A Wife, A Secret Life and Discovery

"And you don't feel any remorse... guilt... shame?"

I could see the lines on her face tightening, as she winced painfully. "Yes, of course I did. I am only human. I felt all of those emotions at different times. The first time I was absolutely horrified with myself. I cursed myself for becoming a cheat. I was petrified coming home after that first tryst. Having to face you terrified me. How could you not know... see it on my face?"

I was to stunned to speak, I listened, trying to make sense of it.

"That trip home, you met me at the airport as you always did. I walked towards you petrified. Then you smiled like every other time. You opened your arms and we kissed. When I realised you didn't know. You didn't know... I felt outraged. How could you not see my shame, my humiliation, and of course, the terror. In a way, I felt insulted, I was angry with you. Did you know me at all?"

After another drawn out pause, she finished with. "It got easier each time. In the end it exhilarated me knowing Reed, was waiting for me... Yes I know that sounds horrible, and it is. That's what I am ashamed of the most. I didn't have the courage to tell you. God knows both Jodi and Reed, begged me to tell you, to be honest with you."

That statement floored me. "Hold on a minute. Are you suggesting that I would have approved, or accepted that situation?"

She shrugged, her eyes questioning. "I don't know. Would you?"

"No, I bloody well wouldn't." I barked angrily. "Surely you must know me well enough for that?"

Hearing the firmness in my voice she said. "Actually, that's exactly what I thought. Which is why I opted to never tell you. I hoped that age old adage might hold water: What you didn't know wouldn't hurt you."

I still couldn't process all of it. "Before, when you said the affair improved our sex life. What did you mean?"

She nodded slowly, sipped her wine thoughtfully. "Reed, is a very sexual person, extremely kinky. He encouraged me to open up, to see the world differently, and I discovered a lot about myself.'

"You're saying he was a better lover than I am, that you enjoyed sex with him more than you did with me?"

"Oh, god no. How the hell did you get that from what I just said? Our lovemaking wonderful. I love you, and I love being with you. Reed was simply different, purely sexual."

"Ava, they were your words, not mine. You just said, he taught you many things. If he had to teach you, it implies we never did them. Which tells me, you were dissatisfied with our sex life, or at the very least unfulfilled."

"No, no, no, I was never unsatisfied. The attributes be brought, taught me, opened my mind to secrets about my sexuality. He got me to open and expand my mind and try new and different aspects of sex, things I had previously never even thought about."

All this talk did nothing to ease my pain. It just made me angry.

"I think I've heard enough, Ava. You obviously prefer sex with your new lover. Jesus, you said you didn't want to hurt me but you've spent the last twenty minutes twisting the knife you already stabbed me in the back with. It beggars belief. I think perhaps you should leave."

She sat staring at me blankly. I could see her mind working. There was no doubting her intelligence. Maybe too smart for her own good.

"Ian, you have misconstrued everything I was trying to say. You've spun my words against me. This is my home, as well. You cannot just arbitrarily kick me out. I have legal rights."

Standing I walked over to my briefcase, extracted my folder and slammed it down on the table in front of her. "I've already started filling out the separation documents. I want to keep the house, I'm prepared to pay you market value for your half. This is no longer your home, not in my mind."

"Ian, please, this is preposterous. If we could simply continue to talk openly, let me explain properly. I do not want a divorce, or even a separation. Our marriage has been the most wonderful treasure. We cannot let this ruin it."

"Can't have been that good Ava, otherwise you wouldn't have been fucking that arsehole."

"There is more to talk about, my love. I have barely scratched the surface." She stood as well, facing m determinedly. "I'm not leaving Ian, this is my home, I refuse to be kicked out of my own home."

"Ava, don't you get it. This is no longer your home."

"Oh yes it is. I helped pay for it, I helped you design it. I personally painted and decorated every single room. This house is as much a part of me as it is of you. I am not leaving."

She stood staunchly, staring at me, her eyes full of fire and stoic determination. The very attributes that made her such a success in the business world. Without forcibly removing her, I could see no answer.

"Fine, suit yourself. Stay if you want. I will be filing those separation papers in the morning. I guess we will let the solicitors sort it out. This house is on what used to be my families land, it was gifted to us. I want to keep it."

"Ian, please. Slow down, take a breath. I want to stay so we can talk, try to sort this mess out. If you would rather involve an expert, a therapist, or counsellor. Then perhaps that's something we could look at?"

"No thanks Ava. I'm not trying to make a public spectacle of our break up. I am filing under irreconcilable differences. I can't live with your actions. If you think what you did is okay, then more power to you. I think you behaved despicably. Nothing you could say or do will ever change that."

She sighed, finishing the last of what remained in her glass. "You are right. I am not defending my actions. I know I should have been honest with you. I simply did not have the courage, or perceptiveness."

"Ava, don't you see, you totally emasculated me. You paint him as some super lover, which makes me feel totally inadequate. How the hell did you think I would ever accept it?"

She pouted mulling over her response. "I never once said he was better than you. Or that I preferred sex with him. Trust me my love, you have no reason to feel inadequate. I would never trade you in, not for anything."

Shaking my head in disbelief, I walked away. "I have some drawings to finish up for tomorrow. You can grab whatever you want from our bedroom, and move into the spare room. You can stay until we can sort out the legal ramifications."

I watched as her face sagged and her shoulders wilted. "Ian, there's no reason for us not to share a bed."

"There is no longer a reason for us to share a bed. What I will say is. If we can spend a couple of days sorting out the property separation, and we can keep the legal parasites out of it. We could save a hell of a lot of money."

"Ian, if you opened your mind, and heart. We wouldn't have to involve anybody. We could try to find a way forward. I love you, and I know you love me. We could make this work. I made a silly decision, and I agree it was selfish. It does not have to be the end."

"Move your clothes and what you want Ava. Hopefully you will understand. It is the end."

I walked away, listening to her... Seeing her ate away at my resolve. She had been such a huge part of my life. It would have been less painful to cut an arm off, but here I was about to lose the most precious thing in my life.

I sensed her frustration, but whatever it was she wanted to say, she swallowed it. I tried to separate myself from the situation. Watching her carry some of her clothes into the spare bedroom, hurt.

*****

Breakfast was quiet, uncomfortably so. I didn't know what to say, although I sensed Ava had plenty to say, but for whatever reason said nothing.

As I was preparing to leave for work. I said. "Get your legal team to go over my suggestions. I think they will tell you to grab it with both hands."

"Ian..."

"Save it Ava, just read the bloody proposal okay."

*****

Lunchtime I got a nice surprise. Leeza called. "Hey sexy, I got sick of waiting for you to call. I'll forgive you if you take me out somewhere posh for dinner though."

"Dinner huh, yeah we could do that. Where would you like to go?"

"Ian, somewhere flash for me is KFC or Macca's. So anything you suggest is gonna be a winner okay babe."

Babe... Hearing her call me that, sent a shiver up and down my spine. I tried to laugh at her joke. "Yeah, no worries. Pretty sure I can beat that. You set the bar pretty low."

"Yeah, whatever dude. Should I meet you at your office?

"Yeah, that works for me, say six thirty. I've got a shit load of work to get through."

"Sweet, see you then lover."

Lover... holy shit that girl was dangerous. Still, she was just what I needed to rebuild my bruised ego. I had suffered enough emasculation.

We ended up going to dinner, down on the waterfront. We had a few drinks, and the food was awesome. Leeza, amazed me, I didn't get it, but I wasn't complaining.

"Why the hell do you want to hang around with an old fart like me?" I asked fearing her reply.

"Ian, you're not an old fart as you put it. You're funny and nice, and I like you. If you wanna know. You're totally different to my mates. You are charming and sweet and a great lover. Your missus might be a bitch, but she trained you well."

I laughed loudly. "Trained me?"

"Yeah dude, fuck the guys I dated don't even bother going down on me. You I had to fight to stop. I loved our night together, and I want more. If you're not up for it. Just say so, but if you are, so am I."

"Wow, thanks. I was merely repaying the favour you know."

"Oh I get it dude. I like to suck dick, it gives me a rush, you better get used to it."

"I won't be fighting you off." I said snidely.

We had only just sat down at the restaurant table when my phone rang. "Ian, what time are you going to be home for dinner?"

"Ava, I won't be home tonight. I'm on a date. I might see you tomorrow night."

"A date... What are you talking about... What date?"

"See you tomorrow Ava." I disconnected, and Leeza, stared at me strangely. "Ian, if you were meeting her for dinner, we could have done this another time."

"No, she's living back at home. She's sleeping in the spare room though. No funny business."

"Babe, you don't have to explain, or justify anything to me. We made no promises."

"Perhaps, I simply wanted to reassure you. That's all."

"Are you guys trying to work it out, like get back together?"

With a casual shake of my head, I replied. "She wants to, I don't. She thought by returning home, she would force me into talking and she might be able to change my mind."

"Wow, she's tenacious, I'll give her that. I don't wanna get in the middles all."

"Nope, you're not in the middle. Ava, is simply a very determined woman."

We went back to her place after dinner, and a walk along the pier. For such a tiny girl, she was a sexual beast who fed ravenously from my remains. She was insatiable. The moment her flat door closed, her clothes were gone. Naked, she jumped me, her mouth colliding passionately with mine. Her tongue ravenously wrestled with mine as her body wriggled against me.

Ava, and I had an incredible sex life. Leeza, though, was unabashed and shameless in her assault. I had never known any other girl or woman with such an appetite for sex, and especially sucking cock. She adored it, but it did make me work on my pussy licking skills. Such gifts should never go unpaid.

The morning, she refused to let me leave without a repeat performance, which meant I was late for work.

At home that night, Ava, greeted me with a sour face. "Nice of you to come home tonight." She said scathingly.

"Ava, I never said I was coming home for dinner last night. We made no plans."

"That may be true, but I assumed you would be coming home. I don't care if you were on a date. I simply thought you would have had the common decency to let me know."

"What the hell would you know about decency? You carry on a two year affair behind my back, and then want to lecture me about decency. Jesus Ava, have a look in the mirror."

Her face paled, and she shrivelled in front of me like a dying decaying leaf.

When I returned from my run, the house smelt sensational. The seared pork chops, in garlic filled the house with the mouthwatering aromas.

"It didn't take you long to find a replacement for me." Ava said snidely across the dining table.

"What I do now is none of your concern. Did you get your legal team to go over my proposals for property separation."

"No, but I did read them. I have to say, it did not make sense."

"How so?"

"Ian, you have a pretty good idea of the value of my company, our company actually. You are still listed as a co owner."

"I don't want your company. I don't care about the money, all I want is my business, and the house."

"Ian, The company is worth at lest six million. Your business would be worth five hundred at best. The house perhaps one point seven."

"Ava, I don't care. I don't want to screw you, I just want it over and done with as quickly as possible."

"What, so you can move your new bimbo in?"

"She isn't a bimbo. She's very nice actually, but no. She will not be moving in. Our relationship is purely casual."

"Were you seeing her before you found out about Reed, and myself?"

"No, I met her last week during a pub crawl. I was merely trying to drown my sorrows. I have only seen her twice, and that includes last night."

"Goodness me, you moved quickly. Is it revenge, or is it something serious?"

"Not revenge, and not serious. A pleasant reminder that I'm not a useless lover."

"Oh for heavens sake. You have always been a wonderful caring lover."

"Sorry, but it didn't feel like it. I certainly couldn't satisfy you, that's clear."

"I was never unsatisfied Ian. That I can assure you?"

"Then why did you require more, how could he possibly open your mind to new sexual exploits if you were satisfied?"

She sighed in defeat, I could see her trying to find some riposte, but nothing came.

"Have you heard from the children?" She asked deflecting the conversation.

"No, not recently." I sighed.

She nodded, her mind searching for conversation. "I spoke to Dylan, a few days ago, and Rhian, yesterday. I am worried about her."

"In what regard?"

"She seems to struggle finding relationships. Either that or she doesn't want to talk to me about them."

"She's only twenty Ava, stop pushing her."

"I am not pushing, I merely expected her to have met some young men worthy of a relationship."

"Give her time, honestly. The longer she leaves it the happier I will be." Talking about Rhian, brought a smile to my face. She was probably the same age as Leeza, give or take.

"What in heavens name are you smirking at? It's not funny, I was simply worried about our daughter."

"I understand Ava, but she will develop at her own rate, find her own way in the world. I think you and I will be the last to hear if she's sleeping with someone."

The pause, stretched out uncomfortably, and I could see the tension building in Ava, until she just had to speak. "Ian, can we try to talk about what happened, can you at least give me a chance?"

"Yes, we can talk, but I think we'll probably just go around and around, back over the same stuff. You lied to me for two years. Don't you understand... forget about the sex. You lied to me."

"Ian, I never lied to you."

"Bullshit, you mislead and deceived me. Played me for a fool. All those times I met you at the airport. You had probably only that morning climbed out of his bed. Given him a loving goodbye fuck before heading to the airport. What a bloody fool I've been."

"Ian, I love you, and you know that. This might be hard for you to understand, but what Reed and I shared never impacted on our life together. The last few years of our marriage have been incredibly happy. You said so yourself. Our marriage never suffered because of it. You wanted for nothing. I have been there for you, supported you, loved you and never once denied you sex. What I did whilst I travelled, took nothing away from you."

"Say what you want, Ava, but your propensity for deceit is only now becoming clear to me. God you are an evil bitch. It must have really pissed you off when I found out."

"Ava, go and see your solicitor. Sort out how you want to proceed, how you want to divide the assets. The only thing I want is the house. I designed it, I helped build it. I will fight tooth and nail to keep it. The rest you can have."

I think the realisation was sinking in. Her eyes clouded over, tears formed in the corners. "I don't want a divorce. I never did. If you could put aside the anger, and listened rationally to what I have been saying, we could easily find a way past it. Our marriage is worth saving. I do love you. I know it must look terrible from your perspective, and when I look back I am ashamed that I wasn't honest with you."

As we sat in the oppressive silence, Ava's phone buzzed. "Hello Rhian, my darling. How are you?" She asked.

There were several ah hah's as she listened to Rhian's, conversation.

Ava, lifted the phone away from her mouth, covering the phone with her hand she whispered. "She wants to come home for the weekend. What shall I say?"

"Tell her it's inconvenient at the moment."

She glared angrily at me as if to say, really... Then put the phone back up to her mouth and answered with a happy lilt. "Off course dear. I'll organise tickets and get them in the mail."

More ah hah's then she said. "Yes, we love you to dear. See you Friday night."

Ava glared at me. "Well what was I going to say?"

"You could have told her the truth. We're having problems, and now isn't a good time."

"I am not scaring her with that. She already asked why I haven't been at home."

"Your call Ava, but she'll find out when she gets here and finds you living in the spare room."

Her face softened, and she said warmly. "I could move back into our room while she's here."

"No, the kids are going to find out sooner or later anyway. I think the best policy is we're honest with them. There's no need to tell them why we're separating, but I think it's important that they find out from us."

"Ian please. You're not giving us a chance. I'm here, and I'm trying. If you give us a chance, we can do it."

"No, Ava. Maybe in the future we could find a way, but at the moment I don't see it. I'll be honest with her, tell her gently, I'm sure she'll understand."

She did nothing to hide her frustration. She quickly went about clearing up, and to get away from the tension, I retired to my office to catch up on things.

The next day, Leeza, waltzed casually into my office looking smug. "So this is where you hang out. Nice office." There was no hiding from her kiss. Passionate and ferocious, it quickly changed the temperature.

Standing, she glanced around the office. "I can't believe you work alone. Not even a secretary. All this space, it seems wasteful."

"Initially when I set up the practice, I was going to take on more people, grow it. I discovered, I like working alone. Nobody else to worry about. No sick leave, or annual leave to balance. No HR issues, and if the worst happens. I don't take anybody else down with me."

"Shit dude, I don't see that happening. I've been doing some research. You're a very sought after architect. You've graced a few magazine covers, been a house of the year finalist. I can't see you failing any time soon."

"Well, somebody's been nosy. I like not having to worry about other people. Now what can I do for you?"

"Lunch, then maybe dinner later?"

"Okay, happy to do both. Don't you have friends to hang out with? Are you some sort of weird stalker chick?"

She giggled playfully. "I might be a stalker, and I admit to being weird, but I do have lots of friends. I just like yah. No biggie, if you're not into it just say so."