An A to Z of Love

The tube journey was hot and the carriage seemed to jump along the track, rather than roll, occasionally screeching, and stopping almost as soon as it had set off. Looking around at the myriad of faces, black, white, Asian and some he could not truly work out, he knew at once he was in a place that was truly cosmopolitan. He already felt safe and gently squeezed his sister's hand.

He was to take over Anna's old room in Zoe's flat as Anna and Zoe had decided it was time that they just accepted that they were a couple and slept in the same bed. The extra government grant that all those accommodating Ukrainian refugees received, was also going to come in very handy.

Having been warmly welcomed by Zoe, the three of them sat down and had a pleasant chat over a rather nice coffee. After a while, he asked if he could shower and get changed. Anna smiled.

"Of course Michelle, there is a towel on your bed and a present from Zoe and me. See you soon."

"Thank you, Anna! Thank you, Zoe!" Michael replied, rather overwhelmed and emotional, his voice already having changed pitch and softened in response to being addressed as Michelle. She opened the envelope on her bed. It was a lovely card welcoming her to her new home. Underneath Anna and Zoe's signatures, it said, in Ukrainian: 'Now check out the wardrobe and draws -- all yours.'

Anna had missed nothing. There was a makeup kit, toiletries, panties, tights, two pairs of shoes, some bralettes, two tops, two skirts and a little black dress. Michelle sat on the side of her bed and cried with happiness. Her aunt must have told Anna what she liked! How loved she felt!

She removed her drab clothes and threw them in the corner. Michelle would not be needing them other than for cleaning! She held up the various clothes and looked at herself in the mirror. She loved the LBD!

Michelle wanted to look her best for Zoe and Anna to thank them for their gift. After showering, she fussed over her makeup for much longer than she had intended. She slipped into the LBD and put on a simple silver chain necklace and hoop earrings. She stepped into the black strappy sandals, polished her nails, and brushed her hair until it was glowing. She entered the living room, feeling happier than she could remember, proud of her look and walking confidently in the sensible heels.

"Oh My God! Michelle, you're absolutely stunning!" Anna said, quite unable to believe her eyes at the gorgeous feminine creature before her.

"Oh yes, you certainly are!" Zoe echoed. "I can't believe that you didn't recognise your secret sister a long time ago Anna."

"Neither can I!" Anna stood up. "Come here you!" She said, her eyes a little moist, and gave Michelle a huge hug. Zoe stood up too and joined them.

They chatted, hugged and laughed over a simple meal of pasta and salad, but there was also a bottle of prosecco which Anna had put in the fridge earlier with the intention of celebrating. When they had finished Anna reminded Zoe that they were taking Michelle out that evening and needed to get ready themselves. Michelle giggled, it was lovely being back with Anna, and it felt twice as good now that she could be the person who, deep down, she had always been.

Although she was nervous about going out in London, she had been out with her aunt several times, mostly shopping, but as this usually included stopping for coffee and plenty of interaction with people, she was very confident with her new look. The fact that Anna and Zoe were lesbians also made her much more comfortable, as she was still a little anxious in any situation involving men.

"Right, Michelle, you can go and start sorting things out in your room as you are already looking glam enough. Zoe and I need to see if we can get close to being some competition for you! We're heading out at eight.

They got back to the apartment in the early hours having had a great evening at a nearby club that was 'LGBT friendly' and which Anna and Zoe often frequented. For Michelle, it was a new moment of joy to see so many people out enjoying themselves in a situation where no one seemed to care who you were, how you dressed, or what your sexual orientation was.

She had ended up dancing and got to know two girls. The first one was 'stolen' back by her partner who gave Michelle a very dirty look, and the second, who was really sweet, was called Sarah and gave Michelle her phone number. Before Michelle left they shared a rather passionate kiss just before the exit. It was the first kiss Michelle had had in ages and it left her feeling very heady. She came over all dizzy and stumbled in her heels, only to be caught by the bouncer who was standing by the door.

"Hey! Be careful, love!" The man grunted, pulling her to her feet. Anna rushed forward, fearful that Michelle may well react badly to being so forcefully touched by a man, but she need not have worried as Michelle simply steadied herself, brushed down her dress, and thanked the bouncer politely. Anna grabbed her anyway and steered her out into the night air.

As they chilled on the sofa in the living room they discussed the evening. Both Zoe and Anna were interested if Michelle intended to give Sarah a call, but she was not sure, citing that she was not like other girls and that that might be a problem. Both Anna and Zoe said that was very unlikely, but understood her reticence.

Anna asked about the incident on the way out, and complemented Michelle on her composure.

"I was totally expecting you to freak out a bit," she said, "but it really seems that you have put things behind you."

"I think I can deal with it much better since I became Michelle. It is much easier now. You seem to be over it too Anna, is that true?" Michelle asked.

"I don't think I will ever be completely over it, and I don't think you will either, but it's in a box at the back of my mind and I'm able to keep the lid on it."

"It's the same for me I think. If a guy touches me, it still makes me tremble a bit, but I no longer get angry. What about you Anna?"

Zoe piped up. "Go on, tell him about John, Anna."

"I slept with a guy last month. I enjoyed it."

Michelle looked genuinely shocked and stuttered out a quick succession of words that confirmed she found it hard to believe. "What? Really? A man? And you don't mind that Zoe?"

Anna replied on Zoe's behalf.

"I did, and Zoe encouraged me, said it would help heal me, and she was right."

"And do you still see him?"

"Yes, in fact, Zoe and I have arranged to meet him in a couple of weeks."

"I see."

"I'm not sure you do," Anna corrected her, "he is just a friend, a friend I had a one-night stand with?"

"Oh!" Michelle could not think of anything to say to that, so Anna helped her out."

"It's much more progressive here in London and I love it. Don't get me wrong, I love our home, but I feel so free here. Zoe and I can love each other openly without it being seen as a scandal, and no-one looks down on us if we are not sexually exclusive."

It was a lot to take in, and Anna could see that Michelle was struggling.

"Look, it's been a long day, let's sleep on it! But everyone is different and here it's simply not as judgemental as back home. You can be who you want to be. Why don't you come with us and meet John? I can guarantee you'll like him!"

"OK Anna, I'd like that. I want to understand. I can see it's different here, and I just need to get used to it. I'm so so happy, you have no idea!" They both teared-up slightly.

"I know, and you will. Now goodnight little sister!"

~~~***~~~

Over the next few days Michelle settled in. Her aunt had wired her some money as she was looking after all the legalities arising from the death of her parents and management of their estate. Michelle decided to do some tourism, taking in the sights of London that she had heard so much about. What struck her most was the unbelievably cosmopolitan nature of the city and the apparent wealth. So many different people, all mingling together, just getting on with their lives. She began to understand some of what Anna had said about John, but she still struggled with the idea of her sister being unfaithful, and with a man too!

She really needed some more clothes and she wanted to get presents for Anna and Zoe. She got them matching silver necklaces, one with an 'A' and one with a 'Z'. She bought herself two new dresses, two new skirts and tops, some more under things, tights and a pair of trendy, but everyday shoes, that were really comfortable. She also bought a collection of creams and cosmetics and could not resist a lacy lingerie set in teal that felt and looked so sensuous that just touching it sent shivers down her spine.

Shopping was exhausting! There was so much to choose from, and it was so hard to decide what to buy. But it was also amazing fun and felt really good. Michelle loved the way that clothes made her feel. Men's clothes were nearly all functional and quite uniform, but as a woman she could express herself and her personality in so many different ways. As a girl, clothes were an important extension of who you were.

Michelle also followed her sister's advice and joined her support group where she could meet other refugees. She also joined a sewing class that Zoe had recommended and some on-line groups for transgender people. She found that there was quite a scene for trans people, although much of it revolved around sex.

Initially she was shocked at the various degrees of transgenderism, especially men who very much looked like big hairy men but enjoyed wearing women's clothes. Although she accepted that that was what they liked, the idea was so far removed from her desires, she felt a little confused. However, she quickly realised that tolerance is exactly that. You don't have to like what someone does to tolerate it, you just have to accept that person is different, and you are not any better than them.

~~~***~~~

Two weeks had passed and it was time for the three of them to meet John. He had booked a fancy restaurant and got VIP tickets for their favourite club. When Anna got in, Michelle needed to talk to her about her feelings, and her confusion over her identity.

"The thing with you Michelle is that your need to be female is really deeply seated, it's a much stronger part of you than for others. You may not have been born a woman, but you think, look and behave like one, and for you that is how you feel comfortable in this world. For some it is just about dressing up, feeling sexy and enjoying themselves. For you it is far more. It is you."

Michelle and Anna hugged each other.

"I'm still confused about how you can love Zoe and then have slept with John," Michelle said, "because if I loved someone that much I would never want to hurt them."

"I see true love as being about two things. Always putting your partner first, and never denying your partner something that would make them happy. If you truly love someone you will do everything in your power to make them happy."

Michelle was silent and as she tought about what Anna had said.

"So you mean sometimes love can be selfish."

"Yes, but not sometimes, mostly. Most couples are too insecure and too afraid of being alone to ever really put the needs of their partner first. Love should be unconditional and accepting. Instead, they do the things they want behind their partner's back, and that is even more damaging."

"Wow!" It was as if Michelle was having an epiphany. She was staring out of the flat window, watching the world as if it was changing before her eyes. Anna hugged Michelle.

"How was it? Sleeping with John?" Michelle whispered, afraid of the very words she was speaking.

"I cannot tell a lie. It was good, very good, but I had to take it slowly and on my terms."

"So you would do it again?"

"Probably, but not with John, I know this sounds mad, but I like him too much as a friend. If another decent man came along and Zoe was OK with it, then yes. It's good and it's different."

Michelle was silent again.

"Do you want to sleep with a man?" Anna asked. She felt Michelle tremble in her arms.

"Sorry Michelle, I..."

"No Anna, you are right to ask. The answer is that I think I do. I've thought a lot about what you've said. The past is the past and has too many bad memories, but I feel a whole new life ahead of me here, a life so different from the one I had, that it almost doesn't matter any more, that I am... I mean it sounds crazy... That I am reborn, and everything is new and nothing is out of the question."

"Oh my God Michelle, that's not crazy at all! You ARE reborn, you are a completely new you, and let me tell you, this new you is absolutely amazing! You are so naturally a girl, why would you not want to know a man intimately? I mean, I needed to, why shouldn't you too."

The two girls hugged tightly and wept a little. The emotional bond between them was so strong that no more words were needed, they just needed to physically get as close as they could, and remove all space between them. It was as if the healing process was almost complete. Anna smiled. She really hoped that Michelle liked John and that John liked Michelle.

~~~***~~~

Anna had obviously told John that the three of them were coming, but she also had to address the dilemma of how to introduce Michelle. John knew her story, and that she had a brother who had suffered with her at the hands of those evil men. He had also confessed to enjoying sleeping with a ladyboy in Thailand, so she knew he was OK with transgender people. This made it clear to her that she would tell John that Michelle was her brother who was now her sister.

John had been a little surprised at first, as anyone would have been, but being the person he was he immediately signed up for the plan and really looking forward to meeting them all later. One thing he did suggest to Anna was that she should message him a photo of Michelle so he knew what she looked like and that would make his initial greeting more natural as if he knew her already. Anna thought that was a good idea and after she had finished getting ready went to find Michelle who was already looking fabulous.

She had put on her new lacy lingerie as it was a special evening and had not yet put on her dress as she was still getting made-up. She had applied a pair of false eyelashes that were called 'dramatic' and her face was complete apart from some finishing touches. Anna had to wait while she brushed out her hair and then asked if she could have a selfie of them both. Michelle reached for her dress, but Anna said the lingerie was really nice. Michelle shrugged her shoulders and smiled. Anna took a selfie of them both, and then a full-length picture of Michelle, which Michelle jokingly struck a pose for, but it actually worked really well and she looked like a catwalk model.

Anna sent him a selfie of the two of them.

>>> Here's Michelle and me from a moment ago [image of Michelle and Anna].

>>> [wink emoji] Wow! What filter did you use?

>>> [shocked emoji] Cheeky -- that's natural beauty!

>>> [kiss emoji] Seriously, Michelle is gorgeous!

>>> [tears emoji] What about me?

>>> [heart emoji] LOL U2 xxx

>>> [smile emoji] Right answer!

Anna thought for a moment.

>>> Here's Michelle again. Promise me you'll delete this one though!

>>> promised!

>>> Here you are [image of Michelle].

>>> [heart emoji] [heart emoji] [heart emoji]

Anna was smirking to herself, rather satisfied with her efforts at matchmaking by text. She could not think of anyone better than John to help her sister explore her new sexuality. She almost jumped out of her skin when Michelle came into her room asking if she had a black belt she could borrow, and knew she would have looked completely guilty, but fortunately Michelle did notice. Anna took her to ask Zoe who had one which was perfect.

John had chosen a lovely Italian restaurant which had excellent food, did not break the bank, and was full of smiling Italians. He got there slightly early and welcomed the three girls when they arrived, making a particular fuss of Michelle. Anna was intrigued watching how John put Michelle at her ease and made her feel very special. Nothing he said was obviously aimed at ingratiating himself to her, it was all just the natural sort of conversation that someone would have, but with a lot of smiling and a deep interest in learning about her.

Zoe had noticed a certain chemistry developing between John and Michelle too and announced that she needed to pop to the washroom, her look at Anna being very clear that she did not intend to be going on her own.

"So what's going on?" she asked Anna urgently. "Is John hitting on Michelle, and if so Michelle seems to be lapping it up." Anna laughed.

"I think he is, and I think she loves it."

"Have you said anything to John?"

"Yes, he knows all about Michelle?"

"I see, and what else have you said?"

"Nothing, honestly, but Michelle confided in me that she felt she needed to know what it would be like to go with a guy and John seemed perfect if they hit it off."

"A bit close to home though, isn't it?"

"Not really. I mean Henry VIII slept with Mary Boleyn before he slept with Anne Boleyn. At least I know John is (a) decent and (b) is comfortable with trans girls."

"Well, I'm impressed, Anna. A girl after my own heart! Just one thing. Does Michelle know he's comfortable with trans girls?"

Anna screwed up her nose, cross with herself that she had omitted that important detail. However, that was easily corrected and doing no harm. In fact she thought it was so much better for Michelle that she was unaware that she was being seen as all woman.

After a round of coffee and limoncello, they headed off to the club in a taxi. John was paying special attention to Michelle, but not at the expense of the others, and it was turning out to be a great evening, especially for Michelle, who had never felt more comfortable about herself ever. The situation with John was strange. She obviously knew he had slept with her sister, but rather than finding that difficult, it made things easier as it made him completely safe and unthreatening.

There was another factor, that she could not so easily admit to, even to herself. A certain element of sibling rivalry, but also admiration. She definitely wanted John to like her because he had liked her sister, but because he had slept with her, she somehow wanted to share in what her sister has experienced, to ultimately emulate her sister.

Although she tried to keep it at the back of her mind, she was aware that she was plumbed differently from regular women because of the hardness in her panties every time John smiled at her. She did not care too much, and was happy that it was something to worry about later, if it got that far. For now, she was just loving the experience.

At the club, Zoe and Anna quickly trotted off to the dance floor to let the two love birds get closer. There is only one thing a girl loves more than falling in love herself, and that is watching a friend fall in love. If that friend was your new sister, then all the better! All the signs were there. The constantly happy faces. The occasional flirty touches. The regular laughter. Anna and Zoe carefully chose a spot where they could dance, and keep an eye on how things developed.

"They're kissing, Zoe, John's made a move." Anna shouted in Zoe's ear, jumping up and down, but still in time with the music. Zoe immediately danced around her to check out the report for herself.

"Well done my darling. Aren't you just the perfect Emma Woodhouse!"

"I wish!" Anna replied, recalling how much she loved that book by Jane Austin.

"I think you need to have a word with Michelle."

"Yes, let's go back, time to play chaperone for a while!"

Michelle saw her sister approaching the table and quickly pushed John's hand off her leg where it had been resting for some time, causing her the most delightful sensation. John's kisses simply defied description. They were so intense that she had felt hot flushes running through her body, but at the same time the most beautiful feeling of peace and serenity. Now she was flushed, but for a very different reason.