All Comments on 'An Anal Freeuse Piano Lesson'

Show don't tell. Your audience isn't stupid. You don't need to describe every single action through dialogue - that's just weird, especially things which are commonplace and normal for the characters. Let's take the real world for example. In a culture where handshakes are a very common, everyday thing, you wouldn't have people saying things like "I would like to shake your hand." "Yes, let us shake hands." in a casual or even business casual setting. If you want to show that through dialogue, you can have your characters say "You have a firm grip" "I can tell a lot about a man by the way he shakes hands with others" etc. So let's use the piss-drinking part as an example. The dialogue feels much more natural if you cut "I'd be honoured to drink your piss." down to "I'd be honoured."

Interesting reaction!

In the interaction you mention, he was simultaneously hoping that she’d be willing to drink his piss, embarrassed at asking her to do such a thing, and worried about what she might think.

She instantly understood all this, and put him at his ease by bluntly acknowledging what he was asking while demonstrating that it didn’t phase her at all — on the contrary, she was happy to do it.

At least, that’s what I hoped the reader would take from that bit of dialogue. I suppose I could have spelled it out more, but I fully agree with you that it’s better to show, not tell.

jucun - Yeah, the point stands though. She doesn't need to say "I'd be honoured to drink your piss." She can just say "I'd be honoured." The "to drink the piss part" is already implied because she's specifically responding to his question. Also, if you wanted to portray embarrassment, then you didn't really show it. The whole story so far has these things happening in a "matter of fact" manner. There's no hint of awkwardness, nervousness, or reluctance. You gotta show it.

Literally everything you write gets the job done for me immediately!

every single story you've made has been fucking amazing, I'd love to see anal food play if that's something you're cool with haha

I'd like to respectfully disagree with the Anonymous comment from 3 months ago. There is a difference in telling instead of showing but one is not necessarily better than the other. Having him spell out what he wants her to do, what she's doing or what he's going to do to her can imo be hotter than the act itself... a kind of straightforward dirty talk that also adds to the freeuse world building. Theres lots of things we do in the dark that we wouldn't shamelessly talk about in the open. The fact that they do here is its on turn on.