All Comments on 'A Secretary Changed Ch. 22'

Payback time. Bring it on.

And I like Haley's slang or whatever.

End Game? No - not yet! There are so many avenues to explore: Ashley and Jenna fucking each other ... & in threesomes/groups with men, Ashley's husband's response to her behaviour, and on and on. Aagh!

In the beginning you started writing an amazing story about Jane. Jane is a strong, calculating, dominant woman who loves getting her way no mater the cause or effect of those actions. Jane plans, plots, thinks of all the options, and makes sure each and everyone leads towards her desired ending. So her falling this way is a bit out of character for the woman we have admired for 20+ chapters.

We learn about Jane mostly through her two (for lack of a better team) victims Jenna and Becca. And the interplay in the early chapters of how both those two women fell the same way in two different times periods. That story was good, very good, but should have ended in before the teen chapters.

Then, and in my opinion, instead of closing the book on Jane and those two - yes sometimes the bad guy wins, yes sometimes things beyond your control change your life and what seemed "bad" in the moment might have been truly what these people needed - who knows - its fiction and you are the author. Instead you bring in Jenna's sister and start rehashing the same thing chapter after chapter through the 20's trying to keep alive, but instead diluting, what was once a great story. Like a comedian who has to explain a brilliant joke to those who didn't get it the first time - the joke loses its value, its impact. Ashley's story could have been a separate set of stories - write it not as a sister, not with Jane, and it would have grown and thrived on its own - separate from this one.

Now when you should just close the book, albeit a bit late, you instead reach for the defibrillator paddles and throw in sister three. And NOT JUST a new sister but three stories about this new sister number three and then as an after thought of one of those stories you drop in what is possibly the setup of a "Jane gets her comeuppance" ending... WHY?

Think about this - if I sarcastically say "I cant wait to hear about how the rest of the family - the brothers, parents, aunts, uncles, dogs and cats all get involved - you would know I'm just being a dick and that none of what I had written was necessary or appropriate. But when I as a reader see you adding in sister #3 that is exactly how I feel about your need to write this chapter for us - was it even necessary? Is it appropriate to the arch of the story so far?

Again, in my opinion, each of those three Hayley stories could have been the basis for a NEW story/book instead of three quick hits trying to keep this story alive.

You are a good writer and I will be here reading every chapter through whatever end it takes.

Started well, ended badly. Not good. Not good at all. 1 star.

WHY WOULD YOU WRITE 22 FUCKING CHAPTERS THAT ARE TOTALLY CRAP hell take some advice.................. not many stories on Lit are worth more than 1 chapter........1 cos I couldn't find the 0

I'm not really certain about the negative comments. i thoroughly enjoy this and am loiming forward to the rest. I hope more than one chapter remains!

I have very much enjoyed all the other chapters of the story. I'm a little surprised to see you take this particular twist especially when there are so many gaps to fill in with the other stories that you started. I understand if you're ready to start wrapping up this particular storyline but it would seem there are at least a few more gaps that need filling in with the characters you've already introduced. Not sure if you plan to fill those in like you did earlier with mid story flashbacks but I hope you go back and fill in the gaps before you wrap this up.