Congi Bar 02

Congi Bar 02

"Oh, hi."

"Oh, I mean, hi, um, hi."

"I mean, I'm not very well versed in all this, but I could use an arm hook date to the Double Tipped, Double Dipped Frozen Frosty Shop, so? And I fit perfectly right here."

[Slithers under Ben's arm and huh, it's a pretty decent fit]

"Oh, are you the sassy test tube new breed six minus one of them or the pushing one, huh, Congi Bar?"

"Oh, I'm the sassy one of us alright, but that's because I had to fight off guys most of my life, but can't I be the pushy one when I see something that I like, hmm, Ben, hmm? Unless you're afraid of the talk along the Strip for arm walking little ole me to the Double Tipped, Double Dipped Frozen Frosty Shop, so?"

"I mean, Congi Bar, you're making this very hard on me seeing how we're right here in the middle of the Strip, so?"

[Quietly reaches down for a quick boner check, rub, check, rub]

"Well, I can feel how hard I'm making things for you, Ben, but sometimes, that's the point! I'm saying that I'm ready, Ben, so?"

Well, that worked! And I was okay with that since I actually was ready.

LOL, his buddies that lined the Strip, LOL, maybe not so much, but jealously is ugly anyways and guess what, not only am I the sassy one of the test tube freaks, I'm the cutest too!

"(Slurp) hi, guys, enjoying the joke, hmm?"

"(Giggling girl style) well, you two make a cute couple of guys then (seriously Chet, stop giggling like a girl for Pete's sakes!)"

"(OMFG!)"

"(Slurp) well, if you silly and behind the times guys will excuse us, Ben's bendy straw needs servicing and by the way, I follow through (slurp), so?"

"(OMFG!)"

"Oh (embarrassed), I mean, I mean, I mean, we're all friends here, so, um, we're having a game night tomorrow night, so?"

"(Slurp) oh, well then, I wasn't going to lay down tonight for Ben, so, he should have his legs about him tomorrow night (slurp), but no promises about a few of his other motor features because as many times as Ben can bring it tonight, I mean, I'm his date (slurp), so?"

"(OMFG, OMFG!)"

"I mean, I mean, I mean, somebody say something!"

"Oh (slurp), is it my turn to talk again then, hmm? I promise you all, our fourth time will not require my mouth! Unless that's what Ben wants (slurp) since you know, I'm his date now, (slurp), so?"

"(OMFG, OMFG, OMFG!)"

They always pass out. Well, nerds always pass out.

"(Straddles Chester in reverse lap dance fashion and starts to gently slap him back awake and um, that's a lap dance!) Chester, snap out of it (grind, grind, grind) and confess that you made that meme about me sex spitting into your faggot nerd mouth!"

"(OMFG, OMFG, OMFG! Wait, there's a meme out there?)"

"Confess, Chester, confess!"

"(Waah, waah, waah, sniffle, sniffle) I did it, Congi Bar, I confess, I did it! I made and posted that meme! And, ooh la, la, I'm about to do it without my hands finally!"

"(Jumps clean up and off) well, Ben, my work is done here (slurp) and I owe you an alley date and I follow through now (slurp), so?"

[Blog follower input: Wait, in the last chapter you squinted your eyes and held your head still and almost grimaced waiting for it to be over, so, what changed?]

[Oh, CaptainJack019, I don't squint my eyes anymore and I actually take control and move my head around and I even glance up now, you know, I grew up even more for short, so?]

[CaptainJack019 response: Aha, aha, aha, call me, Congi Bar!]

Hmm, fat chance of that, but practice makes for improvements and sex is a part of the dating scene, so, um, I grew up even more and things change, so.

"Ben???"

"Bah, bah, bah, um, let's get with it then, Congi Bar! Bye nerds!"

"Oh, and Chester, if Plastic Pam is still the same size, I mean, I have some older clothes that I might stop by with tomorrow night during your nerd controller fest, so?"

See, they always pass out again.

And then Ben passed out because maybe I have learned a few things. Or because they just pass out after sex anyways, right? And by the way, I follow through now! Meaning I wouldn't be mad if you read too deeply into the first chapter.

[Knock, knock]

"Hi, Mrs. Chambers."

"OMFG! Well, the nerds aren't here yet, but OMFG, you brought a change of clothes? I mean, it's about time my son has sex with someone other than himself, but not this way! Also, your cheeks could use just a tad more of red, so?"

"Oh, these old clothes are for Plastic Pam, Mrs. Chambers, so?"

[Looks both ways along the street and swishes Congi Bar inside of the house quick]

"OMFG, we don't talk about that whore! But she'll look cute in the shorts and OMFG, what am I saying! Also, is it true that all of the aging MILFs around town are dying for a squirt of your weird ass test tube fem boy juice, hmm? I've heard that it's a magical elixir for the cleavage skin, so?"

"And I'm never going to have sex with your son, Chester, Mrs. Chambers, so?"

"Whew (rats, that little freak is still going to run around the house whacking off when the door closing creates a breeze) I mean, well, I mean, well, I'm not sure what I mean other than I think I can't let you leave without a deposit of test tube fem boy juice on my chest and before you say, I know that I have to jack you off to get the skin elixir than I desperately need, so?

Oh, you folks can talk to my half-brother, Congi Len about that! He was the one who got caught naked by Mrs. Kline and she was the one who started the test tube fem boy juice skin saver elixir and don't talk to me about it!

But just a sassy reminder, tee he, she said that her hubby was, um, limp and squishy, tee he, that's sassy to say, am I right? A blimp belly hubby who is limp and squishy, tee he.

And so, what? Plastic Pam still got her new outfit, so?

"Hallelujah! I can feel it working already!"

Well, nobody ever said that it couldn't be applied from the inside out, so. And by the way, that's right, I get sex on both sides of the street! Because I'm that sassy! And cute, so.

"(Gulp, swallow, hm, clears throat) well, the hubby has been limp, squishy and wrinkled for over 20 years now and I have needs to, so, um, well, as long as we don't get caught, I mean, text me anytime, Congi Bar! I mean, for my skin treatments, of course, so."

Okay, fine, I've a bit to learn yet since I had the chance to glare down at that, but still, I'm grown up and getting better, so. And apparently, you guys also like it when your mouth partner grips you by the hips, right? I mean, I can do that.

Just not with the nerds that I have fully paid back, almost, at least half way, paid back.

[The front door creaks open and the three nerds enter]

"Oh, everybody is here, um, mom, you look flushed, are you feeling alright?"

"Oh, um, well, my skin treatments, um, they have a side effect, so, um, shut up and get in the basement then!"

"Tee he, I'm just leaving (smooch, Plastic Pam is dressed and ready Chester), bye."

"Bah, bah, bah..."

"Tee he, bye Larry (smooch, I guess we never had much of a chance to flirt, smack), bye."

"Bah, bah, bah..."

"Tee he, bye Ben (smooch, smack, mwah, smooch, we're broke up now, but we can make up twice more this month, smooch, mwah, tongue tag, mwah, tongue stab, mwah, smack, smack), bye!"

"Bah, bah, bah..."

And that's how a tramp leave them! Wait, I meant test tube fem boy leave them! But given how the six, minus one of us are, it might be the same.

(Beep, beep)

"Oh, Jerry, what's happening, Jerry, hmm? I just came from Chester's house, which means nothing and then I stopped here at the "Stop & Rob" convenience store to buy some condoms for next year and um, what's happening then, Jerry, hmm?"

"I mean, I heard that you grew up and sized down all at the same time and SOB, this might be the first time that a rumor was ever true! I mean, well, your package size is amazing, Congi Bar! Also, I mean, Chester's house then, huh?"

"And I promise you, Jerry, that means nothing nor meant anything! I mean, I just dropped off his mom's skin care treatments and nothing more!"

"Ahem!"

"Well, Plastic Pam's fashion was outdated, but I swear, that's all, Jerry! Now, let's get back to you saying nice things about my appearance, so?"

"Mm, mm, mm, you're fully grown, Congi Bar! Jump in and we'll cruise the Strip!"

Oh, rule number one is to never get into a car with a guy!

[Vroom, vroom, vroom, down the Strip they cruise]

"I mean, Congi Bar, I wouldn't think that as the sassy one of you six, minus one, I mean, you don't need to wear two pairs of shorts around me, Congi Bar, so?"

Hah! Well, he won that one. And who knew that I knew how to wiggle out of a pair of over shorts while being driven down the Strip!

"Mm, mm, mm, that's nice, Congi Bar, so?"

"Um, eyes forward, Jerry! Distracted driving is dangerous. But keep saying nice things. Also, if I peek in your glove box, I mean, will I find condoms in there, hmm?"

Oh, I didn't wait for an answer!

[Click, click, creak the little door open and ta, da, Jerry is a normal guy! Kind of]

"Magnum's, Jerry? Seriously?"

"(He, he, he, heck, heck, heck) well, I accept you for who you are, Congi Bar! Or should I go ahead and get reduction surgery, huh?"

"Ha! Ha! Um, I was making conversation anyways, so, um, if this is happening, I mean, not in the alley, so?"

I mean, how do the angles even work in a back seat anyways, right? Not that I was going ask Jerry that since he was a geometry major and knew all about angles and such, so.

[Vroom, vroom, vroom, I told you, never get into a car with a guy, vroom]

"I mean, Congi Bar, we both agree that the "No Roof" hotel is just a little ick, ewe, ick", right?"

"Oh, Jerry, it's actually "ewe, ick, ewe", but we thinking along the same lines and OMFG, you want to visit my half-brother's work, don't you?"

[Vroom, vroom, vroom, idiot, never get into a car with a guy, vroom]

"Well, you're not over the moon about letting me take you and I'm a little bit worked up right now. By the way, your body couldn't be more perfect for a test tube born, so?"

Well, I said that he should keep saying nice things about me, so. And it's nice hearing someone say that they want "to take you", in case nobody ever said that to you. And the part about my overly perfect, yet small and compact, which is smooth and hairless, body didn't hurt either, so.

"Well, I mean, only if it's a trade between us and only if the trade is always in my favor forever more and only if I get to pick your peeping video and only if I can enter the "Peep & Pull" adult bookstore the way I'm dressed right now and only if you promise to use one of the ventilation vent holes in the side of the peeping booth afterwards if you have the bounce back balls for that because, I mean, Jerry, I can't handle a Magnum and I have to ride back with you later! I'm the size of a China Doll, for Pete's sakes!"

Huh, I thought he might argue back over a couple of those points, but huh, nope! And yeah, yeah, yeah, I found out later that "Magnum" is a common title, so.

[Vroom, vroom, good sassy ass negotiating skills, vroom, vroom]

"Well, well, well, look who has yet another date issue! Hello, half bro, Congi Bar! And stop trying to steal my near naked, underdressed look, so?"

"Why? Because I can pull off the near naked, underdressed look, Congi Que, hmm?"

"Well, duh, but this is my house of ill repute! Also, adjust your activewear shorts. My clients need their side eye material, so?"

Well, Congi Que made the adjustments for me and we can do that without it being weird, so.

[Lycra blended material shift, pull, shift, pull, all innocently]

"Oh, that was weird, um, tee he, ten will get you a hundo that you six, minus one used to shave each other, tee he! Also, is there video of that, huh?"

Oh, well, that's my adult bookstore date, folks. And it was once. And the video was garbage. The end.

"Ahem! Ladies!"

"Oh [releasing the Lycra blended active wear shorts], um, well, I'll leave you two to have at it then, um, Leo, Leo? Leo!"

"(Munch, munch) what? Oh, well, well, well, if it isn't, um, um, Congi Bar, right? I mean, seriously, get distinguishing tattoos (munch, munch)!"

"Hi, Manager Leo and yep, I'm the hotter than your girlfriend, Congi Bar, tee he. Also, I bit off more than I can chew with my date and he needs his relief. You know, because of all this [hand motions up and down the China Doll size body]."

"(Munch, munch) well, what do you expect when you crawl into a car with a guy (idiot), so? Anyways, Congi Que is in charge, so work it out (munch, munch)."

Oh, and I thought Congi Que had a big head attitude before that statement came blurting out!

"Ahem, step aside, half bro!"

Oh, and then Congi Que got a good look at Jerry's big head!

"Mrs. Vixen! Vivian Vixen! I'm in trouble here! Where are you, Mrs. Vixen? My day need saving!"

"(Stupid fucking test tube sissy boys!) What? Oh, oh boy, I mean, I mean, I mean..."

"Wait, do you two know each other? Also, hi, Mrs. Vixen. OMFG, Jerry! Um, OMFG, you dated Vicki Vixen for a minute! OMFG, Mrs. Vixen!"

"Oh, well, it was a harmless mistake that I went to the kitchen in the middle of the night to get a glass of water in just my undies like five different times, so, it was innocent, innocent, I say."

Well, she can say that all she wants, but the only thing that is true is that I'm hotter than your girlfriend is my new catch phrase.

And I offer mature ladies skin care products on the side.

Oh, and my boyfriends go home happy one way or the other.

Oh, oh, and I'm just as hot as your girlfriend.

End Congi Bar 01