you rushed through it.

Fairchild came out of this with no scabs or bruises. He got Bobby's wife Traci for the weekend, got her again after Traci and Bobby's split during the divorce and got to use her as a sexual favor to share amongst his friends. Bobby never got to know the personal gratification of ruining the bastard's future ability to perform. Some may not like this tac in stories but when a marriage is murdered there are multiple funerals of those who died with it. No man should walk away unscathed after deliberately ruining a marriage, a family and the individual lives of so many people. All the societal carnage is directly tied to Jackson Aloysius Fairchild's desire to bed a married woman. And he never PAID for his pleasure.

Her disappearance could be a good way to get back at Jackson. Some discretely placed accusations of trafficking and potential murder would bury him with police inquiries and any remaining business support would also disappear. Whether she reappeared or not wouldn't save him in time.

The problem here is similar to all this authors other stories. It’s like a bunch of thoughts and ideas just thrown together over a period of time.

I get the sense that Richard is frantically trying to dump his hard drive onto Literotica. Maybe he’s running for city counsel or something. 10 or more stories in about 8 days. Meanwhile, some of us have had our new stories stuck in the queue for longer than normal. Mine for over ten days now. Slow down Richard, take your time and up your game. You clearly have the ideas, the vocabulary and sentence structure. Mix in some heart felt dialogue, so it doesn’t read like a story board or a newscast. And make sure it’s believable (kids in almost every state can CHOOSE the parent they want to live with at 15, so CPS hearing is preposterous). For the commenters, cheating wives do disappear more often than you’d think. My first wife bailed with some dude she met in a club and left me with a one and three year old, no notice at all. I guess they were too much of a burden.

Forgot to log in before writing all this,

Cookingwithgas

I don't understand the stories where, like the OG here, the hubby lets it go on so that the humiliation/cheating actually happen. At least in cases like this where it is just a rich guy, and not a gang of thugs. So, IMO, more realistic in that he accepted she was gone, and he held her accountable immediately. As far as BTB on Jackson, he's rich and single, so assault is about it, and risking 3 to 5 in jail would be stupid, esp. with two young kids.

Started well. Ended way too fast and without drama.

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Barely 3 ***

Boring. No consequences to anyone really, but most of all Jackson.

Lather, rinse, repeat - create, submit, repeat!

disappointment. Did not add anything. The revenge was too clichéd and too easy.

I liked the setup and your approach to the plot but for heaven's sake, show don't tell.

U forgot that the lover needed his pound of flesh coming to him

another Lit cliff note

The original was pretty good. But this short store was below your standards.

Average at best

Not bad, so I gave it a 4, since I really liked how he wasted her. Still...I get the sense that this author is trying to get into those top 10 listings by story-bombing the site. Sure, JPB consistently ranks #1 because he's posted around a thousand stories. But he's also been doing this for 20 years or so. QuickMagazine suggests more quality, less quantity. Especially since there is really little point to even doing this story, just as there was little reason for Gopher25 to do his, when the original was so near-perfect.

If you're going to require people reading another story, use a link. Whether it is easy or hard is immaterial. YOU require, YOU know where it is.

The original story was better

Too bing bam boom with not enough meat on the bones. It's more like a story outline, a very common one in this genre.

Did Hooked1957 give you permission to cut and paste his words into your story? If not, you are plagiarizing his work.

Written like an outline copy.

Stupid ending

Slightly better than average.

Quality, not quantity

I agree with @muskyboy...Boring! The consequences for Jackson were 4 flat tires? Really? Not a good take on that story...2*

Jackson skates? I don't think that is very likely.

Okay!

4

Too reader digest for me. Not very good and no expounding on anything.

The writing needs a lot of work. For example, when he writes the email to put traci, it is written like the story itself, has every detail ..why? Have the email be him explaining what she did in a real way.

The writing is also choppy and by the end is rushing by at a thousand miles an hour.

And really ,Traci disappears and no one cares? C'mon, her parents might disown her ( doubt it), but wow.

Wow, how do I get my IQ points back. What a waste of electrons.

Good until the end when it had no detail and just petered out

Where was the fallout for everyone, mostly Jackson? And why would parents give up on their child whether they were happy with her or not? ANd once again, too many stories, published too quickly left ALL the stories wanting in quality.

Not only is this really badly written but it's boring and it doesn't bring anything new to the table.. It's really shocking and kind of sad that I'm just sad that this author thinks his version of this story is better than the original.

The original was much better.

Now, this how that shit story should have ended, Hats off to this author for a decent logical ending. The other author's wimp ass lame ending sucked.

Very good alternate ending!!!!! Well done! 5 stars from here!

better would have been to tie her to a chair in the master bedroom while you fucked any woman she knew for the next year while giving her nothing. She deserved worse than she got!

So where did the dumb sob disappear to? It's just one night/one time bs

Just another in the getting longer everyday line of people who think they are embellishing on something already published. This is a great example of how little brain work or ambition it takes to use someone elses pretense and then add a few paragraphs of your own to call it a story. This is not a fucking story its mild plagiarism with a totally inept attempt to add anything new. I've been reading here on Lit for many years but this seems to be a common issue now...people who think that just adding a different ending makes it a story. You used 99% of the previous author's plot up until the last few paragraphs which were nothing but an emotionless list of what the main character did to get even. If there were ever a need for negative scoring this is a prime example.

"He excites me, and I want to see what a different man feels like." - She SAYS that it will only be the one night, and maybe she even means it, but how can she be sure that it won't be SO good that she won't want to do it with him again? And even if it works out THIS time, what happens when the next Fairchild comes along?

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Since readers are presumed to have read the previous story, no need to repeat it here, just say that you told everyone what happened.

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I don't get the detail of the nightgowns on the door knobs. Why would anybody be doing that?

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If he took her sim card (why not just take her phone?) Why bother changing her phone password?

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Parents don't disown their daughters for cheating on her husband.

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The only thing missing was the new woman being hotter and sexier than Traci,

As always, I'm amazed by the rantings of commenters. Why so serious, boo? Ah! No one is paying you enough attention

Jackson still suffers no consequences? That makes this effort a failure.

You have no business whatsoever attempting to do a follow up on a good story like the one you base this poor excuse on. You've posted numerous stories over the past several days. All that I bothered to read are boring and completely unemotional. Maybe work on ONE story and do it right. Put some suspense, emotions, and drama in it.

Rating system needs a ‘too pat’ button.

Hooked wrote a pretty good story. You didn't.

What a bunch of bullshit

No consequences for Jackson - poor story

Sorry but there's not enough work put into this variation to justify submitting it. We learn nothing new about the characters that helps us to understand the wife's decision to betray her husband so heartlessly. We don't get to be present at a confrontation between the MC and his wife where she attempts to convince him that nothing has changed in their marriage or he makes it plain to her that nothing can ever be the same. We don't get the satisfaction of Jackson receiving some kind of comeuppance for his hubris. The pleasure of seeing his nom de plume in print may be a sufficient reason for richardbedfordwhite to submit something in hopes it will be published, but the LW readers deserve a piece of work that is a valuable contribution to Literotica archives. RBW, next time please put in some real effort before you hit submit.

I'm curious where she disappeared to. Was it running away out of shame or some mod style vanishing act because she was becoming too much trouble?

The original is better.

A little rushed, and somewhat overly optimistic but at least he stood up to his wayward wife. I still think that Jackson is a predator and needs to be dealt with.

good story except the last 3 lines bad ending

A little to quick.

This ending was alot better. But why not go after Jackson? He had alot of money. Alienation of affection lawsuit, or something.

Nothing happened to those that caused or facilitated the events. 3 star.

3 stars despite the fact that i liked and heartily approve of the mc taking proactive steps to lay out the facts of these despicable arrogant and entitled scumbags. Im glad that some of the people suffered some karma and especially the cunt wife. I beleive she knew of the plans for switching and cheating and have a hard time beleiving that she thought her hubby would be ok w/ it or would be intimidated by her threats. Altho it must be acknowledged that at least 1 author was in fact intimidated into subservient cuckolderness. rk

I liked what he did with his wife's FB pages, etc., but at times during the story, I was a bit confused. It seemed a couple of times that I was rereading the same lines I've earlier read. Mostly, which might affect the previous sentence, I thought the story was too rushed. Would've liked it a bit longer, some give & take along the way. That detracts from what I could've given this story. 3 stars Bob

As far as I can see it's just another load of bollocks

Story was rushed. Needed more.

Still.weak and lacking any real reactions to the wife's statement and actions. Sorry but my wife would not be having sex with another man in front of me and him live to tell about it. Frankly I would have threatened the man with bodily harm for coercing my wife with his bullshit and made sure he knew that if his dick came within a foot if my wife he would wake up with me standing over him with a knife to remove the offensive appendage. I am sure after that he would no longer be interested in taking the chance. If not my fist in his face would. That is how the story should have went and if you are dead set on the wife cheating have her do it behind the husband's back like the wife threatened. You had nothing happen to Jackson either and that left it just as unsatisfying as the original.

Still the wrong ending. Traci and Jackson tried to stop a baseball bat from hitting the wall behind them with their faces. They tried this repeatedly until they passed out. Traci was found with Jackson's sawed off dick inside her duck taped mouth.

You started out with justice in mind but end up being butt-raped by your thoughts and turned it to a morally depraved society where they all deserve to burn.

Kick down the door, beat the smarmy bastard like a rented mule. Divorce the cunt wife and destroy her reputation. Be a human wrecking ball, nuke everybody involved, the gallery owners included then hold your head high while you start a new life...

Started well but tame and dry end.

No dialogue.

Read like a report

Auch kein besseres Ende. Gut angefangen schwach aufgehört.

A good ending nicely done

What a load of bollocks

1 ⭐

Just too stupid a story

would never turn out that way but nice to see a solid BTB effort!

Much Better!!!

So you write an Alternative ending, but left a lot of open questions unanswered, like what ever happened to Traci? And why didn't the rich cheater Suffer any consequences, what kind of Alternative ending is that? Should just kept the original story!!

I find this version more believable as i couldn't fathom how a husband could just go to his room while his wife cheated on him, especially with others in the house.

With this sort of story where the wife informs her husband she is going to have a night off from the marriage to have some strange after many years of marriage, In most cases what on earth makes them think the hubby will go along with it, you would have to know your husband better than that

I'm still a fan of the original version. I only wish I could of read about the wife's inner thoughts from the beginning and through it all play by play like the first story. Maybe between these two already written versions the truth could be in the middle and the ending could perhaps not be the end.

The passing around ending was a bit much for me, but these stories of a wife going to someone's bed in front of her husband always have me seeing red.

It's like you took a piece of shit, sprayed it with perfume and put it in a bouquet of flowers. No matter what you do with it, it's still a piece of shit.

Such a strong and powerful reaction with little to no consequences. Doesn't really merge. Something like this does tend to have quite the virulent reaction once the media takes hold of it. And the publicity of such a thing is near fatal, breaking up families, destroying loving homes, splitting children from their parents, turning a loving mother into a cum receptacle for every tom dick and harry, and the list goes on.

I want a version where in the kitchen she either changes her mind or HE CHANGES it for her....Like go right to the edge, but stop and fuck each other the rest of the night and the next morning. Then maybe some Jackson comeuppance for some of the rest of the story intertwined with new sex adventures of our finally happy couple...

Overall, I liked this response, which's more in line with my thinking. Grabbing her phone, etc., & the emailing was on point. However, I take exception to where the art gallery prospered with the wife sharing charges, & Jackson letting his friends have their turn with Traci who then disappeared. It seems to be a fast way of getting around those issues.

I was hoping that she'd be served divorce papers, followed by Lou who accepted & possibly helping Jackson get to Tracy being served alienation papers, which would severely hurt the gallery. Then Jackson, being served the same alienation papers, which would also hurt his business &/ or become a person non grata in the community.

The story, while I enjoyed it, I felt could've been longer to probe a bit deeper into things. But that might just be me. Anyway, for the story overall, 4 stars. Bob

While I liked there's retribution, I didn't like how it played out. The story was, for the subject, much too short.

Started great but the end just kinda fizzled out... Three using her to share with her friend didn't seem in character complete but I'm ok with that... Her one night didn't seem in character either... Buy i would have thought her desire to make it up to her kids and parents at least would have stopped that.

Also don't really but the swingers elevating the gallery, bit the attention improving the assholes status with women though who the hell knows in this day and age.

Overall I enjoyed it.... Certainly the first half to the quarters... Buy rusted ending ruined it a bit.

I like it. I think It's better than the original.