All Comments on 'Chapter 1: Natalie'

Please understand the difference between your and you’re. You’re a writer. You should know these things. Your poor usage detracts from the story.

Sehr bemühte Sprachbilder

Thanks for your advice i'll try to simplify it for better readability.

Most likely a bit to high brow for quite a few readers

The tremendous effort at elegant prose totally overshadowed the story. Became very hard to read.