by Sissywants2fuck
I’m sorry, but no.
The shifts between 1st, 2nd and 3rd person were jarring.
The inconsistencies in plot also spoiled the flow (he’s blindfolded, yet can describe the person entering the room...)
Sorry, but just didn’t work for me.
Got to agree with the other comment. Get a proofreader or an editor of something. Great premise but the execution needs a lot of work.
It is a mess. You have missing words and added words that make no sense. The story makes no sense and lacks depth and information. You should start over and you need a proofreader as well. Keep trying as we all start somewhere. Good luck.