All Comments on 'Brother and Sister Get Closer Pt. 01'

Seriously needs an editor. Writing is terrible. 2*

It’s a pretty good start. But you really need an editor.

Your format is your Achilles Heel. For example:

"Me, "Well, I took a two week vacation. If your going to be gone for a week, then I guess I could stay the week."

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Properly written, you should have had something like:

"Well, I took a two week vacation," I explained. "If you're going to be gone for a week, then I guess I could stay the week." [Notice that I also corrected the your/you're mistake as well]

Some other readers have suggested that you get yourself an editor. Good luck with that. There's too much correction to be made for one editor to fix. You'd have to PAY ME CASH for the amount of time and effort that I would have to invest into fixing all of the deficiencies in this single page. I certainly wouldn't have the patience to do it for free. Please take a remedial writing course at your local Community College.👍 3/5