All Comments on 'Athena Corp Chronicles Ch. 04'

Big Fan, Luvvv the content

Ok, I read the side story about the guy in IT company, and it showed me the future Anastasia has planned and the visión Madame Snow shares with her. About the XY and XY substances, that story showed their effects perfectly. I don't know if the XX is related to the change mentioned there. I only know Ana and Snow have serious shit going on in Athena, and it excites me wondering about what's going on and how is everything going through. That's 10 stars, not 5

@ChainedToAKeyboard am I close?

@Only_a_reader Thanks for the likes and comments! The substances are geared toward facilitating a change in men and women's sexual proclivities (assuming they're not already inclined to Femdom) and increasing their libido and desire to dominate / submit. Substance XX does not result in the change you noted in the future, but it does prime women to take the next big step when a certain sexual enhancement becomes available via bio implant. This is fleshed out more in the next few chapters.

I’ve read all four chapters in sequence over the last few days and it was my intention to leave any comment until I had done so but felt I had to return to Ch.01 to leave a specific comment.

*****

I have had no difficulty, despite the plot jumping around (I couldn’t think of a better way of describing it), of following this story.

*****

I say this because a comment on a previous chapter seemed to imply this.

*****

I have a story which another writer (with many stories to her name) said was convoluted and I had obviously written it with no idea of where it was going. On reading her critique fully it became obvious she’d skimmed through the story, missed reading parts of it, so I disregarded her comments.

*****

I think you should also ignore any similar comments although I do think it might be the reason for the chapter scores being lower than I believe they should be. Unfortunately, although we’d like explanatory comments we don’t tend to get them. However, it’s your story and you write it how you want although I’m sure you take comments on all your stories into account whether you agree or disagree with them.

*****

I’ve never read a story either on this site, any free site, or the hundreds of books by well known authors I’ve got on my bookshelves, which have been perfect either in continuity or grammar. This one is no different. But nit picking doesn’t lessen the enjoyment and unless it does it’s not worth mentioning.

*****

You can only enjoy this type of story if you suspend reality. But there has to be an amount of reality in some areas. The one which sticks out most is the effect the apparently unrelenting sadism is having on Jake’s body and that there is (except on one occasion un this chapter) no mention of any recovery time or remedial treatment for his injuries. He is apparently mistreated for several hours each day with no respite. His body, or what’s left if it, would have been in a grave by now or, more likely, cremated because there wouldn’t be much left to bury.

*****

I think you have to be careful what scenes are included. The kitchen scene with Jezebel seems to have been inserted for no reason other than to please the masturbators. The follow up scene with Veronica (the only one after weeks of unrelenting sadist to show concern) was only put in because of the Jezebel scene.. But it would be nice to see a similar scene somewhere in the story.

*****

I take into account what you say about those who pay to read your stories and this being a free site but four chapters in two years with such a long break in between makes it a difficult story for the reader to follow. I could follow the chapters because I read it as one story over several days but if I had been reading it as and when the chapters were originally published I wouldn’t have been able to remember what had happened before, probably not been prepared to read previous chapters again, and given up on the story. As a writer not something you would want to happen because you write to be read and hopefully appreciated.

*****

Five stars for each chapter.