A Wife, A Secret Life and Discovery

"Ian, my love. I know this is hard for you. Reed, used to use clamps on my nipples. They were electrified, and gave me shocks. I actually orgasmed just from that."

"But..." I bit back my words. It didn't make sense. I certainly didn't understand.

"He made me beg for release. I never thought for one moment that I would ever beg for sex, but he knew my pain threshold. He could manipulate me to the edge, and keep me hanging their, until I broke down and begged. It's humiliating, I hated yet loved it. I know I'm weird."

I kissed her head, as she lay there. "I don't think I could ever strangle you."

She laughed loudly. "Oh really. I seem to recall an evening where you wanted to do nothing else."

"That's different." I huffed. "That night I wanted to kill you."

"I know... It scared me. I saw it in your eyes. The hurt, the fury, it devastated me. I am sorry Ian. As crazy as it all sounds. I never wanted to hurt you."

We slept soundly, and I woke to the most sensational sensation. I thought it was a dream. It was one of those dreams that seemed so perfect, so real. When you dream, you paint a visual image so clear and visceral. This was one of those dreams. The perfect blowjob, so utterly and completely as I wanted. The lips surrounding my cock were full and luscious, moist and soft, yet still firm. The texture like creamy vanilla velvet.

I moaned softly as the dream changed. I shook my head to refocus the image. This wasn't something I ever imagined. As nice as the blowjob was, there was now a finger pushing into my bum. My dream was quickly becoming a nightmare. "No," I muttered, "stop."

Shaking my head I wiped the sleep from my eyes and slammed my legs shut.

When I looked down, there was Ava, sucking lovingly on my cock. One hand stroking my shaft, the other fondling my balls, the nuts cradled in her hand as she caressed them lovingly.

She must have realised I was now awake, her eyes staring up at me beatifically. "Why did you move, baby?"

"What..." I mumbled, still wondering if I was awake.

"You closed your legs... Why?"

"I dreamed something was poking into me."

She giggled sexily, sounding muffled, her mouth still full of my cock. "There was, it was just my finger, sweetheart. Lie back and close your eyes, but open your legs."

"No, come up here."

"No, I want to do this for you. It is my gift, but you have to open your legs. Please sweetheart, trust me."

She didn't really give me a choice. She climbed between my legs forcing them apart. As she sucked, that damn finger prodded at my bum again, but now my sphincter was shut tighter than a guppy.

She was determined, though, and she timed her raid to match her hungry mouth as she sucked my cock. Up and down her sweet lips slid, faster and faster. As I focused on enjoying that, her finger coated in some cool slippery gel slid into my bum. Not just a little, it was all the way in.

She moved it, curled it around and massaged a little spot in behind my nuts. The harder she sucked, the faster her finger massaged. It felt like a warm pulsing sensation emanating from my butt.

It spread and the heat intensified, my bum now grasping at the slippery finger of death. I pushed with my hips trying to get more of my dick in her mouth. When she added the second finger to my arse, I exploded in her mouth. It felt like litres, a continuous pulsing squirt of semen flooding her sucking choking mouth.

Even after I finished, she kept sucking, although now it was a gentle caress from those loving lips.

When she finally climbed back up, she kissed me, and I tasted my seed on those sexy luscious lips. She gave me no chance to rebuke her. The kiss changed from a gentle exchange to a powerful mouthwatering scintillating kiss of the ages.

She rested her head on my chest. Her fingers toying with my nipples. "Did you enjoy that?" She asked stupidly.

"I think I showed my pleasure at the end, didn't I?"

She sniggered sinfully. "Yes, I suppose you did. I'm glad you enjoyed."

We showered and drifted out to the living area. Natalie and Dylan. Were already up, and breakfast was cooking. The conversation started and we laughed and joked about the party.

We helped set the table, just as Rhian, and Leeza walked out.

Natalie, tried to ease the awkwardness, by hugging them both, and teasing them about them being the last ones up. Dylan, joined her playful rebuke, and Rhian, snapped back. It transported me back to years gone by when as children they used to fight and argue.

After breakfast, Dylan, and I pulled down the marquee, and cleaned down the barbecue. The girls all focusing on picking up empty bottles and the dirty paper plates we missed from the night before.

We all went into town for lunch. Turned into being a great day.

Dylan, announced that he and Natalie, were going to stay with her parents. They wanted to tell them about the engagement before posting anything on social media.

That night, it was just Rhian, Leeza, Ava, and I. At dinner, Leeza, said half Jokingly. "Should I put in my resignation and start looking for another job?"

"Why would you do that?" Ava, gasped.

"You know, Rhian, and me." Leeza responded. "Seducing the bosses daughter probably wasn't a good career choice."

"Ridiculous." Snorted, Ava. "That is being silly. Although, I was hoping that Rhian, would intern with me over the holidays."

Rhian, clapped her hands like a trained seal. "Awesome, thanks Mum. I was hoping you'd say that."

Ava, then surprised me. "What are you girls going to do when you have to go back to Palmerston north? Do you think you can negotiate a long distance romance? Rhian, you still have another twelve months of your degree to go."

"Yeah, Leeza, and I talked about it last night. I could transfer to AIT. I can bring my records with me and start next year here in Auckland."

"No," Ava gasped in horror. "You are not going to AIT, you may as well not have a blasted degree as have one from there."

"Stop it, Mum. AIT, is perfectly fine. Stop being such a snob."

"Rhian, it is recognised that AIT is not up to the same level as other learning institutions. You have put so much work into it. Why throw that away?"

"Because I love Leeza."

The use of the L word clearly unsettled Ava. For the first time in a long time, she sat speechless.

"It seems to be very early to use love as an explanation," I mumbled.

"Dad, you and Mum both talk about how you met and fell in love on first sight." She turned to Ava, and said, "That's right isn't it, Mum? You have told that story so many times."

"Yes, all right. But where would you live?" Ava, asked, worried.

"I have asked Rhian, if she would like to live with me," Leeza, announced.

Ava, looked at me pleadingly, but I was as lost as she was. If they were in love, it was hard to argue against. "You have obviously talked about it. If you think it's the right move, then I'll support it."

Rhian, rushed around the table and gave me a huge tearful hug. "Thanks, Dad. You won't regret it."

Rhian, and Leeza, kept gazing back and forth, and it was obvious there was something they wanted to say, or ask.

It got to me, so I just growled tormentingly. "Come on. The suspense is killing me. Just spit it out." Ava, stared at me, her eyebrows arched questioningly. "They have something eating away at them honey.' Turning towards Rhian, I asked. "Come on, spill."

"Okay, we were wondering if we could rent the cottage."

"What..." Ava gasped.

"Mum, it'd be perfect. We could travel to work with you. We wouldn't need a car. It'd be so much fun."

Ava, stared at me, the smile widening. "What do you think Ian?"

"There's only one problem."

Rhian, recoiled. "What?"

"The rent... Can you guys afford the five fifty a week rent?"

"Five... Fuck Dad." Rhian, gasped.

"Hey, don't blame me. That's what the real estate company told me it's worth."

"Ian, we are not charging them rent." Ava, snorted.

"it's okay. I already pay four hundred and fifty for my flat in Auckland. It's not much of a stretch." Leeza, said.

I laughed at my own joke. "We wouldn't charge rent. We would however expect you both to help with the gardens, and you can wash my pickup."

"What about my Audi?" Ava, added jokingly.

Rhian, leapt into her mothers arms. "Thanks Mum."

"I am still unhappy Rhian... AIT?"

"Mum, Leeza, got her degree there, and she's pretty clever."

Ava, blushed a little. Realising she had belittled Leeza. "Yes, you are right. I need to reign in on my judgemental attitude."

*****

Life meandered along, having the girls living in the cottage was fun, and it was nice having them around whilst Ava, spent so much time on the road. She put in a superhuman effort ensuring she got her new contract.

There was however an uneasiness creeping into our relationship. Ava, seemed a little stressed, edgy even. When I talked about it with her, she fobbed it off.

It was a visit from Jodi, that gave me the answer. Jodi, and I had formed somewhat of a friendship, and she often called into the office for lunch. It was over sandwiches in my office one day I mentioned that I was concerned with Ava's uneasiness.

"Ian, she misses some elements of her sexuality."

"I don't understand?"

"She told me that, although you have been trying, you love her so much, you can't take it to the next level. She misses some things."

I sighed sadly. It was pretty much what I figured out for myself. "She loves you, and doesn't want to make you uncomfortable. She knows you have limits."

"Then perhaps we should call the whole damn thing off, and she can go back to fucking Reed?"

"Stop being so aggressive. Perhaps that's the anger you need to access when you're making love."

"It's not that simple, though is it?" I muttered, not even trying to hide my exasperation.

"We are all different Ian. Would it be such a huge leap. Spank her, use the nipple clamps."

"Why hasn't she talked to me? How can she talk to you, and not me?"

"Because, she has nothing to lose with me. She's afraid that merely raising it with you would be enough to ruin all the work you have done to rebuild your marriage."

"So I either learn to spank her, strangle her, electrocute her. Or I walk away?"

"Ian, you have to lighten up on yourself. When Reed, tried to introduce strangulation into our bedroom. I punched him in the face, and kneed him in the nuts. He scared me, and I hated it. Ava, on the other hand loves it. I'm like you. I couldn't do it. I hate pain."

"then what the hell am I supposed to do? Simply accept the fact I can't satisfy my wife?"

"I think you merely talk to her. Bring it out in the open. Talk about it, and see what you want to do."

"I don't want to be nosy, but can I ask how Reed copes. If what you said is true, and he doesn't have other sexual partners. How's he coping with the loss of his sexual outlet?"

She shrugged. "Actually, he's a lot like Ava. Grumpy and short with me."

"Then how do you cope?"

"I have my own outlet. Just because he lost his, hasn't affected me. It was part of our arrangement. Either one of us could continue our extramarital activities if the other partners failed. They weren't dependant on the other."

"You still see your girlfriend?"

"Yes."

"You don't feel guilty for that?"

"A little, but Reed, knows, and if it worries him. All he has to do is ask. I'm not being cruel. He understands."

That night after dinner. I waited for Ava, to get comfortable with a glass of wine. The girls had been up, which always brightened Ava. She loved having them around. We were cuddled up together on the sofa. "Can we talk please honey." I said feeling her flinch at my words.

"Yes, of course. Is there a problem?"

"Sort of yeah. I want you to be honest with me. Why are you so tense, and on edge at the moment."

She sipped her wine, taking that as the opportunity to decide on her answer.

"It's just work. My new client is really putting me through the wringer."

"Ava, I asked you to be honest. I know work has been stressful, but that's not it. I ask again, What is the problem? If we can't be honest, then we have no chance of surviving this."

"What do you mean by this?" She asked.

"Our reconciliation. For a while, I thought it was going great, but apparently. I was wrong."

"No... It is wonderful. I feel closer too you than ever."

"Then why can't you be honest with me?"

Her look was nervous, and she became fidgety. "Because, I don't want to hurt you, and I'm embarrassed."

"Just spit it out. The uncertainty is killing me anyway."

"All right. I know you are trying. I feel it when we make love sometimes. You do it just to satisfy me. You don't enjoy some elements that I love."

"That's true, I can live with the spanking, and I enjoy the edging, both ways. But when you asked me to strangle you, and use those nipple clamps. It just made me uncomfortable. I want to try them, It might be difficult at first, but I'm prepared to at least try"

She hugged me, before replying. "Are you sure?"

"Not entirely, but I don't want to live like this with you angry and bitter."

"But you're not going to be comfortable are you?"

"I don't know. There, I'm being honest. What I am prepared to do is test the waters. We give it a try, and see how it goes."

It was the start of a new phase, a new life in some regards.

*****

"I have started visiting a therapist. I hope she might give me some answers. Is it physical, or phycological?" Ava, announced one evening while we enjoyed a private moment.

"How long has that been going on?"

"A month."

"Wow, and when were you going to tell me?"

She looked guilty, as she replied. "I feel embarrassed Ian. That's why I haven't said anything."

"I get that, but it's the sort of thing that we need to talk about. I want to help."

"I know that. I just felt that I would talk to her a few times, and see if there was something obvious."

"And?"

"Nothing yet. We have talked about several aspects of my childhood, and my early sexual experiences. I have another session with her next week."

*****

It was Ava's response to my question about fulfilling her needs that drove me deep into the research on masochistic behaviour. When I thought about it, I figured it was merely a kink, a twist of human nature. However, when Ava, mentioned she was seeing a therapist, it made me think.

So, I dug a little deeper. I read everything I could find on the subject. Was it like a mental illness? If so could it be cured?

I noted, that there were some therapists who promoted a chemical treatment. Drugs, the down side was that the drugs killed off sexual appetite. To take away or reduce the desire for pain... You had to take away all sexual desire. To me, that sounded extreme.

Reading further, that treatment was deeply criticised by some very prominent respected researchers in the field.

Their diagnosis, of people who felt the desire to partake of S&M, was simply that it was a part of the person. Just like all other realms of sexuality, S&M, was simply another route, just taken by fewer people. It was not a mental illness, it was the way their brains deciphered the correlation between pain and pleasure. Apparently, it's not like binary code, it's a far more torturous path.

It certainly changed my opinion. The one question for me though, was Ava's submissiveness. She was an incredibly driven woman. She build an amazingly successful business, from scratch. She hired her staff personally, and built a company from it. She now turned over more than fifteen million dollars a year.

With me, our whole relationship was built on treating each other as equals. She had never even once bowed to my demands. She was, determined and strong minded. It seemed almost inconceivable, that she had a submissive personality. Even with her parents she never showed any signs of submissiveness. At work, if anything she was more dominant with her employees.

It brought into question, why? How had she so easily offered herself up so completely as Reed's sex slave?

When we were together, I never saw a hint of it... Even when we tried the spanking thing. She accepted my spanking, and definitely enjoyed it, but never once did she cede control. Never once did she become submissive.

I had to ask.

"I cannot explain it Ian. I have tried. I think it is because I respect you and love you so much, that I cannot let go. I am ashamed by that side of my nature. I am self conscious of who I become, and I never want you to see me like that. I fear that if you saw that side of me, you would hate me."

"Why, I've never shown signs of hate?"

"It's in my head, Ian. My therapist says that, because I am so independent and strong willed. I will never expose the submissive side of my nature to the people I care for. It's part of who I am. It scares me to think of you seeing me like that."

"What does your therapist say about your desire for pain, and why you get pleasure from it?"

"She said, that. Some people are just pre-dispositioned towards pain. Our neural pathways are wired differently. Like an electrical network. The neurotransmission, the sending of signals from one region of the nervous system to another are linked differently. That's why pain equals pleasure for us. I don't fully understand it either."

"What worries me Ava, is that. You and I will never be able to have a happy life together, because I can't give you that thing you desire so deeply."

"I do enjoy our sessions Ian, you have really pushed yourself, and I am very happy with where we are at.

*****

Things sort of drifted, I knew she saw the therapist, and appeared to be more introspective. I often found her in the evenings, sitting staring into space. I made a conscious decision to leave her alone, at such times. Let her reach her own conclusions.

Ava, finally secured her contract after a lot of very hard work. The trips to Tauranga dwindled, as she handed over some of her duties. That was the hardest part for her, letting go the reigns. Loosening the tight grip, which she had always maintained.

Loosening that stranglehold, changed her. She realised that she could trust her employees. That she didn't have to do everything. There came that moment when she realised, her team, that she personally selected were top notch people. Part of the reason for her success was her selections.

The company though now resembled a family business with both Rhian and Leeza working for her. The shocker came when Natalie came looking for a job as well. Ava, never hesitated in taking her on.

Releasing the reigns, gave us something magical... Time together. We took more regular holidays together. Found time to build our social networks.

I finally got to a point where I had to take on some help as well. Watching Ava, release the reigns was the driver, seeing her put trust in other people made me question my own logic, and I came to the conclusion. I was every bit as bad as Ava.

I had other areas to focus on... Ava's sexual needs. I never carried the sadistic gene, but Ava, found ways to make me angry, and the little angry man that lived within me came out to play. She knew which buttons to press, to bring out the anger, she really only had to mention Reed's bane if she wanted a severe spanking. Of course, I had to open my mind to indulge some of the other aspects of her kink.

In some ways, I liked tying her up. Restraining her. I did struggle with the pussy spanking, but seeing her responding to the slap of the tiny paddle as it smacked against her pussy and especially her clit. Seeing her squirm painfully. Seeing her orgasm from the stinging slaps was an eye opener.

It was quite an enlightening journey. Looking into my own mind. Ava and I did find a wonderful therapist who helped us on our adventure.