All Comments on 'Chloe's Fake Hypnotism Ch. 01'

I like the premise, but way too fast. It's one thing to keep going along with a little more than you planned so you don't get caught in a lie, but most people will only go so far before admitting to the original lie rather than continue. That said, if you escalate things at the right pace, that original sin can believably lead to pretty extreme consequences. But it's because of each step escalating the commitment. The original sin here isn't nearly enough to justify becoming a stripper/prostitute for classmates/family/etc.

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The pictures was believable as you started more innocent and escalated that nicely. But the leap to then becoming a stripper and prostitute and all within just like 2 hours or so is way too far way too fast. If that's going to happen, it should be in like chapter 5 or 7 or something (at least days, if not weeks/months into the story, not just like 2 hours after the beginning of the fake hypnotism). I'm sure whatever extreme stuff you do during the rest of this story will be kind of hot and all, but it's probably just going to be the same as your other story. Both of your stories had interesting premises that, if fleshed out more, could've been really great stories. Megan's "tasks" became pretty meaningless pretty quickly as it became so extreme with no resistance. What's the point of the tasks? Same here, the fake hypnosis thing has lost almost all of its meaning and she's just going to inexplicably willingly go forward with destroying her life and reputation. For a fantasy story, I don't mind that story arch, but build up to it at least a little, no? It doesn't have to be super believable or realistic, but at least allow me to suspend disbelief.

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Once they left the dorm room is when it got past the point of being able to suspend disbelief. It was getting close before, but that was a bridge too far at that point in the story. I think you needed to have a few more days of similarly and escalating humiliating tasks before the whole Jose story line (which, also, why does this studious psychology student have a... pimp? dom? whatever... in her contacts to text and set everything up so quickly? And what about her test she was studying for? The photos and videos were enough to blackmail her into more. Why not stop there and study for the test. Pick up humiliating the roommate after the test. Sorry it's just too much ridiculousness and too many plot holes are semi-ruining a very promising concept/story.

Wow, that escalated quickly. I REALLY loved the beginning and the general set-up of this story, but unfortunately from there it went waaaay too fast. It felt extremely rushed and I would have prefered a much slower and deeper development between Eli and Chloe. It should have taken longer for Eli to figure out that Chloe was just pretending and then I would have prefered if this would have developed into a game between those two before things escalate. It would have been so hot if Eli would have slooowly pushed the boundaries of Chloe in seperate sessions. It also felt a little off when Eli and Chloe were a little too synced when Chloe handed over control to Eli. Personally, I would have wished that Eli and Chloe and their relationship would have been the main focus of this story instead of putting the focus on Chloe whoring around - but that's just my personal taste. And yes, as stevewu609 already pointed out - because of the rushed progression, the storyline has multiple plotholes (which would have been perfectly avoidable). In addition, the story-frame could have been used to add so much to the erotic and the development of this story. E.g. Chloe could have been slowly been manipulated into becoming a test-subject for the psychology class after the test. If Chloe convinced Eli that she is prone to hypnosis in their first little fun-session, she could have asked Chloe for a favour to help out her and a fellow student later.

Great story as always.

my suggestion for the next day morning would be command to be excited about the training and assignment. and tell it to a camera. and give rights sell all photos a d videos.

and the card that she has to give should have instructions to upload a video of the

encounter to get an appointment next time.

Love this premise, I can't wait for the next chapter.

I agree with the comments about the story moving much too quickly. Technically, the strip club stuff hasn’t really started yet. There’s still time to back off that and slow things down a little bit. I like the photos and videos stuff. It adds an unstated blackmail element to the story. You can keep the hypnosis charade going for a fun effect and interpersonal dynamic, but the real compliance is coming from the unstated threat of blackmail (and also somewhat of an internal exhibitionist/humiliation kink in Chloe).

Another thing is it’s still easier psychologically to allow photos/videos that could be seen by millions than to do the same in front of just a few people live. So for now, I’d lean into the photos/videos of Chloe more. It builds up the blackmail angle and also opens the door to lots of online permanent exposure down the road. But it has to be down the road. If you do it right away, it destroys the blackmail element and the story just becomes even more unbelievable. Build up to it. Start with just building up the library of material. Then move into lower stakes online posts (topless photo, no face, on porn site), then move to more graphic and videos and so on but still no face. Personally, I’d go with blurring the face rather than it being out of the shot. Eventually, once there’s a big online audience for Chloe online, you can start to tease revealing her face/identity. If you had previously blurred her face (instead of it not being in the picture), you could then go back and remove the blur on everything. So the whole online library is now full face.

awsome i need! more

I. Disagree with some of the other comments. I love where it’s going. And where it’s been. It’s a porn story for Pete sakes. I wasn’t expecting Gone With The Wind.

Her trying to go along with the hypnosis she suddenly opened up to what she had been needing. The more she let go the more she needed. I can’t wait to see how for you take her. If Meghan is the model for your story telling, I really looking forward to a great ride.

I don't agree with the comments below you got rid of the boring stuff fast.

I'm more interested in what happens next

I'm not looking for Gone with the Wind either. But I want some plot and a little bit of character development. That's why I like reading erotica. The premise of a roommate pretending to be hypnotized and the other taking advantage of that and some subtle blackmail to turn her into an exhibitionist humiliation slut is a great premise. But what was the point of the premise if it immediately jumps to the point of "you're a stripper now and a porn star and we're going to show this to all of your friends and family" and Chloe just goes along with it. Pretending to be hypnotized doesn't remotely explain that. Potential blackmail doesn't either. Sure some kink inside her is awakened, but it's still so unrealistic to go from 0-100 in just that one afternoon. Chloe has absolutely zero character development. No reason for us to really care about any of this.

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To me this story is the equivalent of one of those pornos where the stepsister is inexplicably "stuck" in a washing machine and the step brother just starts fucking her and then she's out and they keep fucking. Like, yeah, she's hot, the video quality is great, and I can def jerk off to it. But like the stuck in the washing machine and stuff made hardly any difference. Here, I'm sure the "sex scenes" stuff to come will be hot, just like in the washing machine porn, but the setup and premise was just dumb. The washing machine premise is actually dumb. Here, the fake hypnotism premise isn't dumb, but it's completely wasted, IMO.

I agree that you moved a bit too fast. Of course that's only a real issue if you should keep that pacing in the following parts too.

But generally I'm more interested in your unique approach than in more details.