All Comments on 'Can't Take Her Eyes Away from My Hard On'

With you bouncing around so much and getting the pronouns messed up so much, it is almost impossible to keep the story straight. Did you have anyone at least proofread it before submitting it? You were going back and forth between sister and gf without any vocabulary to show that I had to keep re-reading it over again. Then you thru in SIL and then you lost me.

This was simply incoherent.

Sorry, got totally lost!

What a tremendously scattered story.

May I ask, what were you on?

Almost impossibe to read . . .

Virtually impossible to follow .

Terribly written. Get an editor or proofreader that understands English- especially pronouns.

I gave up after the first several paragraphs.

Just pathetic.

Sorry to say this is a very confusing story, he=she instated of she=she. Also i struggled to understand your grammar, i think you are not English and so describe your story in the way your National tongue would speak which does not translate to good for English.

I think you need to get someone to edit and proof read your writing prior to publishing 1* :( very poor !