Back From College Pt. 03

After a week I head back to my apartment. My mother isn't there. OK, maybe she's out shopping. I wait for her until the evening, and I get a message:

"My darling Grace. You know I love you and have only ever tried to do the right thing for you. So I've stopped being selfish.

I'm about to fly home. I've arranged to stay at Laura's uncle's until I get a new place. Come and visit anytime.

All the best, sincerely, with your new man. When you know, let me know. I'm saving up for baby things!

With endless love,

Siobhan xxxxxxxxxx"

My eyes water and the tears drop on my phone. No mom, you weren't to leave. You were to be here. I tried to tell you, Anthony is nothing to me but DNA. You're my true love.

And it's the worst time for this to happen too. There's vital cases that I have to prepare for and we have to win. Or I'm not a partner. Until they're over - in a few months - I have to stay in New York.

Two weeks later, a colleague brings a pumpkin spiced cappuccino in. It's nearing Halloween and they're on special at Starbucks. I smell it, and my stomach hurts. I feel sick, run to the bathroom, and just about manage to avoid throwing up.

I don't even need to take the test. Last October I had three pumpkin lattes a day. Only one thing can cause such a reaction to scents. But I go back, take a test from my handbag, and confirm. Two lines. Anthony took, I'm pregnant with his child.

It's not an easy time, the cases are dragging on and it might be near Christmas before my promotion can be decided. I miss my mom. And I miss Anthony. I became less regular with him once I got my next period - I never feel like it as much during that time. But he has a right to know. And maybe mom knows best. Maybe I do need to finally fly the nest, settle with him, and be a family. She can be the coolest grandma, but a mom and a dad is how the world does this.

I message him and tell him I'm coming round his tonight. He says that's OK. I finish work late, get there, and as soon as he opens the door I show him the lines.

"Wow. It happened." He seems shocked by it being real but not surprised. He entered me without a condom, knowing I had no birth control and wanted a child.

"What do you want to do?" I ask as sternly as I can. There isn't time for maybes.

"Shall we sit and talk about it?"

"No. I want an answer now. What do you want?" It's sudden, call it impulsive, but sometimes a person's initial reaction tells you everything. If he doesn't enthusiastically say 'hell yes' to this now, in nine months he'll be resentful.

"I mean, you're trying to be a partner, I'm looking for promotion too. Rents aren't getting cheaper, shouldn't we just plan?"

"You want me to abort?"

"I didn't say that. Just it's an option if-"

"Thank you. I only wanted an answer."

I turn round, open the door and leave.

"Grace wait." He says as I go. But he doesn't chase after me. I walk down the stairs, blocking his number as I do. It's fine. I won't ask for child support, when the kid's older I'll find Anthony again if my child wants me to. What I won't do is try and go through this with someone who doesn't utterly love me and utterly love the little one I carry within me.

As I enter the subway, I'm pleased I've made a choice. I've known people's hearts in the hour when you need to know who they really are. Siobhan is my twin flame, the great love of my life. I feel a longing for her come upon me even stronger. Anthony was necessary, but in the end he was a fuck buddy. He chose not to be my life partner, chose not to raise this baby. So the vows I took that night after graduation, I'm sticking to. There is never a doubt that my mom will love my baby as she loves me; remain the still point when hurricanes swirl around us.

Every day is a tedious slog to finish the cases. I get them done, and I keep calling mom to tell her I'll be back soon. She doesn't quite know where she stands with me. I tell her I'm pregnant, but the biological dad isn't to be involved. We're going to figure it out and raise it together, still the same unbreakable soulmates we always were. I can tell though that she doesn't quite believe me.

December comes and career-wise I win. The cases go well, I'm promoted to partner and allowed my leave. I want to treat my mom. I call her and tell her: in two days, be at the airport. I'm sending her tickets.

I board a plane at LaGuardia bound for Peru. We're having Christmas in the Southern Hemisphere, going on that honeymoon I promised her. My plane lands first, I wait three hours to see if she came.

Her plane unloads, and at the airport I notice a green suitcase that she's had for twenty years. It's got to be her. We meet, embrace, and start our belated trip.

"Let's forget the time jump and be newlyweds" I tell her. "The boy I did it with, it was never about him. I couldn't go on without having a baby but you're the one I want to raise him, raise her, with."

She hugs me even harder than before. "I wanted to give you the choice. I couldn't resist the fever to have one either when I was thirty. But a part of me always knew it would come and go, and afterwards we'd be lovers again."

We visit the sites of Macchu Picchu and every surviving monument to its ancient civilization. By the end of things, on our last night at our hotel, I'm starting to show. Mom rubs my bump.

"I'll need to keep my hands off you, the baby is very fragile in there." No chance mom.

After New Year's, I'm back in New York and resume work as a partner. Mom comes back to live with me. It's done, we're going to retry making this work. I'm approaching six months and the bump is getting huge. But that's no problem. Siobhan and I, we lie in bed.

"I guess you've never had sex with a pregnant woman before."

"No, how do we do it?"

"You lie back, relax, and let me work."

We kiss, and hold our arms round each other. I press my bump into her chest. I tingle. She used to be a thin woman when I was young, but has put on quite a bit as she's grown older. I prefer it. My bump has a lovely tender garden of fat to rest in. I turn her on her back, climb on her, and just for a while let my baby rest on her soft and comforting body.

One day I think, I may be a mom like this. Be what she has been to me, a perfect mom, always there and always what I needed. I put my arms round her neck, my thighs round hers, and let the consoling warmth of her body hold two generations.

There's no feeling like it. Maybe a sauna after a cold swim, if a sauna could love. I move my hand to stroke some hair of hers away, and kiss. Burrowing into pure maternal care, I know I belong to my dear mother. I think briefly of Anthony, the men I've been with, the girls I had a date with. None of them could ever give me what she can. Anthony gave me his seed, I needed that, but now I can be my beloved mother's daughter again.

I move back, and support myself on my hands, to give our clits room to touch. We just rub, and rub, allowing the pleasure to slowly build.

"Love you mom." I say as I boil up.

"Love you sweetie."

"Thank you."

"You're my girl. Yes you are."

"I'm getting there."

"I am."

We rub more, after so many times I know her sexual cycle perfectly. Both of us stay on the edge of orgasm for minutes on end. We like to hold the edge, see how long we can keep enjoying ourselves before we go over. Sometimes the mind needs time to unload, the pleasure build so the final moment is at its maximum bliss.

"I'm there-" she screams out. I'm still at the edge. As she releases her clit moves, and slightly breaks my flow. But I find her again, as she comes down she holds the movement to finish me off.

A minute later I'm going over. I want this moment to be something. I rush forward, sit up over her and as I climax I squirt. Allowing her to drink my juices, I put her hands on the top of my belly and my hands over hers.

I cry out, full of joy that we can bond like this. There's three generations. My little one, still growing, the size of a palm. There's me, I've brought new life to the world. And my mother, who is a part of me and I a part of her.

I lie down on my side, choosing to rest my belly on hers all night again. Her meadow of comforting flesh is where I want to stay. My hormones, my instincts, told me to reproduce. I'm a woman and those instincts are, sometimes, overwhelming.

But for my heart's needs, for the epic romance of my life, that's found in this maternal beauty right here.

"For how much longer will you still be able to move like that?" she asks me.

"Till the nine months is over. All that gym was to stay supple and strong for carrying this lump."

"You know when a baby's born, the sex life tends to vanish."

"How long for?"

"Couple of years."

"Make the most of it now then." I kiss her, thinking of how to make the most of tonight and the next few months. Shall we kiss and cuddle? Rub like we just did? Suck and lick? So many choices, each one sexier than the last.