All Comments on 'Business Function'

I absolutely loved this story. You are an excellent writer. Makes me wish I could play a role in one of your stories.

~femisobifemorlando

I liked it alot! Hope you do a second chapter.

I wonder how many husbands would be so understanding. Certainly, not this one(ME).

Keep up the good work young lady.

Nesher

Nice story. I laughed at some wording here. she says, "Our love making session is over as Ken is asleep in three minutes", and in the next paragraph, "dramatically improved our sex life". Does this mean three minutes was now better than it had been? hmmmm.... I mean she was already seeing Mike? I think I know what was meant but....made me laugh anyway. : )

I didn't even bother to finish reading.

While I realize that some loving wives stories on Literotica might not be total fabrications, the majority certainly are fictional. In some cases, they approach the echo of a erotic fantasy. So it's not surprising they fall short of being realistic. But, some are very entertaining.

Why some people insist on blaming an author for a subject matter they don't like, is beyond me, as it is so easy to simply not read the stories and move on. Yet, there are those that wish to force all authors into accepting their opinions/desires as righteous. Hey, I don't care for willing cuckold stories, but when I do read one by accident, I'm not going to lambast the author for my dislike of the subject matter. It's time for some people to grow up and move on.

I don't care for the story, but your writing is decent, JiF although it seems rushed. At least, in this story. There are some minor grammatical errors, but I don't quibble over that, as editors are supposed to catch those things. Your style of writing seems to be in the first person with a hint of the third person. It might work better for you to use third person, although third person view points are more difficult to write, they allow much more freedom.

Anyway, keep it up.

. . . you jumped from first person (me) to third person (Julie). That just ruined the whole story for me. I was in a zone, then you shook me out of it. I realize that you're not a professional writer, but if only you (and others) would let a story sit for a while, then proofread it before posting it, we would find it so much more enjoyable.

Erotic writing is in some ways harder because you are limited as to what can happen.

This was very well done

Chilley

it's just sad. fetish

Good erotic story line but it's more like a documentary, more of a narration of a chain of events. Erotic yes but no drama or depth to the characters, more build up to agreeing to accompany Mike to a function, a wife doing that is not an everyday occurrence. Mike attends many functions in a short space of time, a slower seduction over a longer period of time with some doubts and misgivings would have been more entertaining.

for me, I love it. Has my wife done this? I have not any proof. But I will betcha she has at one or more of her outing when I traveled on business.. Some of my trips were 3 weeks at a time..

...you broke a fundamental rule. Only change POV when you hope from one character to another. Switching from first person to third person is especially rude.

That said, you could use a good editor. Technical aspects (spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc.) were all over and inconsistent. Character development was rather thin, leaving me not caring much about any of the three. I'm about as engaged as a husband walking in on the kitchen full of women swapping diaper-changing techniques.

As to the story.....well there just wasn't much of one, was there? This is a scene from a marriage on the edge......but in mho, headed for the crapper.

All bold and infinite declarations in the heat of passion, but within months, if not weeks, she'll be a regular in Mike's bed, and others, and hubby will soon be forgotten as a poor second and a weak substitute for the fucking she enjoys after every "business function".

And, finally, it is not one of the most abused topics here, but is often enough repeated to require something pretty special to avoid the harsher criticisms anything less will garner.

If you were to add some drama, some past, so we get to know the characters a bit, more about their present life and some foreshadowing hinting at the outcome of this portion of their larger, life story....well, then you might get better ratings.

As it is....meh.

Another corporate whore story from some guy in Florida.

She proved she could not be trusted and deserves a better husband.