All Comments on 'A Wife's Revenge Ch. 03'

Instead of wasting your time here go see a therapist as soon as possible. Maybe you don't know it right now but you definitely need therapy. I will pray for your sanity. 1 star.

Two loooong chapters too long! Yeah, I skimmed. It just wasn’t worth any more effort.

Wildly improbable. You REALLY need an editor - the writing is a disaster. It was WAY too long, redundant and irritating. And after all the extremes you went to, you thought that RAACing them was a good idea???? Simply awful ending.

These three parts are endlessly rambling, going down the rabbit hole and spinning aimlessly. Your commentary to open this chapter was written like the voice in your head was on speed. Even rereading what you wrote, left me confused, and instead of explaining it further, you went off into another explanation. It was like watching a film that the reels had been spliced together at random. Your plot was fragmented and went off in too many directions. The characters interacted in ways that went against what you'd written you'd set us up for, and there was way, way too much extraneous information. Her "explanation" of he plans read like a cross between Overlord and the von Schlieffen Plan folded together. Truthfully, reading this was as frustrating as trying to understand it. There's a GOOD story in there, and you just need to trim away all the distracting waste. Part 1 flowed well. Part 2 started to go haywire, and Part 3 was confusing.

.

There is a reason films and writing are edited. 2/5.

You lost me at the fight.

It would not have gone according to his plan and the damage to the knees would have ended it then and there.

I know this because it happened to me and on a scale of 1 to 10, the pain would was an all encompassing 12. It hurt so bad that nothing else mattered and my leg, below the knee was at a 90degree angle the WRONG WAY.

I was effectively crippled and only the arrival of a cop prevented my demise.

As well, there’s no way he could have predicted the ripped fuel line. You added that in there to even the score but again, it took away from the story and then there was the threats of mutilating his wife. Might as well have said he would sell the kids into slavery and kill her on live television….that’s how ridiculous that was.

You had the makings of a good story but it was so over the top that is was just stupid.

...

Where is the STD test? was she on BC?

Imo, there really is no way of getting past what she did, unless you open up the relationship. It doesn't take long to make a person addicted to orgasms'.

Continued sociopathic writing. So immature and unrealistic it's constant amazement to see this put out.

How incredibly disappointing

I'm sorry but I didn't like your story and let me explain.

You have gone too far.

Whether for the situations, the wife or the husband.

too much degradation, too much humiliation, too much wait and see from the husband, too much of an almost unreal situation, too much .......

In the end, too much doesn't mean better or more interesting.

Read or re-read the best writers on this site, and you'll find that the best stories are often the simplest.

I hope I have given you constructive advice.

You've written an absolutely unlikeable main character! How can reader feel anything, but contempt for him? He is pathetic! No one possessing male DNA can have any respect for him!! His parents are just as bad! How can anyone think leaving daughters with her would make sense? Rather than use the absurdly abundant and legally obtained evidence of her depravity to get her declared unfit, he just gives up, gives everything and walks away???? The hooker is the only likable character in the story!!!!!

well...

good writing and all but everything, EVERYTHING since ch01 was so turned to maximum/

over the top that I could not enjoy the story since my suspension of disbelief sense was tingeling like crazy the whole time, but then again it was fluent to read and I wanted to be fair (see the complete pic) before I write an comment.

So strangely I can not rate this because it wouldn be fair in any direction

personal note

I would not be able to stay with someone who is capable of escalating like that. Regardless of the cause, the explanation or the apology. IMO because of her the child's welfare was at risk and ficiton or not this is a red flag for me

TLDR

Sorry, but the story went well and truly off the rails during these last two installments. I feel like Jan ended up being the only character capable of any maturity/sense of awareness.

><><><

Ultimately, I lost all sympathy for, or interest in the rest of the participants here (Chase and Sue in particular).

Blech

What a crock of bullshit

Feel it fizzled out into a nothing. Shame, there were indications that there was something deeper to this story

This was one of the most disgusting couple stories i have read,,.... kept hoping both would behave like matured parents of two daughters... please tell me that these two are not being allowed to raise the girls! and Mr Ram i Raise....u need to keep ur day job of garbage collecter! u suck as a writer or whatever u think u are!

Yeah this wasn't good fam. I thought you'd be different!

Quite frankly as soon as I read the first page of this chapter I skipped the rest and read the final page. The idea of portraying the wife as a victim after the way she humiliated her husband and trapped him like a rat (a situation you described with great skill, by the way) would be the equivalent of a Nazi accused of committing genocide trying to minimize his sins. "Hey man, we only wanted to kill a couple Hebrews and we got carried away! I'm sorry!"

You've got talent that's undeniable, but you mixed up your ideas and destroyed the grest potential your tale had. I can read just the first and the last page of a story and it still makes sense, that means there are eight pages too many. They contain complementary information but the core of the story is not there.

Good luck with the next one!

Too long

overwrought reactions.

Why would he ever take her back? She has proved herself to be a slut. The writing was fine but I felt this part was too long and the outcome was unlikely. Poor kids with two very selfish parents.

Too many changes of point of view, very messy and hard to read.

Good story but 9 pages? Could have been shorter. Just a heads up a lot of readers will skip to the end.

Done with this at page3. Utter nonsense 1*

Disgusting.

OMG! Congratulations! You have single handedly created the sorriest, wimpiest, most pathetic, most idiotic, shameless, etc, etc, and etc character in all of Literotica. He even puts the most willing cuckold on the entire site to shame. But what's worse is that you strung, or rather, I strung myself along for the entire never ending saga. What an idiot I am, huh ?

first two had me ready for this one and what a let down. 9 chapters and skimmed through 2/3rds of them to find the story again. Blew it dude. I love good stories, but this became just wanker material. Email me if you wish

Wonderful story!! Please write another chapter, where Jan and Susie become friends, Jan gets married and they both have new additions to their families. Thanks again, it was wonderful!

Nope !

Thank you for writing this! I very much enjoyed the ups and downs, real world thoughts and feelings. Kudo's!

Too many unresolved issues. I do not know of any man that could get past the videos and phone calls and the disrespect. Just no way. I am not opposed to a RAAC but after all that happened, only a person with no self respect could reconcile

This story was looking promising, until this chapter. I have nothing against reconciliation, but after she repeatedly, and maliciously acted like a whole, and rubbed his nose in it, I can't see a way of coming back from that.

Since he didn't insist on both of them getting tested for STDs, why not really spice it up by having both parents slowly die of AIDS, leaving the children orphans...

2 stars. Thanks for the effort...

If you don't put Darren and Tony down permanently, they will keep coming back. Story was ok. She did so many unforgiveable things, he should have let her go. Jan would have been a better option.

Well written and composed. I did not like the over-the-top sexcapades of Susie and her boss plus is friends. I do not think it is necessary to carry the plot nor the story.

Really?

If I looked at your story like that, one would have thought that the author is English because they are known for the fact that their wives are whores and their men the born cuckolds. Nevertheless, I give you some advice for life: you fuck whores, pay them and send them home, but you are not married to them, and you certainly have no children with them!

Great Story, loved the emotional rollercoaster! Also loved how everything worked out in the end.

Dont listen to the haters. For ur first story out this was better than most. I enjoyed the story. Keep writing.

"She couldn't deal with the thought of losing the new sexual freedom, and most importantly the love of her husband." That was a nonsensical statement that made more sense than some of the story line.

I will admit that after the first page I skimmed the story. You lost your place, skipped around without coherent thought and basically screwed up what might have been a decent story.

I gave you a four for the first chapter then a two 2 or maybe 3 for the 2nd. This one deserves a 1.

You started with a character that was getting screwed over. The angst was there. Then you had him getting angry yet still get screwed over. Then you began to show how he had ammunition to bury the assholes who destroyed his life. And what does the idiot do? He decided to go toe to toe in a fistfight. Totally idiotic response for a man who was clearly intelligent. It even went down hill from there.

You have some talent in that you can come up with a decent story line and you can string a sentence together. But beyond that, your idea of TELLING that story seriously has problems.

I read your profile about having to submit Ch 2 a few times. I tried to contact you. It would not accept email. If you would like to talk, email me and I will respond.

Two words ....

CUCK SHIT!

So fucking over the top, this thing just went off the rails.'

Seems you decided you really like the cuck spank squads adulation because nothing you wrote here had any feeling of reality to it.

Who the fuck would go to such lengths and do all that was done the way this was done? No one.

I have no idea who this feces fire ended, dont care and never will.

You started off much better and then you became the 99% of writers here. Walk away from your keyboard and call it a career.

Only a 3. For a first story, not bad, but I really didn't care for the RAAC conclusion. Given how clearly intelligent Jan was, I think she would have been a definite improvement for Chase. There were also some specific other issues, inconsistencies, lost threads:

1) The constant PI surveillance just disappears - no resolution, and I think it probably continued for a while more.

2) The MC owns his own business. Why wouldn't he just use business resources to get his own PI, start hiding cash, etc.?

3) More on the business ownership. Business owners don't think like this guy did. They tend to believe they own the world, and in fact do have the flexibility to do the kind of things noted in point 2.

4) Even with his claimed refusals to post from the Lit powers that be, there were still tons of errors. And given how error-ridden so much of what gets posted on this site is, I find it hard to believe that the site masters really prevented the postings. Maybe I'm wrong, and if so, guess I'll find out when I finally join in.

5) OK. More on the Jan thing. I don't know why in the world on so many of those overnights or weekends when Susie was off fucking Darren and the others, Chase didn't invite Jan over to help with the girls? She probably would have bonded nicely with them, and passed the audition to replace Susie.

6) And given all the evidence Chase was given by Susie and Darren, he had a decent chance at custody, especially if there was a surrogate mother figure in the on deck circle.

7) Finally, it's a lot to ask of readers to wade through 18 pages. There are great writers on this site who can easily justify that kind of length (carvohi, dtiverson, javmor79, for example). This author did explore some areas of depth between the main characters (Chase, Susie, Jan), but I don't think the resolution was convincing enough. I recommend Raulmerez1 putting some greater effort into finding an editor, and trying again.

Just a quick skim to confirm that if I'd have tried to read the whole thing, I would have vomited. Not just a little bit in my mouth but projectile, across the room with force type vomiting. What an utter bullshit story. So glad I was not subjected fully. Please don't do this anymore.

Though the previous installments frustrated and disappointed me by the pure evil conduct of Susie (and Darren and Tony -- though they are really evil to the core) and the unwillingness of Chase to really deal with it. I gave this a "4," which I would not under other circumstances, but I thought the author did a good job of trying to justify Chase's forgiveness, his actions with Jan, Nikky and Lois, and even the healing process with Susie. How he could ever rebuild a trust is beyond me, however, and I think the Chase character should have purchased lottery tickets, if he and Susie managed not to be a cesspool of STD's. To the author: For me, a bit of a rocky -- if erotic -- start, but you may not be able to pull everything back from the cliff as you did here. Keep writing.

I read a lot stories on this site, I comment often. I haven't seen comments from the better writers or commenters here - ignore most of the anony's...

You story telling wasn't bad at all - you could've help story a ton with an editor. I suggest you needed to cover the background of his one-time cheating and how it was the result his & wife's problem when she was depressed. The MC grew throughout in my mind and the wife was the usual LW scatter brained idiot in what she did. However you tried to bring that 'round and actually sort of succeed. I could actually see a RAAC story here and the MC saw how it's never a single sided at fault in most cases. I hope you keep writing, you need an editor, this last part could have been cut by 2-3 pages easily. Listen to comments by some of the other authors here if you get them. I a big fans of comments from JustWords, BillandKate, plus some others. You are not without an ability - I wish I had that ability, so don't let the naysayers stop you from practicing and refining you skills. Read some of the first efforts by some of the best authors on this site, you will see what I mean.

Couldn't read all this nonsense when the direction you were going was inescapable. Took you 9 pages to write your completely unrealistic and unbelievable fairy tale. Ch1 had promise but you turned it into sewage. You should be ashamed. But you aren't-you think this is "real." ---5

Huge amount of filler material that could easily be ditched. Story was good but could have been better if after she found out about his having sex with Lois, she had a relationship with Brian and they both stayed apart for while with others for maybe year or two before realizing that they needed to be together to be totally happy and as in the ending of the original. Making all they guys she after her being assholes is kinda one sided and not realistic.

Absolute BORING drivel. 9 pages for this chapter, first off take 99% of the bullshit about his business and who is getting paid $200 or whatever and take it OUT, no need for it, this chapter could have been done in less than 3 pages!

Also the fight scene, you've abviously NEVER had an injury like that to the knee, no one is getting up like the dickheads in that ridiculous fight to keep going! 1*

Sorry but no, at least for me this story doesnt work. In my Ch. 1 say that you either choose the cuckold route or the consequences / btb one. That choose a RAAC ending will be the worst ending that you could choose. I have to skimm several parts of this chapter, and yeah its exactly what i expect, long, verbose without say anything of significance, the payback of the husband was so improbable. All your characters are unlikable or relatable. A wife who not only doesnt verify and goes form 0 to meltdow, a husband thats the texbook definition of wimp, spinneless, doormat etc, unidimentional badguys etc.

Chapter 1 establish the setting, chapter 2 its were the problems sarted, the husband doesnt take any action, the wife turn on the humillitation up to 100 and none its resolved until the last pages of the chapter 3... a long chapter and for someone that doesnt want the cliches of the cuckold neither BTB genres, you certainly check several of the RAAC genre, specially with the wife crying and explaining and the husband take her back.

On the good side, certainly you can write and build interesting situations, however you need get to the point or the next stage. the 2nd chapter again doesnt bring anything to the story and neither a good portion of the last one.

I only can rate this a 2/5.

I expected him to wind up with Jan.

You walked us through his reconciliation thoughts, kudos for that. Your story, your univers, your fantasy. The heart wants what it wants.

I, personally, disagree with the outcome, but I loved the story. Your skill as a writer is excellent, I want more!

That was painful. Way too long. Too much needless info which didn't advance the story. And Chase all of a sudden becomes Mr Superstud who bangs all the women and beats Darren and Tony half to death? No sir, not the least believable!! 1*

I just never found it.

Too much going back and forth

It sucks. I wasted my day reading this bull shit!

Parts of it were good and some parts were not so good. But I really suck at writing, so I can't really critique your work. I suspect you will probably get a lower rating than it truly deserves because it was quite long, which let you put a lot of things into the story. However, the LW category is full of readers that seem to have narrow and conflicting preferences (BTB vs RAAC, hotwife/cuck vs secret affair, etc.) and the second they see something that doesn't fit their preference, they will give a 1 star rating and bash it in the comments.

Really? 1*

A different kind of story . Enjoyed it very much. Please write more.

I have no idea why chapter 3 isn't getting a high 4 star rating, I gave it a 5. I thought both 1 and 2 were in the upper 4 star ratings. I guess it is because of the subject and the way you treated and whole subject without there being lots of blood and gore and filled with revenge. If this is really your first then I will have to keep looking for more of your work. I think it was great. As far as telling you how to improve your writing, my first comment is to proof read your work closely. I noticed a couple grammatical errors. Spell check can not catch those when the wrong word is spelled correctly. Secondly check your time lines. It seamed that you were off a couple times. I thought you went up on one weekend and were finished moving all the stuff from the cabin by yourself. Then you were back again with Susie to pack up the cube van again? And third, and maybe most importantly, chapter 1 and 2 the time between publishing them was 24 days and between chapter 2 and 3 was 11 days. So for me I wind up forgetting the plot between chapters and it makes them harder to follow for a time. Release them closer together. Lastly quality is more important than quantity. Those are my suggestion to all new writers for what they are worth. On the whole I think you did a great job and thanks for sharing this work with us. Well done.

But for the story line could have been better. I do like reconciliation but pushing things the way she did I wouldn't have been able to forget, destroying her former boss yes thats a given.

Really appreciate your energy and your enthusiasm. Can't wait for you to develop the talent and discipline to write logically and coherently.

So Darren uses a body guard. And they both show up for a secret secluded fight with a gun. They were going to kill him with the gun if they thought they needed to. Hold that thought. So now he has ambushed both of them, beat them up some, and thinks that will be the end of it? If they were ready to kill him before, without much cause and no need, why wouldn't they for sure kill him now after he has proven what a threat he is, how capable he is? Why would they be afraid to kill him now? Now they have more reason than ever to kill him. Just one small example of the logic faults that plague your writing; your characters don't make much sense.

Sue, the whore, the gang bang slut, the wanton mentally dysfunctional nymphomaniac, that Sue, is insulted that the husband she completely and repeatedly betrayed, claiming later she has no idea why she fucked all those men all those many times, but the sex was amazing, she's insulted that her husband was concerned that she might, well, continue the crazy brainless fuck fests she had been having and enjoying, for months? So she hooks up with her ex boy friend who thinks, just maybe, she might be an easy lay? Why not just throw down the insanity card and be done with trying to explain anything this fucked up bitch has done, is doing, and will some day do again as soon as she feels entitled, the need, or for no reason at all; just because she can.

Its a great plot idea, but the execution was absurd, ridiculous, and God So Tedious. You have a fetish for pointless extraneous details? You needed to tell us how many times someone punched someone else, or what booze they drank and how much? You really needed to tell us why they put the hamburgers on a grill, really? You forgot to tell us what percentage fat the ground beef was. I know, embarrassing.

This comment could go on almost as long as your story, but for what purpose? If you really have the making of a decent writer you already know what I've pointed out. And if you don't, you never will. Good luck with future work, and thanks for the effort.

Third chapter not up to the quality of the first two; far too much attention paid to boring details of intercourse. And, principally, what happened to Jan, one of main characters of the first two chapters? Finally, the wife's actions with Darren and his driver were so outrageous, frequent, and long-lasting that credulity is strained to think reconciliation would happen.

3. The story already had problems in previous chapters then started moving at breakneck speed in this one before slowing down and stretching out the story for 9 pages. I love reconciliation stories usually but with all Susie did, all the humiliation, all the destruction she did to his life and his love I just don't ever see it happening. He forgave her way too fast and stuck with her even with worries about her going back to her lovers. There is a the seed of a great revenge story in there but I think it needs reworked, its well written at times but others times not, and sometimes the subject matter is a bit too much.

There are the bones of a good story in here. The last couple of pages of this weren"t bad. I know how hard it is to have an idea abd write it, translating the vision is hard. I highly recommend some if the stuff they have on the website to help ppl write better stories,some of it is damn good. My thoughts;

1)read and reread what you wrote out loud and see if it flows. A lot of your writing is all over the place with who is saying what and also jumps.

2) proofread it several times, there were a lot of grammatical errors and wrong use if words that made it right sledding.

3) the main character was a bit too wimpy. It is one thing to feel guilty it is another for him to constantly blame himself for her actions. She is just so cruel that it is like I dent your car and you klll my wife. It just doesn't make sense.

4) you make an attempt for Sue to understand why she did what she did which I commend you for but it doesn't work. The implication is that Darryl has the Martian Slut Ray that makes sure do what she did, but there had to be more to it to make this work....somethng made her keep going back to him but what is in the story makes no sense.

5) the parents make no sense , they know what she did but dad tells him he needs to man up, everyone makes mistakes...wtf? Telling him he needs to be strong and lull himself together, yes...

But blaming him for Sue? Bullshit, no way.

6) hubby is big cocked and apparently is a god in bed yet he lacks confidence? Doesn't make sense.

7) it is much too long. I know only too well how easy It is to write a ton of prose, I struggle with my own stories, I love dialog and descriptions. The art is having detail where it is needed and broad strokes elsewhere. This could if been maybe two chapters, one with her actions and one with the fallout/ reconciliation.

8) he goes around showing the videos to everyone...wtf? No way,especially if he wants to get her back, you don't show it to everyone.

9) the weapon tony has when they fight,is it legal? If the cops saw that they would bust Darryl in a NY second once they saw the video of the fight. Likely too they would charge him with assault with a deadly weapon, a fistfight is one thing, using the gun is totally something else.

10) you often have hubby say that something doesn't add up yet it never is resolved. If you create a lot point like that, guy need to resolve it.

11) he runs away,basically abandoning the kids to sue who he knows is unbalanced, giving her full custody. .w 2 young girls? Not realistic.

12) sue is hanging out w Brian, has him around the kids,and doesn't think hubby will be furious? Due is either terminally stupid or cruel. Okay Jan is a bit problematic but he isn't bringing her around to be w the kids.

I think the biggest whole is that while I thought the reconciliation was pretty well done given the scope of what sue did therw needed to be more balance to it. Sue shows remorse and in some ways tried to balance out what she had done, bit it want enough. Monster betrayal= monster repentance/amends. Among other things she could have forestalled a lot of grief by signing a statement that if they got divorced she ( sue) would not seek anything from the business assets so as not to hurt the employees..

Hope this helps,feedback I get has helped me a lot.

I strongly feel that the very first time going to the in-laws place to pick up the kids in chapter one he should have showed his father-in-law all the videos that had ben sent to him, while out in the back yard. Things would have taken a different turn. Instead it took 3 chapters just to have them kiss and make up with the husband still a cuckold because she really would never have kicked the love of illicit sex with multi lovers. Fucking cheaters.

i lost interest on page 3 when Darren and henchman allegedly died in the wreak

It started off very clearly then you stretched it out. You could have made several stories instead of one prolonged.

A bit of a hodgepodge of a story, no real consistency in his thought processes.

Gross disrespect from wife to husband, ample evidence of wife being an unfit mother with many, many video clips showing how depraved she was. Divorce should have been his priority.

Sure wish I didn’t known you were going to recap the whole dang story in this chapter so I wouldn’t of had to bother with the first two chapters.

Part one was great so was part two. Part three not so much. Otherwise I enjoyed the trip.

Every time an issue comes up she turns to some other man. Why does he think this will change?

'Chase' and Suzie both died of AIDS and the kids lived happily ever after. Nobody else has to read it now.

Hmmm, where do I start? Let's do the good news first. The good news is you have a very effective writing style with narrative that flows easily for the reader. The bad news is the plot lines weren't congruent with what us readers know of a marriage and the human condition. You did great job showing us the despair Chase was drawn into but much of the character's throughout the story didn't act/react in a "normal" manner. The personality of someone who has created their own business is someone who has confidence and makes decision. I truly understand how someone's life can get turned upside down by what his wife did for retribution, but he would not have been stuck in the permanent state of indecision you put him in. He also wouldn't have tolerated Darren's disrespect as you presented to us. I'm not trying to come across with disagreements over how "I would have done it". I want to point out you created characters and gave us insight into what made them tick. Us readers understand the human condition - How would your characters react and remain true to themselves? THAT'S where the series fell down. Hope that makes sense? I see potential, so keep working on your craft! 4*

Don't ignore all of the comments. There is some good info in each one once you filter out a bunch of the usually statements about cuck crap etc.

I think the main issue I had with your story was that you made both of the main characters so bad and contradictory that a true reconciliation to a happily ever after ending would really be impossible.

She goes way over the top on revenge and admits it yet while saying she loves her husband and wants to get back together she continually says she doesn't;t know why she kept spreading her legs for a guy she hates and event body modification. She would do it again and again as she cannot say why she couldn't refuse. She says the sex was great and enjoyable. Then she connects with an old boyfriend and confides in him and has him around her children.

He is bullshit angry yet still wants her back and then has sex with others while he too is trying to reconnect. WTF?

They get together again, all cards on the table, and she informs husband to continue to sleep with others as she is now so much more sexually advanced that he needs to experience more so that when she shows him what she learned from sleeping around he doesn't;t get angry or lose confidence. SO she is again rubbing her cheating in his face and instead of really being sorry or guilt she is saying she is sexually all the better for it. She tells her husband her self worth is non existent except for her slutty whoring ways.

And that is who he wants to watch his kids and grow old with?

I think all that could have happened was he divorces her and gets custody as she needs mental health, maybe they remain friendly for the kids sake. A reconciliation could happen had she just had sex one time and said nothing if that is what would make her feel even. Maybe even tell him she had sex one time. They could argue, debate the two wrongs making a right or goose and gander thing, but that would be a shorter story. Which would also be better.

Keep writing and you will improve.

He took her back? He took her back!! Nope, Nuh uh! Yuck!

I don't care for RAAC stories, once I saw where it seemed to be headed I skipped to the end. No thanks.

So he gets the worn out used up whore back. At least he got to do the babysitter.

What is wrong with this writer?

well, it was interesting enough that I read all the way through, but please get a lesson on basic punctuation, especially when quotes are involved. You are mishandling it badly enough that it is distracting.

You've submitted 3 stories too many.

To those who just wanted a F--k story. Sorry this story is written much closer to what real life is like with one exception-both the husband & wife stayed with solving their problems rather than quitting as most do.

You need so much work on your writing. As hard as I tried I could not get past the 2nd page of this chapter. When you want t write a story; start by writing an outline, it is a map of where the story will travel. Out line should be vy complete. Without a clear map your story will wander, move too fast or too slow, change direction without need or meaning and the reader will get lost and lose interest. Introduce and develop your characters. You will need good guys and bad guys. Only you define the characters! Create a good guy and a bad guy and make a conflict to be dealt with and resolved. Most readers an suspend belief to a point but keep the plot within the limits of believeability. Character behavior should follow the character development you have previously created. A thoughtful logical character must not behave in a manner contrary to the moral compass you have described them to have. A good story allows the reader to become invested in the good outcome of the protagonist and to "boo" the antagonist. If I cannot become invested in the characters I wont care how the story turns out and not likely to finish it or score it vy high. DO NOT create schitzophrenic characters! Their actions and behavior must be consistent with what the reader can accept according to the information you have supplied about that character, no one can understand of follow the actions of a crazy person who suddenly acts good or a good character who boils a bunny. I am tired of typing and you probably will not listen to advice anyway so I am stopping now. If you do knot know basic punctuation or language skills and are too lazy to proof read don't write crap and expect the reader to understand or enjoy your efforts.

I wish Saddletramp1956 or soneone make an alternative of this story

Hopefully this is a satirical version of an over the top revenge LW story. If not someone spent a very long time typing many many words to create the worst LW story I've read in a very long time.

You completely ruined your story with chapter 3. You made chapter 3 not only to long but wrote it to where chapter 2 was a complete waste of time. You could remove 90% of chapter 2 to make chapter 3 work. You took all that time in chapter 2 investigating her. Find the secret emails and texts showing she was already having this affair before he ever did what he did. You wrote chapter 2 leaving most readers questioning if the youngest daughter is even his. You point out the secret bank account where all her company prostitute money "bonus pay" has been going. Yet in 3 you have her not starting anything till after his affair and then it was only supposed to be teasing and not actually a sex thing till after he didn't react how she wanted. In 3 she doesn't know about being prostituted out till later. Than she makes it sound like she didn't get paid, she was the payment to others. You contradicted most of chapter 2 and omitted most of what was written in it so it became a complete waste. Even his confrontation with her boss and driver is a complete waste. You reveal later that she's already left that job on 2days before that. So all the talk the driver and boss say is none relevant cause she's no longer working there. You talk about the accident yet say nothing of the injuries or what happens after with the police or anything else. Let's not forget he hires a babysitter so he can go out, like a responsible parent should. But then leaves his small children home all alone to take the babysitter home. You completely ruined your own story. The guys dads a piece of shit. His mom isn't much better. The babysitter is shit, the wife is a guttertrash twatwaffle whore, the boss and driver are shit and he's a worthless shit for letting it all happen and taking her back. The only one that sounds sane is the buddy.

5 stars......although it was a roller coaster ride and a bit long in places. It could use a bit of touch up here and there but compared to most of the shit posted on this site, it was an excellent story.

I found it an interesting read. 2 very flawed humans doing what humans do best and lashing out when feeling neglected or hurt without the slightest consideration to the consequences not just to each other.

I fear had this been real life they would have destroyed each other with everything that they did. Had it have been real life Chase could have taken Susie to the cleaners and got custody with the video evidence of what a poor mother she would make and destroyed Darren by dragging him through the courts by naming him in the divorce, getting restraining orders and suing him (even if it came to nothing).

You could have trimmed the length by trimming the sex scenes down.

You really REALLY need to read up on punctuation especially how to write dialogue - where to put the speech marks, the capitals in and around them and the punctuation within them.

Get a copy of Grammarly that will help.

You've turned out an average story, for a 1st you took on quite the challenge with the number of words but it could have been a good story.

I'm really surprised this scored this high.

I like the story and here are the 5/5 for it. Look do not read the BS here just keep going. Please more story's and THANK YOU

You are a good writer and while chapter 3 finished the story, it could of went many different ways. One way was, she planned the whole thing from the beginning because she was bored. Another was she ruined her life and he got everything. One other thing, you could of went a little more into the injuries from the accident.

I realized my real feeling is I would be as angry as he was at times, but I could never be so forgiving. I would take my kids and start over!

These children will all end up being dead headers, drug addicts, self-cutters and total losers over the next few years.

Thanks Mom and Dad.

It's easy to write a Saddletramp story.

The husband has suddenly superpowers (martial arts and hacking skills), a magical way to protect all his assets. He fights the bad guys (all of them at once), and finds love with a dutiful wife (with all the qualities possible and who will worship the MC).

The cheating wife will live a long and sad life, full of misery and regrets.

Well one day maybe Raul I will tell you a story, a true one, the ending isn't happy but it is my story, it is my life before my love. I had a number of times when I put this down, angry, sad, confused, why did I love to hate this story. Surely the Hero/antihero is the one to blame. You swear that oath, for better for worse, but who is prepared for the worse. Our "hero" sets in motion a series of events by his infidelity, by his failure to understand his wife's depression is just that "For Worse" moment and then selfishly betrays her. That she becomes psychopathicly unwell is all down to his brutality, his callous indifference, everything that happens is down to him, he is the antihero. Consider the man who sets off an avalanche, should he be to blame if others are caught up in his catastrophe? You treat Sue as any male misogynist would, no understanding, no concern, it is she who needs therapy, needs to atone...sorry old cock that is just bullshit!...Well written by tge way.

You need more practise reread your writing don't let others put you down.

You let us see the problems they are dealing. Nothing is easy between 2 people. You hurt one and you have to pay. How much nobody knows. You shows us how easy it get's out of hand and to deal with the fallout. So 4* for writing and to be bold to write against the mainstream. I don't get it to call your loved one names like a lot of commentors and authors. To label someone as whore or worst is only cruel and shows NO respect to a human being!

Parents are supposed to love their kids little or mature, who abbandoned (male or female) they are not a parent only a livegiver. I for me self can see his stuggling to lose his kids. But a lot nowadays only looking for themself.

So please don't skip writing if all write the same it get's boring and this side are only for fetisch BTB. And that would be a shame!

PS today my account doesn't work Flar 1958

I appreciate the effort. It took you a long time to come up with all of this and write it all down. I just don't know any man that could forgive all that wife put him through.

Reading this was like watching ping pong. She bounces between trying to be a respectable loving wife and a gang bang whore. He goes from being a decisive business man to a spineless husband. There were really no likable characters in this story at all. People like these should not be allowed to have children.

Her over-the-top cruelty with her boss was unimaginable. She did not deserve any forgiveness. The last chapter was borderline awful and quite disappointing.

A dark and disturbing tale. The Jan character was an inspiration. I felt it got lost a little after the phone call but came together in the end. A good effort for a first attempt.

LA

The story was too long. Thats just my opinion, I do not like long drawn-out stories. with that said you do have some good characters to make a great story. BUT is this fantasy, Fake, or close to real life. Why do I say this? Because, as someone who,s wife cheated on me for three years there was no way I will ever take her back and she did not do one-third of what you said sue did in this story. The story would have been great if she just stayed to the plan for her revenge cheating weekend But with just the one guy, not multiple partners. then I can see the reconciliation, maybe but like I said for me, no way in hell.

Just a quick question. Nikki is 18. Why did he need to pick her up and take her home when babysitting? Didn't she have own car?