Being Jim Ch. 09: The Guilty Heart

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I don't know if it was avarice or inspiration or simply a matter of pulling a name out of the air, but I thought of the name Karyn... and that became the name of this little bit of fiction. Yes, it was fiction but I drew heavily from past experiences and kind of pieced them together with ideas that I just found a little interesting if not terribly kinky. I've always had the ability to immerse myself into a story, whether reading one or in this case writing one. So, it was not terribly surprising that I lost myself into the story as I wrote it. Time around me lost meaning and it wasn't until I heard the all too familiar sounds of daytime life stirring outside my bedroom window that I even looked at the clock on my headboard across the room.

As if to drive the point home that it was indeed morning, I heard that irritating sound of the garbage truck picking up and emptying one of my apartment's dumpsters across the parking lot from my building. Lovely... With a tired stretching yawn and a sigh, I saved my work, again, on my computer and closed out my editor and shut down my computer. Time to lay myself down and get some sleep. Two or three steps across the room and I think I was asleep before my head even hit my pillow.

It was the irritating... no... aggravating sound on the edge of my subconscious awareness that pulled me out of my dream filled slumber. Still floating in that miasma of thoughts and dreams on the edge of consciousness I drifted back into my dream state. Again, however that aggravating sound tickled my mind... pulling me back from the comforting warmth of the arms of... Sitting bolt upright, with my heart racing and my chest heaving for breath that I didn't know why I was even holding. That sound again... Ringing in my ears. No, not ringing in my ears, but really ringing. It was my phone on the wall in my kitchen.

Taking a deep breath and shaking my head to clear the cobwebs, I rolled out of my bed and went through my blackout curtain and two strides later was grabbing the phone off the wall to answer.

"Hello?" I queried, holding the phone to one ear as my other hand rubbed my eyes to get the sleep out of them.

"Jim?" asked the voice... I know that voice but it took me a moment in my still sleep addled brain to connect. It was Dave.

"Dave?" I asked more out of trying to understand why he might be calling rather than who it was at this point.

"Jim I'm sorry to wake you... I... I have to ask you for a favor man." Dave spoke sounding a little distracted, maybe even worried.

"No... I mean, yeah... Sure... what do you need Dave?" My mind finally kicking into gear.

"I know I've asked for favors before but this is something... different." Dave said hesitantly as if he was still struggling to decide on something.

"Dave, you're my friend. Anything I can do to help, just ask, you should know that. What's up? Sarah's car die again or something?" I reassured him and wondered if I needed to get dressed and go pick Sarah up to take her to work.

"I know, Jim, and I thank you for that but this is something a little different. I have to go to Jersey for... for a while. I... I was wondering if you could... Check in on Sarah, maybe come by and see her while I'm away?" Dave asked hesitantly and still seemed a little distracted.

"No, I mean yeah, of course, but what's up Dave? Everything okay? You sound... a little... off." I told him.

"It's my mom, Jim, she's not fairing very well. I got a call from her home nurse. They are contacting hospice..." Dave's voice trailed off. I could almost feel his heart wrenching in his voice.

"Dave, I'm sorry... Of course, I'll help out. You need to go be with you mom." I told him. I could hear his relief in the muffled exhale on his end of the phone. I knew a million other things were probably running through his mind and I felt better knowing I had lessened the burden in some small way.

"Thanks buddy, it really means a lot to me. I owe you big time for this." He spoke after a moment.

"Don't even think about it Dave, it's nothing really. You know I'd do anything for you and Sarah. How's she handling this?" I asked.

"She's a little worried of course, being here alone for... however long..." He told me, his voice edging on cracking. I felt bad that I made him think that far ahead.

"Sarah's taking me to the airport here in a bit, my flight leaves this afternoon. I'll know more after I get there of course. Right now, you know about as much as I do now. Really, Jim, this means a lot to me, knowing you'll look after Sarah while I'm... away... I owe you pal." He spoke again, his voice still edgy with emotion.

"Dave, really, don't even think about it. Just take care of what you need to take care of. Call if you need anything else, okay?" I reassured him again.

We talked for a few minutes more before he said he had to finish packing and said goodbye. I told him I'd call Sarah later in the day, but I was going to go back to bed for a while anyway. He actually laughed at the thought but knew that I worked nights and for me, this early in the morning was actually the middle of my night. After hanging up the phone I opened my fridge and stood there looking at the mostly barren landscape of my icebox. Sighing, I closed the door back and grabbed a glass out of the cabinet and poured myself some water from the tap. Drinking it down I made a mental note to add a trip to the grocery later for some much-needed food and drink. I put the empty glass in the sink and stumbled back to my bed and dove into that dreamy abyss of unconsciousness once more.

I woke up later in the day, when I rolled over and focused my sleep blurred eyes on my wind-up alarm clock, I noted the time was a little after one in the afternoon. I closed my eyes and thought about how easy it would be to drift off back to sleep. But then my stomach growled... and I suddenly and urgently felt the need to empty my bladder. Groaning dramatically, I rolled over and sat up on the edge of the bed. After the momentary dizziness abated, I stood and stretched, my arms wide then reached for the ceiling while rotating my neck. The popping sounds of my spine and joints clicking and creaking reminded me of someone walking across bubble wrap. I took a moment to make my bed then turned and made my way through the blackout curtain and turned down the hallway to my bathroom. First things first.

Bladder emptied and face and hands washed, I went to the kitchen and opened up my fridge. Oh yeah... still need to go to the grocery store. Sighing I reached for the glass I had put in the sink earlier in the morning and got myself some more water from the tap as my stomach growled again. I was leaning over my counter beside the sink writing out a short grocery list as I sipped my water when my phone rang. I dropped my pen and turned to pick up the phone from the wall hook.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Jim... It's Sarah..." I heard her say in an agitated voice I had come to recognize when she was... well... agitated.

"Hello beautiful." I responded

"Jim... help..." She all but whined through the phone line.

"This damned car won't start again..." she lamented.

"Sarah, calm down, it's okay. Where are you?" I asked.

"I'm out here at the airport. I just saw Dave off to Jersey. When I got back in the car to come home it just wouldn't start. I swear to God I'm going to just set this piece of junk of fire and be done with it! ARRRRGHHH! Help! Please?" She vented. I couldn't help but to chuckle a little and I'm sure she heard it through the phone line on her end of the conversation. I really could picture her setting the car on fire then backing up and watching it burn.

"Okay, don't get hasty... you're at the airport? Whereabouts? Short term parking I assume, right?" I said trying not to chuckle any more.

"Yeah. I already had one guy tell me I should call AAA to come give me a jump. I hate to bother you Jim but I don't know what else to do." She continued to vent with a little desperation creeping into her voice.

"It's okay Sarah. Really, it's no bother. Let me throw some clothes on and I be there in about fifteen minutes." I reassured her.

"Oh, thank you honey! You are too good to me!" She sighed with relief into the phone.

"It's what friends are for Sarah. Hang tight, I'll be there in a bit." I told her and then we broke the connection. I hung up my phone and with one hand scratching my head and one scratching my butt I stepped across the hallway to go through the blackout curtain into my bedroom. I pulled on a pair of jeans after shucking my sweatpants and t-shirt. I grabbed a clean sweat shirt out of my chest of drawers and then slipped my feet into my shoes. Now dressed I took a couple of minutes to cover hygiene.

Stepping through my curtain I turned right to step into my bathroom and brushed my teeth and rinsed. I ran a brush through my hair and shrugged, it still looked a little like bed head but hey... I just woke up... mostly. I started to turn and head down the hall to my living room/dining room when I thought twice and stopped and turned back to my medicine cabinet. I pulled out my deodorant and hiked up my sweatshirt to apply a dab or two under each arm. I little insurance can't hurt, right? All set now I went through the kitchen and grabbed my store list then grabbed my car keys off the dining room table. I let myself out of my apartment, locking the door behind me. Down the short flight of stairs to the building entrance and I was out the door and on my way to the airport.

Sarah was leaning up against the driver's side door of her and Dave's car, the rust orange '82 Honda Accord hatchback. The back driver side tail light cover was still cracked and missing half the lens... at least the bulbs still worked. The chrome on the bumper looked diseased from the rust eating through from the inside out. Yeah, the car was showing its age and its mileage. Between the miles Dave had put on it since it was new when they had lived in Jersey, and then all the miles he and Sarah had accumulated here in Kentucky, it was positively geriatric with well over two hundred thousand miles on the odometer. Be it sentimental reasons or the fact that it was just too pricey to replace, they kept patching up the old car and, driving it when it was drivable. At the moment, once again, it apparently wasn't. The dejected look on Sarah's face vanished when she saw me pull up next to her. I rolled down the passenger side window of my '88 Ford Escort and Sarah leaned in the window.

"Hi cutie... want some candy?" I asked with a smirk on my face... knowing I would lighten the mood a little with that old cliché line.

"Oh, stop it, Jim!" Sarah laughed

"Seriously though, thank you so much for coming to my rescue... again. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been home." She added frowning again, the worry in her eyes as she contemplated that possibility.

"Well, I was, so let's see what seems to be the problem, this time." I told her as I popped my seat belt and opened my driver side door to get out.

I walked around my car to her driver side door and got in to turn the key and see what would happen. It didn't even click... nothing. I reached over with the key on and turned on the radio, and beeped the horn... they all worked so I knew it wasn't a dead battery, this time. The gauges told me that there was plenty of gas and the oil light wasn't on, none of the idiot lights were lit or flashing. Hmmmm... my limited mechanical diagnostic skills were being eliminated fast.

"Has it done this before today?" I asked Sarah with my head cocked slightly to one side as I worked the problem in my head.

"No, this is the first time it's done this that I know of. I tell you Jim, I'm so sick of this car. I wish Dave would just get rid of it and find us something more reliable..." She lamented for the umpteenth time. I just kind of grinned at the familiar complaint and winked at her.

I climbed out of the car and reached back in to pop the hood and then walked around to open it up. Like I really knew what I was doing. I stood there scratching my head still working the problem. It's got gas, it's got electrical power... what is not making a connection. There was no sound at all from the starter when the key was turned. Could it be the starter motor or wait! Maybe it was the starter solenoid. That little electrical control that engages the starter motor to the motor itself to turn it over and start the motor. That might be it. I've had to replace them on various other cars I've had myself so I wasn't a complete stranger to how that worked.

Sarah must have seen the light bulb come on over my head or something as she half smiled, hopefully, and kind of ducked her head down a little as if to say "Yeah? What?" I bit my bottom lip and winked at her while tapping the side of my head with the index finger of my right hand.

"I might have an idea. I'm not sure but I'll have to look closer to find out. I'm going to need to get a flashlight out of my car and something to lay on the ground to scootch under the car on." I told her as I eased by her and went to my hatchback and raised it to rummage around for a flashlight and something to lay on.

I found the light and an empty cardboard box that I kept for loose trash between trips to the dumpster. I hate having fast food trash in my floorboards. I broke the box down to open it up to a flat piece and slid it under the front bumper. I then laid down on my back on top of the cardboard and holding the light in my right hand I pulled myself under the car as best I could. It took me a minute or two but I finally identified the starter motor and the suspected solenoid sitting atop of it. When I shined the light on the set up, I discovered a broken wire hanging off the solenoid. Yep, that was the problem... now... how to fix it.

"It looks like the wire going to the starter solenoid has corroded and broken off..." I told Sarah as I slid back out from under the car.

"Is that fixable?" She asked, again with that hopeful expression on her face battling with the feeling of disgust for the car in general.

"I think I might be able to patch it up to get it started but I think the solenoid should be replaced. If I can get it started, I'm going to have you follow me to Midas and I'll see if they can swap it out with a new one." I told her. I held up my hand to stop the expected protest that I knew was coming.

"Jim... I don't know... how much would that cost? What if they can't work on it today?" She began as expected. I merely smiled at her and shook my head and put my finger to my lips as to tell her to hush.

"As for the cost, probably not too much for the part, but a little for the labor, I'm sure. As for them being able to do it today we won't know till we get there. Usually, they are pretty good about little jobs like this... we'll just have to wait and see. And I'll pay for the part if they can find it." I told her as I once again rummaged through my little tool box in the back of my car. I found a piece of electrical wire that I could use to jump between the broken wire and the solenoid... it was the wrong gauge but it would work for a couple of starts I hoped. I grabbed a pair of pliers and a small roll of electrical tape.

Walking back around to the front of Dave and Sarah's car I set the wire, tape and pliers on the cardboard then reached in my pocket to pull out my Swiss Army knife... yeah... McGyver I wasn't but I had the tools... sometimes. I laid on my back again and pulled myself under the car once more. I had to struggle to get both arms and hands in to where I could get a hold of the dangling wire. I stripped the loose end and then stripped both ends of the piece of wire I had taken from my tool box. I twisted the piece of wire to the bared end of the loose wire and then taped it with the electrical tape. I then made a loop of the loose end of the new piece of wire and slipped it over the corroded connector on the solenoid. Then having second thoughts I pulled it back off and used the blade of my knife to scrape the connector somewhat cleaner. I then pulled the looped wired over the connector and twisted it tight as I could with my fingers before using the pliers to make it just a little tighter. I had to tear off a couple of pieces of the tape to fit them around the wire and connector but I thought it would hold. That done I slid back out from under the car and wiped my dirty hands off on a rag I had kept in the tool box for just such things.

"Well?" Sarah asked, still looking like she was on pins and needles.

"Get in and give it a try." I told her with my head tilted slightly to my left shoulder as if to say "I hope."

Sarah got in and I had to laugh as she made the sign of the cross and kissed the ignition key before sticking it in and turning it. The little six-cylinder engine sputtered and chugged a couple of times but then fired right up. Sarah's beaming smile was worth all the trouble.

"Oh, Thank God! No... thank YOU Jim!" Sarah exclaimed looking very relieved... then her face clouded again this time with apprehension and maybe a little humility.

"Are you sure about this? Taking the car to Midas I mean." She asked.

"Yes. Sarah, I'm sure. Let me put this stuff in my car and then follow me. It'll be okay babe." I said with a smile and gathered up my stuff from the front of her car.

After I closed my hatch and climbed in my car and started it up. I backed out of the parking space and pulled forward. I watched in the rear view mirror as Sarah did the same and then she followed me out of the short-term parking area and back to the main road. She followed me all the way to the Midas shop that I go to for my own servicing and repairs on my car. I parked and waited while she parked next to my car. She got out and followed me inside.

"Jim! What's wrong with your car now?" The guy behind the counter said looking over the top of his glasses as he worked on a ledger of some sort.

"Hi Steve. Nothing wrong with my car this time..." I told him, but that I was here with Sarah's car and introduced he and her.

I told him what was going on with the starter and solenoid and what I had done. He was appreciative of my efforts and thought it was pretty clever actually. He did a quick search and found a replacement solenoid for Dave and Sarah's car just up the street at a parts store they dealt with. He looked up the job labor charge and then at the work they were doing at the moment. He told me that they could get it done today but it would be a few hours. We could leave the car and come back or someone could wait if we wanted to. I looked at Sarah and she looked like she was ready to have a seat and wait it out but I thought she might as well get a break too. I asked Sarah if she would accompany me to the grocery store while we waited, the look of thanks on her face was all the answer I needed. I told Steve that we would come back for the car later. I gave him my phone number just in case there were any problems. Then Sarah and I went back out to my car and headed off to the grocery store.

Grocery shopping with Sarah was... different. I was so used to shopping alone that I found myself distracted at every turn. Sarah was wonderful company, don't get me wrong, but the girl has an evil streak a mile wide when she's given the opportunity. Shopping for groceries has never been so... adventurous or... embarrassing as well as surprisingly exciting. Now I know I had made her promise to stop trying to fix me up with friends of hers but even as she had complied, at least with that particular phrasing anyway, she couldn't help herself. Strangers were fair game in her way of thinking. OH BROTHER!

"Jim... she's a cutie, isn't she?" Sarah nudged my side with her right elbow and nodded towards a young blonde gal leaning over the display stand full of ripe tomatoes in the produce section of the store.

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