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Click hereHopefully the story will read a lot better now.
I will get the earlier chapters re-written at some stage.
Please send feed back so I know that I'm getting it right.
- COMMENTS
bearmad1963over 8 years agoAuthorMy new wattpad name is bearmad50kayclarke . Come and join me
Anonymousabout 9 years agoI love this story, This is the 3rd time I am reading it. Just live some of my favorite books, good stories are so good to read more than once, Kudos awesome work
VoluptuousValkyrieabout 12 years agoMuch better grammar. Just one thing, if she's a 36D (or even DD for that matter) six inch wide areola would cover most of her breast 3 or 4 inches is quite large. I'm guessing by some of your spelling that you aren't American, so I would either stick to centimeters or use google to convert (for example, if you type in "6cm equals how many inches?" And hit *search* it will tell you "6cm=2.36220472 inches")
nicintasover 12 years agoYou should swap her 6 inch areoles with his 3 inches around cock. As you read it now, her areoles are half a foot wide and his cock, though long at 10 inches, is a needle dick at 3 inches around.
Cut a piece of paper three inches long and roll it end to end and you'll see what I mean.
horsechick91over 12 years agothe story itself is wonderful, and i love it, but your dialogue needs a bit of work. instead of using said all the time, try 'asked' or 'replied' using sed too much isnt good for the overall flow of a story.
I do intend to continue reading, as you have captured my attention.
