Aerobatron (1985)

Striker groaned in pain as she mercilessly crushed his balls. He swung his cannon at her and she caught it. Their eyes were locked in fiery hatred and their muscles were bulging as they struggled for control of the cannon.

"Sorry about your balls. My trainer taught me to pound the landing. You might remember him..."

Linda stomped on Striker's groin again and the cannon slipped ever further out of his grasp.

"I'm remember him," Striker said. "He talked big. But he was soft. Just like you."

Striker grabbed a pipe with a chunk of concrete attached to it. He slammed it against Linda's skull and she stumbled away, losing her grip on the cannon.

Striker was so disoriented from pain that he fired his cannon at Linda and missed, exploding the wall behind her. Linda was pummeled by blocks of concrete as the entire wall collapsed. She groaned in agony as the relentless pileup knocked her down to the ground and crushed her body. She tried to kick and crawl her way out, but the weight on her legs was too much.

Linda looked up only to see deep inside the barrel of Striker's laser cannon. Striker couldn't help but let out a laugh when he saw the hopeless look on her face. He wanted to milk the glorious moment for all it was worth.

Linda knew it was all over. Her chest was pressed flat against the floor, rendering her weapons useless. She stopped struggling. She let her body go limp. All she could do was look over at the photos and papers that were scattered across the center of the floor. The contents of her life. Striker noticed her distraction and stepped on the back of her neck to pin her head in place.

"You're awfully interested in that paperwork," Striker taunted. He fired his cannon into the pile, blowing the photos and documents them into a storm flaming confetti.

Linda screamed out from under his boot. She watched the little pieces of burnt documents and photographs fly through the air. A single picture survived the blast and fluttered down to her, mostly intact and flaming at the edges. Linda looked into the eyes of a young couple. A handsome man in a military officer's uniform and his beautiful, curly-haired wife. They posed proudly with their little girl who was dressed like a ballerina. Linda could feel her parents gazing back at her, right through her eyes and into her soul. Tears poured down her cheeks.

"I warned them, but they wouldn't listen," Striker gloated, resting the barrel of his cannon against Linda's forehead. "Girls can't be soldiers. They're too emotional. You aren't ready for combat and you never will be. Consider this your honorable discharge."

"Linda!" Lucas yelled from across the room to get her attention. He tossed her the prism from his busted gun scope and she reached out to catch it.

"I prefer dishonorable," Linda said, holding up the prism in front of her face as Striker pulled the trigger.

Striker fired a laser pulse into the prism only to have it deflect back at him. A scorching wave of heat exploded against his body. It toasted him like a campfire marshmallow and blasted him clear across the room. His body slammed into a wall and fell limp onto the floor. The room was filled with the disgusting stench of burnt flesh.

Linda swatted at her family picture to extinguish the flames and held it against her chest.

As Lucas limped out of a pile of rubble and over to Linda he was alarmed by the sound of a radio in a nearby control room.

"Striker. This is unit one five eight niner. We are in position. Do you need backup? I repeat. Do you need backup?"

Lucas stumbled over to the radio and attempted his best Striker impersonation.

"The situation is contained. Over."

"Roger that."

Lucas rushed over to Linda and shoved the rubble off of her legs piece by piece. He helped her to her feet and she cringed at the sight of the knife in his hand.

"You're wounded!" Linda said Lucas, grabbing him by the wrist.

"It's not that bad, I think it'll be okay—"

Linda pulled out the knife and zapped his wound with a laser to cauterize the wound.

"Ow! Fuck! Shit! Fuck! I mean… thanks!"

They turned to Striker's body on the other side of the room and cautiously approached him. He was breathing his last wheezing breaths and looking as crispy and charred as Linda's family pictures. The laser cannon melted into his skin and become one with his arm. He was so disfigured and in such agonizing pain Linda almost felt sorry for him.

"Go ahead. Kill me," Striker said, spitting out a black glob of ash and blood. "Your files are toast. You'll never know who you really are."

Linda aimed her sights at the balcony over Striker's head.

"I know who I am."

Linda blasted the metal railing and a jagged piece of steel fell like an icicle, stabbing into the disc slot in Striker's head with a sick thud. His red eyes powered down into lifeless black orbs.

"I'm an aerobics instructor and I have a fucking Aerobathon to win."

****

Tonight's regularly scheduled COX TV programming will be interrupted so that we can bring you the following special broadcast...

"Live from Cox Studios in Motor City, get rrrready to Aerrrrobicize!" the TV host announced dramatically into the microphone.

Dance music exploded through the speakers and scores of women in sparkling sequin leotards flooded the stage. They were followed by a group of musclebound hunks. Everyone broke out into an elaborate workout sequence. The men juggled giant kettlebells. Women danced in unison to the music.

"Welcome to the third annual Motor City Aerobathon! Featuring contestants from across the globe who will be competing for the title of Motor City's best aerobic athlete! And remember folks, the winner takes home the gooolden leotard!"

"I'm sorry, what was the name again?" the woman at the registration table asked.

"Linda Lockhart."

"You're not on the list. Besides, I can't let you in anyway. The broadcast is already live."

Linda flipped open Striker's wallet and slammed a fat wad of hundred dollar bills on the table.

"Look again."

"Oh, there you are, Linda!" the woman corrected, pointing aimlessly at the registration sheet. "I'll notify the producer that we have a late arrival. Go through the hallway behind me. The dressing room is the third door on the right, and hurry!" she directed, scrambling to shove the cash in purse.

In the meanwhile, Lucas ducked under a velvet rope and made his way down the hallway towards the backstage. He followed a group of production assistants and stage hands, trying to blend in with them.

"Mr. Dobson is going to have our fucking asses if we don't get that stage set changed after the commercial break!" one of the production assistants warned the others in the group.

Lucas peeled off from the group slipped through the door of the television control booth just as someone else was exiting.

"Hey, who the hell are you?"

"Who the hell am I? Who the hell are you?" Lucas countered.

"I'm Phil. The sound engineer."

"Well, Phil, I'm Mr. Dobson's nephew. He sent me in with a tape," Lucas explained, handing over the 'Luscious Linda' cassette tape. "He is going to have your fucking ass if you don't kick on the laser light show twenty seconds into the song. Capisce?"

"Laser lights for Luscious Linda, no problem," the engineer assured Lucas.

"Let's hear it for Bodacious Brenda!" the television host announced to the roaring applause as Brenda exited the stage.

"Well, that does it, folks. The judges will now consult on their verdict...wait..."—the host paused to listen in closely to his ear piece—"The show isn't over yet. Everyone please welcome to the stage, our final contestant of the night… Luscious Linda!"

Linda stepped out from behind the curtain. She was dressed in the first leotard she could find on the dressing room rack, a light blue number that matched her heavy eye makeup. The roar of the crowd was overwhelming. She nearly fainted under the bright lights. The host extended a welcoming hand to Linda as she approached him. Her mind went completely blank in the moment. She felt like a schoolgirl about to give a book report for a book that she didn't read.

"What is your name, young lady?" the TV host asked, snapping her back into reality.

"Luscious Linda. Duh," she responded, getting a roar of laughter from the crowd. Linda remembered why she was there in the first place and focused in on the box seats for her target.

"How long have you been aerobicising, Linda?"

"As long as I can... remember," Linda replied.

Finally, she spotted the face. Frank Cox wasn't even paying attention to the stage. He was arguing with an usher over his shoulder. His wife was sitting at his side, looking away in annoyance. At any moment Frank would turn back to the stage and recognize Linda. She waited patiently for her moment.

"Well, I wish you the best of luck, Luscious Linda. Let's see what you've got."

The TV host stepped away and Linda was all by herself in the spotlight. The lights dimmed. She turned her back to the crowd and they applauded and whistled at the site of her sexy thong. Her music started in slowly, with soft keyboard tones. The singer began the first verse...

♫ Can you feel it?
The music takes control ♫

Linda turned dramatically to face the crowd. She put a single foot on the step aerobics platform, teasing the start of her workout routine. The crowd cheered with excitement.

♫ Bodies moving
The sweat runs through my soul ♫

Frank looked down at the stage and scrunched his eyes in disbelief. Linda stared right back at him with an intense glare. His words from earlier that evening ran through her head.

"The best assassin isn't a nobody. It's a somebody. Somebody in the public eye, such as an Aerobathon champion. Somebody who people would never suspect was a cold-blooded killer."

A catchy beat pounded the speakers and colorful laser beams shot out in all directions. Linda could see the moment of realization on Frank's face. She basked in every glorious microsecond of his baffled reaction as he watched her on stage. She saw his lips mouthing the words "What. The. Fuck."

Linda fired a pulse from her nipple, blasting a hole through her leotard. The laser flew the crowd unnoticed among the colorful light show and penetrated into the center of Frank Cox's black heart. His head fell forward and hung lifelessly.

Frank's wife yelled out for help and ushers rushed over to check him out. All of the commotion around dead Frank Cox was nothing compared to the roar of the crowd at the sight of Linda's exposed nipple. The TV crew scrambled around, trying to figure out what to do about the wardrobe malfunction. Linda could hear the host arguing backstage with the producer.

"Cut the broadcast! Now!" the producer yelled.

"Let her dance, goddamn it! The crowd is eating it up! Keep those cameras rolling!" the host insisted.

Linda powered through her routine and the audience started clapping to the beat. Linda could feel them responding to her every step, every stretch, every thrust. She performed moves that no one had ever seen before. She held a handstand on a single arm and did pushups. She did a sequence of ten cartwheels in a row, landing in the splits.

"We are cutting the broadcast! This is a fucking disgrace! There is a nipple on television for everyone to see!" the producer yelled from backstage.

Linda did a backbend and fired a laser pulse from her other nipple to singe a rope in the rafters. A sandbag fell down and knocked the producer unconscious.

"That settles that," the TV host said with a shrug. He turned back to the action on stage.

Linda showed off both of her nipples to the crowd and they erupted with applause. In the final seconds of the song she did a double backflip off of her step platform and stuck the landing with a smile.

The cheering and whistling was deafening. The entire studio audience was on their feet. A grip lost control of his microphone and it toppled onto the stage. An old woman in the front row fainted. Frank Cox's body was being wheeled out of the building by paramedics and not a single head in the room turned to give it the slightest attention.

Linda was still frozen in her final pose as the TV host broke with tradition and rushed to the stage to instantly announce the winner. He sang Linda's name into the rafters. She fell to her knees with tears streaming down her cheeks. She turned to see that Lucas was cheering from side of the stage and she reached out to him. After all of the killing, fighting, and explosions she endured, it was the feeling of pure joy that finally paralyzed her.

Lucas ran onto the stage to help Linda to her feet. A smiling entourage of models swarmed around them, handing off a crown, a bouquet of flowers, and the shiny leotard that appeared to be woven out of pure gold. Balloons and confetti floated down from the ceiling.

"Linda, I think I speak for everyone in this room and everyone at home when I say that we have witnessed aerobics history here tonight. What do you have to say to the people at home?" the TV host asked her, handing off the microphone.

Linda was still in a state of shock. She looked out in the audience, half expecting to see the faces of friends and family looking proudly at her, only to remember that she would find neither. She squeezed Lucas' hand as she responded.

"This was for Joe."

****

Lucas used a giant pair of scissors to slice through a red ribbon. The crowd cheered and the reporters snapped their photos. The newly remodeled storefront sign read "Action Aerobics 2: This Time It's Personal".

"The doors are open!" Lucas announced. A sea of young women flooded into the gym and they swooped Lucas inside along with them. He was in a daze as he answered questions from reporters and signed up member after member after member.

"Is it true that Linda Lockhart is a silent business partner?"

"That's just a rumor," Lucas assured the reporter.

"Where is she? When will she come out of hiding?"

"I can't say. I haven't seen her since the Aerobathon."

"Lucas!" Donna yelled out to him from the locker room.

"I'll be right there," Lucas ran over to the locker room and Donna pulled him in through the door.

"Where are all the clean towels?" Donna asked with her hands sternly at her hips.

Lucas looked around the room with a dropped jaw. It was full of naked and half naked women, changing into their leotards. Everywhere he looked a new bra was being popped open or a pair panties were being pulled down.

"Just kidding!" Donna said.

She peeled off her shirt to show off her enormous breasts. Donna's topless friends crowded in beside her. One of them was holding a cake.

"Happy grand re-opening!" they said in unison. The locker room erupted with applause.

Lucas' boner practically burst through his pants at the sight of the girls getting down onto their knees in front of him.

"Sorry girls, busy day. Can I get a rain check?"

"Boo!"

"Come on!"

"Can we just do a quick blowjob?"

Lucas ran out of the locker room and burst out the gym doors to get some fresh air in the parking lot. All the reporters had finally left. It was just him and gym full of eager, horny women. Now that he was running the gym, their advances were going to be relentless. As much as the prospect excited him, he would trade every hardbody in that gym for one woman, if he could.

A rope swung down from rooftop and lassoed Lucas by the torso.

"What the?"

He felt the hard tug pull him right off of his feet and fling him onto the rooftop.

"That was unnecessary. I would have been happy to meet you up here," Lucas said as Linda unwrapped him.

"What's the fun in that?" Linda asked. "Besides. I have to practice my rope work. I can't climb buildings like I used to.

"Do you want to come down check it out the gym? The reporters are gone now. You could be our special guest instructor."

"No. That isn't fair to—what's the new girl's name?"

"Rhonda."

"Yeah. Rhonda," Linda said with an eye-roll. "Besides, I'm hiding for a reason. Frank Cox was just the beginning. He had ties with some serious organizations. As long as I live, they will be hunting me. And you can be damn sure I will be hunting them back. Also, I need to keep my distance from you. I don't want to put you in any more danger."

"I understand. But we can continue to see each other in private?"

"Lucas," Linda began with a gulp. "I'm leaving Motor City."

"No, you can't!" he begged.

"Yes, I can and I will. I'm going to track down human experimentation wherever I can find it. I need to help other people like me. I have to put my power to a purpose. Maybe along the way, I'll find out who I really am."

"But you already know who you are. You are an aerobics instructor. And you have an Aerobathon title to defend. And you are the woman that I love."

"Oh, Lucas," Linda consoled, taking his hands into hers. "You know that I care about you more than anyone else in this world. I'm sorry that it has to be this way. I can't pretend that I'm cut out for a normal life. Let some other girl win that Aerobathon title. Me? I'm going to go wherever the hunt takes me. Hopefully somewhere warm."

"Wherever you go, whoever you meet, they will be lucky to know you. I'll never forget you."

"Don't be so dramatic. You will see me again," Linda assured him. She brought him in for a hug and they lingered for several minutes, fighting back the tears.

"Do me a favor, Lucas?"

"Anything."

"Don't you dare mope around and waste any of your precious time worrying about me. Life is too short. Go down there and run that gym. Finish school. Do whatever makes you the happiest. I know Joe would be proud either way."

"Okay," Lucas agreed.

"One more thing."

"Yes?"

"Promise me that you are going fuck as many of those aerobics sluts as you can."

"I promise."

"In the ass."

"I promise. If that's what they are into."

Linda and Lucas broke out into laughter.

"Wish me luck, Lucas."

"You don't need luck, Linda. You've got the heart of the lion."

****

Port of Miami
3:30 AM

"In Japan it is better not to bow at all, than to bow badly," Sato explained to Kane, trying humiliate him ahead of the negotiation.

"Thanks for the tip. I'll keep that in mind next time I visit the massage parlor," Kane replied. He glanced across the loading dock to make sure that Sato wasn't hiding any additional men among the shipping crates.

"Did you come alone?" Sato asked.

"Of course, as we agreed. I'm unarmed," Kane assured him. "You got the stuff?"

Sato signaled one of his armed goons to approach Kane with the briefcase. The goon cracked open the case and the Kane looked over the contents, unable to contain his excitement.

"Don't be fooled by the size. These are the most powerful of their kind," Sato explained. "Go ahead and examine them. We will wait."

The men swapped briefcases and Sato's goon returned to his side inspect the stacks of cash.

"Put away the guns, will you? Let's keep this friendly," Kane suggested.

"As you wish." Sato said, cracking a suspicious smile. He waved his hand and his men lowered their weapons.

"Normally, we only deal with government. For your price, we make an exception. The world's smallest and most powerful green lasers. Ready for human testing. Are you satisfied?"

"My employer will be very satisfied. We have a deal," Kane announced, fastening the briefcase securely.

Sato started laughing and his goons joined in. The whole group of men were laughing at the Kane's expense and he had no idea why.

"Then I assume your employer won't mind paying double for your safe return?" Sato asked. "After all, what good is the technology without the man who knows how to use it?"