All Comments on 'Alison Takes the Deal Pt. 02'

lol

just another sick story

HP1920: PLEASE don't let this end like this. William needs closure and El-Jefe needs to be held accountable. I am totally hot for Lola, but hope that Allison can find a way back to her loving husband. Thank you for controlling my emotions for a little while. I get knots in my stomach and it actually hurts to walk through this with William and Allison. Please,give me more

Well, I hope that this is not the end of the storyline. I have to admit that there is not very much sexual graphics going on except that Lola goes here, and then goes there, and so on. A reader has to guess what is actually going on. The time periods were really rushed. At the nine-month period Lola is watched by William until a guy cums in her and is told that he has an hour with her. I certainly would have liked to read what happened. Then at the end of the year, and for the other meetings. Then at the end of the two years, I knew that El-Jefe would reneged on his promise and shoved his honor down the toilet by keeping Alison. I loved the torment William went through as an "Interpreter". The chapter was well written from the POV of William. I would love to understand the torments that Alison went through from her POV. I kind of understand her reasoning to release William from his torment but it does show that Alison is still in that body. How does she not get pregnant from all of the sexual encounters she has experienced? How does she not get any STD's? I certainly hope that this is not the end of their story. More please.

Keep it going. I want to see what happens to Lola. Does her husband watch her videos?

Good imagination and imagery as far as it went. Erotic? Gotta say "no." For voyeur hubbies who come to "Loving Wives" or "Reluctance/Non-Consent" categories, the witnessing of a wife's getting fucked is what I assert turns most men on. There was some in the first chapter and only a suggestion with no description in the 2nd installment -- which is why I suspect the score got lowered. It certainly did for this reader.

another bullshit of a story. no real creativity or imagination, the plain old take away wife of a man and fuck her. period. what kind of shit is this?

This is the best of the ones you've written so far. Does Lola get a boyfriend? We need more details. Keep it going.

Keep Going. Need the next instalment

As with your other stories this one seemed to end too abruptly. A 3rd chapter would help to tie up the relationship; maybe William will return to England but try to arange for his wife's rescue, only to be kidnapped himself and sent to a Mexican brothel after being transformed into a busty Latina?

Chapter 3 soon? She should get knocked up next. More detail also, if possible.

Either way, keep going. It's good.

Within the context of this category , this is an interesting and darkly erotic turn on. However, maybe the story would require some flashbacks in future updates and a plausible reason to explain the more outlandish developments within the plot. Before we get to that, some constructive criticisms: When William first started seeing her at the nightclub, they could have easily conversed by her climbing on his lap and both whispering to him and being whispered to in a perfect quiet manner to talk about what he , yes William, was doing to try to get her out of there . Another failing is the absolute skipping of the heroine's training and learning of new skills, not to mention the language.

I am trying to be brief here but the wife was just a prop by her being completely excluded from characterization and that is a drawback , since she is the reason for the story. Didn't she "make the deal"? Which brings me to the lack of an attempt to negotiate from the very beginning by the husband. A technical detail: I thought the narration said the forced deal was for two years, not one.

Now to the most problematic part of the story . That whole concept of El Jefe allowing the woman to leave Mexico makes absolutely no sense. Outside of Mexico, it is impossible for this man to exert control. The concept of this couple or at least her not being able to "defect" is highly improbable . And on and on, with the concept of Britain reaching the climax of improbability. The only way in which this crazy scenario would make sense would be if El Jefe had found a different way to have a hold on the couple. We all can think of more nasty scenarios involving other people so no need to be specific.

So my suggestion is to do a flashbacks and get the wife more involved in the story and more description of her everyday life is needed and more detail as to the way she dresses, her thoughts and possible shame and behavior modification, etc. A final thought is that it makes no sense for the husband to just follow her along , unless he has come up with a plan and acts on it. The sudden and late attempt to get her to leave is rather too late and perfunctory. You can still straighten out the story and keeps us entertained. Thanks and keep writing. Good story, overall. realize its potential and take it higher.

Still waiting on chapter 3's or even new stories from you,

Really want more of this one. Hope you come back soon.

Would absolutely love more of Lola, please