Big U Pride Ch. 06c: Rebirth

"It's ok" I interrupted her. "It's not your fault."

"Well, it sort of is. She's part of this program with us. You saw through it all and...I can't lie to you. We have our ways and all, with the drugs and hormones. It's a lot, I know...most of the other Cheerbois lean into it but I couldn't bear thinking that you felt coerced."

"I just need a break, Lana. It's not a big deal." I explained, not wanting to get in a fight with someone who I felt so much respect and, I guess, need for.

"I know it's not. But I just need you know that you're fabulous and Big U is so lucky to have you fighting for it."

Those words were so kind. That's the thing, Lana had gotten me into all of this Cheerboi stuff. But I just knew, despite all the crazy shit, that she wanted the best for me.

"I just want to do a good job." I said. It was the truth, though it covered up the full truth that I was intimidated by Coach Lex and there was no way I could say no to him. I mean, I like the feeling of importance of this current job but...I just felt like he wasn't a mean to be trifled with. I wouldn't want to be on his bad side, especially since he knew what I was.

"You'll do amazing!" Lana said. "I know the whole Alexis Texas thing in the file. Lord knows you have the ass to bring in the big guns, you know." She joked. She wasn't wrong, I had some assets that girls were jealous of. "I bet you've done your research."

True.

"But I want to remind you that it's not just about having the goods, you know? It's about the whole act, the attitude...I just..."

"What?" I still felt like Lana had so much to teach me. I was wounded by the manipulation of me by this place but I still felt like Lana was looking after me. Yes, she had an agenda. But she...she just knew me in a way others didn't.

"I think you have something special. I know you don't want to participate in some of the Cheerboi stuff anymore. I know that you want a break. I know that you feel like we took advantage of you. But you have a gift!" She explained.

"So even though you aren't interested in going...all the way, so to speak. I don't want to deny your power. I just think tonight is a night where you could own that power without losing the control that you so clearly want to keep."

I felt...heard. She just knew me. I couldn't help myself, I wanted to be someone important, I wanted to be part of all this, but I just couldn't...lose the power. I didn't want my life to be pulled away from grasp and into someone else's control. Was that so crazy? Lana knew me.

"Thank you Lana." I hesitated to say more.

"I send you some clips I thought you could watch. I know that you've always used porn to relax. These are some clips of a fav, Stoya. I just want you to enjoy them, to see how Stoya works and just...I don't know. Damnit, I know I'm being aggressive."

I mean, the hottest girl on campus sending me porn would have once sent me up the wall in a bout of insanity. But now, it just felt so natural. It was like how girls swapped clothes or something. She was just sharing.

"I just think you would appreciate them. Just please don't get mad at me." Lana said.

This as a new side of me, an apologetic side. She was giving me so much space, freedom, autonomy. I felt heard and seen.

"Thank you Lana."

"You know I care about you, Brit." She said.

"I know...I just need space." I said, trying to open myself to her.

She let silence reign for a few moments. "Just don't let fear guide you, honey." She said. She hung up. I sat in that silence for a minute.

Then I went to my makeup table and started primping for my night ahead. As I did myself up, making myself the picturesque image of femme femininity, I clicked the links on my phone from Lana.

There were several clips for the pornstar Stoya. At first I thought, "What's the big deal?" But then I paid more attention. As I curled my eyelashes, I intently watched the actress Stoya work the men in her films. Yes, she could suck dick, she could fuck like a champ, she could take a cumshot without blinking. But there was something else there.

Her eyes...She communicated with her eyes, like she could speak volumes with just a look. I could tell how the guys would go rock hard with just one of her sultry looks. But it wasn't standoff-ish. You know how girls would use their sensuality to stake out their claim, their power and then alienate all those around them? Stoya didn't do that. No. She would use her sensuality in those scenes, throwing a look at her man as if to say, "You King, you. You jackhammer that dick in me so good, just owning my holes." All with one look, no words. It was this odd thing, where she could imbue her man with immense power just by looking at them right, by giving them that look that she was surrendering herself to them and they were the Gods in that scene. That was her unique power, that ability to transmit such depth of meaning and force with just a look. Incredible...

It was...revelatory. She was a thing of immense awe. Something had clearly changed in me, I watched all these scene like a new person.

But I had work to do. I washed up, douched because it was now routine, and put on the outfit that Coach Lex had assigned me to wear in a long email. It was a short black cocktail dress that was definitely one size too small for me, but that made the effect of giving me curvy hips and highlighting my large ass. I used some breast forms to make me look like I had tits, mostly because it made the dress look better. I stared at the mirror, and a hot college girl staring back at me, looking ready for a hot date. As I slipped on some white heels, I thought about how far I had come since I started at this place...but I knew that this was my ending point. Femme but not surrendering to these uncontrollable forces that seemed like they wanted to possess me. I would remain my own person. Yes, it was new. Yes I wasn't Brian anymore, I was Brit...Britney to many. But I was my own person, damnit. Not gay, not straight I guess...I'd figure it out but on my own terms.

I got the text from Coach Drake, "We're outside, let's hit the road."

I headed down the stairs and outside, somehow now ultimately comfortable looking like a ditzy college girl despite having been a boy just a few months ago. But this was just natural now, and no one questioned it somehow. Big U had been a lot of things but accepting was undeniably true.

I hopped in the backseat of their Range Rover, noticing Booster President Ridley (or at least I assumed it was him after what Coach Lex had said) in the passenger seat. They both looked up into the rearview mirror and took in the sight. I kept my legs closed as they examined me. "Nice," I heard one of them say. And then we were off.

Coach Drake explained as we drove, "So DeVon Sanders is a prime recruit out of Eastburg. We've already heard rumor that State is trying to get him. We can't let this opportunity slip through our fingers. We need a new QB for next year."

Ridley spoke up next, "But let's be clear here. The Cheerboi program can operate with carte blanche on campus, as I've...*ahem* enjoyed a few times." It was clear what meant.

"But recruiting events like this are highly regulated. There will be a NCAA rep at the dinner tonight watching our every move. They will be at a nearby table, though we won't know who it is. But we can't be seen violating any rules. Hence, our conundrum. Can't be seen handing this kid any money or nothing. It's fucked up, I know. What's the harm in a few front-row tickets to a game or a little pocket money to go enjoy our city?"

"You don't have to give this kid your whole sermon, Ridley." Drake said. "Just know, Britney, that we can't get caught. It would lead to a big embarrassment, we'd lose a draft pick and possibly get suspended."

"So...what do I do?" I asked timidly.

Ridley then spoke up, reaching back and putting ia hand on my bare knee. "Sweetheart, we want you to show this recruit that we mean business. If you end up using some of your...skills...in the process, then so be it."

Drake piped up, "Just don't get caught!"

I had no idea what they wanted from me. Clearly they knew that us Cheerbois had a special set of skills. But how would I even do anything if we were being watched? Maybe I was just eye candy?

They pulled up to this massive steakhouse in downtown. There were fancy cars parked outside and Drake pulled up to the entrance and tossed the keys to the valet. I followed behind them, noticing the leering eyes of the valets on my tight outfit. I definitely wasn't dressed for a fancy dinner!

When we got to our table, the waiter handed us menus as we waited. And then he showed up, this 6 foot 3 statuesque ebony man, wearing what were clearly designer sweatpants and a tight t-shirt, almost intentionally trying to snub the dress code. But no one bothered him because everyone knew that he was destined for great things.

"DeVon Sanders." Ridley said, standing up with Drake to shake his large hand.

DeVon barely looked them in the eyes as he shook their hands in a cursory way. He clearly had been to a number of these recruiting events and knew he was a hot ticket.

Then Drake introduced me to DeVon, saying "This is Britney, one of our special guests from Big U. She's here to make sure you know what a Big U welcome is all about!"

"Yeah yeah I heard all about that...everybody got some sort of 'welcome' these days don't they?"

Ridley and Drake both got out of the booth and gestured him to sit in the middle. Ridley then stepped aside, leaving me to sit next to DeVon. Did they expect me to talk about football? I didn't know anything about that!

I barely fit, squeezed between DeVon's muscular frame and Coach Drake and Ridley on either side of us. It felt weird, like I was his date or something. But he didn't really pay too much attention to me. It was like he wasn't impressed that these recruiters brought a girl to make him excited about Big U.

I stewed with new emotions of disappointment as the men made chit-chat about the Conference rankings and football coach styles. I didn't understand the half of it, especially all the numbers they threw around. But that was ok because I couldn't get over how un-enthused DeVon was about me. I had gotten all dressed up in this dress and gotten all done up and sexy for him and he gives me absolutely no response. It...bothered me. I mean, I had thought it was going to be my new normal to just live all femme and not worry about the male gaze...but to not receive the male gaze at all?

It was strange, I had felt like I could steal back my self-worth by quitting all that crazy sissy stuff. I didn't need to do 'gay' things to embrace my new femme identity. I could just wear hot clothes and look hot and be this way without worrying about the approval of others. But as much as I felt good about how hot I looked, as much as I had relinquished those conflicting thoughts about not knowing what my sexuality meant, there was something missing. It was a strange emptiness, a gnawing feeling in the back of my mind as if I needed something but didn't know what. My body just didn't feel right.

Coach Drake and Ridley were looking at me as I came out of this daydream.

"Did you hear us Britney?"

"Umm, no sorry?"

"I'm gonna head the head," Ridley said. "Coach Drake's gotta take an urgent phone call from one of our donors. You can keep DeVon here entertained for a few minutes, right?"

Coach Drake looked at me, "Show him some Big U love, won't you doll?"

Before I could respond, they headed away, leaving us in the corner booth of the restaurant as groups around us rowdily enjoyed their high priced steak dinners and booze.

"I know how this goes." DeVon said, sipping on his drink but not even looking at me while talking. "You start telling me all about the party scene at Big U., about how I'll be the big man on campus, too busy with football and laying my thick pipe on some college coeds that I'll forget that I'm supposed to pretend to show up to class. You'll tell me about how the girls at Big U. Would do an anything to spend time with the start QB and I'd just be swimming in pussy. Isn't that right?"

He was right. When were were in the car, Ridley had given me a card with a bunch of lines to say to DeVon. This was all straight out of that playbook. This was obviously why they brought me, wasn't it?

"Yes, that's right. Big U. Has it all, you'd love it there."

"Save it." DeVon said, sitting back. "Every college has played the same routine on me. I know what I offer, I know how much these schools want me. I'd get the same treatment at any of them."

He paused. "Even at State."

This is what the school was worried about, the star recruit choosing State over Big U. A historic rivalry at play here.

I don't know what triggered me. Maybe it was the mention of our school rival and how DeVon would screw us over by going there. Maybe it was the liquor that I had been sipping on all night. Or...maybe it was how DeVon barely paid any attention to me despite how good I looked tonight. But my instincts just kicked in.

I put my hand over his track suit-covered crotch. I immediately felt his soft but thick cock underneath the fabric. He clearly wasn't wearing underwear.

How was I in this familiar situation again? I had sworn off of this...there were no drugs in my system, the crazy levels of hormones. This was me...This was unvarnished, undoubtedly me. Free will is a strange thing, a revealing crazy thing.

I told myself it was because the school was making me, the Coaches were blackmailing me...but they didn't tell me to do this. I could have just sat pretty here. No one was drugging me, putting a gun to my head, none of that. I was doing this in a way that just seemed so natural. This was my response, maybe to the guy's ignoring how good I looked and all the work it took to look this good. This was my response to being around a guy who was so powerful in his own right, physically and clearly socially. This was my response...to needing his affirmation, his approval.

I squeezed his tube and ran my hand along his bulge. It was hardening under my touch, straining against his sweatpants that barely contained the obscene tent. I had been so fixated, looking down at what I was doing that I didn't notice he was looking over at me, now throwing his arm over me along the back of the booth. It was like he was gesturing, signaling 'go ahead, let's see what you got.' But he didn't say anything. It was as though he was used to being in this position.

I looked up at him, my doe eyes trying to understand that look of arrogance in his face, trying to decipher him. He just exuded strength and power and that made me feel weaker. I followed my instincts, even if I still puzzled over why I had learned them. I fluttered my thick eyelashes, knowing that this innocent look drives men crazy.

I moved my hand so it cascaded over his abdomen, feeling the rippling abs underneath. I got to the waistband of his sweatpants and undid the knot with a quick pull of the tie. Looking at him in the eyes, I took my hand and slipped it underneath the band and immediately felt the root of his thick cock. My mind clicked with that feeling. Real live thick hot thick cock, the true BBC in my hand. I slid my hand down further and wrapped it around the familiar shape of a turgid dick. It was already mostly hard in my hand but it felt like it was getting harder. I kept sliding my hand down and it felt like I traveled distances before I got to the cockhead, outlined by that flared head in such a pronounced way. This thing was a real monster. I slid my hand delicately back and forth, loving the silky sensation of the shaft, and trying to estimate its length. 10 inches? It was hard to tell but I knew that it could have been a two-hander.

The sensations took over, the needs took over, I felt powerless to them. I wrapped my hand firmly around the mid-shaft and started stroking up and down, back and forth. Even though I couldn't see it, I could picture it in my head as I felt it. I could picture it so vividly, the thick power of the thing. I traced along the large veins, knowing that it must have looked angry, like it needed release.

I stroked faster and faster, just staring at this man in the eyes, not breaking contact. He barely flinched, and oh god I wanted him to react. Come on, give me some response! I twirled my hand around, twisting around and around. I even took my hand out and spit on it lewdly before going back to giving him an all-star hand job.

"Can I get you two lovebirds any dessert?" Came a voice behind me. Turning around I saw the waiter standing there smiling at us. There's no way he saw what we were doing, could he?

"Ummm..." I said.

"You know, I think Britney here is dying for some chocolate. Isn't that right?"

I didn't know how to respond. "I, uhh...I don't..."

"Yeah, of course you do." He looked at the waiter. "Britney here just loves a big thick piece of chocolate...cake, right? And don't get me started on how much she loves vanilla frosting. Sometimes she just gets it all over her face. Can't get enough of the stuff, especially when I make it for her."

DeVon was an absolute dog. I don't think the waiter was catching on to his double entendres but he was goading me. He was using his power over me to try and humiliate me. But I now knew how this game was played. I kept stroking him as I looked back at the waiter.

"DeVon is right, I do love chocolate...I absolutely GAG for it!" I smiled. "Not just cake, I love it in anything. I'm a chocolate fiend, I'll just absolutely stuff myself with it. Nothing better than getting STUFFED with chocolate, you know?"

The waiter looked both amused and confused. "Um, yeah. You do seem to love chocolate...so do you want the chocolate cake?"

I looked at him as I kept stroking DeVon. "Nope! I've got my fill right here. DeVon here is working on his vanilla frosting as we speak."

"Oooooook." The waiter said, awkwardly leaving.

"You crazy bitch." DeVon said, laughing.

He now knew that I could keep up. But now I had the momentum and I had to keep the scales in my favor. The thing with all this sissy training is that I knew what Alphas like, what feeds their ego. This was all part of the game and I wanted to win it.

I stroked his thick hot cock faster and faster, with some alternating strokes I twirled my hand around the cockhead before stroking back and then teasing his balls. I tried using everything I learned about the sensitive spots of the cock, especially tickling that area underneath the head. When I heard him emit a quiet moan at that, I knew I was making progress. Time to seal the deal. I gave him what I knew Alphas wanted. Evidence of submission.

I leaned forward and licked his earlobe before whispering in his ear over the dull roar of the restaurant crowd but loud enough so he could hear.

"Give me that hot load, Daddy. I'm a whore for it, I need that load."

"Mmmm" he groaned, but maintaining his composure.

"Cum for this little whore. I've been a good little slut for you, haven't I? Won't you make me your little cumslut?" I said, jerking him faster and faster. I could tell this was having an effect, his cock somehow swelling bigger. I was barely aware of it, but my own sissyclit was also at full-mast and, to be completely true to myself, I was leaking. This was biology, my body was just responding of its own volition. Even my nipples were erect.

Time to seal the deal. If he wanted to see what I got, well let me show him.

I gripped just the cockhead - which required my whole hand to wrap around - and stroked that cocktip rapidly as I licked his earlobe and whispered, practically moaned, "I'm your fucking whore, please give me that giant load, I need it, I'm practically GAGGING for it!"