All Comments on 'Against All Odds Pt. 03'

In my opinion the only thing that can be cut are the double perspectives. With that I mean, getting both perspectives on the same situation. Different POVs are okay but they shouldnt repeat the same thing. Otherwise its hard to symphasize with Mel. Not only is she high most of the time but she also is delusional. Even when she is not on drugs she is lying to herself and everyone else. Like the thing with the open relationship. I cant remember any talk about it. It was just once implied and only onesided. Dave told her he was okay with her living out her bi side. She never told him that they are in a open relationship. She never said that he can fuck other girls. She also never told him about Ryan. I dont know why the 'open relationship' thing goes around in the story if it was never talked about it. And her lie about not being a size queen and never having an orgasm with Ryan gets old because its not true. But what can you expect from someone who is high all the time. Just sad for Dave that he fell in love with her. Also there is the fact that everything she is not the fault of her doing drugs. She even ignored Dave while she was sober just because she was with Ryan at the moment. A good indicator how deep her love for Dave is running, or not.

I hope she rehabs. The drugs will destroy her. Then maybe she has a chance with Dave.

Honestly, I stopped reading.

You had 8 pages of unnecessary bullshit. “I love Dave. I love Ryan. Do I love Dave? Do I love Ryan? I’m breaking up with Dave. I’m breaking up with Ryan. I love his big cock. How big cock doesn’t make me cum and it hurts. I love his big cock. I want his big cock. I can’t cum with it”

Fuck man. And that last conversation with Cathy telling her how wonderful Ryan’s huge cock is and is she going to miss it, is she going to get with Ryan now that her and Dave are done? Seriously, she dumped him and you think she’s going to go crawling back to the guy who sabotaged her relationship? What the fuck kind of friend is that?

And coke isn’t physically addicting, it’s a stimulant and it’s psychologically addictive.

Word of advice. Keep your chapters to 3 pages, escape if 5 pages are the same drivel over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and….well, you get the picture.

It is an interesting tale of the ravages of addiction, both alcohol and drugs. The way you have written the story makes it very hard for the reader to actually “invest” in any of the main characters. They all have serious flaws and unlikable traits.

You do write well and for your opening salvo in LW it has the basis of a good story, just too long as you stated in your preamble and post script.

Don’t let the haters stop you and continue writing. My two suggestions (hopefully constructive) make at least one of the characters likeable, not everyone has to have a flaw to their character, and try not to repeat as often as you have done.

Great story, well written. You'll always get haters in this genre, but I think you wrote a good story of a flawed relationship and flawed characters.

I like your story, keep it up. Better than all the crap 750 word rubbish.

Pitifull RAAC incoming...

Thanks for posting! Only thing, I thought this was a three-part story? I was looking forward to seeing how everything ended. I don't like Mel's behavior, but actually hope she and Dave are able to reconcile. I definitely hope she doesn't end up with Ryan, or connected to him by having his baby. Anyway, could you please let us know when you think the final part will be available? Thanks for sharing your work. Don't let the haters get you down! :)

Okay, I understand that maybe you would like us to be able to see each character as multifaceted, neither all good or bad. But what is up with trying to elicit ANY sympathy for Ryan? He KNEW she was engaged. He also intentionally helped this confrontation happen. Had he not known she was engaged and fallen in love with her, I would have sympathy. But not as he's portrayed here. And not with his final actions.

Still a fucked up over extended story.. u have not taken anyone’s inputs…!

Sex-worker training or not, for her to watch Dave tearing up and then masturbate Ryan right in front of him, in his own house no less, is beyond the pale. Disgusting doesn't begin to cover it. To then not even apologize, nor have the decency to answer any question Dave might have is insane. Yes, I know she was under the influence, but still.

This is nothing but a sordid tale of normal western youths… fully fucked up in the mind..immature to the full…the ultimate Coke heads … Not a single normal person..with respectable values! This is what the future glut of the west looks like..including the writer!

So instead of being 3 parts as you originally said it was going to be you went right ahead and continued to make the same mistakes people called you out on and then decided it needed an extra part. Your writing is not bad but this story is just repetitive and none of the characters have any redeeming traits that want to make me root for them with the exception of Dave who seems to be nothing more than a gullible old fool. Can Mel redeem herself? Possibly but her relationship with Dave should be the cost for her finally having a wake up call that make her want to attempt to correct her life and she needs to get rid of Cathy as a friend and she is nothing more than an enabler.

I think Ryan got off too easy. He is no victim.

Mel needs to get away as far as possible from Cathy. She has done nothing but enable her when it comes to Mel deluding herself that she could have her cake and eat it and is quite frankly a toxic bitch. I think Mel could get her life together but as someone who works with people helping them to overcome their addictions the price for getting her life back on track should be her relationship with Dave. It's both the wake up call and the life lesson she needs.

No need to repeat the same information from different POV. This appears to be a good place for redemption. It has finally come to a head with her being busted and a bad addict. Her being knocked up could go both ways in her relationship with Dave. Reel him in if it's his, destroy her life and his if it's not. Shorter chapters would be appreciated.

You must complete their journey. Please see this through. This is an incredible novella. Pick back up with Dave drying out and what happens to Melissa.

Well crafted. 5 star story in content and character development. I'm hooked, no pun intended.

All the best,

Dave

LOL. Welcome to the world of "Loving Wives". Where most, but not all, writers get eviscerated in the comments. I've written a couple of novels, a few manuals... and because I use Erotica to practice different styles of writing, outside my normal writing style, I also get savaged in the comments. But as you've noted, some comments do offer constructive criticism.

So, don't listen too closely to them. You obviously are able to review your own work so know what must be done to accelerate your experience.

Your basic premise is fine. Thoriol mentioned about the multiple POV being not required, leading to an overly verbose storyline. Same with the large numbers of sex scenes. We get it: the constant drugs and alcohol are destroying them. Anyway, mentally tell us commenters to Fuck Off and continue with enhanced confidence. Cheers mate.

Tired of waiting for the end. Can't read any more.

Too bad, the beginning was promising.

I have enjoyed your story, and yes it is a little l loo n , but I love the fact that you use multiple perspectives.. Perhaps you could nuance it so that the whole story is told this way without repeating so much if the basics. Practice will make perfect. But the characters are made real, and now I want Dan and melody to survive . their demons , at least. Keep writing ! It is the only way to get better!.

Let's be clear about something. You're calling people haters for their perspective on your writing. In that, I think you may be lumping people together too much. I don't think there are many true haters of your writing or stories. It's just that the repetitive reading of the same info from one character's POV on the tail of the previous one tends to be redundant. If we were getting installments separated by a week or even more, then a little rehashing to catch up would be helpful. Otherwise, for me, it starts to feel like I'm watching reruns of 'Lost'.

I think you write a rather compelling tale. Yo can write for sure, even if I agree u could have trimmed the story without missing much of he impact. Also don’t pay attention to the no life loser, a-holes who insist in critiquing and expressing outrage at stories in an erotica site as if it were NY Times best seller candidates. Keep writing !

Marc, I've enjoyed the story and look forward to you finishing it. I thought at the outset you said you had but now it appears not. All I'll say is that when you write something of that length, people expect an ending, not unreasonably, I think.

A word of advice if I may, having posted some stories myself. Try to regard the comments as a mixed bag, to possibly learn from, to occasionally enjoy, but to always laugh at. Some of what you describe as the "haters" I think do it as their own unique little contribution here, an exercise in spite and their supposed manliness, best dealt with by a hearty laugh, never to be taken seriously, indeed probably the worst thing you can do (to yourself) here is to take the comments too seriously.

Thanks for the story, keep writing.

You also need to stop jumping between first, person, second person and third person - especially in the one paragraph.

But this is great for a first attempt at a major piece! Keep at it, the more you write, the better you will get.

if they make up or start an open relationship it will be the dumbest fucking idea ever

Big honest admission - I had all this all done before I started releasing (just not the english editing) .. so as I released them and truly realized it was two long plus the double points of view needs to rare, I just dd not slash Part three. I could have, I chose to leave it all verbose.

So to all the haters, you have been heard. You not so kind feedback was still good feedback as most of it was about length and repetition. Something I think a VIRGIN writer would be guilty of. Remember - never done this.

My next story will be written with ALL feedback taken in consideration. To think, I feared my language to be slayed.

Now, some really positive feedback from nice people - thank you! Thank you - there was enough of it, to make me want to hone the craft more …

I like your story overall. Yes, it was repetitive, but I like it. I don't understand some things though. Why would Mel be so stuck on Ryan's large member when it is usually uncomfortable and she can't climax? Yes, I could see an initial interest/curiosity, but all this? When you already have a man you love, I don't get it. I also still dont understand how Dave would not realize how stretched out she was when she gave him sloppy seconds.

Finally, it keeps being mentioned how flawed they both are. True, Dave has allowed and gone along with a lot that I don't agree with. (I felt he did this to make Mel happy primarily.) But what has he done that comes anywhere near Mel's behavior? Everyone in this world is flawed in some way. But I'm sorry, there is only one villain in this story. Well, maybe two if you include Ryan. And then the enablers Mel surrounds herself with are certainly not winners either. Idk, I just feel bad for Dave. He compromised himself, his ideals, true desires, to please a younger woman. And he gets betrayed in return. Sad. I hope things turn around for him.

This is a compelling story, like watching a car crash in slow motion. Mel is a complicated character but in the end, not a sympathetic one. I can see no way aside from a ridiculously contrived RAAC that Dave wants her back. A whorish self absorbed addict.

Lots of possible reasons, but the drugs are easily the most important reason. Anyone, Anyone, who does drugs is mentally dysfunctional. And I think mentally dysfunctional people make poor marriage partners. Obviously they make poor decisions. Drugs are bad for you, but they are fun. Fucking Ryan was bad for her relationship with Dave, but it was fun. Mentally dysfunctional people are often juvenile and self destructive. So it all fits. You spent a great deal of time fabricating the process and method by which Mel and Dave blew up, but if it had not been Ryan, or a big cock, it would have been something else, related to drug use. Recreational drug use is drug use, and drug use is to artificially create a sense of well being or euphoria. If you need drugs to feel joy, or pleasure, or calmness, or Anything, then you have an external dependency that will sooner or later fuck up your life, your career, your relationships, and most of all, your health. Let's remember that Dave used drugs too. What losers.

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They are both better off without each other. Mel is a deceitful cruel whore, and Dave is a dull witted detached poltroon. How could Dave Not Know Mel had become a drug addled slut. Everyone else who knew her knew she was a cheating whore. Maybe Dave will quit the drugs, let his normal God given instincts kick back in, and find a decent Real woman to become his mate and life partner. It will never be Mel, not for him and very likely not for any man. Mel is mentally dysfunctional, and its really really hard to cure stupid. But go ahead and give it a try. It will be completely unbelievable.

First, you have a thin skin, as evidenced by you calling folks who critique your story "haters". They are giving you feedback, whether you use it or not, you cannot let it affect you emotionally. Look at it as constrctive and dismiss any vitriol.

Second, congrats on writing a thoroughly disgusting, revolting character in the person of Mel. It is pretty accurate for substance abuse folk, and one of the reasons I have no time for them in my life.

I will finally say that for all the wordiness and repitition, i enjoyed your story overall, and look forward to the final chapter.

The author is correct you could have easily chopped 4 pages

I’ve been critical in my comments to other chapters so now it’s time for some uplift. It’s clear you’ve spent a lot of your time on this project and left part of yourself behind and exposed as well. I have a niece that could be a subset of Mel and had a roommate years ago that could have been Dave, or maybe Mel. You’ve done a great job showing the self destruction of addiction and how it can destroy both your professional and personal life. It’s a difficult task to do it effectively and, I think, you’ve done a good job with it. Where you came up short (or long in this case - LOL) is the repetition of the character’s thoughts and the sex scenes. I think you can hive us one more solid chapter to bring the series to a satisfying ending. You actually foreshadowed it in a previous chapter, if you choose to go down that plot line. If you read this comment and need some editing assistance, let me know. I do help some others on the site as my way of paying back for all the entertainment this site provides me. 4.2*

PLEASE READ - for the record - I have listed to all feedback. I used the term "haters" as that is the term. I have noticed they are not haters per say, but most have a downright mean style of giving feedback. Should I be kind to this? Benevolent? Can I not lob some nasty back? I believe this choice of being nasty style, is noteworthy. It does not mean I don't agree or disagree with their feedback. a lot of the angry ones say the same things the nice one say. Its too long. I overplayed the character flaws. Too much sex. Repeating narrative in point of view switches. I made a lot of mistakes. It's my first story - and I have learned a lot. So, try not to me nasty? But then again, where would be fun be!!! I have some to believe some of those 'nasty ones' actually read everything ... working hard on the close ... to burn or not to burn, that is the question.

I have really enjoyed this story so far and think it's great as it was written. Thank you. Therefore, I hope that the story will continue soon and that the questions open by the author will still be answered by him. So I'm hoping for a fourth part.

I have really enjoyed this story so far and think it's great as it was written. Thank you. Therefore, I hope that the story will continue soon and that the questions open by the author will still be answered by him. So I'm hoping for a fourth part.

Great story .... Please continue ... another great story teller.

Very well written. Keeps the reader engaged with her addiction battle. More episodes please.

Somehow I liked it. Final verdict is pending.

Captcha

MarcDwayne, please don't finish this as a RAAC. Mel's behavior was cruel... masturbating that motherfucker to get him off as Dave stood there just completely crushed? And she's otherwise just a two timing whore, Put her in rehab, let her redeem herself otherwise but let Dave go on and live his life without her. And make her be without him. Some things cannot be fixed. Also, physical punishment for Ryan would be appropriate.

Just dropped my score by one star since the author lost interest.

Where’s part 4? Son of a bitch!

Hello Everyone - final part just submitted. I was taken by surprise at the comments and feedback. It paralyzed me in the home stretch! Many apologies.

I honestly don't mind the length of the story. What I do mind is Dave's fucking passivity to everything. He's not the ultimate wimp, but he is very much wimp adjacent, a wet noodle.

Even coming home and seeing that his sanctum is violated, he can't even rouse to anger. (by sanctum, I mean his bedroom. It's the place where men are at their most vulnerable for a third of their lives.)

The other thing that really bugs me is the obsession with huge dicks. Not saying Mel can't be a size queen, but a 10 incher would be agonizing for the overwhelming majority of women. Even 7 inches is painful for a lot of them.

I remember watching an interview, I think it was with Nina Hartly, and she was talking about how she'd have to angle herself so the large dicks wouldn't be so painful she wouldn't be able to do the shoot.

Porn really has fucked up our perceptions drastically, hasn't it?

These stories could be 1/4 the length. The author just keep rewriting the same scenes over and over again. Actually giving up because it's become boring