A Wonderful Mistake

CHAPTER ONE ACCIDENTS HAPPEN

My mother and I were talking in the front yard after I got home from grocery shopping on a Saturday afternoon. My three-year old daughter Casey had been playing with a ball between us and the house. I heard the squeal of tires from the intersection three houses down. We swiveled our heads towards the noise and I saw a small, red car heading up our street steadily increasing speed. I instinctively looked for Casey. I didn't see her near the house and my heart raced. Then I heard a male voice shout out.

"Casey stop! Honey stop!"

My heart rate sky-rocketed as I turned my head and saw Casey standing in the middle of the street holding her large ball. Then it was as if the world had slowed to a crawl as I watched in slow motion as Roy Todd, my neighbor and long-time friend, bound into the street to push Casey out of the way. The car was a few feet away from her when it happened. Casey tumbled towards the curb while Roy was thrown into the air by the impact as the car swept past not slowing down. I watched as the car disappeared from sight in just a few seconds, tires squealing as it reached the next intersection, and accelerated away.

I rushed to Casey as her loud wails shattered the now quiet street. I scooped her up and saw she had bruises on her knees, elbows, and on her hands but was otherwise unhurt. Her ear-splitting cries suggested otherwise. I held her close, then swung my eyes to where Roy lay motionless on the pavement. My mother looked at me with wide eyes, then said calmly as she started moving towards the street.

"Take Casey inside and calm her down. Call 911. I'm going to see if Roy is still alive."

I quickly turned with my crying child and went into the house. I called 911, told them what happened, gave them the address and told them an ambulance would be needed. I took a few minutes to attend to Casey knowing she was more scared than anything. I was sure she didn't fully understand what had just happened--at least not the consequences. I was thankful for that. I was almost shaking myself but knew I had to remain calm for her. I washed her bruises and applied some band aids. It's amazing what a few kisses and a Band-Aid can do for a child. As I picked her up I realized she would be dead right now if not for Roy. I would have been kneeling at her lifeless body lying in the street devasted.

I carried Casey into the middle of the living room shaking a little and looked out the window. A small crowd of my neighbors stood around Roy's still form lying in the street. I feared the worst. I had watched as Roy's body shot into the air after coming into contact with the front grill and roof of the speeding car. His hands had just been able to reach Casey and push her out of harm's way. I felt numb as I had known Roy all through high school, and we had been good friends for years. He and my ex-husband had played basketball together in high school so we had been close.

I watched as the ambulance arrived and then the police. The flashing red, blue, and white lights told a story I really didn't want to see, or hear. My mother was talking with one of the officers and I saw her point towards the house. She and the officer headed towards the door, so I walked to the storm door and pushed it open. My mother came in first, her eyes red and teary.

"Amy, I think I'll take Casey into the backyard to play. Officer Edwards needs a statement from you. I think you saw more than I did," as she reached for Casey, and took her out of my arms.

The officer looked at Casey inspecting her Band-Aids without saying anything as he scribbled notes in his notepad. I spent the next twenty minutes with the officer as we watched the paramedics strap Roy to a backboard and load him into the ambulance. It sped away with siren blaring and lights blazing. There was no indication Roy was alive from our vantage point and I hoped the siren indicated he was. I looked at the officer as he asked another question that drew me back to the moment.

I hadn't been able to tell him much. I hadn't seen the drivers face, or license plate. I didn't know anything other than the car was bright red in color, and appeared to be new.

When he asked how Casey had gotten into the street I felt my knees go weak. Casey had been right in front of me, and then she wasn't. It couldn't have been more than twenty seconds between the time I last saw her near the house and then in the street. He looked at me without smiling. I felt like the worst mother on the face of the earth. I was standing right there and hadn't been able to protect my own child by being vigilant. He looked at me as he closed his notepad with a more sympathetic expression.

"Look, I have kids of my own. I know how quickly they disappear. Don't beat yourself up too much. It happens, you can't keep them on a leash. Just be there for her if she has questions."

I knew he was trying to make me feel better, but I felt worthless nevertheless. I had Casey with small bruises and if she had been killed I would have lost the most important thing in my life. I had no idea how Roy was doing and we had grown closer since he had returned from the service. He and Casey had grown closer too I thought. Then the terrible thought that Roy may not even be alive at this point came into my mind. The thought sent a cold chill running down my spine and my eyes began to water. Damn! All because I hadn't been looking.

Roy was one of the nicest guys I had ever known. I had always wanted to date him, but it had never happened despite the fact we had often attended the same parties and were neighbors. I wiped a tear from my cheek as memories flooded my mind--he had always teased me.

I turned to the officer, "Is there a chance you'll catch the driver of the vehicle? He didn't slow down at all. He just left Roy lying there."

"Ma'am. I don't know. Depends if we can find someone who may have seen more than you saw. If not, it's hard to tell unless there was enough damage done to the car it needs to be taken somewhere to be repaired. We'll be checking the automobile dealerships and repair shops for a red car needing front-end work."

The officer thanked me and left after giving me a card with a case number on it. I walked out to the backyard to check on Casey. I so much wanted to get after her for going out into the street, but knew now was not the time to do it. She did ask about Mr. Todd, that was Roy to her, and I told her I didn't know. I didn't at that point, so I guess it sounded genuine. What if he were dead? What would I tell her then? The thought chilled me. Would she come to think his death was her fault? The very thought was chilling and I pushed it away. I stood there as my mind wandered to recent events.

I remembered when Roy's parents had moved out a year ago. They had built a retirement home on a lake thirty miles away even though they were far from retirement. They were well-off financially and simply decided to give their home to Roy since he was their only child. He had gotten home from the military and moved in while he was using the GI Bill to get an education. I remembered he had been a fairly good student in high school. He hung with the jocks and was a bit rough in the way he treated people at times, an aspect of his behavior that had bothered me.

Roy had always treated me well as we were neighbors and knew one another as friends, often shooting baskets until dark. I don't' want to make him out to be the stereotypical jock that thought the world revolved around him, but he did go with the crowd most of the time. It wasn't until he came home from the military that I noticed a change in his behavior. When he came back he seemed more confident and independent. His work ethic was certainly better than most of the guys I knew from high school. In terms of applying himself and trying to make something of himself I admired him. One of the reasons I was no longer married to Dale was his lack of motivation, though there were other considerations too.

My marriage to Dale had been short. Lasting less than two years. I had been pregnant when we married and Casey had been born seven months later. I would like to say it had been a story book romance, but it hadn't been. As best as I could tell I had gotten pregnant while at a party two days before Roy left for the service. We had all been having a good time and I had drunk a little too much. Something I hadn't done before, and had done never again. Of course, it really hadn't been much of a decision to abstain from alcohol. I didn't drink while I was pregnant and while I was nursing Casey it was out of the question--I had never started drinking again.

I remembered getting the first letter from Roy addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Dale Horton. The return address revealed he was at the Marine Corps Recruit Depot in San Diego, California. The letter surprised both of us as we was sure he was going into the Army as a draftee. After all, you was drafted into the Army, not the Marines.

When Roy came home on boot leave he explained he had been standing in line at the staging area at Fort Wayne, Detroit. After passing through the medical examinations and other preliminary tests with all the other enlistees and draftees he thought it was a done deal as they stood in two lines. He told us they were ordered to count off down the line by fives. When the counting was done those with the number four were ordered to step forward. He stepped forward along with the others--it was announced they had just been drafted into the Marines.

I remembered Roy's wry smile as he said the entire room was quiet except for a few gasps. He had no choice and they handed a clip board to him to sign and he was led to a Marine sergeant for additional processing. That night he stepped off the plane onto the tarmac in San Diego under glaring lights at the airport at two in the morning. His life as a Marine had begun.

In contrast, Dale had been found to have a heart murmur and received a deferment from military service. Time showed me Dale simply hadn't been able to step up to being a father and good provider. Roy knew what was going on in general terms as I wrote to him for the both of us. I knew Roy had talked to him while home on his boot leave and encouraged him to up his game.

While Roy went through Infantry Training Regiment, ITR, while Dale worked at his job at a warehouse. With only a high school diploma it seemed there were few options for Dale to pursue that paid as well in our immediate area. The money was enough to keep us going, though it was tight. Before Roy came home on his next leave Dale was fired due to his attitude and lack of productivity--basically he had been caught sleeping on the job. I found out later he had been given two prior warnings for the same thing before they let him go. He found another job and I thought he had settled in. But that job too was lost a few months later and the details had been confusing. Money had gotten really tight as his hourly wage was a third less. I was wringing as much value out of our food budget as I could. Dale was unhappy and it filtered down to me. I tried to be as supportive as I could, but I reminded him we had a child to support. It simply made him more distant, even from Casey. That hurt me as much as anything had.

When Roy came home on leave after completing ITR, he spent at least two hours with us each evening. He often brought food with him for all of us to eat as he knew that helped stretch our budget. Dale seemed appreciative, at least at first. I was surprised at how well Roy did with Casey. He would take her and rock her to sleep, or calm her when she fussed to give me a small break. Dale showed no such inclination. When Dale wasn't close I would tease Roy about practicing to be a father himself feeling it was time for payback for all the teasing I had endured in the past. I enjoyed watching his face turn red and his voice stammer he wasn't at all prepared for being a father. Big bad Marine my ass!

I remembered our last night together. Dale and I told him how much we appreciated his friendship and we wanted him to be careful. Before leaving he told us he had orders to report for overseas duty when he got back. That meant going to Viet Nam. We wanted him to come back to us. Just before he walked out of the door he looked at me.

"I'll take care of myself if you take good care of this wonderful little girl." Then he gave me a kiss on the cheek, shook Dale's hand, and left for the war.

I wrote to Roy while he was in Nam. Our letters grew infrequent after seven months, once every two weeks, rather than each week. In part it was because I didn't want to weigh him down with the news that things had grown worse with Dale. I wrote what I hoped would brighten his day by telling him about Casey and how much she was growing and learning. I included a picture, or two once in a while that my mother took of us as a family, or of just Casey and myself.

When I read his letters I could tell he was lonely. My friend Darlene, his girlfriend, had written him just a few months after he was in Nam that she had found someone else. I never told him Darlene had confided in me she was seeing Bruce, a guy I knew. I didn't have the heart to tell him. I felt that was for her to do anyway. When Roy's letter arrived saying he and Darlene were through I could tell how hurt he was.

In my next letter I told Roy he would find the girl of his dreams when he got home and to not give up hope. Darlene and I continued our friendship, though it was hard for me. I was dismayed that after telling Roy they were finished, Bruce and she broke up after two months. It seemed like such a waste as I had considered Bruce a loser. She had broken his heart for a man I ultimately thought was in the same league as Dale.

By the time Roy returned from overseas he had a month left to serve. He came home to find Dale and I had divorced. I was living with my parents and working part-time while my mother took care of Casey. After getting back he had gone to see Dale first, and after talking with him came to see me and Casey. I could tell he wasn't pleased with Dale's attitude regarding me and Casey. We talked for hours and he fussed with Casey almost the entire time. After he left to return to his duty station in Quantico, Virginia we wrote a few times and he told me he had applied for college. He would start at our local community college and would find a part-time job. I was impressed as he had laid out a plan even before getting out.

Dale on the other hand, had found another job flipping burgers making minimum wage. He went back to live with his parents just as I had done, then found an apartment. His parents were far from happy with him. After a few weeks he stopped coming to see Casey. This, despite the fact I encouraged him to do so. After a while his parents didn't seem to be interested in their grandchild either. I was greatly dismayed by both decisions. But, in a way it made things easier, Casey was the center of my life and I made all the decisions regarding her care.

I focused all of my attention on Casey. I found that was enough as it took all of my energy to both work and be a mother. Never in my life had I envisioned myself as a single mom. Yet I was. I thanked God each and every day for my mother and father--Casey was the pride of their life. Though they never said anything, I always felt I had disappointed them by getting pregnant before marrying.

One night of drunken abandon had changed my life forever. My plans to further my education had evaporated with my marriage and they had always supported my ambitions. I could never bring myself to ask them to take on more responsibility with Casey. I know they would have, but I simply couldn't, at least not yet when she was so young.

I came out of my reverie. Now, I faced the fact that I hadn't protected Casey while Roy had. I felt incredibly guilty. I had not only let my daughter down, but also Roy. He had spent as much time with me as he could between his job and classes at school. He was such a good friend and I had failed him.

CHAPTER TWO THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR

I watched the TV news that night and found that Roy was listed in critical condition and was unconscious. The driver of the hit and run car hadn't been found. No details regarding Casey involvement were given and I was thankful for that. I had seen a reporter at the scene as the ambulance pulled away. I expected the police hadn't released any other information; maybe in the hope the driver would be found soon.

I didn't need to be reminded about what had happened, it replayed over and over in my mind. The next day my mother walked over to me and we talked quietly for a while. She told me to be thankful for what I had. I didn't see my dad walk up as my eyes filled with tears. It was only as his arms came to hold me I knew he was there--he had always been there for 'his' girls.

Casey was crazy about her grandfather. I was always amazed at how much my father would allow Casey to climb all over him, tie him up in string, or let her put things into his pockets. He would tickle her and she would laugh and egg him on even more. Outside of Roy, Casey didn't see any other men on a regular basis. The thought of Roy brought another pang of pain. If only I had been paying closer attention none of this would have happened.

I got Casey's bath in, pajamas on, and dad offered to read her a story before she went to bed. We all listened as dad read to her and I saw Casey's eyes slowly close. Dad was in no hurry to take her into her bedroom and chose to cuddle her for a few minutes. I looked over at him after a few more minutes giving him the eye.

"Oh, okay, Amy. My arm is going to sleep anyway. I really don't want you to take her to bed, but I know it's time," he said quietly as he looked at her in his arms.

"I've got her dad," as I got up and took her into my arms. My precious child is safe I thought as I placed her into her bed. I stood and watched her angelic face as she slept. She was the most important thing in my life and she was safe. No thanks to me. I walked back into the living room. My dad looked at me.

"Honey. I know you are blaming yourself for this. But please don't, accidents happen. Roy did what he thought needed to be done. Only he knows for sure what happened. So, let's wait until he can tell us. Don't beat yourself up. Casey needs you just as much as she always has, be strong for her."

My mother spoke up before I could reply.

"I was there too. Honey, we both expected Casey to stay where she was with her ball. Something attracted her attention and she responded as a child would. I can remember a similar instance with you where my heart was in my mouth. I agree with your father--we hope Roy will be able to tell us what happened. We all hope he will come out of this okay."

"Thanks, but I can't help but feel responsible. Roy is lying in that hospital because of me. I can't let that go. I don't know of any other man I care for more than Roy. He has been one of the best friends I have ever had and I don't want to lose him."

My dad spoke up, his voice soft.

"You don't know for sure what happened. Roy did what he did for a reason. He's a combat veteran, he's been under stress before, in life and death situations before, and he made a decision to do what he did. So, give the man some credit. Heroes aren't made, they simply do what needs to be done."

I sat down and put my face into my hands. I knew he was right. But somehow it didn't make me feel better. After a minute I put my hands down and looked at him.

"He is a hero isn't he?"

"You know the answer to that question. Honey, Roy loves that little girl as much as if she were his own. So, when he gets well enough to receive visitors the best thing to help him recover is to take Casey to see him. I'll bet that will make him feel better than any medicine they could give him."