Blade: Alternate Universe

When it comes to handling supernatural threats, especially street-level ones, Blade the Vampire Hunter is doing the heavy lifting for the entire MCU. The other day, Blade ran into the stoic, invulnerable African American vigilante known as Luke Cage in Queens, NY, while duking it out with an amped up Vampire. Luke Cage was actually on a date with his ex-girlfriend, a pale-skinned, dark-haired, super-strong gal known as Jessica Jones, and couldn't be bothered with saving humans being attacked by Vampires. Blade had to use his sword on the undead, and take off, while his fellow superheroes didn't do diddly squat.

"Blade, fam, my bad, I am out with Bae, you can handle this shit," Luke Cage said when Blade let him have it. Luke Cage exchanged a smile with Jessica Jones, and then the two of them got into an Uber and drove away into the night. Presumably they went back to their place to have some awesome superhero sex. Blade scowled as Luke Cage and Jessica Jones took off. The MCU is full of lazy superheroes, whom Blade hates more than supervillains. At least supervillains always give it their all, it's sort of their thing. MCU superheroes can half-ass it now because there's so many of them...

"Bunch of punks," Blade said angrily, after Luke Cage and Jessica Jones took off. Whatever happened to having a sense of duty? Sex is more important than saving innocent lives apparently. A while back, Blade was hunting down Vampires in the suburbs and ran into Spiderman, who acted like some kind of smart-mouth punk. Unlike Luke Cage, Spiderman did help Blade deal with the Vampires, but the little punk had a policy about killing people, which really annoyed Blade.

"Sir, Mister Blade, I don't believe in killing, I web up my enemies and leave them for the NYPD," Spiderman said, after he stopped Blade from staking a skinny white dude named Dale who got turned into a Vampire. Blade seriously considered smacking Spiderman like a bitch. The Daywalker watched helplessly as the NYPD came and took Dale away. Oh, and the cops thanked Spiderman for the capture and totally ignored Blade, acting like the tall, leather-clad African American vigilante wasn't even there. What in the actual fuck?

"Fuck you Spiderman," Blade told the red-and-blue-clad punk before taking off into the night. Blade was so pissed that he ranted about it all the way home, to the everlasting annoyance of Whistler. Yeah, Blade finds the other MCU superheroes to be punks. Since Blade hasn't met Thor of Asgard, and the X-Men's leading bad-ass Wolverine is considered missing in action, he reserves judgement on them. Blade actually met The Hulk in the Bronx when he went for some ribs at a Caribbean dive with Whistler one evening. The Hulk, one of the strongest beings in the Multiverse, was wearing nerdy glasses and trying to hit on the red-haired waitress.

"Dr. Banner, you're not what I expected," Whistler told The Hulk as he approached him. The Hulk, who knew all about Blade and Whistler thanks to S.H.I.E.L.D.S. files on them, was all smiles. The big green guy was actually quite gracious and not gruff like Blade thought he would be. He invited the two vigilantes to dine with him and even paid. Blade was starting to like Bruce Banner A.K.A. The Hulk, because he seemed chill, and could really break shit up. Unfortunately, Whistler got him talking about his former flame, Natasha somebody, and the dude actually shed a tear.

"I miss Natasha Romanoff so much, the Black Widow was my true love," The Hulk said, shedding tears behind his thick nerdy glasses. The towering, muscular, green-skinned brute somehow managed to look pathetic. Whistler, being a gentleman, offered the good doctor some words of encouragement. Blade didn't stick around. Instead of watching a massively powerful superhero whine about his dead ex-girlfriend, Blade would rather teleport himself inside the sun or study advanced quantum physics. Blade ditched the restaurant, and although Whistler gave him shit over being insensitive to The Hulk, the Daywalker didn't care. The Hulk is a pussy...

For Blade, hunting Vampires and eliminating them is simply his whole reason for existing. Let the other superheroes roam all over the planet Earth or the damn galaxy, saving the day. Blade kills Vampires. Blade isn't anyone's Friendly Neighborhood Superhero. Blade doesn't even like the title of superhero. He is a hunter of monsters, period. The only superhero Blade liked is The Punisher, who actually looks like that guy from season one of The Walking Dead. Too bad the Punisher only hunts humans and not Vampires. Blade had a feeling that with very little training, The Punisher would be an ace at hunting Vampires.

"I appreciate the vote of confidence, my man, but the undead aren't my thing, I prefer to kill human evil," said The Punisher, as he and Blade talked on a rooftop in Hell's Kitchen one evening. Blade had come to Hell's Kitchen on the trail of a Vampire named Alastair Crony, who happened to be an ally of Mob boss Antonio Stagliano, a known enemy of The Punisher. The two superheroes joined forces, and the night ended with Blade killing Alastair, while the Punisher put a bullet in Stagliano's head. Good times...

"If you ever change your mind, look me up," Blade said, and he and The Punisher fist bumped before amicably parting ways. That's how real men do it. They kill bad guys without wearing brightly colored spandex. Blade's got a lot on his plate nowadays. After the deaths of Deacon Frost, La Magra, Jared Nomak and Overlord Eli Damaskinos, along with Dracula himself, the Vampire underworld was in chaos, with various factions vying for power. Blade took advantage of that to massacre the Undead, as is his sacred duty. As the only human/Vampire hybrid, it was Blade's task to protect Humanity from the Undead.

A lot of humans know about superheroes, mutants, vigilantes and even aliens like that Thanos fucker and all of his intergalactic henchmen, but they still refuse to believe in Vampires. Thousands of Vampires live innocuously among New York City's ten million inhabitants. Every night, humans are fed upon by Vampires and killed. Of course, the X-Men, the Fantastic Four, the Avengers and even street-level superhero types like Spiderman, Luke Cage, Jessica Jones, The Punisher and that punk-ass Daredevil simply cannot be bothered to deal with them. What a bunch of lazy, brightly attired fuckers!

"Mister Blade, you've become part of a bigger universe, you need to focus on the bigger picture," said Nick Fury, the day Blade got summoned to his office in midtown Manhattan. Blade, who had to go through multiple levels of security, both human and superhuman, before coming to the S.H.I.E.L.D.S. Director's Office, was honestly impressed. The tall, bald-headed African American spymaster was a real bad-ass, or at least, carried himself like one.

"All due respect, Mister Fury, but I'm not interested in joining the Avengers or any superhero team, I just kill Vampires," Blade replied. The Daywalker readjusted his shades and then surprised the hell out of Nick Fury by jumping out of his twentieth-floor office window. Blade, who possesses the superhuman strength, superhuman speed, sharp senses and regenerative abilities of a Vampire, plus the ability to withstand sunlight, is no stranger to inhuman feats. Blade landed harmlessly on the ground, twenty stories below, and walked off with a coolness and swagger that Superman couldn't have matched. Blade is too cool for those MCU fuckers, for real...

Blade and Whistler returned to the fortified warehouse that served as their bunker after a long night spent hunting Vampires. They were in Harlem, which had become a smorgasbord for Vampires lately, until Blade and company arrived to clean up New York City. The world is full of superheroes, with Spiderman, the X-Men, the Avengers and the Fantastic Four being the most well-known ones. Unfortunately, none of these brightly attired, super-powered do-gooders can be bothered to do anything about the world's Vampire problem.

"Killing the fuckers has gotten easier," Whistler said, and the tall, silver-haired and blue-eyed old warrior looked at Blade and smiled. Tall, muscular and fit, Blade resembled an African American athlete or movie star at first glance. The cool ferocity in Blade's eyes is one that no actor could ever duplicate. The dark-skinned warrior, blessed with superhuman strength, speed and sharp senses, has been hunting Vampires for most of his life. At this point, nothing else mattered to him...

"Maybe I don't see it that way," Blade replied, and Whistler sighed, knowing that there was no arguing with the world's most lethal perfectionist. Blade had personally seen to the Fall of the House of Erebus by taking out Deacon Frost, the Vampire overlord who created him by biting his mother while she was pregnant with him. Along the way, Blade met and eventually killed his mother and took out legions of enemies. Blade and Whistler also made some powerful allies...

"How do you see it, Blade?" Nyssa Damaskinos called out from the shadows, and Blade turned around as the alluring dark-haired and bronze-skinned Vampire gal stepped from the shadows. Dressed in black leather from head to toe, Nyssa cut a striking figure. Daughter of the ancient Vampire master Eli Damaskinos and sister to the late mutant Vampire Jared Nomak, Nyssa comes from a prestigious if troublesome bloodline. Blade saved Nyssa from Jared Nomak, and since then, they'd become allies of sorts...

Tonight, Nyssa had proven instrumental in infiltrating a cabal of Vampires known as the New Order, led by that eurotrash Vampire known as Morbius. The Vampire Morbius, who bore a striking resemblance to Hollywood actor Jared Leto, is no ordinary Vampire. He was created through a scientific accident rather than Vampiric infection like ordinary Vampires. This gave Morbius some clout among the Vampire communities of the world. The bastard wanted to become a bigshot, and this put up to the top of Blade's hunting list. Blade, Whistler and Nyssa killed a lot of Vampires tonight, but Morbius got away...

"We've taken down some big fish, Dracula being the latest, but Hannibal King and his band of rejects didn't deliver on their Daystar Virus, and there's still a shitload of Vampires left," Blade retorted, flashing his fangs. Nyssa grinned and walked up to Blade, stopping within inches of his darkly handsome face. Blade scowled as Nyssa threw her arms around him and then pressed her lips against his. Seated at his computer nearby, Whistler laughed.

"That's beyond kinky, son," Whistler said and the old man limped to his trailer, his cane cracking loudly against the ground. Ignoring his mentor for the moment, Blade kissed Nyssa passionately. When they met, a long time ago, they'd been reluctant allies. The House of Damaskinos recruited Blade and Whistler to help them hunt down the Reapers, a deadly new breed of Vampires. Along the way, Nyssa and Blade developed feelings for each other. After the fall of the House of Damaskinos, Nyssa joined Blade's team...

"We can't conquer the world in one night but we can try," Nyssa said to Blade, and he grinned and boldly swept her in his arms. Nyssa giggled as Blade carried her to his bedroom, a few meters away. He laid her on the bed, and looked at her. Nyssa lay there, a cocky grin on her beautiful face. Blade unzipped his pants and ditched his jacket, revealing a muscular, strong, dark-skinned body. Nyssa rose and kissed Blade once more, her sleek hands roaming all over his body.

"Conquest is in my blood," Blade drawled, and Nyssa grinned as he bit her neck, drawing blood. Hastily, Blade undressed Nyssa, and was delighted to see her sexy body in all of its naked glory. Blade kissed Nyssa's neck and throat before caressing her breasts. Nyssa pressed her sexy, curvy body against Blade's, wanting to feel him inside of her. The Vampire princess's eager hands went straight for Blade's crotch, and she stroked his manhood. Blade's tool was long and thick, and Nyssa grinned as he locked eyes with her. The Daywalker was seriously horny, and Nyssa knew exactly what he needed...

"Hmm, someone's missed me," Nyssa said, and she sat on the bed and gently took Blade's dick into her mouth. Blade let out a happy sigh as Nyssa began sucking his dick. In no time at all, Nyssa had Blade harder than a rock. Blade groaned, loving what Nyssa was doing to him. They continued with their fun. Blade propped Nyssa on a nearby sofa and spread her sexy legs. Nyssa grinned as Blade brought his face to her crotch and inhaled her scent. Just like that, Blade began eating pussy. The Daywalker is loathe to admit it, but Vampire pussy tastes good, if Nyssa is any indication...

"Oh yeah," Blade said, as he and Nyssa got their freak on. He took her on all fours, face down and ass up. Nyssa let out a happy sigh as Blade gripped her hips and thrust his big dark dick into her tight pussy. Nyssa had been around for centuries and enjoyed many lovers, female and male, but Blade was in a category by himself. The tall, dark-skinned and muscular, half-human and half-Vampire hybrid had the dick of death, and Nyssa couldn't get enough of him.

"Hmm, just like that," Nyssa croaked as she straddled Blade, who lay flat on the carpeted floor. As Nyssa rode his hard dark dick, Blade smacked her thick round ass with one hand and pinched her nipples with the other. Nyssa screamed with wild abandon as she rode Blade's dick. They fucked and sucked the night away, and when dawn came, they lay undisturbed in the darkness of their sunproof lair. At last, Blade slept, having been sexually exhausted by Nyssa. The Vampire princess rested in her lover's arms, feeling at peace for the first time in ages...

The world is a dangerous place, and Blade the Vampire Hunter has a special role to play in the MCU. An ancient evil, one older than the stars, or the so-called Gods themselves, is making its way toward the planet Earth. The superheroes, supervillains and mundane folks of the world won't know what hit them. What will become of the world as it faces infinite darkness? Those candy-ass superheroes will finally realize that it takes a certain kind of wickedness to fight true wickedness. Simply put, those motherfuckers will finally realize that they need Blade!