Belinda's Story Ch. 05

My purpose in seeing him was to give him the face-to-face encounter that he had asked for and to make this same arrangement. I didn't tell him that. I said, with sadness in my voice, "That is probably best, Kevin." I paused and added, "I know I would fall in love with you too."

Bobby called again. It was the middle of the afternoon on Friday. He said that they were going to try to get through Denver, drive for a couple hours more, and then spend the night in a motel. He said that would put them home in the late afternoon Saturday just as he had planned. We talked for half an hour as he drove. Things got mushy and I became aroused. By the time the conversation was over, I was very comfortable talking with him. He hadn't made me tell him a single lie. I began to believe everything was going to be okay. I was going to get away with my sin at least until I had to answer to God. I had already prayed and begged for his forgiveness.

I spent Saturday on pins and needles. My nervousness had returned and my paranoia had reasserted itself too. I was afraid again. I was about to meet Bobby face to face.

I hadn't heard from Bobby so I called him around three in the afternoon. He answered, "Hi, Baby. We are almost at Tom's place. We are going to unload his gear and I will be right there." He added, "I can't wait to see you."

My comfort level went way up. I thought, "Everything is going to be okay." I answered, "I'm so excited. Please hurry."

Less than an hour later, I heard the familiar rumble of Bobby's truck in our driveway. I ran to the kitchen and then through the door into the garage. Bobby parked the truck and shut the engine down. He looked down at me and smiled ear to ear.

I opened the truck's door and physically dragged him out. I jumped into his arms and we kissed.

One of his hands naturally found one of my breasts and he squeezed gently. I wrapped my legs around his waist and let him hold me off the floor. He carried me into the house and up the stairs. He tossed me into the middle of our bed and began to undress. I got naked before he did. I had only worn one of his old sweatshirts to welcome him home.

I lay on my back and I watched him undress. It didn't take long. He was on top of me in just a few seconds. He slipped a finger inside me just to test my readiness, I think. He found me very wet.

He said, "We can do this properly later. Right now I need a quickie."

I giggled for him and opened myself wider to receive him. Our eyes locked together. He pressed his cock against my entrance and pushed. As always, I felt my big eyes get bigger as he opened me and found his way inside. He filled me completely. I could feel his excitement and his urgency. His heart pounded in his chest and I could feel it in his cock too. I squeezed him tightly with my Kegels to enhance his pleasure. He was aware of my gesture. He began to fuck me thoroughly with long and powerful strokes. My soreness from my encounters with Bret had faded almost completely. I had worried that would be a problem. It wasn't. It felt so good to be with Bobby.

My body welcomed him. I wiggled into a position that allowed me to best appreciate his efforts. I offered no defense to his onslaught. I allowed him to hurt me. I begged him to hurt me even more. I deserved to be punished. I should be spanked or even beaten. I would have accepted any punishment or mistreatment from him. That wasn't going to happen. There was no way that I could tell him what I had done. He didn't know that I needed to be punished.

I knew this couldn't go on for long. After a couple minutes, his rhythms changed as he approached orgasm. A groan came from deep inside him and then an animalistic grunt. He slammed his cock into me. I tried to meet his thrusts, but I couldn't keep up. I wrapped him in my arms and legs. All I could do was hold on for the ride.

He hesitated deep inside me and I felt the throb in his cock that accompanied his first spasm. I realized that I was nowhere near having an orgasm of my own. The arousal that I had felt earlier had dissipated with my thoughts of sin and punishment. My only real goal at this moment was to give myself to Bobby as if that might make up for my misbehavior. I realized that I wasn't going to cum with him. I decided that I had to fake it. I froze in place and went rigid. I did my wet dog act and screamed into the artificially darkened room. I helped Bobby fuck me as he satisfied his need.

I had to fake an orgasm. I hoped that he accepted it as real. If he didn't he would know that something was wrong. I had faked orgasms with him before, but only a few times over all our years together. I don't think he ever knew.

I wondered, "Is this going to be my punishment from God. Am I going to have to fake orgasms for the rest of my life?"

Bobby expended himself and let me bear most of his weight as he lay on top of me. I held him in place until he lost his erection and he maneuvered me into our spoon position. I snuggled close and let him hold me while he recovered. Some of Bobby's semen leaked out of me. It seemed that he had gifted me a greater quantity than usual. I wondered, "Was God telling me that I didn't deserve his gift?" Tears welled up in my eyes.

Bobby squeezed one of my breasts and said, "I love you, Belinda."

I managed to answer him in a whisper. I said, "I love you too, Bobby."

I wanted to cry, but I managed to control myself. I remembered reading that human sperm could remain viable in a woman's body for as long as five days after copulation. I had cleaned myself thoroughly after having sex with Bret, but there was no way that I had removed every last one of the millions of sperm cells that he had deposited inside me. That meant that his and Bobby's sperm were swimming together in my belly right then. I felt such shame for what I had done.

Bobby fell asleep. I Lay in his arms and berated myself for a long time. I let myself cry quietly, but at length, I fell into a troubled sleep.

XXXXX

A bit of time passed. I promised myself that I would never cheat again and I don't think I ever will. The feelings that I had when Bobby came home to me and the next time that I was with the kids were horrible. I had betrayed them more than I thought I ever could. The shame and guilt that I felt for my selfishness was unbearable. The worst part was, I couldn't tell them what I had done and beg for their forgiveness. I couldn't go through that again.

It seemed as though Bobby wanted to have sex every time we were together. My relationship with him improved after I spent a couple weeks faking orgasms and excising my demons. Finally, something snapped inside me. I came so hard for him. I had told myself that I belonged to him and he was the one that I truly loved. He was the one that God intended for me to be with. After that first powerful orgasm, I thought, "Maybe my punishment is over. God must have forgiven me, or maybe he finally got his message over to me."

I noticed too that Bobby wanted to spend more quality time with me besides just our sexual encounters. We were having date nights again. We were going out for dinner and spending evenings at home cuddling as we watched movies together. We had planned a vacation together for the spring. Finally, I gathered enough courage to snuggle up closer to him after one of our better sessions. I asked why I was getting so much extra attention from him.

He said, "I do need to talk about that." A moment later, he continued, "Tom Willis and I had a talk while we were riding together on our trip." He paused and then asked, "Has Tom ever propositioned you?"

I had to catch my breath before I could answer. Finally, I let my eyes narrow as I answered, "Absolutely not... He is our friend, yours and mine. He would never want us to experience what he and Becky went through. Besides that, he is knee-deep in young pretty girls that chase him everywhere he goes. He has no need for an old, middle-aged, married woman like me." Then I asked, "What would make you think such a thing?"

He remained serious and replied, "Well, the morning that we left on our trip, you gave him a goodbye hug that was a bit more than just friendly in my eyes. I wanted to talk to you about it before I said anything to him, but it didn't work out that way." After a short pause, he continued, "We were riding and talking about the things that guys talk about. He inserted you into the conversation. He asked if I was doing everything I could to keep us close and our relationship strong."

I remained quiet.

Bobby went on, "That pissed me off a bit and I braced him about the hug." Then he said, "That pissed Tom off. I thought for a moment there that we were going to have to stop beside the road and try to stomp the shit out of each other." He chuckled and continued, "That didn't happen. I had been driving at about eighty-five miles per hour. We both cooled off some before I could get the truck stopped.

Bobby and I were both quiet for a moment.

Then Bobby asked me, "What about the hug?"

I hesitated just a moment before I answered, "Of all your friends, Tom is my favorite. He is the one I trust the most. I became closer to him because of what Becky had done. He didn't deserve to be hurt that way. He always gets a little extra in return when he flirts with me. He gets my warmest smile or my closest hug." I paused and then went on, "You know don't you, that most of your friends flirt with me? I don't allow some of them even to touch me. I get along better with some of the others. I think some of them might be serious and want to get in my pants, but certainly, not Tom."

I was getting pissed by this time and Bobby knew it. At the same time, I was beginning to feel guilty about having my fantasy fuck with Tom and I realized that in reality, I was the same sort of trash that Becky was. Then I realized, none of that was Tom's fault and it was proper for me to defend him.

The guilt I was feeling caused Bret to pop into my mind. I thought, "I know better now. I will never fuck around again. It's just not worth it." Tears welled up in my eyes. Bobby noticed that too. He misunderstood the cause of them.

He said, "Calm down now. I just want to discuss what Tom said to me." He caressed the small of my back and kissed my forehead softly.

I did settle down. Bobby wasn't accusing Tom or me of anything and he had been more attentive to me since they came home from their hunting trip. I had to ask, "What did Tom say?"

Bobby said, "I will tell you, but first, answer me this." He paused for a second and drew me a bit closer. He asked, "Have I neglected you?" Before I could answer, he went on. "Have I neglected your needs either physically or emotionally? Am I guilty?"

I said, "Hold me, Bobby." I nestled in closer still and he held me a bit tighter. Finally, I said, "Take a minute to remember what happened the morning you left for your hunt. When you got out of bed, I asked you to come back and hold me for a minute or two. We were about to be separated for maybe two weeks. You told me that you didn't have time." A second later, I added, "That would never have happened when we were younger."

I wanted to cry. Bret came into my mind again. I felt so guilty for what I had done with him. I suppressed my sobs, but Bobby picked up on the sniffles that I couldn't hold inside me. He misunderstood them again.

Bobby said, "I am guilty, aren't I? I have taken you for granted in other ways too." He hesitated while he squeezed me a bit tighter. He said, "I'm so sorry, Baby. I will do better."

I brushed his lips with mine and whispered, "You have been doing better since your talk with Tom." Then I asked again, "What did he say to you?"

He replied, "Tom said that I could lose you if I let us drift apart." Bobby continued, "I told him that could never happen." He went on, "Tom looked at me and said, "That's what I thought the day before I caught Becky in bed with a guy that I had played golf with a week before." He continued, "I was neglecting her, Bobby. I was too wrapped up in my work. I lost her and it was at least partially my fault." Then he said, "Don't lose Belinda. You couldn't replace her in a million years."

Bobby said, "That was about it. We let it drop and changed the subject." He hesitated a moment and then said, "I love you, Belinda. I know I could never replace you and I don't think I could ever get over losing you."

I thought, "I wish you and Tom had your talk a month earlier. Maybe, I wouldn't have fucked-up the way I did." I said, "I love you too, Bobby. Let's both work on making things better." We snuggled closer and I felt so warm, safe, and loved in his arms.

I felt as though I had been riding an emotional rollercoaster. I thought, "Maybe that ride is over. It took some time for me to calm down, but I snuggled close and let Bobby hold me. I finally relaxed enough to fall asleep.

XXXXX

Things continued to get better between Bobby and me. I never truly forgave myself for my episode with Bret, but I stuck to the plan. I never let Bobby or the kids learn of it. I stuffed my guilt into a small corner in the back of my mind where I didn't have to think about it very often and I learned to live with it. I tried hard to be a better wife and mother.

Tom is still my favorite of Bobby's friends. He still rates my sweetest smiles and a warm hug when he needs one. I have; however, established a boundary line between us that I am careful not to cross.

I stayed away from Kevin for a while. There have been no more free tennis lessons. I have come to the point where I can pass flirts with him when I see him at the club. He always smiles, but he never approaches me. I would have lunch with him if he asked, but he won't. I would like to dance with him again. I doubt that will ever happen either. Kevin committed no sin against Bobby or me. He protected me when I was weak. He sent me home with only a pat on my bottom after I offered myself to him. He proved himself to be a true friend, just as Tom is.

I told Loretta that she had tempted me, but I just couldn't cheat on Bobby. She accepted that lie. She still does my hair. We are closer than we were before she propositioned me. It's as though we share a secret.

Do I think of Bret? Of course, I do. Sometimes I think of him as Superman and other times he is a caveman. It probably would have been better for me if he hadn't been such a good person and the fantastic lover that he was. I also have dreams of him on occasion. Sometimes they are both lucid and erotic. I have no real control over them, but the truth is, I always enjoy the experience. I can't help that either. I pay for them with new feelings of guilt when I wake up. I haven't forgotten Bret's phone number, but I would if I could. I will never use it.

I don't like myself as much as I did before I cheated. How could I, after disrespecting Bobby so selfishly? I have had to learn to live with that too. I will survive, and I won't fuck-up again, ever. I thought, "I will keep my secret forever, but Bobby, I love you so much and I am so sorry."

The End