All Comments on 'Another World's Harem Diaries 01'

I get the premise, but the story telling is a disaster. I can't make heads or tails of who is speaking. I think you have a good plot and a lot of potential, just need to make the words flow better.

1st problem, no paragraphs. They break up the scenes, makes the story flow better. Right now every sentence is its own paragraph.

Second problem is the dialog. I can't tell who is speaking