All Comments on 'A Revenge Fuck Gone Bad'

No matter his reasons, he should not have cheated again. He should have been more responsible than that. Everything else was great. I may have done the exact same thing.

...but if your going to add one more ill advised affair don't cheat the readers out of a sex scene.

Make up your fucking mind about whether you want ti write in first or third person, the amount of times you change is ridiculous!

she got knocked up and the fuck was on purpose - now she gets served when the baby is there - everyone in the hospital will know she is a cheating slut. and she tried to protect daddy - that is great.

You need to follow up and let us know how things go. does Robert get his does Carol & Robert move in with each other. Does Ken get back with Carol or does he Connect with Ann?

great story line , worked out nicely. he fuck up but her revenge was over the top and it cost her.big time...

5 stars until whimped out in the end:(

MM proof read this? Are you serious? I hope you found someone else to edit/proof read your stories. There was so many errors it wasn't funny, but then his writing is the same.

I mean, she knowingly fucked another guy who was screaming some other woman's name. He was groomed, clean, happy, not despereately sniffing after pussy at his age, and sporting a wedding ring.

Gee...how many 40 year old single men are out there calling out other women's names? Yes, they said she was drunk. But obviously not drunk enough for her to forget about it...or the details of the prior night's 'festivities'...or for her, SOBER AND RESPONSIBLE...to go on a 10 day vacation with the guy while he was having problems with the wife; problems she caused in the first place. One wonders if she didn't do this on purpose.

What a piece of work she is

She raped him! I don't understand why any wife think fucking someone to

Get their fuck'd up version of payback won't have any consequences ... As a married woman I think it's stupid, how is acting like a dirty gutter slut whore makes you even? I personally would never do that. It's just stupid. What really irritated me in this story was that the wife kept on repeating we're even now, you started it first... I kept wishing he'd slap the taste out of her mouth. & I usually don't condone men hitting women but she didn't realize how stupid she sounded. How is acting like a complete slut & killing a marriage worth getting even for something that wasn't plan? She actually took a date with her & fuck'd him probably more than the husband & Ann did. And the way she told him she was pregnant & he just have to deal with it just made me wanna slap the shit out of her dumb ass

personally keeping her until she had the baby was over the top for me

"accidental cheating" is such a bogus excuse. Clearly he didn't feel it was rape or he wouldn't have such an emotional attachment to her that he automatically went running to her after his own wife cheated on him. He's every bit as bad as Carol is, and the excuse of being drunk as a reason to fuck a so-called "rapist" who he conveniently falls in love with immediately after is ridiculous. She clearly wasn't drunk enough not to realize and remember that she was fucking him even when he was supposedly screaming his wife's name.

The only logical answer is that he's a liar and a cheat, just like his wife.

I get the feeling he's meant to be portrayed as a victim and not a dirty bastard like his wife, but it's so much better as a story if read the way it's written. Another cheating bastard who got what was coming to him by being married to a cheating slut.

And now he can live happily ever after with his cheating rapist, until she cheats on him with someone else just like she did with him.

This just needs a bit more proof reading and sorting out to make it a quite good story, it kept changing from fist person to third all the way through, the idea was good and it was quite well paced.

This "story" needs wholesale editing to make it readable. How can readers ignore the improper punctuation and grammar? Maybe some can. They must read faster than I do.

I'll give this author credit that he doesn't use the "stuck-key" method of trying to insert emotion by over capitalizing and multiple eeees and ssssses.

Always in the last paragraph of the story the guy eats the Creampie!! A chance for reconciliation? Give us a break!

He complains about he was drunk when he cheated but was he drunk when he was fucking Ann the next morning? Hell no. It wud of been just as worse if Ann got pregnant too. Carol was simply a housewife that was cheated on by her husband. I wud of gotten revenge just like her. What makes u think Ann will not find someone else to fuck like she did to him? And great example he made for his son to watch his mother get punched!! All men just think they always have a reason or excuse for them to cheat but if its a woman that cheats, she shud be treated like a slut. And why wud her parents chastice her for cheating on her cheating husband an not them both? Please, lets be realistic here. This story was completely horrid. Dont ever write again if the story ends up being a piece of shit.

DROP MM as an editor his editing is as bad as his writing.

All I saw was the top of her head as it rested on my stomach. I got the tell me before you cum warning and a poor handjob when I told her I was close and cum in a Kleenex. Worst blowjob in my life and it was followed a few days later with a question about why I did not eat her pussy anymore so I told her as I walked her to her car and took my key off her key ring.

It jumped from first to third person reporting all over the place. How can the phrase

' I screamed at the top of his lungs' - exist in any context?

Other have commented on the editing. They do right.

First of all, the mangling of English grammar is fairly typical of many "Loving Wife" writers. In the case of this writer, however, he consistently shows a lack of knowledge about grammar, and apparently does not intend to improve.

Second, the so-called editors of most of these stories seem to know no more than the writers, and perhaps even less. I suspect that "editing" includes nothing more than a quick read and a literary pat on the back. You very seldom read about a published author criticizing a story and I suspect this "old boy network" arrangement also applies to editing.

Agree with you on one point-this story was in serious need of an editor. Grammar, spelling, word choice and (especially) punctuation errors were rife. In addition, the frequent slipping from first person to third person (especially in several paragraphs on page 2) was irritating. Further, it had some continuity problems as it seemed that the wife revealed her pregnancy to hubby about 2 months after her fling, which is no where near too late to have an abortion. But, this was one of Slirpuff's earlier stories-I've noticed that his writing and editting has gotten better.

I just reviewed my comment from some time ago-I was probably wrong to call it well-written (from an editting standpoint). But, it was a compelling and interesting short tale, if you're interested in this sort of storyline.

about the grammer? The story was very good.

she had another mans baby when she was married to you. what is this bull shit about life was so great before she pregnant and told him. you cna always get fresh pussy that you dont need to share with anyone.

Your first mistake was taking advice from a cuck!! Just sayin!!!

Have some consistency in grammar. Make the fucking story and emotions sound like they were written by someone older than your average middle schooler. What a waste of time.

First person, third person - what the hell, we get the story.

A good story but your ending, just not what I would expect from you - NOT!!!

He didn't need to hate or despise her, despise her for what she did - yes but - just move on. One thing that I learned about women, you're in harms way when they are angry. A three day fuck (planned while sober) is not something, even and angry wife, would do. Three days meant holding hands, cuddling, kissing and making love! That was cold, calculated and over the top, no amount of respect for the marriage, total could care less - I'll fix the bastard! Nope, this woman lacked the depth that her husband had and the love and admiration he thought they both had for each other!

Thanks, great story, right up to the last paragraph. Did you just have to pull a JPB...huh?

But to comment on the last couple of sentences, any adult with a modicum of maturity knows that sex is a very poor reason to stay with someone. Did you notice the author doesn't mention whether he loves his estranged wife once ?

Don't use Matt for suggestions, he might have well written this one

yes, before you found out she was a cheating fucking whore and giving you make up sex with another mans baby in her belly she was keeping you foolishly happy with sex. fuck the cheating whore. need someplace to stick you cock her whore pussy is as good as another whore is, at least you can leave the cunt to clean the house when you go home. like charley sheen said - i dont pay whores for sex, i pay them to leave after sex.

This one, not so much. Not because of the outcome, but because the entire story you kept switching between first and third person perspective. One moment you are writing as "I did this", and the next your are referring to Ken as "he." I suggest you get an editor, the mistakes kept me from enjoying the story very mucht.

Besides switching between first and third person in the story as someone else mentioned (and at least once in the same sentence), the dialogue was often punctuated incorrectly or not at all. It was very distracting. I'm quite surprised this story was even accepted with all the errors in it.

BTW, you can clean all that up and resubmit it and the newer version will supersede this one.

Carol was justified in being angry being drunk is not an excuse for cheating but it is a contributing factor. Since this occurred once, an intelligent discussion could've resolved the issues and gone forward hence change title perhaps no story. Carol was a vengeful person and needed her revenge but allowed unprotected sex that resulted in her pregnancy. There could've been STD's as well. Carol had some redemption with the ensuing hot sex after her fling. When she refused telling him, who had gotten her pregnant that's the ultimate betrayal. That's rationalized by her feeling that her husband would destroy Robert's marriage, which he did anyway. Maybe she was more concerned about the scorned wife which also happened anyway. The main characters had a picture perfect marriage prior to their infidelities but due to their own ruthless behaviors they demolished the sacred trust. The author allowed too much slip by the reader by rambling with descriptions rather than focusing more into emotions. Also,the ending was bleak and full of doom. Carol pregnant coming home weak and getting served and facing a parade of move out personnel. Although she was wrong and she acted unreasonably she wasn't the only party with dirty hands. The fact that Carol's husband went on vacation with Ann was a sword in Carol's heart at a time of maximum vulnerability. The humiliation of eachother was beyond the pendulum of just reasoning. The malicious hate factor was beyond need for the circumstances and detracted rather than added to the flow of the emotion sailing in the story. Now if Ann had brought a gang of men home on the night Ronnie had a sleepover.The tempo of the story would've changed in justifying her husband's action to vacation with Ann. I found a rythym that was out of sync and I personally felt this couple deserved a chance for redemption. I hope you do better next time.

i think it shows what a lowe life cheating cunt she was becasue after she came back from a weekend fucking this mex dude she did that little bit of insulting by serving mexican food, showing secret disrespect and insulting her husband.

i did not actualy pick up on that little insult until i reread it.

He was wrong but came clean and told the truth. Women ard allway how men lie, yet here's a man that told the truth and he gets fucked over anyway. Her version of revenge was get fucked for 3 day to get eve for his 1 time. Then instead of telling the truth, she fucks him first to try and catch him in a good mood. But karma is a bitch now she can get divorced on his terms.

Ken and Ann especially after the Sandals trip would most likely have both lost their jobs due to impropirates in the purchasing process. Wouldnt take a brain surgeon of a PI to connect the dots for the hospital and especially since the documentation of not spending the night in the hotel. So I would say that the last laugh would go to Carol. Ronnie could also be brought in to say who got kicked out of the bedroom first. Purchasing departments DONT like anyone being able to find problems with purchases especially large ones.

There should not be a second chance. Two wrongs don't make a right but, setting that aside and despite his screwing up there is serious consideration about her conduct.

First, she refused to discuss it or try to figure out how they could get past this - okay, everyone is different - BUT...

She plotted, planned, researched and selected a sex partner and with sober judgment didn't just have a few hours of sex with him but rather spent three days screwing his brains out. Sorry, cold, lacking in respect and suggestive of hot, lustful sex. Why hot and lustful? Anything less would have resulted in her coming back sooner so NO, she had a good time.

As to the many years of love, emotion and family, his judgment was impaired (still wrong) but hers totally lacked in any respect for him, their daughter or their marriage.

Stay because of Ronnie - No, stay because of the many years - No, they'll each never forget, it will never be the same and it would be a constant strain of hurt memories and potential distrust so NO,

Oh, Always good, Thanks Slirpuff!!!

When he starts to think about giving her a chance. That's so MM.

Makes it hard to read so try and keep it one way or the other.

One has to assume the new tricks in the bedroom were learnt on the weekend away. Making more f tht would have added depth and more meaning/reasoning to the story.

Cheers

The story was going fine, butyou ruinedt with that ending. Something more needed to happen to Carrol. More suffering he cheating was planned.

but she even more wrong. of course as often happens, a child was born to probably

suffer also.

He was drunk and it was unplanned. She planned hers and was stupid enough to get pregnant. I hope she and her married fuck-buddy are happy, two marriages fucked up, four unhappy children plus she has to raise the bastard, probably their life will be bad, also. Fuck her!

1. He cheats on his wife, blames alcoholic accident.

2. She gets a revenge fuck, accidentally gets knocked up.

3. He gets a revenge fuck, ongoing before deciding whether to divorce.

4. He finally serves divorce papers, suing Robert for AoA.

The dude is a self-centered ass, and quite frankly, I'm not sure why the cheating fuckhead is walking away without getting hit by the same BTB his wife is. He cheated on her once accidentally and half a dozen times on purpose for the same "revenge" his wife did, and he is basically screwing his new lover over because guess who's REALLY going to get hit with an AoA when his ex-wife counter sues during the divorce? Yeah, it's Ann - no judge is going to see her as an innocent party with the repeated slutting around with a married man. She's literally no better than Robert, because she's doing it sober and knows perfectly well that he hasn't decided he's going to get divorced yet, just separated.

Fuck that marriage, and hope both of them end up in a gutter somewhere, as well as their respective male and female whore lovers.

Hey, Anon...how dumb can you be? You don´t get accidently knocked up when you plan a three-day-trip with a guy and drop birthcontrol (she must have or she would have been impregnated by her hubby long before).

I say: burn the bitch!

Well written but sad tale of the collapse of a family. Both were wrong, both did wrong. I can't analyze the failure to communicate. I can yell and scream like I normally do about BTB or screw the other man, but this story was too close to real life and actually depressing as hell. Where's the PORN?!

Excellent story spoiled by bad editing. Still one of my favourite authors

Dammit man dun listen to Matt Moreau his stories suck:(

Okay, drunk, spur of the moment cheating is bad. It is stupid to put yourself in a position to be compromised. It is stupid to drink with someone other than your spouse. On the other hand, premeditated, planned cheating is a capital offense. If you go to the trouble to plan a weekend away, you have already been up to something. It is a sign that you are a piece of shit. Yes, a human shit, the kind of person to be avoided and shunned in ever possible aspect of life. No husband would want his wife to have such a shit for a friend. No wife would want such a shit around her husband, at home or at work. Shit needs to be disposed of, not rolled in.

are raising another's man child... and never know it... Look at the stats 4 stars

Sorry didn't like this at all. Totally depressing. All losers.

Where was the ending? A good story with no ending is no story. There wasn't even room for imagination. No vote.

No more "lady or the tiger" endings, just write the extra paragraph and put a full ending together.

I'd rather have a tragic ending than any more "will they or won't they" endings.

I've read a lot of your stories, and they are truly fun to read and pull you right in. I like how your stories tend to have the same theme, but that the characters are different, and make different choices on how to deal with the drama. I truly enjoy how good your stories are with or without sex scenes as well. I tend to give your stories 5's more often than naught.

I think we all like the romantic endings just as much as the endings that tell it straight and things don't work out in the end. You do a great job of writing both of these types. However, the ambiguous endings are just too much of a tease.

Thank you for writing your stories, and I look forward to reading anything you write!

I've had a bad one.

This looks like it was your first story so I'll cut you SOME slack, but Matt sucks as an editor.

Too many times you would have so-and-so said within the quotation marks of what they said, or would say "he said" when talking about something YOU said, so it should have been "I said".

So the cunt didn't have a revenge fuck. She had a revenge fuck weekend. And she thought her husband who was drunk and possibly raped would be okay with this. So she's a stupid fucking cunt also. Well I guess she got hers in the end.

Or, I was drunk and thought she was you.

The only thing Carol did wrong, was not kicking Ken's adulterous ass and his pathetic excuses to the curb as soon as he got back. She had a damn good reason to be so angry; whereas Ken's just a fucking hypocrite. I traveled for close to 30 years and the situation Ken got himself into is oh so easy to avoid. He has no excuse for what he did.

You and Matt Moreau are a couple of my favorite writers here.

Too much "story", not enough sex.

I blame the husband. If he hadn't of screwed up, his wife would not have done what she did. I am a 100% BTB type of person. But in this case the husband should have realized that it was his fault. He knew what it felt like to be cheated on and he couldn't handle it.

I'll cut you some slack because this appears to be on of your older stories, but I can't believe you had an editor.

One especially egregious passage"

I jumped a foot as he heard, "That won't be necessary tonight, from a voice just behind him. I started to stutter and say something but Carol put her finger to my lips and told me, don't say a word."

Twice you say "he/him" where you should have "I/me".

Carol makes two statements, "That won't be necessary tonight," and "don't say a word." These should be in separate sets of quotation marks rather than the single set you used.

Personally story makes sense in away. This is a prime example of two wrongs don't make a right. Ken should not have gotten drunk and cheated. But he was at least honest about his actions. He was sorry about his mistake. Carol on the other hand planned hers. Her mistake was not using protection. Also one should keep in mind that she stated that she only told him because she was pregnant. Either way both should go to counseling if only so that Ronnie will not have to separated antagonized parents.

great story sure wish there was a better outcome but i guess u get what u sow

If you're trying to have a revenge fuck it should be effectively the same as what you're getting revenge for. In this case that should mean going somewhere, getting drunk, and having a night of sex that you maybe don't even recall - assuming you believed that part of it.

In her case though, she believed her husband was screwing around all the time and THAT'S what she got revenge for. And since she was getting revenge for him screwing around all of the time and not telling her, that's what she did to him.

Too bad for her he'd told her the truth (minus the morning shag that I can't tell if he was in a position to stop or not).

If she truly thought he was out whoring around she should have divorced him.

And if we're to believe she was getting even for one night's indiscretion she should have told him about it just as he did her.

She escalated instead and deserves the loss of her marriage.

Carrol is totally wrong on this one and wouldn't give the husband any chance to explain his actions. Further more by not doing so and doing what she ended up doing and then only confessing her wrong doings after the fact she was pregnant, is the very definition of a very vindictive person. Its ok for her to make a mistake but god help you if you should mess up, fuck, what a cunt, she deserves everything that comes down the shit pipe. My ex was exactly like this.

I don't know if you know Matt, I don't know him. But in no circunstances we should comment or call names to a writer. They only write. We can like or hate what they write, never the writer. As some of @Slirpuff stories i just didn't like the end, because I believe the story belongs to the writer and being so he is the one to choose the ending. Readers can like it or not, but that's like the story in itself, we can or not like it...

If an author is shit and writes shit we can fucking say it.

And this was not a revenge fuck, it was a planned affair. The dirty cunt not only brought him a little mex bastard back for a weekend of getting fucked she thought it was cute to feed him mex food.

And all that sex after that was not love it was her getting over on hubby and thing how she had done it.

Hated the ending.

She doesn't get preggo but she gets a visit from the County Health Department. Seems Robert turned up with a nasty Central American STD and they have to run down anyone that had sex with him. Both Carol and Ken have to be located, interviewed and tested.

This would give more flexibility in possible outcomes while preserving Ken's reason for a wild blow-up.

Just a thought. Maybe an alternate ending by Slirpuff???

You call this edited? Shifts from 1st person to 3rd person, bad punctuation, even worse grammar...Fire your editor and pick up a copy of Elements of Style.

she intentionaly cheated. In this day and age, sort of ehard to get pregnant unitentionaly, especially a married exxperience woman.

So, she intended to get pregnant, she intended to destroy her family, and didnt seem to care if her lovers family was destroyed either as she cheated with a married man. Ironic she picked a married man, yet chastized her husband for cheating.

Uncertain why she was upset losing him, she did it on purpose.

The son of course would grow to be a womanizer, or so conflicted he will never have a normal relationship because of moms actions.

A friends wife cheated and destroyed her family. His kids are now adults and none of them ever married and say they neverw ill, the guys are afraid of what happended to dad happening tot hem, the daughters are lets say sluts. umarried with kids. They follwoed in moms example of how to treat men.

These stories tell of the guys, but never of the entire affects of cheating/family destruction.

Its far worse then just the husbands misery.

I agree with another comment here: next story, stay away from Matt Moreau!

You shift writing tenses, from first person, to last and every stop in-between, all in one paragraph. A huge writing no-no!

Moreau didn't catch these horrible writing errors and edit, correct them, or explain it and tell you to correct it, before you send copy back to him to reproof and edit, one more time?

He sure as hell isn't doing you any favors!

Long rambling paragraphs, often with two or more subjects. Another big no-no!

Each new subject, gets a new paragraph, in most cases.

I had a lot of trouble, in midst reading this story, trying to tell who was doing what to whom, simply because the writer changed actions and wordings and characters so often in big long paragraphs, I had to re-read a lot! Just to figure-out who was talking and who was doing what!

Robert is talking, one new paragraph.

Ronnie is talking, another new para.

Robert is beating shit out of knocked-up, cheating slut wife, one para all by itself.

Robert has to stop killing the slut wife, stop using butcher knife to abort the baby, she refuses to pay to abort herself; because young son is missing, and so upset? This action gets its own new paragraph.

A few typos, I suppose any of us writers are guilty of. Certainly, many writers submitting stories, here, myself inclusive.

Not going to sweat that stuff, just as long as you try your best to edit, proof-read and try to correct the mistakes and hopefully learn basic rules of writing, so you don't make the same mistakes, next, or God forbid, every story!

I liked this story! The basic ideas were good, until Matt Moreau got a hold of it!

I agree with most others commenting here: the ending sucked!

What the fuck happened to the baby and what happened to the cheating revenge slut, for her intentional pregnancy?

What happens to their young boy, (pre-teen?), who knew his mother had done a revenge fuck on his Dad? The boy who knew his mother was a bonafide fuck-slut and had gotten knocked-up and the child wasn't his Dads!

The kid doesn't react to this at all?

Most kids that age, I know, even if only 6-8 years old, sure would react somehow, or have something killer to say, at the killer timing kids always have, to really set his mothers head in a tail-spin! This much reaction from the boy, at the very least, please?

This kid ain't no dummy! He already is asking Dad, if his parents will divorce, not wanting that to happen!

So, the slut wife, tells hubby about the preggo, only after she's too far along to abort?

In which country? Not the US, they can butcher babies out of mothers wombs, right up to full term, as long as they are still unborn!

This story reads like it was set in the US! So, unless I'm mistaken about the country its written and set-in, then, I have big problems with that part of the story line! At least make it believable, to the story setting!

The very next part of the story, makes even less sense. Hubby hears this arrogant, cheating slut, bitch wife, tell him she's preggo off from an intentional weekend-long planned revenge fuck session with another man. Then she refuses to tell hubby who the child's father is, she's trying to protect that man, his identity and marriage?

She refuses to tell hubby who the child's father is; while she has to know, this news of her preggo, for this reason, will destroy her own marriage? What's wrong with this picture?

Yet, the stupid fucking slut whore, thinks to try and convince the cheated-on husband shes cucked, that, she's sorry and didn't intend on getting pregnant?

What a fucking laugh! Yeah slut, and they try to tell us, pigs can fly! Strange thing though, you never see some old sow pig, flying around through the air, do you?

This particular pleading sorrow and asking for another chance, all the reasons the slut finds to try and keep the marriage together, after admitting to cheating like this, is simply too human a reaction!

I've heard male and female cheating whore sluts, say the exact same lame fucking bullshit, trying to lie out of their cheating on their spouses! Anything to keep their fucked-up look-good, still looking good!

So, this was fairly accurate writing! I liked that part!

Now the arrogant, controlling, fucked-up whoring wife, tries to force her innocent husband into walking with her, through this preggo, the birth and aftermath? Who the fuck, is this worthless slut whore, trying to kid?

No damned wonder hubby goes ballistic and plumb crazy! But, the target of his anger, is completely misaimed!

As upset as the hubby is and should be; when she stands there, hands on hips, reading her shocked husband the right-act, about it being too late to get an abortion and flat refusing to do so; the very angry hubby reacts by trashing out their bedroom, destroying it, and not beating the fucking child out of his cheating slut wife's womb? He doesn't beat her face so bloody, she couldn't get a date with a gorilla, after that?

Aborting the child on their marriage bedroom floor and likely ending the cheating slut wife's life, there as well? Two birds with one stone, as they say!

Their marriage is toast, anyway. With both dead, justice is served!

So, why waste his hands and arms, busting up mirrors and furniture with his fists, when his whoring slut wife, was who deserved the damned hard beating! Busting her up, won't cut his fists and arms to shit, either! But, it will cause her immeasurable true pain!

That's what a slut like her deserves, make the cheating slut bitch bleed profusely, in the most pain he can bring her, while she pays dearly!

If she lives through it, maybe next marriage, she won't even think to cheat on her new husband!

Let's face it people, half the marriages in the USA, at least, end-up in divorce. If you want out of a dead marriage, no matter the reason, then don't cheat! Just go hire an attorney and get out! Get a divorce and once it comes final, then go fuck your cunt out, or cock off, slut! You're truly free to go get dosed-up, with every kind of AIDS or STD's, a whoring slut like you, so deserves!

Be my guest! I hear...hell is only half-full! :)

Actually, both husband and wife leads in this story, deserved to get the fuck beat completely out of them! Neither of them have, nor deserve, any excuses! They're both worthless, cheating, whoring sluts! God-damned useless, shit-eating, gutter-scum-sucking, stinking, worthless human shits, the both of them!

Which, gives me pause to wonder about myself here, you know? Must be a definite streak of kink in me, somewhere, that keeps me reading these cheating stories!

Oh well, so that old Johnny Cash song words go: "Everybody loves a nut, the whole world loves a weirdo! Brains are in a rut, but, everybody loves a nut!"

So, I give the story three stars, for effort. The ending sucks, the whole story is so hard to read, I can't give it any higher points!

Just like most Matt Moreau stories end, this story did same, flat-footed wimped-out and died a lame, miserable, boring death.

So, once again writer, find yourself a true professional, (not Matt Moreau), and let them do the editing and proofing for you!

That, or learn rules of writing and do it yourself!

Go find a book called "Robert's Rules For Writers," at your local book store, or order it from there! College level writing 101, workbook. That will help you out a lot and it's fairly easy to understand.

Might go a long ways, into making you a good writer, because, you have good, solid, story ideas and good, strong writing talent, if you'll stay the fuck away from limp-dick assholes like Matt Moreau, whom is no help, at all!

Keep on writing and lets see what you come-up with, next time!

I'll be watching for your next story!

This story is one of the first that SlirPuff posted on the site and all the points that you make in your rambling essay have all ready been made by others. If you take a look at his later work you will see that he has eliminated the technical difficulties in his writing and is considered as being something of an old master after five years.

a whole lot of type-o's. Not really finished. Thanks for the offering.

I have had plenty of bad blow jobs.

You had an editor for this? Hard to believe.

If you cant hold your liquor that would be A very good reason to not bother with it as this mental case proves

He whines and snivels that his wife wont give him the chance to explain,, whats to explain,, how fucking stupid you are

Then she goes on A fuck fest week end, so she ends up knocked up ,,big fucking deal,, maybe she was as drunk as was when he decided any cunt was good enough to plow

So plow boy finds out she has fucked around on him just as he did her and the pee wee loses it PMSL

2 wrongs dont make A right , but after being caught with your pants down dont fucking snivel when the shoe lands on the other foot

In terms of grammar, interpunctation and change of POV, this was the worst I've ever read on this site. Nearly unreadable; spoiled the whole story to the core!

You thanked MM for his proof reading ? Why ? He missed many things that should have been caught but were not - carelesss in my view.

I am not the least surprised. His obsession with denigrating men, and the terrible use of grammar and the English language influences all of Slirpuff's stories.

As to the story? They're both cheaters, so who cares? Fuck 'em both!

You kept going back and forth between 1st and 3rd person AGAIN for the billionth time. Honestly, why is it so hard to stay in one point of view? That fact that you had an editor look it over to correct your mistakes and failed miserably was bad enough but did you have to pick fucking Matt Moreau? That guy hates men to succeed in stories so he writes his own where he just utterly castrates them and beats them down to a point that's pathetic. Great going, SP. Fail!

fuck you in the heart dear annony!!!

LOL, not hardly. Sad excuse for writing. 1st person, 3rd person, past tense, present tense.

The minute he talked about caving and staying with the cheating bitch, you lost me. She goes out and gets pregnant by another guy and he doesn't kick her to the curb right away? Fucking looser.

Big point in story, she goes off for her 3 day weekend with her lover, when she comes back home she continues the punishment of her husband. Only tries to reestablish her relationship after she finds out she is pregnant.

She has been cheating on her husband more then just this 3 day weekend and with the time line she had to be pregnant prior to the 3 day trip for it to be in the 2nd trimester.

The WRITER. Knows how much cheating she actually did. He is the one who knows the characters thought processes. He is the one who understands if the wife or husband is acting in good faith.

It is the WRITERS job to inform us of these facts. Either directly or, if he is any good, by dialogue, actions and inference.

Now, you can say that the writer did a shitty job of conveying what he is asking you to swallow. That's a fair cop. But stating that X was ALWAYS cheating...that is just projection. It really isn't your call.

So I can accept the idea that she only started coming around after she knew she was knocked up. That is a fair interpretation of the writing. I am disdainful of commenters who write extra crap into the story of undisclosed cheating or things not shown by the author.

If you want to make shit up, write your own story. Or write a continuation. Don't add crap that isn't there in THIS story.

I'd really like to know if they ever got back together. I'd also like to know how she took so long to figure out "what was wrong with me", so long that she had to have the baby. Another also, why was Carol so against giving up the father's name? Why did she believe that her weekend was the way to get even when anyone would know that her weekend went so far beyond what Ken did?

of the scenario played out in Andy's Big Commission by Jake60. No cheating by the second spouse in that one, but the same revenge gone bad scenario.

It matters. Learn the rules. This was a pain in the ass to read.

ARGH! MORE person and quotation issues!

Ken is speaking, telling the story in the first person:

"Ken, I want you to accompany Dan to the factory and make sure he doesn't go too crazy and order too many options, my boss Todd told me. We're at the top of end of our budget this year so I need to make sure we keep it under $250,000.00 as much as possible; it could mean a big bonuses for us come year's end, he told me with a smile.

There are THREE quotation marks missing, as “my boss Todd told me”, and “he told me with a smile should not be part of the quotation:

"Ken, I want you to accompany Dan to the factory and make sure he doesn't go too crazy and order too many options”, my boss Todd told me. “We're at the top of end of our budget this year so I need to make sure we keep it under $250,000.00 as much as possible; it could mean a big bonuses for us come year's end,” he told me with a smile.

Then, in the very next paragraph you change to third person (referring to Ken as “he” instead of “I”) as well as misplacing quotation marks again:

"I'll do my best, he told his boss Todd. I've already asked for free freight and insurance back to Boston and in this economy I don't think they'll balk at it because they don't have the signed purchase order yet and know we could still change our minds. I told them I'd be bringing the order with me and that we'd finalize the details while I was there, Ken told him. Don't worry, by the time I'm done with them, they'll be paying me to take the equipment off their hands," he said with a laugh.

Again, “he told his boss Todd” and "Ken told him" should not be part of the quote (you did the last phrase correctly!), and both phrase should be in the first person”:

"I'll do my best,”I told my boss Todd. “I've already asked for free freight and insurance back to Boston and in this economy I don't think they'll balk at it because they don't have the signed purchase order yet and know we could still change our minds. I told them I'd be bringing the order with me and that we'd finalize the details while I was there," Ken told him. "Don't worry, by the time I'm done with them, they'll be paying me to take the equipment off their hands," I said with a laugh.

And I’m not even halfway through the first page, and I already see two more paragraphs with similar errors!

In my next to the last paragraph, "Ken told him" should have been "I told him".

He only had the drunkness as an excuse, then he woke up got sucked and fucked again by a wo mm an he knew wasnt his wife and deliberately lied his ass off about it.

Hubby and wife are cheating whores, and its sad that he dumped one slu to hook up with another one.

you need a different proofreader

He should definitely divorce her and try to make things work with Ann.

I have several reasons:

Whether Carol chooses to believe him or not, HIS cheating was while drunk and thinking it was her; SHE knew EXACTLY what she was doing, and she did it for a weekend, he did it for just one night.

She had UNPROTECTED sex! Surely she knew she could still get pregnant and knew how to prevent pregnancy - not to mention disease, because if Robert would cheat with her, who knows who else he's screwed!

She's been pregnant before - she couldn't recognize the signs, get tested and have it taken care of in time?

She so high on marital fidelity, and she enables Robert to cheat on HIS wife?! She couldn't find a single guy to cheat with?

hold on boys he was drunk in night ok but he is very much in his scenes when he fuck Ann in morning so why double standard and also hi is the first how cheat and brook marriage promos not her so he have to accept all and now try to make good there brooking marriage and also in return again he make a long fucking holidays with that Ann so he make his self more then her and now bee a man and make his wife and his live good and make again his home

Your editor is illiterate. I could not get past page one. Can you not take this down, clean it up and repost it?

You need to fire your editor.

It's hard to read the story when the words change from first person to second person to third person ALL within one sentence.

The story concept was okay but it was hard to read.

How unreadable was it before because it's unreadable now. You've written enough stories to know you don't switch between first and third person then back again. You did it constantly! Even the rank amateurs know better than that.

If MM looked this over before you posted it he did a miserable job.

And then on top of it you never finished the damn story.This was a terrible, terrible story by you.

Sure Ken gets to go and get drunk and chase around a woman that he supposedly thinks is he wife fucking her in the night. Then in the morning when he is aware of what is going on does it again. THIS IS THE EXACT TYPE OF STORY THAT MAKES WOMEN CRAZY AND HAVE PROBLEMS WITH STUPID MEN. (BY the way I am a Man) Yes would it have been nice for her to talk to him? But it is also true that Ken should have spoken to his wife and not gotten himself so shit faced drunk and worried his wife to death that something happened to him in the night. He can say he didn't mean to as much as he wants. The truth is HE went out with a woman who was not his wife and got drunk shitfaced did he not know something like this could and probably would happen? I didn't mean to is his excuse but the real question is .. DID HE MEAN NOT TO. That answer is nope he didn't. Poorly written and Ken is the biggest ass and most guilty one of them all.

And now I am saying it again. There is NO 'GETTING EVEN' in a confrontation between spouses. Having an affair to 'get even' with a spouse is stupid. Either forgive and move on...or divorce and move on.

Ken's betrayal was not consciously planned. Carol's was deliberate. Ken was honest and admitted to Carol of his indiscretion in a moment of drunkeness. Carol was sneaky sly and secretive. Ken told Carol who the third party was. Carol hid he identity of her married lover from Ken. Carol showed more concern for Robert's marriage than she did for her own. If there ever was a woman who needed to be divorced, it was a bitch like Carol. Accolades to Ken for not trying to stay in a sham of a marriage for Ronnie's sake.

Your grammar and punctuation is juvenile. Get a proofreader. Changing back and forth from first person to third person gave me a headache.

Ken's mentality and the editing. I had to 'autocorrect' in my mind when I was reading.

I read these stories for entertainment (Entertainment people) and do not really care about grammar and spelling in them as long as they are with reason as all of Slirpuff stories are. If all the nay sayers can do is pick apart the grammar then I say to hell with them and keep kicking out these great stories. One anonymous critic to another.