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He said, "I see. Love would make it impossible to keep the secret. Wouldn't it?"
I replied, "I think so. It would probably be best if we just remained friends."
He asked, "Can we have lunch together and talk about it face to face?"
I answered, "Not at the club." Then I added, "After we have had time to cool and ponder the problem, I will call you. Maybe we can meet somewhere else for lunch."
We ended our conversation, said good-bye, and hung up. I looked at the receiver in my hand and whispered, "I really do want to fuck you, Kevin." Then I thought, "We can't be just friends. I would be in a constant state of frustration."
The frustration I was feeling right then was terrible. I knew my toys wouldn't help. A sweet fantasy fuck wasn't the answer. This was the moment when I realized that I was going to cheat, but taking a chance with Kevin was no longer an option.
My mind had been dancing around another option for a long time. I had been in denial, but I had been subconsciously planning how to do it all along. I thought, "I can do it, and if I follow my plan the odds of getting caught will be close to zero." I thought, "Don't get cocky. There will always be some chance of things going bad and the consequences would be catastrophic." I had butterflies. I was scared. I resolved to be very careful.
To be continued...
