All Comments on 'A Scandal of a Magical Sort Ch. 02'

To CaveOfDreams: What you have here is something of a mess. The basic story is very interesting. The characters are memorable. Your dialogue is good much of the time and so are your sex scenes.

But, overall, it is a mess. Just the last three paragraphs, you state that Aylala, who definitely needs a title, broke the silence - except that Melyssi actually is the one who starts speaking.

As far as I am concerned, either of the three could have spoken first. But you do have to be consistent.

This interesting little story is full of minor problems like this and others. Small things that can be solved easily, which would make this a great beginning.