Big U Pride Ch. 06c: Rebirth

I know, the installment you have all been waiting patiently for - thank you so so much for your encouraging emails and reviews, they keep me going in this endeavor! I appreciate how you all have asked for more Bit and more Cheerbois! Well, here you go!

Remember to read the first to parts of the chapter (or the rest of the series) to catch up. Brit is at a turning point, fearing the lifestyle that he chose and feeling manipulated by his trusted friends.

Please remember to leave a comment and/or email me with any ideas/suggestions/reviews! I worked really hard on this chapter and really want to continue to make my fans happy! This series is nearing its conclusion so I need to hear from you.

Please enjoy and read irresponsibly ;)

xoxo

latinarita

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The next few days went fairly normally. I mean, I still felt like I was coming down from some bad high, kind of like a hangover feeling. The events at the mansion started to feel more and more distant, though every now and then I would have these flashbacks of being on all fours on that chaise, of Billy using me then Dirk and Billy both taking me in both of my holes. I wanted to feel ashamed, I wanted to feel guilty for what I did. But there was this other feeling that kept intruding - this feeling that I did something straight out of a porno, that I took on two men at once and I gave them both orgasms. And I got mine in return. Those feelings, they were truly out-of-this-world.

But I had been used, right? I had been drugged, tricked into that situation. Sure, it all made my body do things that I couldn't imagine and that were extraordinary, but it couldn't be real if I was manipulated into it, if I was drugged into it. I was being forced in a way, wasn't I? The drugs, the hormones, the emotional manipulation.

And it was all Dr. Dickinson's fault! Sure, Lana had played her part in all of this - after all she introduced me and inducted me into this - but Dr. Dickinson's actions seemed so much more manipulative, probably because she was supposed to be a therapist, a professor. It didn't feel the same way coming from someone like that. I felt like she was taking advantage of me when she should have been helping me. This was all some deep-state project by the university donors and big-wigs, all to create servants. I didn't want to be a a guinea pig, some experiment.

Plus I needed the break, my body felt so sore today. To be sure, my holes felt extra sore. It wasn't just pain, though there was a real sting, but mostly sore like muscles do after a long run.

I needed not just a short break, I needed some time to think. Sure, the last time I escaped from all this I came crawling right back. But that was different, I had been promised by Lana that I would retain my free will in all of this, that I wouldn't be forced into anything. I mean, no one pushed me to do what I did last night, but in a way I was forced - forced by the drugs, by the fake counseling, by the peer pressure. How could I know what was free will and what was forced? I needed to get off of this emotional train for a while to feel things out.

So I just tried to lay low. Of course, living in the Beta House came with some obvious lifestyle requirements. For one, I only had girl clothes to wear. Even if I had any of my old male clothes left, I don't know if I'd even wear them. My body just fit so well into these girl clothes now, I would look ridiculous trying to pull off male clothes. And I'll admit, I was vain too. I could see that I looked amazing in these outfits. Was it so bad that they highlighted my best features? Sure, my butt was big and round now, and I had budding little breasts, and these clothes highlighted those plus my slim waist. It wasn't gay, it was just highlighting my attractive features. And while I was at it, why not throw on makeup too? At this point that was just natural, and it really did highlight my facial features. And the high heels made me feel taller too!

Things just started to feel weirdly...normal. I walked across campus with Krissy (by this point I gave up thinking of him as my old roommate Kris, and just embraced my new sissy housemate Krissy), and attended my classes. Of course I didn't pay attention to anything being taught, I merely doodled in my notebook and twirled my hair. I remembered what Professor Steele had told me about my purpose in these classes: to give the guys something to look at so they kept showing up to class. As much as I was trying to keep a low profile and avoid playing into the whole affair, I couldn't help myself. I'd return the leering looks the guys would give me, and smile back, as if inviting more attention. I didn't think of it as creepy guys staring at me, not at all. It was more like, how could these innocent guys help but look at that pretty face in the corner? After all, my outfits drew attention. And could you blame me for sometimes spreading my legs and giving them a glance of my panties every once in a while? It was harmless, and like Professor Steele said, this helped them by motivating them to come to class. I was just doing my part to help the cause of higher education! And can you blame me for getting bored during those some of those engineering lectures?

This sort of just became daily life for me. I started to feel like a normal college student again, apart from the obvious changes to my body. It was almost like I was a new college student again. The main difference apart form my new feminine form was, well, all the attention I got. Men, I learned, were so bad at hiding their intentions. I would walk by a group of guys and could almost feel their eyes on me. When I moved my head their direction they all started acting like they hadn't been looking, but it was just so obvious! When I'd walk a bit further, I could tell they were all staring at my ass. They were so simple-minded!

And that was just the average college guys, that didn't include the behavior of the big athletes and frat guys. They didn't even hide it, they just locked their eyes on my body and took the view in without shame. Weirdly I didn't know how to really act when this happened. With the other guys I could be coy and keep going. But these dominant men on campus, well, it made me feel really strange. I didn't hate it, that wasn't it. To be honest I also didn't want them to look away. It was how...raw it all felt. Like, they weren't playing games. They wanted to look at me, they wanted to stare at my ass and my face and my body and they just went ahead and did it without any inhibition. Part of me wanted to move faster, to get away from those looks. But my body didn't listen to that instinct. Instead, I think I moved slower, I think I accentuated my hips, arched my back a bit. Was I playing it up for them? Was I inviting those looks?

I couldn't shake that feeling. Something about those guys and how my body just reacted automatically when I was near them. My heart would race, but I also felt a calmness about me. It was as though my mind and body acted in unison to guide me, to come to the realization that if I could give these men what they wanted then I would feel better.

Fuck, I couldn't shake that feeling. And if that was weird, then it wasn't any weirder than when I would come across guys that I had...'had relations with'. One afternoon I even ran into BOTH Tate and Billy. They were talking to each other by the gym when I was walking to the private Cheerboi fitness room for our daily workouts (Yes, even though I said I'd stop with all this, I still wanted to stay in shape and I loved being with my housemates). They clearly had just finished their workout for the day, leaning against the building by the entrance, wearing tank tops and sipping on their protein shakes. Their sweaty muscles rippled in the sunlight, and just looking at them made me feel that much smaller.

"Well look who it is, wassup Britney?" Tate said. I stopped and looked at them. Hesitating, I crossed my legs and looked down as I stopped there in front of them.

"Not much, just headed to the gym."

"Oh yeah man, this girl knows how to work up a sweat." Billy said. I could sense the innuendo there.

"You know that's right." Tate said. "Billy here told me about your work at the Bull & Horns initiation."

I panicked, my pulse racing, and a bead of sweat forming on my brow. What did Billy tell Tate? Now does Tate know what I'm a sissy? Oh shit, that must be what this was, they were waiting here for me. They were gonna beat me up for this, they probably thought I tricked them into some gay shit. I fidgeted in place, not knowing whether to stand my ground or run. I was frozen in place.

"Ummm...I don't, I don't really remember." I said, lying.

"Yeah, Billy here told me all about how you really, took the 'bull by the horns', so to speak." Tate said, clearly proud of his wordplay. "And two bulls at that."

Billy spoke up, "To tell you the truth, I didn't know what to expect. I was pretty surprised at Britney's little 'secret'" he said, winking at Tate. "But I think I was more surprised by her bull-riding ability. I don't think I've ever seen any girl manage that. Maybe that little 'secret' gives some unforeseen abilities."

Shit shit, he was taking so much glee in taunting me. This was the calm before the storm.

Tate spoke up, "I could have told you that, Billy." They surrounded me now. "This special thing right here was one of the rarest things I've ever found, someone who could drain the Beast on her first go-around. She didn't fear the Beast, she attacked it. Maybe you're right, maybe her little 'secret' does give some new powers."

They were on either side of me now, so close but not touching me. They knew that they were in public, exposed. They wouldn't beat the shit out of me here. Would they?

"Sweetheart," Tate said, looking down at me as Billy was behind me. "My only regret is that I wasn't a couple years younger. You know why that is?"

I gulped and meekly responded, "...Why?"

"Because then my Bull & Horns induction would have featured you."

Wait, what was he implying?"

"That's right, little lady." Tate smiled. "You're looking at a Hornsman here. A proud one. But what I would have given to have given you a taste of the Beast a couple years ago during my induction."

He backed off a step. "My induction gurl passed out almost immediately when I claimed her. I mean, it was cute, but not my preference. But you...you I know would have been able to take the Beast."

Billy came around to stand next to Tate. "Here," he passed me a flyer. "Party at Kappa Nu this weekend, you should come."

"Thanks..." I was still dwelling on what Tate had said. He was a Hornsman, and he fucked a sissy at his induction...and now Billy told him I was an induction sissy...so he knows I'm a sissy. And he clearly is into that. A part of me felt relieved that there was another Alpha on campus who was into the Cheerbois. Another part of me, which I tried to suppress, got excited that Tate could want to use the Beast on me, to fuck me with it. Sure, I had sucked it, but to think that he would sink all that meat into my other hole...

No, no. I was swearing off of that kind of thinking now. I needed to clear all the hormones and drugs and psychedelic shit that I had been given and figure out what I needed after that.

So I smiled at the guys and gripped the flyer and said, "Thanks Billy. I'll...I'll try to make it." Smiling, I headed for the gym before I could get myself into more trouble. My workout ended up being pretty typical, mostly squats and the elliptical, trying to do more body sculpting sort of things that Kelsey had taught me. I tried not to attract too much attention with my outfit, wearing leggings and a tank top. Unfortunately I think the leggings I had no longer fit me because they felt so tight on my butt which was filling it. But that only attracted some stares, not a crazy amount of attention this time.

I grabbed my gym bag and saw the flyer I had stuffed into it. I examined it, seeing that Kappa was hosting a BlackLight party. It sounded really fun, but I knew that I had to stay away from parties like this for a while. I knew that it would lead to drugs and craziness so I crumpled up the flyer and tossed it in the trash. Who would have thought that a loser like me would have ended up in a position of turning down a party offer? But I had to show some discipline.

Things even mellowed out with Professor Steele. I still did the flirting routine in class with the students and everything, but I told him that I was taking a little break from some of the Cheerboi 'activities', so to speak. And to my surprises he honored my request. He didn't repeat his prior jerk-off session with me, but he did have me sit on his lap in his office one afternoon while he graded tests. No funny business, just a wandering hand. But I kept myself from doing anything beyond that, and he didn't make moves.

Somehow I settled into a routine. I avoided the hormone smoothies and medications and stayed away from alcohol and any party drugs. I woke up with headaches most mornings. That's not to mention the weird bouts of nausea and sweating I'd get. It was like I'd have little episodes of flu each day where I would sit in bed and shiver. The truth was that my mood started to suffer too, and I'd sometimes not feel motivated to get out of bed some days.

A couple other things happened too, my Cheerboi App wasn't as active anymore. I had stopped responding to Tyreke and his texts started to sputter out. Tate and Billy would text me too, as would some of the Delta Sig frat guys, but after I stopped sending sexy pics to them they also stopped texting.

I'll admit, it all made me feel more disconnected from the other Cheerbois. One night we were all gathered around the fire in the main room and sitting around talking about our days. I was curled up in the big chair, just not feeling up for the action. Of course, Jada was bragging all about waking up in one of the Kappa Nu guy's rooms after a wild night at their party. Bambi and Candi talked about dancing with a bunch of guys and ending the night drinking champagne on their roof. Kagney and Krissy, meanwhile, spent the day at the spa and got matching mani-pedis.

I didn't have the heart to say that all day I had just spent in my room in bed watching television. I lied when it came my turn and said that I had gone to Delta Sig and hung out with Johnny their frat president. The Cheerbois all groaned in jealousy at that, envious of my access to the school's most exclusive party frat. I feigned a smile and let them titter and tattle for the rest of the night. When I went to bed that night I heard a low creak and light streak into my room.

Standing by my bed was Krissy. She crawled under the sheets and came face to face with me.

"Why did you lie?" She asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I replied, feeling sleepy.

"I know you didn't go to Delta Sig tonight. Johnnie and the Delta Sig guys have been texting me for days wondering why you're not responding to them."

"It's nothing." I turned away from her in the bed. That just made her shimmy closer to me, rubbing her panty-covered sissyclit against my ass.

"Seriously, you've been acting so weird recently. You don't come out anymore, you don't even work out with us. Something is up. Don't think I haven't noticed how you're not even drinking the smoothies or taking our meds. I notice."

"I've had a long day, can I just go to bed?"

Krissy reached around and starting stroking my sissyclit through the silk babydoll I was wearing. It felt nice but weirdly it didn't stimulate much else.

"What's wrong?" Krissy asked, clearly perturbed by how my sissyclit didn't respond to her.

"It's nothing, seriously." I said. She tried more to get a rise out of my sissyclit but to no avail. I was limp to her touch. She then did the next thing she could thing of and slid her hand back and teased her finger into my cheeks, prying my thong to the side and teasing my hole with her finger. That definitely got more of a response from me.

I moaned but softly. It was another lovely feeling when she slipped the finger inside me and starting easing it back and forth. It brought back memories of my adventures with men, of those sensations that they were able to give me with their huge cocks in me. The memories and Krissy's finger got me more worked up.

I moaned more. This was giving me those familiar feelings of wet gooey warmth throughout my body. But it didn't build, it just stayed at that nice roiling boil of pleasant pleasure. It somehow made me want the real thing even more.

Krissy noticed my state and stopped, pulling her finger out of me. She wrapped her arm around me and held me. Those feelings she gave me and this intimate friendship, her tight reassuring grip on me...it all made me break down. I started bawling.

"Tell me, gurl." Krissy said to me.

I spilled my heart out to her, all about how I felt like I was spiraling again. About how I got the same fear after learning about Dr. Dickinson's tricks just like I got when I first ran away from Big U to go home. I didn't want to go home like then, I didn't want to run away from this. I told her that I just wanted clarity...I wanted to feel like I was authentically going through something and not just being led along or deceived. I told her all about the way Professor Steele could make me feel, about how I wish I could connect with my Cheerbois again, about that night at the Bull and Horns induction and how I became almost another creature entirely, a creature of raw unrestrained pleasure - pleasure-giving and pleasure-receiving - and how I got scared at that when my mind was cleared of drugs and hormones. I told her about how my break from all those substances had given me a daily feeling like I was always having a hangover.

And she held me the whole time and listened. And when I finished blabbing, tears streaming down my face, she just hugged me tighter.

She whispered in my ear, "I'm here for you, Brit. I support you."

"But...but" my words hesitant between the tears. "Aren't you disappointed? I feel like I keep disappointing you. We started this together and you're thriving and I'm just, like, holding you all back. I keep fucking up!"

"Not at all, sis." She said. "We are all on our own journeys. I feel so bad because mine feels so natural to go down but yours seems so much rockier. But it's your journey to have. And I support you 100% of the way."

I turned back around to face her and we held each other tight. "Thank you Krissy." I said. It was then that I felt completely natural using her new sissy name Krissy instead of her old name Kris. I had been using 'Krissy' for the longest time now but it was that moment that it felt unforced, so easy and natural and obvious in every day. This was clearly Krissy before me, and I had to be completely insane to even think there was any Kris left.

She gave me a peck on the lips. I smiled and giggled a bit, knowing I must have looked so pathetic with tears wetting my face. I gave her a peck back.

And that peck became a kiss which became a full-on makeout session which became hours of us eating each others holes and nursing each other's clitties before we broke out the double-headed dildo and each backed ourselves into it until we were writhing in my bed, leaking then finally squirting all over my sheets in sissygasms, that orgasm giving me the physical and emotional release that made it feel like the weight of my troubles was being lifted off of me. Krissy and I didn't bother changing the sheets, we were so exhausted that we just slept in the wet sheets, the stains evidence of our night.

The next morning I felt so relaxed, spiritually and physically. Krissy was sound asleep when I woke up and I didn't want to bother her so I tip-toed out to the shower and got ready for my day. It was a Friday and I had no classes so I got ready to go the gym, wearing boy shorts, a short tennis skirt and a tight croptop, all white to go with my white tennis shoes. A nice layer of makeup made me look like I was in some athleisure ad.