Can We Be Saved

I looked at him. I saw the pride he had in his staff and his desire to make peoples' lives better.

"Ian, if you can turn me from a couch potato to this, you will work wonders with those in need. Speak with Belinda. She can involve a few others to help her negotiate with the hospitals, GPs to bring this about. It's a great idea.

"I know how busy you are and the times the gym is closed. If you're thinking of using the closed time to operate this and not being paid, don't. If any staff work extra hours, the company will make up the salaries.

"Knowing Belinda, she probably knows all the staff members families who need this. So, you can start with them."

I shook his hand. He was stunned I went for it but I do like to help people.

I slept like a log that night.

The next morning, I was ready early so just headed to my old home. I rang the bell.

Dorothy wasn't pleased to have to open the door, as her tone showed, "You could just have come in. It's your home too."

I spoke softly, "Dorothy, I thought I was being considerate. I know if the situation was reversed I wouldn't want you barging into my home."

She looked at me, "Why did you leave?"

"Dorothy, I left because I couldn't take your abuse any longer. How what you were proposing, doing, impacted negatively on us. You were deliberately sticking the finger up at me. The tattoo was the final straw.

"Sarah, my therapist, saw our problems escalated when you had that correspondence with that clinic. It doesn't have a good reputation. She felt whatever they said made you question us.

"I know that eight months ago, I was in bad shape. Between Belinda and Ian, I'm an entirely different man. I've lost weight, more muscle, lower blood pressure and other factors so I hope I pass today's test. I'm not looking forward to having to wank into a dish. I doubt they give you a hand.

"I know this is asking a lot of you as while I'll be embarrassed, you have more invasive examinations. I'm truly sorry about that. If the clinic you used was reputable, I'd just have had the tests myself."

She asked sadly, "What do you think this will achieve?"

"Sarah has a couple of hypothesis regarding what may have happened between us. She wouldn't explain to me until she sees the results. She wants you with me so she can explore those together.

"I think she is hoping, the results will focus our minds on what we both want, one way or another."

She smiled, "Do you like Sarah?"

I smiled, "She's lovely. She's warm and she likes to make couples better. There are times though, she has me in tears. She doesn't accept lies. These are poisonous so we have to be honest. I know some things will be said by both of us which will hurt but if we are to have any chance of a future we need to work together and remove whatever has caused the problems we're having."

"How does she see relationships?"

"Both are equal partners. No one is solely in charge. We each have the same rights. It's okay to disagree but do it respectively, be constructive rather than destructive. She's already shown me areas where I have let you down."

"So how does she propose to fix us?"

"I don't know. I think we'll both find out on Tuesday assuming you want us fixed."

For once Dorothy was honest, "I don't know. My emotions are everywhere."

I answered, "Likewise."

Once at the clinic we were separated. A young nurse explained what I had to do. I was blushing like a teenager seeing his first boob. She did have a nice set. I may not play around but I do appreciate the scenery.

She told me, "Often men find it difficult to cum which is understandable in the circumstances. We have some magazines, graphic or words if these help. There are some DVDs. I've found that if you think of your favourite sexual position or fantasy with your wife, how she reacts as you make love or fuck, visualise what you see, you can cum quickly. If you can cum again do so. When you've finished lift the phone, it goes to my desk and I'll come and collect everything."

The books did nothing so I visualised Dorothy, tied up as I edged her. I imagined fucking her tits and cumming over her face. I came quickly. I didn't really go down so I started again. This time I ended up fucking her mouth. I came again. It took me longer to get going the third time but I came out of her mouth and fucked her till she was screaming for it, harder and harder.

I must have released any blockage as a huge amount came out. I was done. 27 minutes in total. Ian would have loved my cardiac workout.

When I recovered, I lifted the phone. The nurse came in and smiled as she lifted the tub which was over half full. She turned to me, "The wife?" I just nodded.

I waited in the reception until Dorothy came out. She looked drained. I tried to hug her but she didn't allow me to.

As it was lunchtime, I suggested we grab lunch. She agreed. I knew her favourite spot but I drove to a new restaurant for us.

It was fairly quiet but the food was excellent. Dorothy asked, "When did you discover this place?"

"I didn't. I thought a neutral place would be best, one without memories for us."

I asked, "How did it go for you? You looked so drained when you came out. I know women complain about their cervical smears and breast screenings. My mum said, if they did our balls like her breasts we have a new system within a month."

Dorothy laughed, "Sounds about right. I'll give them their due, they were very good. They explained everything they were going to do and used local anaesthetic sprays where necessary so it was a lot better than the last place. Apart from you and doctors no other man has seen my private parts. How did yours go?"

I laughed, "The nurse was a godsend. She told me how men got off easier. It worked. I came three times so filled more than half the tub."

Dorothy laughed, "Three times. We never managed that."

I smiled, "Well, this time we did."

She looked perplexed, "Spill it, what were you thinking about?"

I smiled, "The nurse said to think about how you make love with your wife, one of your fantasies and her response. I had you tied up and was titty fucking you, something I've always wanted to do. The thought of your breasts and my cock aroused me so quickly, I came so fast, over your face and tits. I didn't go down so I started again. This time as I titty fucked you, your mouth was open so I began fucking your mouth. Soon, I came in it. You smiled as you swallowed. My hand was still playing with your pussy. It was so wet, I became hard and began fucking you. "Harder! Harder!" you shouted. It took longer but I came again. I must have broken the dam as so much came out.

"I was shattered. 27 minutes for three orgasms. My cardio workout was through the roof."

Dorothy looked shocked. "You've never said you wanted to do any of that?"

I replied, "I did try but you gave me the frozen shoulder for weeks. I wanted to edge you like you did me but you wouldn't allow me. I should have been more demanding but I feared losing you if I was."

If her look was to be believed she found that I feared losing her to be a shock.

I continued, "We never talked much about sex because you shut me down and I didn't want to cause more rows. I wasn't happy and I don't think you were either. I didn't have the words to say what I needed to say without causing offence. Sarah thinks she can help us but it will take a lot of work.

"You might have already decided, you don't. I don't have any say into what you do. It has to be your choice."

Dorothy looked at me determinedly, "You said our marriage had changed. What did you mean?"

I thought I could fudge it but Sarah said, "lies don't help."

"Dorothy, what was sprung on me showed me, how far apart we had drifted. I had hoped that with my work going well and me being home early it would help rebuild what we had. I was home but you weren't.

"When I said, it had already changed, I meant I realised we had to change what we were doing. We couldn't rebuild what we had. I wasn't sure I wanted too anyway. If our relationship was to have any hope, it had to change, for the better. Not by having lovers or an open marriage but communicating better, having a better marriage, a loving marriage.

"When you came home and we argued, I didn't hear anything from you recognising we had to change together. It was only about you. I've never felt so devastated as you didn't think I was due any consideration. The week was purgatory, the chill between us could have stopped global warming. Then on Friday night, you left, flaunting how you were prepared for your lover. When he sent that tattoo, it was the final straw. I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to leave.

"I knew you would try and contact me but I couldn't speak with you. If I let my anger out, I didn't think we'd survive. When I saw the messages you sent, I was even angrier.

"Sarah has helped me see there may be hope but it needs both of us. Neither of us can commit to that right now. She sees these tests as a way of bringing our fears out. She thinks you didn't like what the other clinic told you and reacted to that. Instead of speaking together we ignored our problem."

Dorothy looked at me. "If you don't want what we had, what is it you want?"

I looked into her eyes. I saw the pain, "Dorothy, whatever we do, it has to be about the two of us. Maybe we are both so scarred we can't get over what has happened and may only end up as friends, only being able to be sociable together. Sarah has helped many couples like us, reset their marriages, build a life together with a great sex life. Some couples can't be fixed but she was hopeful for us. She said my anger was so strong because my love for you was so strong. She's helping me lose the anger and focus on the love.

"You have an equal say. If you want to work on our marriage as an equal partner, we may survive. To me what you were doing, suggesting, was abusive. It wasn't love. Honesty is required but I'll let Sarah tell you herself."

She looked at me, contemplating her answer, "Sarah seems good for you. Belinda told me she had found someone to help you. I should have known she would pick someone very good. I'll have to see what she says. What you say and how you react to what I say. It won't be easy.

She looked down, a very determined look came over her face, "Why did you cancel or restrict all my cards?"

I looked at her and said firmly, "I wasn't going to pay to have you fuck around on me. I left you more than enough for your running costs. If you have maxed out, I assume, you've been buying the meals, lunches as normal. When you couldn't, did any of them offer to take you out? To help you."

Dorothy looked down.

Before she could reply, I continued, "Have you seen any of your old friends? Ones who insisted they pay their share. You cast them aside for these shiny new ones. Why? They were real friends.

"I'll take you where you want to go. I'll fill up your car and get groceries for you. Please think about our future and the sort of friends you want."

We left the restaurant. As we got in the car, I called Belinda. She had everything in hand, I could have the afternoon off. Dorothy and I laughed.

When I finished, I told Dorothy, "She's after my job. The trouble is she'd probably do it better than me."

Dorothy didn't disagree.

I took Dorothy grocery shopping and when I dropped her at the house, I took her car and filled it up. When I came back she invited me in for a coffee. We talked for about half an hour on anything which wasn't us before I left. I arranged to pick her up for Tuesday's meeting with Sarah as she felt she may be too emotional to drive. If necessary, I would pay a taxi to take her home (though I didn't say that to her).

The weekend dragged and Monday was no better. Far too soon on Tuesday it was time to leave and pick Dorothy up.

Sarah welcomed us in. After the introductions, she spoke to Dorothy outlining how she worked and what she required from all parties involved. Dorothy agreed that she would participate as she asked.

Sarah smiled, "Dorothy, what do you wish to achieve in any sessions we have?"

Dorothy looked uneasy, "I don't know. I do love Jeremy but I don't know if that is enough to repair, rebuild what we had. I don't want us to be angry at the other all the time. My emotions are everywhere. What has happened I never expected. My counsellor assured me that Jeremy would be elated to have all the marital decisions made for him as he was so subservient to me. His belligerent attitude and walking out was such a shock. I followed what she said so how did it go so wrong?"

Sarah smiled, "Let's start with why you went to the first clinic?"

Dorothy looked ill at ease, "Jeremy and I had been trying for children for ages. I had met Yvonne and Susan at the spa and we began talking. They were different to my normal friends, so open. One day, I was upset as my period had started. They saw and asked and I stupidly told them our business. Susan knew this clinic and they talked me into having tests. My results were clear, I had no fertility problem.

"I was going to speak with Jeremy but the clinic said to speak with the counsellor as she would help prepare me for the talk. Susan and Yvonne told me to follow their advice. I did. The first couple of sessions seemed strange as she asked about our sex life as well as my results.

"I was uncomfortable talking about how poor our sex life was. I knew the main responsibility was mine. As I explained to her how I seldom allowed him to do more, she began describing Jeremy's lack of demand as him wishing me to be more in command. Each session began focussing more and more on that. As I finally accepted that, she said, as Jeremy's fertility was suspect at best, I could solve my pregnancy problems by taking a lover or two. If I chose someone very close to Jeremy's characteristics, he wouldn't know the children weren't his.

"I couldn't do that to him. She worked away on me. My new friends were telling me to go for it.

"She began to tell me how to restructure our marriage, how to take control. Firstly, deny him sex. Not difficult as he had stopped asking. In truth, I couldn't face him as I knew what she was saying was wrong. After each session I was angry at myself but over time that started to change, I began to agree more.

"Jeremy loved to tease my pubic hair so I had it waxed to show I was in control.

"After the big business deal was settled, he made the effort to be at home at normal hours. I went out, to show I was in control. He never tried very hard to stop me. It reinforced the counsellor's view he wanted me in control. He wanted me to make the decisions as he made them all at work.

"It all blew up when Jeremy saw through the so-called discussion and stormed off. This was not in the plan. This wasn't meek and mild Jeremy. This was a very angry Jeremy I had never seen before.

"When we argued, later at home, every word he said hit home. I tried to argue for me being in control but I knew he was right. I couldn't tell him. The counsellor told me it was my own insecurities which were holding me back. I was to force the issue so the following Friday, I did.

"Jeremy left me and sent me divorce papers. I understand his reasoning. I agree with it as viewed through his perspective. What I was allegedly doing was beyond what we had promised each other.

"I've hurt him so much, I don't know if he can ever forgive me, if we can build a new relationship."

Dorothy was in tears as she spoke. Sarah handed her tissues.

I was mad at her for believing that shit. I was going to speak but Sarah stopped me.

She spoke calmly, "Dorothy, the clinic gave you very bad advice. Every clinic I have worked with wishes both parties to be tested as there are so many combinations which can affect fertility. They should have told you, at the very least to speak with Jeremy. I know that thought would have been difficult especially at the time. Your emotions were raw.

"This counsellor you saw hates men. She is about to be struck of the register due to her brainwashing clients. There have been so many marriages destroyed by her.

"She takes you on when you are so vulnerable and over time conditions you to her way of thinking. Your new friends were happy to see you being misled. They supported her and by doing so made you risk your marriage.

"I know from my sessions with Jeremy, he loves you deeply which is why he is so hurt. You hurt, as you have recognised what you did to him, to you both.

"I can help. I cannot wave a magic wand and make everything disappear but I can help you to go in a direction which you both wish. It will be difficult."

Dorothy looked at her, sadly, "I'd like to try at least to be friends if I have fucked us up beyond fixable."

Sarah smiled, "We can do that. Let's take a step back to the beginning. What were your first impressions of each other?"

I laughed. Sarah looked at me. "Sorry but Dorothy is beautiful. I saw the blond hair and the amazing breasts as she entered the room. She was dressed demurely but she still oozed sex appeal. So, my first impression was - I wanted to fuck her. She batted a few boys away but for some reason she spoke with me. As we did my mindset changed. She was highly intelligent, funny and able to hold a conversation for more than a few moments. I decided she was worth getting to know well so I didn't try anything sexual for ages. By then I was madly in love with her."

Dorothy looked at me amused, "When I was at that party, I really didn't want to be there. My friends made me. The boys were only after my breasts. Ever since they appeared, boys have had their eyes on them. I doubt if many could say the colour of my eyes. Jeremy was the only one who looked me in the eyes. His smile was so genuine and his eyes showed he was gentle, I relaxed as we spoke. I did find him attractive, highly intelligent and although we disagreed on stuff, we could discuss amicably. I knew within five minutes he was worth knowing. Within weeks I could not envision my life without him."

Sarah smiled, "How soon were you discussing what your future would be? Did you discuss children, adultery?"

Dorothy spoke sadly and softly, "It seemed next to no time we were discussing these. We both wanted children. I have two sisters and I love playing with my nieces and nephews. They have never asked me about when we are having children but I know my mum is waiting. Jeremy told me about his mother and how he wouldn't stand for that. I was all for that. I knew how big a catch he was and I didn't want competition, I couldn't match them."

I replied, "I was in love with her before I dropped her off that night. It was so natural to speak about our future. I love children, the way they see life and I hoped I would be a good dad, like my dad was before my mum's affairs. That destroyed him and I would never settle for that behaviour."

Sarah looked thoughtful, "What you said gives me hope we can achieve what you wish.

"We have a lot of ground to cover but I think this is a point to address the elephant in the room. I have your test results from the clinic. I can tell you or give them to you so you know. You can tell the other or exchange your results."

Dorothy spoke quietly, "I'd like to see mine please. So much went wrong after that clinic, I need to see to ensure their result was correct at least."

I nodded.

Sarah gave us each our results. I was even more nervous than when I opened my exam results. It took a few minutes to dawn on me, I was fertile. I think my sigh of relief was heard in the next town. It brought a smile to Sarah's face.

Dorothy finished reading hers and handed it to me. I gave her mine. She dissolved into tears as she read it.

"Why? Why? Why didn't I speak to you? If I had we could have avoided all this. I'm so sorry. I didn't know how to approach you as they made it clear you were infertile. It would so damage your ego if I told you without seeing that counsellor. Why did I listen to them?"