A Wife, A Secret Life and Discovery

Ava, to her credit walked over to the bed, and shook her hand. "Nice to meet you." She frowned, pointing to Leeza's chin. "You might want to wipe that off."

Leeza, realised what she meant, and skipped out of bed, completely naked, heading for the bathroom.

Ava, turned her attention back to me. "It didn't take you long to fill our bed did it?"

"I hardly think you're in a position to complain. At least I waited until we were separated."

Her head shaking in despair, she snapped. "How long has she been living here?"

"She doesn't live here. This is her first visit."

She walked over close to the bed, and leaned over so she could whisper without being overheard. "She's young enough to be your blasted daughter."

"Possibly."

"Have you no shame Ian?"

"No, apparently not. I must have caught it from you. Why didn't you warn me it was contagious?"

Leeza, walked out of the bathroom, and started picking up her clothes. She glanced at me. "Would you like me to leave?"

"No, how the hell were you going to achieve that? You don't have a car?"

"I could hitch."

"Like hell." I snorted. Ava, turned and walked out to the dining room. I heard her flick on the jug.

"What do you want me to do?" Leeza whispered.

"Get dressed, I'll share my croissant with you."

She giggled with her hand over her mouth. "What's you wife going to say?"

I shrugged casually, replying. "I guess we're about to find out."

I dressed, and walked out to the kitchen, where Ava, was playing around with the coffee machine. She looked at me, with a strange look in her eye. "Does she like coffee, or would she prefer milk and cookies?"

"Coffee, might be good this morning."

"Yes..."

"What would she like, or don't you know?"

"Perhaps, a Cappuccino." I replied. "I'm sorry you walked in on that. If you'd called. It would have saved some embarrassment."

"Yes, I know how that feels. I'm not angry, Ian. In a way I'm glad you found somebody."

"Ava, this isn't a relationship. Leeza, and I are just friends."

"Really... Hmm. How many times have you slept with her?"

"Not a lot, maybe a dozen."

"Once could be described as a one night stand, perhaps even twice. I think if you continue to see the girl. It is definitely a relationship."

"I'm not arguing semantics with you Ava. And what's more I'm not defending myself. I don't feel like I have done anything wrong."

"Ian, I said I wasn't angry."

Just then, Leeza, wandered out showered, and dressed. Ava, pointed to the dining table. "Yours is the cappuccino, in the white mug. There are some croissants, in the bag. I'm just getting some plates."

"Thanks." Leeza responded nervously. She glanced at me, and it might seem awful, but I couldn't hide my smile. She scowled at me, as she sat down.

Ava, joined us, sitting on the opposite side of the long table. She, couldn't help herself. She had to ask. "Leeza, tell me about yourself. What are you doing with your life?"

"I'm studying business management, and marketing at Auckland University. This is my last year.."

"Good for you. Are you from Auckland?"

"Nah, Invercargill, actually."

"Oh I see. Do you live out here, in Kumeu?"

With a little shake of her head, she replied. "I got a flat in the city, just off Leonard street by the Uni."

"How did you meet Ian, or is that being to nosy?"

"Nah, it's all good. We met about two months ago. He was out on the piss with some mates, and when I saw him. I decided he looked nice, so I seduced him."

"Really, two months ago?" Ava, turned and glared at me. "Two months..."

"We've met before you know." Leeza threw in quickly.

Ava, turned her eyes back to her. "Have we indeed. Do tell, because I don't remember I'm afraid."

"I attended two of the symposiums you ran at the University. I talked to you afterwards. You were amazing actually. Sorry to sound obsequious, but I'm a huge fan. I've read a lot about you. You're sort of my idol."

"You're joking?" Ava, gasped. Although there was a little smirk of pride curling her sexy mouth.

"Nah, straight up. The way you built your company from the ground up. I mean wow, you're awesome."

Ava, sniggered. "Thank you, I'm flattered. Is that why you targetted Ian?"

"Hey, steady on Ava." I muttered, irritated at her accusation.

Leeza, was quick to fire back. "No, I didn't even know you were related until I saw you this morning. I didn't target him. Well, okay I did, but that was just because he was so handsome and nice. He made me laugh, and I like that."

"Do you work, or are your parents paying for your education?" Ava asked, not even trying to mask her bitterness.

"No, my folks aren't wealthy. I have a student loan, and work at Pizza Hutt at night. I have another cleaning job, but that's only a few days a month."

We ate the delicious croissants, and drank our coffee's in silence. Leeza, kept giving me these sneaky furtive cheeky little glances, when she was sure Ava, couldn't see.

Ava, broke the silence. "Ian, what are your plans for the day? I was hoping we could find a moment to talk."

"My only plans are the lawns, and some gardening. Nothing special."

"Then could we please talk. We need too, there are so many things we need to discuss."

Leeza, interrupted before I could answer. "I've never been out this way before. I might go into the town and have a look around. That way you two can have some privacy."

I glanced quickly at her. I knew almost nothing about her. "Can you drive?"

She laughed amusedly. "Yes, you cheeky bigger. Course I can bloody drive. I even have a license."

I got up, wandered over to the bench, and walked back, throwing her the keys to the pickup. "Don't crash it. I don't have another. Turn left at the end of the drive way, and follow the road. It takes you into the middle of town."

"Sweet, does it do burnouts and go fast?" She asked humorously.

"No, it doesn't." I snapped.

She carried her cup and plate into the kitchen. Picked up her handbag, and walked back into the dining room. I'm not sure if she did it to piss Ava, off, to mark her territory. Or if she was unaware. She leaned over my back, draped her arms over my shoulders. Leaned down and kissed me. Not a gentle friendly, see you later kiss. A deep, open mouthed, sensuous searing kiss.

As she stood up, she said. "See you later lover." Turning to Ava, she said warmly. "It was a pleasure to meet you again. I hope we bump into each other again at some point." She waved as she walked out leaving Ava, and I staring at her back.

She would have hardly cleared the drive way, when Ava, said. "Good lord, I cannot believe I'm about to say this, but. She's actually very nice."

I nodded. "She sure is."

"Ian, can I start by saying. I don't want a divorce. I know I said some silly things. You have a right to be angry. I admit I did the wrong thing and acted selfishly. I did not properly acknowledge your anger and pain. For that, I apologise again."

"Ava, it's okay. I get it. I know I said some things just to hurt you. We were both in the wrong space."

She stared at me, and it was one of those looks, where her real beauty shone through. Not in a physical sense. I mean, she is a beautiful woman. This was her soul laying completely open, baring herself to me. As of awaiting the coup de grace.

"Can we try again, this time without the anger?"

I nodded. "Yeah, we can try. I'm not sure that some of my responses won't be bitter."

She acknowledged that with her eyes. "Do you really want a divorce Ian? I mean really?"

"I don't know Ava. I have thought about this at least a dozen times every day since that fateful day. I don't see any other way. I can't live with the humiliation of it."

"I'm sorry Ian, that is the bit I struggle to understand. Why do you feel humiliated?"

"Because my wife had to go to another man for sexual satisfaction. That's why. I feel totally inadequate. I wasn't able to satisfy you."

"That my love is preposterous. I was always satisfied with our sex life."

"Bullshit." I snarled, cutting her off. "If we can't be honest with each other Ava, then further talk is a waste of time."

"But..."

"No, no buts. You were obviously unsatisfied. You reeled off a string of sexual kinks that lover boy fills for you that I never did. So stop lying to me. He filled a need in you that I didn't."

She sighed deeply. "Yes, I suppose in a way that is true, but it doesn't tell the full story, does it? You have to let me clarify the whole thing. Our love life, yours and mine. Was wonderful, totally satisfying and fulfilling. I have always loved and cherished it. Reed, yes. He has a name. Opened me up to new and different possibilities. In doing so, he introduced me to a part of myself that I didn't even know existed."

"That's what I'm saying Ava. Listen to me."

"No, Ian. You listen to me. I never knew that side of me existed. God, some of the things he did to me would have horrified the old me. I have laughed off people who indulged in soda-masochism. I always thought it disgusting. Now looking out rather than in. I have a different opinion."

She stood quickly. "I'm sorry, I need a drink. Would you like something?"

"Yeah, bourbon for me."

She returned with my bourbon, and whatever it was she was drinking. It was a bloody big glass, and by the way her face screwed up when she took a large gulp. I think it was probably vodka.

"Reed, exposed me to those elements, and now I enjoy them tremendously. But if it meant losing you. I would walk away from it completely. In a way, I already have. I haven't seen Reed, since that night you came to my hotel room."

"His, hotel room." I replied caustically.

"Yes, sorry. His room. I have spoken to Jodi, his wife almost every day. We have met for coffee, and gone out for meals. She is perhaps my best friend at the moment. At least she listens, and understands. I have spoken to Reed a couple of times over the phone, but that is all."

"You're saying your affair with him is over?"

"If that means that you and I could reconcile. Then yes, it's over."

"But it's not what you really want is it? Because if we reconciled. You would have to go through life sexually unfulfilled."

"That is only one part of my sexuality. I tried to say earlier. Our sex life was completely satisfying. If I lived with Reed, I would be unsatisfied as well."

My life is like a yin, yang coin. I have both a light and dark side. I knew you would be repulsed by my alter ego. I love you Ian. I always have. I cannot envision a life without you. These last couple of months, have been horrific. I miss you every day. I miss our home, falling asleep in your arms. Waking up beside you. I do not want to go through life without those wonderful moments."

We sipped our drinks. I sighed deeply trying to unravel my thoughts.

"Tell me. If we divorce. Would you go back to Reed?" I asked.

She shrugged."Yes, possibly. I do miss it."

That confused me. "It, or him?"

"Oh, I see." She replied. "Both I suppose, but it is the sexual part I miss. I never loved Reed. I liked him, shared things with him. But I never loved him."

"So it's the kinky sex you miss?"

She nodded. "Yes, it can be very obsessive. Like a drug habit I suppose."

We finished our drinks, and she poured us another. As she sat down, she said. "Can we have a frank discussion about our marriage?"

"Yes, I thought that was what we were doing?"

"No, we were discussing my sexual needs, perversions. I want to talk about our marriage."

"Go..."

"All right. Can I start by asking if you were unsatisfied?" I was about to answer when she said. "I'm talking solely about our marriage, prior to all of this happening."

"Yeah, I understood Ava. No, to answer your question. I was never unsatisfied. Sexually, or emotionally. I thought we had a wonderful marriage."

She smiled, sipped her drink. "Thank you." It took her a few moments, but she came back with. "If you were totally fulfilled by our marriage. Why do you want to bring it to an end?"

"Because it was a lie. I was satisfied, because I thought you were also satisfied. Unfortunately for me you weren't. For that fulfilment you went to another man."

"Ian, I didn't know. I tried to explain that. I didn't know. It is like you go through life eating vanilla ice cream, and you're happy with that. Then somebody introduces you to hokey pokey, and suddenly a new world opens up."

"Yes, I understand that. But it's the reason I'm so upset. You didn't come to me. You never once said I'm unhappy. I need more, something different."

She sighed, raised her head to stare at the ceiling. I watched as her breasts rose and fell deeply.

"I couldn't come to you. God, I didn't know myself. Once I did. I still couldn't go to you. Not without exposing my affair, and I didn't want to hurt you."

"No, you didn't want to embarrass yourself. You said already you're not sorry about the affair."

"I'm not Ian. I believe if we could find a way past this. The affair improved my outlook on life, and that made me a more complete version of who I am. It made me so sexually alive, and some of that flowed into our relationship. You said yourself. Our sex life reached new heights over the last year."

"Yes, but that wasn't because of me was it?"

"Of course it was. Our sex life, was ours. It was amazing, so full of love and commitment, lust and hunger. That was us, you and me."

"The passion though was driven by Reed?"

"No, Ian, you're focusing on him. What you and I did together was us. You and me. Reed ceased to exist the moment I got on the plane to come home."

"Okay, if I accept your explanation. What do you propose as an alternative to divorce?"

"Us, you and me the way we always were. I don't want to be away from you a moment longer. I will do whatever it takes to make that happen. Counselling, penance of some sort. I will do whatever it takes. All I ask in return is you are prepared to experiment a little with me."

"See, that's the problem for me Ava. You hid your affair from me for two years, and before you say it. I know the sexual element was only six months. There was however an emotional affair raging long before the sexual connection. You did it so easily you see, fooled me completely. Now I wonder how I could ever trust you again. That element of our relationship has been incinerated."

"Yes, and that my love is what I am sorry for. I can see why you do not believe me. I can see it is going to be difficult to rebuild. You tell me what I have to do, to earn that back?"

"Okay, you want some demands, well here they are. "No more travelling. You would have to be office bound. No working late in the evenings, and yes. I suppose counselling wouldn't hurt."

She frowned, took a long sip of her drink. Then said. "Yes, I would happily do all of those things."

"You would?" I said disbelievingly.

"Yes, absolutely. I am serious Ian. I will do anything. Eventually, I would have to travel. I need to chase new business..."

"What about your kinky needs?"

"Now the cat is out of the bag, so to speak. Perhaps you might like to take some of your anger out on me, in a physical sense. It could be part of my punishment."

"Punishment my arse. You'd love it."

She smirked silently. "Very true. It would work for both of us. You would get to inflict some revenge, and I would... Well, you get the picture."

"I don't think I could do it Ava. The night I went to your hotel room. That night I could have happily spanked you. I don't think I have that in me."

"Ian, remember. I didn't know either."

"I don't know, it's too much to consider at the moment."

"Ian, if it's Leeza, you're worried about. I don't care. You could keep seeing her."

From there, we went over and over how she thought it could work. It confused the hell out of me. The bitch should have been a Barrister.

Hearing the pickup come up the drive, made me realise. We'd been going at it for two hours.

Leeza, walked in carrying a couple of brown bags. "Hey, I guessed you guys might need something to eat." She held out the bags. "I didn't know what to get, so I got some salad buns, sandwiches, and sausage rolls."

She walked over and placed them on the table. She picked up my glass, and took a sip. "Bourbon, Hmm yum. If I'd known. I'd a stayed."

Ava, jumped up, and said. "I shall get some cutlery and plates. Perhaps we could take the food out onto the outdoor setting. It looks like such a lovely day."

The two of them walked into the kitchen, and I picked up the bags and walked outside. She wasn't wrong it was a beautiful day.

I walked back in to see if I could help. I found them giggling stupidly as they made cocktails of some description. Leeza, leaned over and kissed me. "You get some sauce, and another drink. We'll be out in a minute."

"Fuck me drunk." I mumbled as I poured myself another bourbon, and walked back outside.

They both joined me, and we sat on the old wooden picnic table.

"Wow, it's really nice out here. I can see why you love it Ian." Leeza, gushed. "Kumeu is nice as well. It's a whole different world isn't it."

"It is lovely all right." Ava, replied, taking in a large lungful of air.

"Tell me Leeza." She added. "The job you do at Pizza Hutt. Does it pay much?"

"Nah, not really. It helps though. I'm scraping by."

"Have you not been able to find something more suitable?"

"No, nothing flexible enough to let me finish my studies. The hours are pretty fixed."

"What if I offered you something? The money would be better, and you would be working in an environment that would lead you into work after you finish at university."

"Holy shit... Really?" She quickly turned to look at me. I could see her question. She didn't have to say it.

"Don't worry about Ian. He is grown up enough to know. I'm not trying to get in the way of your relationship with him."

Leeza's, face blushed. "I wasn't thinking that."

"Yes you were." Ava, replied. You're a clever girl. You're wondering why I'm offering you a job. To be completely honest. I don't know either. I like you, and I want to help."

Leeza, glanced at me. "What do you think?"

"Sounds like an opportunity to good to pass up." I glared at Ava, who screwed up her face, as if to say. "Sorry."

We finished our drinks, and Ava, stood to clear the table. Leeza, jumped up with her, and they carried the leftovers back inside. I sat there with my bourbon, wondering. What the fuck just happened?

I heard them talking and laughing inside, all I could do was shake my head in wonder.

Ava, walked outside, and sat down beside me. "Ian, I don't expect an answer right away. Perhaps we could meet for lunch on Monday and talk some more?"

"Yeah, you better be careful driving back to town. You've had three drinks."

"I feel fine. It's been over several hours."

She leaned over and kissed me. It was our first physical connection since that night. The kiss, bugger me. It was amazing, as always. Her mouth opened seductively and our tongues danced playfully. The sensuous feel and taste of her mouth on mine. It brought back a thousand wonderful memories.

After living together with somebody for twenty three years, You don't suddenly stop loving them. It doesn't matter how heinous the crime. Yes, there's anger, real hatred. It explodes out of you like an erupting volcano. It's followed, if you can stay out of jail, by bitterness, nagging biting resentment.

But, that fades with every day that passes. That anger eases. Like indigestion, it's raw and painful, but as it eases. It's replaced by other emotions. And then the memories trickle back in. All the good memories start to build up in your system.

If your marriage, or relationship is like this one. Where the great memories far outweigh the bad ones. Your perceptions change. You feel the warm loving sentiments return. You probably don't want them to. You think with your ego, pride.