A Touch of Lunacy Ch. 10

Katherine laughed and said yes. Jennifer told her to wait a moment and she was put on hold before she had a chance to say anything. A moment later, Jennifer picked up the phone again.

"Where are you? Are you okay? I had thought you would come back after a week or month but you never came back. Donovan said you had left him. He... he had a bite... I mean... Katherine... Did you and Donovan... nevermind. Are you okay?"

"What bite," Katherine asked. Jennifer tapped her fingers on something that Katherine could hear. "Donovan and I didn't fight." Jennifer laughed in a sad sort of way.

"No... That sort of bite wouldn't mean a fight. It's a way that wolves mark their mate. It's sort of a... spell or something. As long as you live, the bite would remain on Donovan. I've seen him looking in the mirror checking on the bite."

"Oh god," Katherine muttered. Did everyone know that she and Donovan had sex? Katherine frowned and found a mirror and started checking herself for a bite. She couldn't find any and told Jennifer.

"He didn't mark you? Hmm... Then technically, you and he aren't truly mated. I mean, there's two ways to become mated. There's that 'ritual' the elders tried to spring on you and there's the marking with a bite during sex, but with that, both partners have to be bitten for it to be indisputable."

"So, a number of guys could wander around with one person's bite mark on each?"

"No. If you were to mark another, Donovan's mark would disappear. If you died, it would slowly fade but by marking another, it would be like... the magic jumps from Donovan to another... Are you thinking of marking another with your bite? Where are you? Are you okay?"

"I'm in Canada. I'm not thinking of biting another. I'm... okay. I'm not hurt. Just confused, which seems to be my standard state of being. I need to talk to you. I'm in a pack. I don't remember the name of it. The alpha is named Henry."

"Yukon Henry," Jennifer gasped. She sighed. "He's such a dream boat. If I wasn't a married woman..." She started laughing. Katherine could picture her shaking her head at the thought and was comforted. It felt like home and it was good to hear it.

"He said he would arrange for my return if I wished."

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and say if you weren't thinking of coming home, you wouldn't have called. Daniel is going to be happy. He hasn't had a good sparring partner since you went away." There was a pause before Jennifer asked if she wanted to talk about her running off for so long. Katherine told her later. She asked Jennifer to tell Donovan that she was coming back.

"I'm going to talk to Henry and when the plans are solidified, I'll give you a call."

Jennifer gave Katherine her personal cell phone number if she didn't want some well meaning idiot to pass her directly to Donovan the next time she called. Katherine laughed and said that was probably a good idea. The thought of speaking to him was bizzare. It was just yesterday to Katherine, but it was over a year for Donovan. Worse, she hadn't worked much of anything out. If she came back, everyone was probably expecting more from her.

"I haven't solved anything Jennifer."

"Don't worry about it. It's been awhile. No one would expect you to run into his arms with passion. Just... try to think about things on your way back. I've missed you. Call me when you have details."

In a few hours, she was being shipped to a private air strip to be flown directly to Donovan's territory. Jennifer and Daniel would pick her up from the air strip and they'd head back to the estate. Before she boarded the tight little plane, Henry pulled her aside and told her to do what would make her happy. "You can't make anyone happy until you are happy." He opened his mouth to say more, but shook his head and pushed her to the plane. Katherine frowned but just got on the plane.

She talked to her wolf, but it wasn't very helpful. It didn't understand why she made such a fuss. 'Alpha would not hurt us. He wants us as his mate.' The wolf was starting to sound exasperated around the fiftieth time it stated that. Katherine finally snapped at the wolf what if she didn't want him as a mate. What would he do if he knew he couldn't have her as his mate? 'Why don't you want Alpha? Is someone better?'

He hurt me for his own gain, she growled at the wolf, careful not to growl aloud and startle the pilot. The pilot was a member from Henry's pack, but he didn't know she would be arguing with basically herself so heatedly and might think she was growling at him. 'It hurt, but it didn't kill. Alphas used to always turn new members like done with you. What good is a weak member to the pack?'

Katherine frowned and wondered how the wolf could possibly know about the past. 'We are a part of a history. I am magic, your magic. We are connected to other wolves, alive and dead.' Katherine pushed the wolf away and it was happy to curl up in the burrow to rest. Katherine felt uneasy thinking that the wolf might actually be an ancient entity of magic that could talk to wolves of the past. She pondered if that had something to do with how Henry could mind speak with the other wolves in his pack. But, if that were the case, why wasn't it more widespread? She sighed and snuggled into the seat trying to get comfortable.

The wolf thought her anger towards him was silly because it used to be how it was done. The thought of wolves hunting down defenseless humans was chilling, and far to savage for Katherine. It was too weird for her. She drifted to sleep only to wake with a start a few hours later when the plane landed on the bumpy air strip.

When she got out of the plane, Jennifer and Daniel nearly tackled her in their enthusiasm. Katherine laughed and hugged them back. On the way back, she told them everything about her wolf and what she knew of how she got so far north. Daniel looked to his mother but his mother only shrugged.

"I have never talked to my wolf. The idea never entered my mind," Jennifer finally said. Daniel leaned back and close his eyes. He almost started turning into a wolf but with effort he remained human. His face knitted in concentration. Finally he slumped back looking exhausted. "I tried to visualize my wolf, but it didn't seem to like me much," he muttered. He frowned and looked out the car's window as they drove to the estate.

Jennifer promised to talk to the elders. Katherine nodded and followed Jennifer into the estate when they pulled up. She took a deep breath and called her wolf up for guidance. It might have been alien, but it helped calm things down, pushed away fears that it thought wouldn't help their survival. Donovan was in the main area hunched over a table in discussion with Joe. Joe looked like he'd aged terribly since Katherine had seen him last but Donovan looked stronger than ever, infused with vitality and confidence. He looked up and the confidence faltered. He excused himself and Joe looked up. His breath caught when he saw Katherine. He gathered up the papers and hurried away to the stairs. He paused, and looked over to her before he retreated up the stairs. Donovan watched his brother leave before he went to meet them.

"Welcome back. Would you do me the honor of a discussion in my private quarters," Donovan asked with a bow, one hand extended to Katherine. Katherine arched her eyebrow and looked to Jennifer. Jennifer shrugged and wandered away with her son. Katherine sighed and accepted his hand. He led her to his room, stopping at the sitting room. Katherine was surprised by how neat the room was. Last time she was here, it had been beyond messy. She had to guess where the furniture was under the books, papers, and debris. This room looked like a person in control of himself and his affairs.

Donovan sat on the sofa and gestured for Katherine to chose whichever seat pleased her most. She sat on the opposite side of the couch and fiddled with her hands. "I hadn't thought you would come back," Donovan finally said. Katherine shrugged. "Why did you leave like that," he asked. Katherine sighed and explained the events to him, feeling very sick of telling it yet again. Donovan nodded, he didn't think it was all that odd. Katherine looked at him and he admitted experiencing something similar when he had run off after his mate's death.

"Do you argue with your wolf," Katherine asked.

"More than I used to. I hadn't really paid any notice to him. Then he was everything and I was just doing what he wanted. It was..."

"Easier," Katherine supplied. Donovan nodded.

"Yeah. It was easier. It was an uphill battle. I'm surprised your wolf didn't keep a hold of control for so long." Katherine shrugged. Donovan sighed and looked at his hands. "Everyone thinks the wolf is just an aspect of them. It's more like... you're an aspect of it. I couldn't really talk to anyone about it. If you start going on about your wolf being a separate creature, they just look at you like you're crazy. Everyone already thought I was crazy. Hell, I was crazy, from fighting the wolf." He studied her for a moment. "You don't look like you're fighting the wolf."

"Yeah, my wolf is just sleeping. She got exhausted from running around in control of everything. Donovan... I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. You did this to me. We..." Katherine flushed with embarrassment. "We had sex. I was gone a year but it feels like just yesterday. To me it was yesterday, but my wolf isn't awake trying to influence me and..." Katherine sighed and slumped back in the sofa. She stared at the ceiling hoping for a flash of brilliant genius, but none came.

"I'm not going to hold you to anything. As far as everyone knows, nothing happened. Well... Jennifer knows. But no one else knows about our partial mating. I mean... err, it's an odd thing to say." He sighed and pushed himself to his feet. He paced the room before kneeling before Katherine.

"I would be lying if I said I didn't want you. I would be lying if I said that the thought of you as my mate doesn't fill me with warmth. But I know I treated you badly. I know I can blame my wolf, but I could have fought against it. I tried to give you an out before but, if nothing else, your wolf was influencing you. Tell me to go away now, while you're in control, and I will not bother you again."

Katherine shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She wanted to be indignant about everything and storm out, but she couldn't muster it. The feelings just weren't there. She was afraid of her own wolf and what she was, but she couldn't bring herself to be afraid of the man in front of her. She wasn't sure if it was a hold over from when the wolf was in control, but it didn't feel right to turn him down. She glanced up to him and held her hand out to him.

Donovan cupped her hand in his and pressed a kiss to her hand. He held it like it was a treasure that was worth protecting. Katherine felt her wolf stir and she stiffened. Donovan looked at her cautiously, but she didn't move to pull her hand free. There was the oddest sensation of the wolf sliding out of her and to Donovan. His eyes widened and he held Katherine's hand tighter. There was a feeling of something sliding in to replace her wolf and she could suddenly hear and feel Donovan's thoughts and emotions. He would protect her, even from himself if he needed to. He would treasure her. Even if she turned him down, he would stand watch always to see that she was safe and happy. Katherine searched Donovan's eyes and found understanding. She wasn't sure if she completely understood her thought and emotions, but Donovan seemed to have a good idea. The longer they held hands, the deeper it went. She saw flashes of memory. She saw his guilt over what he had done to her and others. She saw him before others and Judy ranting that he was unfit as an Alpha. She saw him wake alone and cold in a forest, covered in stinging blood. She saw his previous mate and felt the anguish when the Nightwalkers took her from him. She saw the years slide by and saw his teenage years, his childhood. Eventually, time came back and she was still sitting on the sofa in his rooms, staring into his eyes.

"What just happened," Katherine asked. Her voice was little more than a whisper. Donovan shrugged. Katherine slowly pulled her hand from his.

"We're too fucked up to work together. The whole situation is too fucked up," Katherine said. Donovan sighed and nodded. He started to get up and walk away but Katherine grabbed his shoulder and kept him where he was. "How can you do this? How can you live a life like this? I mean... Donovan, we are at the mercy of some wolf entity that is separate but at the same time a part of us? How do you live with it? How do you get out of bed every day? Just thinking about it is impossible."

Donovan cupped her face in his hands and stared into her eyes. She felt their wolves touch but she steeled herself against their thoughts pouring into each other. The wolves still touched, but there wasn't a wave of memories, thoughts, or emotions. "I do it because I have to. If I just give up, what is left? I can't lie in bed thinking of everything I've lost and how much I'm not a regular person off the streets. I can't do that. And you know if you let the wolf take over it takes over completely and then you lose yourself. Please Katherine, you have to live. I don't mean not die. I mean LIVE. I... I am sorry and I can't take back what I did to you. But I can't let myself dwell on it. Especially since there are those that depend on me. I just don't know what else to say."

Katherine sighed and leaned back. She had been fighting it the whole time, even when she thought she was making progress. She had kept hoping for a way out of it. Letting the wolf take over had been a way out, but she wasn't ready to just disappear like that.

"I guess I just have to live," Katherine said. Donovan smiled sadly and got to his feet. He went to deeper into his suite, leaving the door open. Katherine followed him but paused at the door. The mess that had been in the sitting room hadn't disappeared. It had simply migrated deeper into the suite. Katherine frowned and took a better look. It wasn't a mess. It was just full. Books were stacked everywhere in the room, some even on the bed. There were ancient books bound in leather, scrolls, paperback journals, loose sheets of parchment. The sheer number of books in such a small space was overwhelming. She peered between the towers of books and ounf Donovan browsing through a book.

"What's going on, "Katherine asked.

Donovan held out the book to her and picked up another book. Katherine glanced at the book and couldn't read the scribbles. There were bits that were clear enough to make out, but the problem was it was in Russian, or some language that used the same alphabet. She arched a brow at him but he was deep in a scroll that looked like it was in pictograms.

"I have no clue what this says," Katherine stated. Donovan glanced up and frowned. He took the book and nodded his head.

"Sorry. I have been working with Elder Tyler on this. Anyway, that is a journal of some wolf in Siberia that was studying magic. He hypothesised that... well, he thinks that either the wolf is a spell or a demon. He thought it more likely that it was a spell that had been tainted with personality by everyone that used it. He was working on how to isolate the spell from the individual so that everyone didn't have to be werewolves." Donovan picked up the scroll and frowned. "We haven't figured out everything in this scroll but, it says something about taking back the gift of the wolf from unworthy people. We think that it used to be common practice to kull the numbers of the wolf, but there are some scrolls that we've found that says the fewer in a pack that had the wolf, the crazier or stronger the wolf was. Some scrolls say the individuals went mad with the wolf."

Donovan looked up at Katherine. "I don't know if I can, but I think I owe it to you to find a way for you to be free of this. Accept what you are because you can't be happy until you can stop fussing over it, but if we can find a way to get the wolf out of you, you can go back to being a normal person. I think there are a lot of individuals that would be happy to go back to being a normal person." Donovan ran a hand through his hair. "It would be a good idea to be able to take the wolf from people that were going crazy."

Katherine kicked him in the leg and glared at him. "First you tell me to accept, then you tell me that you might be able to find a way to take it away? Make up your damn mind." Donovan blinked up in surprise at her. Katherine felt good to be angry. It felt like she was in control of the situation. She felt her wolf curious about what was going on, but unable to understand it. She pushed it down and stood defiantely.

"I am a wolf," Katherine said. She had meant to sound sure of herself, but it came out just a little too timid. She repeated herself until it sounded confident. Donovan watched her warily. "It is a good idea to find out about it, especially if there could be a way to take away the wolf's conciousness. But I... I am a wolf and I liked running like a wolf. I liked hunting and the joy of the chase. So I don't need to be free of anything. It would be good to know how, if later we need to for someone, but I am going to be a wolf."

Donovan nodded. He didn't move, just waited to see what would happen next.