After the End Ch. 18

"Your need is off the charts, but he still isn't touching your cock, and you're not able to come from prostate stimulation alone, so you get more and more frustrated. You don't want to allow him the satisfaction of admitting how much it's getting to you, but eventually you're driven to say that he promised to let you come."

My husband was apparently getting into this scene too, because he tugged my wrist away from my swollen shaft. My groan of complaint was automatic, but I let him have his way, now throbbing with the need and frustration Graham had just described. God, I was going to come so hard.

"He's really cruel." The captain gripped himself tighter and increased his speed, the strain of impending climax bleeding into his narration. "He says he didn't make any promises about when he would let you. He thrusts into you for a long time, until you're frantic, and then he says if you want release, you have to beg him. Which of course is the last thing you want to do, and you protest that you didn't agree to that. But he points out that you're entirely at his mercy and threatens to withhold your orgasm after all. You wouldn't be able to stand that, so you're forced to beg. You tell him how badly you want it, how good he feels inside, that you like being fucked -- anything he wants you to confess."

I was barely managing to keep from begging in real life, picturing myself in that situation while Julian drilled me and pinned my hand away from my throbbing tool.

"At last, when he's satisfied he's debased you enough, he comes in your ass. By the time he reaches for your unbelievably sensitive erection, you're petrified he's still going to deny you at the last second. He only teases at first, driving you wild" -- here Julian did the same to me -- "but at long, long last, with barely enough pressure, your orgasm seizes you. You're absolutely humiliated that you allowed this wicked man to give you such pleasure, yet it feels incredible."

At that, Graham gave his shaft a few more rapid strokes and arched in a climax of his own. Julian followed next, spasming against my interior gland, and finally he gave me enough with his hand to come too.

Fucking hell it was good -- stupidly and embarrassingly, but hey, at least I wasn't the only one getting off to it. Plus, I felt a little better knowing this absurd scenario had come from Graham's filthy brain, not mine.

"Everyone ok?" Graham asked, his arms collapsed lifelessly over his torso. "Anyone triggered? Julian?"

"I'm intact," my husband confirmed. "That was...excellent storytelling."

"Not triggered," I managed get my exhausted lungs to say. "Just almost dead from two ridiculous orgasms in a row."

"Glad you both enjoyed it," Graham smiled. "And again, I apologize for the inappropriate subject matter. No disrespect meant to survivors of real assaults."

"None taken," Julian said, removing himself from my depths and going to wash up.

"Might have to make this a regular bedtime series," I suggested. "Cause now I want to know what all the other scenes were."

The captain pressed a kiss to my brow. "If you'd like."

During the next couple of weeks, Graham came over as often as he could. Some of our nights together were playful and sex-filled; others delved into more serious discussions. We talked over our romantic histories and expectations, and we worked out more details of how our partnership would function. Reluctantly I admitted to Graham that I was pretty terrible at having a boyfriend, based on my one attempt so far, with Julian. I'd lived in near-permanent terror that he would get tired of me and leave, which notably hampered my usefulness to the relationship, and just about the time things were going well, I cheated on him and he did leave. I didn't really start to feel secure until after we were married, and even then, there were a lot of anxieties I had to work through.

Those had re-surfaced when Graham left in the fall, and as grateful as I was to be with him again, it scared me even more to imagine how much pain I would suffer if I lost him now. It still seemed...so improbable, that he would truly choose us, both of us, out of everyone in the world. Each intimate experience stacked more alarmingly breakable pieces of my heart onto a tenuous foundation that hadn't even existed last month. The longer we went on, the more shattering the crash would be, and I didn't know if I could survive it this time.

I tried to keep the clinginess under control, but some days all I could think of was how much I needed him in my life, and I couldn't stand to be anywhere except in his arms. I'd never really told him how awful it had been, the first night after he left, and the second, and for many thereafter. He let me cuddle with him whenever I wanted, and he told us often how happy he was to be with us, but it was never enough to assuage my deep-rooted fears.

One of those evenings when no amount of contact seemed able to satisfy me, the three of us had been indulging our passions for at least an hour. Julian had gotten off first, and I was lying on Graham's chest, my knees drawn up to either side, while his thick rod pistoned in and out of my ass. After everything we'd done, the captain's expert fucking had driven me to the edge, and I ached for completion; yet more than that, I craved the underlying connection of belonging to him. And tonight, I felt I'd belong to him more if I sacrificed my orgasm than if I indulged it.

Graham's powerful core tensed and released in rhythm beneath me as his rock-solid erection pleasured my narrow canal, and I could tell he was at the edge too.

"That feeling good, Avery?" he asked provocatively. His hand stole between our bodies to close around my primed pump. "You want to shoot for me?"

"Yes --" I gasped, fighting hard to hold back the flood. "But I don't want you to let me. I want you to come inside me and make me wait until tomorrow," I confessed, my neglected cock pulsing in agony at my own daring proposition.

Graham immediately groaned low and urgent, then he seized my hips and started pounding me with intent. "God, Avery -- you're fucking hot as shit!" he got out before the pressure-chamber of my ass triggered his climax.

This was the most excruciating part of going without: when my lover's tool spasmed inside me like one of those vibrating toys Graham had told me about. It felt amazing and propelled me right to the brink, but then the stimulation stopped altogether, and I was left with nothing except a packed anus and throbbing genitals. And in this case, a heart full of unspeakably tender longings, risky hopes, and pulse-pounding anxieties.

I kept my arms tightly fastened at Graham's shoulders, feeling irrationally needy, like his embrace was the only possible protection against total emotional overwhelm. He let me stay there for a while, caressing my back and murmuring assurances, but the churning fears and fragilities inside me were only amplifying each other. I turned my face toward the wall so neither he nor Julian could see, because I honestly felt like I might cry if he let go of me, and I didn't understand why. So when the captain inevitably started deflating and pulling out, I gripped him tighter and wouldn't get up.

"What's wrong, little one?" he asked gently, but I just shook my head. I didn't want him to know I was this out of control, on the verge of tears for no reason at all.

Graham's fingers moved to my hair, stroking it affectionately and combing the nape of my neck, where it felt the most intimate. "I'm here," he told me softly. "Julian's here. You can talk to us, whatever it is. We'll figure it out."

His tenderness formed a lump in my throat. I couldn't handle him being so nice to me when I was plagued by the fear of this ending again. Why would he want to stay with someone who couldn't deal with their emotions any better than this? He called me "little one" all the time because I was seven years younger, and I knew he meant it fondly, but it still didn't make sense that my relative immaturity would be attractive to him.

I kept clinging to him like a koala, trying to find some kind of stability, but his body beneath me was like the last eucalyptus tree left in the forest. No doubt they could both see my rib cage rising and falling too rapidly, while my veins pulsed as if the blood was trying to escape.

Another hand rubbed along my spine, and this time it was Julian's voice I heard. "Babe, it's ok. This has been an intense few weeks, and you don't have to go through anything alone. Please tell us what you need."

It was a battle, but eventually I located the ability to form words, if only in a whisper. "Don't want you to leave," I said into Graham's shoulder.

"Me?" he asked in surprise. "I'm not leaving. As soon as we get cleaned up, we'll be right back in bed."

I shook my head again. "I don't mean right now. I can't --" I had to take another breath before I could resume, my whisper as raw as my emotions. "I can't do this with you, if I'm just going to lose you again. I couldn't -- handle it." The memories from October rose in visceral detail and drove like a spike into my chest. "I -- I can't, Graham."

"Oh, baby," he murmured, so kind and gentle that it made me want to cry again. "I couldn't handle it either. You know how sorry I am for putting you through that, and I have no intention of letting it happen again." There was a short pause while he offered caresses as compassionate as his tone. "When I was with you and Julian originally, it was just for fun. Just an experiment. But it's different now. It's real. I'm all in, and I would not leave unless we had exhausted every avenue for making this a functional partnership."

I took a slow breath, trying to believe him. His good intentions weren't necessarily easing the primal fear of abandonment.

His voice grew more intimate. "Look, it's probably too soon to say this, and I don't have any expectations about how you feel or when you might want to express it. I definitely wasn't planning on having this conversation under our current circumstances. But what I feel for you, Avery, is intense and constant and serious enough that I can confidently call it love."

Love.

All the sensations that had been agitating inside me turned glittery and weightless when he spoke the momentous word. That he would ever make that declaration was a dream I hadn't confided even to myself. I'd left my own feelings unnamed, too afraid to acknowledge how significant they were -- at first because our relationship was supposed to be casual, and later because he'd already left. Even after we officially got together, I couldn't bring myself to admit how irreversibly my heart was involved. The revelation that his feelings ran just as deep appeared in my sky as miraculously as a rainbow: sunlight striking my inner rainstorm at just the right angle, transforming droplets into prisms and painting brilliant colors in the cloudy sky.

I hadn't collected a response by the time Graham spoke again. "Like I told you two weeks ago, no one can be completely certain about the future. But I can assure you that any separation at this point would be at least as painful for me as it would be for you. So I hope that makes you less worried."

I wanted him to know. I wanted him to experience everything that I was. But I couldn't condense the dazzling, expansive emotions into words just yet. I simply breathed in the miracle and whispered, "Yes."

His arms tightened around me briefly. "Ok. Good." His fingers brushed my hair again. "You think we can wash up now?"

I was nervous about facing him with this out in the open, but it was pretty ridiculous that I wasn't letting him clean off his cock after where it had been, so I nodded.

I snuck away to the washroom as quickly as I could, and I was relieved that the lamp was off when I returned. Julian's doing probably, knowing how self-conscious I got when they stared at me.

Carefully I took my place in the middle of the bed, between these two men who -- impossible though it seemed -- both loved me. I shared a kiss with Julian first. My feelings wouldn't be any kind of news to him, after the nights he'd spent holding me when I couldn't stop crying. His lips were tender and reassuring against mine, and I was immensely grateful to be married to someone who understood that my love for him was in no way diluted by what I felt for Graham. Then I turned to face the captain, and although I still didn't say it aloud, I told him with my kiss that he was loved too. And knowing that we both knew was more magical to me than any words.