All Comments on 'A White Tiger and The Wolf Ch. 04'

I really like this story, it is very interesting and the characters are well plotted out. But I think you are still having just a little bit of a rough time with the grammar and dialouge, maybe expand a little more on the conversations and provide a little more detail about the character interactions, like the sex scene, I felt that could have been a little longer as well as many other sequences. But really I think this chapter compared to the previous ones is a nice leap in the right direction, I am looking forward to reading more, you have a really great story going here so don't get discouraged, keep pushing it out :)

love the story. i am no editor but i would like to see longer chapters..... so far good story though

from the first one to this one you have improved greatly. The story and characters are very good. I am very glad you got an editor. I still feel you could improve more. I think your description a bit on the mechanical side. Maybe you should do them in the 1st person view form the character. Thank you for sharing. Mechmanas i cant wait for more.

Thankyou for this awesome chapter I hope it won't be to long before the next ones are posted.

Only one small point to make when you write "Bradley said "ect, ect" it should have been Bradley said "ect,ect" there is no need to put " before it. I hope that made sense.

I like your story, and the characters, but i really do not like the way you handle

the dialogue in the story. I think that you should write it as a real dialogue, instead of as a narrative story. To have the narrator describe every single dialogue is for me, REALLY frustrating! the way it is now, feels like i´m reading a description of a conversation, rather than the conversation itself.

Anyway, keep up the good work.

I still love the story so I went ahead and read this chapter and am glad I did! :) The flow and the punctuation were much much better this time and the story was way more enjoyable.

The thoughts of a good story are there, but the execution is brutal. There is no flow from one sentence to another and you desperately need to use quotations when someone is speaking. Please, by all means stop using the phrase, "She/He said," in every dialog.

I'm sorry to say that you lost me at this point.

STOP OVER DESCRIBING EVERYTHING! It doesn't take a paragraph and a half to describe something. Exact lengths of things is pointless and breaks the flow. If its a cream colored couch set it's fine. Not cream couch with this and this and this and ugh it's irritating! Trying to get through the story but struggling so much with it....

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withering means to dry up and waste away and die

writhing means to wiggle or squirm as in sexual intercourse orgasm or extreme pain