All Comments on 'Crash'

So the rapist also turns out to be a murderer, who could have guessed that? Well....any non-retarded person could guess that, but not that dumb bitch.

every bit of jail-time....and to live her days as a lonely spinster.

nothing at all loving about this heartless calculated cheater.

This was a good, erotic story until the motor vehicle accident and what followed. Then it ceased being erotic and becane more like "Alfred Hitchcock Presents." In my estimation, it went from being a 5* story to a 1* story, which is what I gave it.

You don't like Alfred Hitchcock. Personally I'll revel in the comparison!

And thank you for acknowledging it was a 5* story until dear old Alfred showed up.

Not a great story, but so far above most of today's posts that it is epic. Polyamory, cheating, and murder, all in one story. Good times. Lue, I know you are here somewhere. Why haven't you told us about the DropBear before now. I don't remember Crocodile Dundee or the great Steve Irwin mentioning it either.

Her marriage became boring and unfulfilling, so what's an Aussie girl to to? Why, take up fucking a selfish murderous asshole, with a really really nice cock. Hey, a whore has to have her standards. Let's see, a good husband with a below average cock, or a conceited arrogant homicidal monster with a really beautiful cock. Put another slut on the barbi.

This story is missing the after...What will she do of her life? No husband, no lover...Maybe looking for another pimp? A not bad mistery story...the bad part? the characters...The lover was stupid as a rock...3*

Where else do sequels or epilogues come from?

How many TV episodes end exactly the same way?

You have to come back next episode or next season!

But then sometimes mystery is just good...... :-)

Hated Brad from.rape one, wife not much better.

Only then she killed it! How romantic!

Thank you very much for that.

You know that brings up an intriguing idea. Yes she was paralyzed with fear over getting bitten herself. Those snakes inject enough venom to kill 100 men and are so fast they bite multiple times before you even know you've been bitten. But what if a true loving wife sacrificed herself...... That would be an interesting storyline.

Thanks for your comment

Really enjoyed that story. It proves that unique stories are still possible. 5*

What started off being a very erotic story turned ugly very fast. It could have been a great story about survival in the wilderness. It could have been a great story about the fun that three people could get into while sharing a tent. Unfortunately it turned dark and became a murder. While it was still a decent story, it just wasn’t the ending I was looking for. You definitely decided to take it somewhere unexpected and I suppose that could be a good thing. I typically come here to be aroused by the stories though, not turned off by them . Thanks for writing it and I hope the next one ends with a bang instead of a whimper.

Thank you for your feedback.

One of the things that used to puzzle me was writers stating that they just followed where the story or characters took them. I never understood that until I tried writing.

I had an original ending. I wasn't fond of it. I thought of another and cut the first one. I started writing and the ending you refer to, the third one, literally wrote itself instead. I didn't DECIDE to take it anywhere. It just happened.

I tightened it up and it belonged. It just did. I can't explain it any better than that.

Again thank you for taking the time you did to post a well thought out feedback

An excellent story and one a far cry from Lit’s usual fare. I just wish I could think of it’s equal. 5 stars and wishing I could vote twice.

I do wonder what story some of these commenters read; it couldn’t have been the same one that appeared on my monitor.

For instances: @ Thinking wife is an Aussie girl when they clearly had just come from Canada. @ Wife is clearly a frustrated woman before she gets on the plane where she finds herself being fingered while everybody is asleep. Now can anyone really claim such a scenario as gordo wrote couldn’t possibly happen? @Wife is impressed with lover, but is willing to don her ‘big girl panties’ and back away, but hubby pushes her into Brad’s arms. If there is one idea causing a stretch of ‘ability to suspend belief’ this is it.

This story is first class in so many ways…

This kind of feels like the equivalent of "Well, I don't know how to end this movie, so I'm going to have robbers break in and shoot everyone."

You had a lover with no apparent reason to kill the husband, hatching a plan which requires an absurd number of prescience (ending up camping in an area with incredibly rare snakes ridiculously close by, and then luring them in and them attacking exactly the right person, with neither you nor the wife getting attacked by the ridiculously lethal snake), and *then* going through with using that plan despite the husband plainly being on his deathbed.

I mean, maybe if you pile so much illogic on top of each other, it wraps around and becomes logical? I don't know, but for me, my "these people are not behaving like human beings" meter went into the red.

Thank you for your kind comments and the high score. It's much appreciated.

Quote: You had a lover with no apparent reason to kill the husband,

You obviously didn't read Brad's last couple of sentences. It explained it all.

Actually the more I read your comments the more I think you skipped the last few paragraphs. Everything you brought up is answered there.

As to your comment about the ridiculously lethal snake those are facts. There is only one known case of survival without anti-venom in about the last 70 years and your lifespan is measured in minutes without it.

Thank you for your feedback.

It was plainly obvious that the husband was dying, so the murder attempt makes absolutely zero sense. Then there's the mechanics of the attempt itself. Rub the carcass of a dead rat on the dying, comatose man's cock in hopes that one of the most lethal snakes in the world (coastal taipan is what he was hoping for I'd think, it was a freak occurence that it was an inland taipan) will come along and bit the dying man's penis. How does he not already see that this man has *hours* left to live already? Why his penis? It could have been his toe or a finger and the guy would still almost certainly die and explaining away rat hairs his your foot or hand is easier than explaining why they are on his penis. And for fuck sake, the plan is to lure in an incredibly lethal, highly aggressive snake to bite a person who is lying like 3 feet away from you and the woman you are trying to take.....yet somehow avoid you or her being bitten yourselves. Where's the thinking in that? Finally, Jared was fine with Brad and her fucking, with him living with them as her 2nd husband, she even confided to Brad that If Jared had a change of heart, she wouldn't stop seeing Brad even under threat of Jared leaving her. Fuck, she was HIS already, she wanted his baby. So we've got a guy murdering his best friend for reasons that seem odd given his situation, when said best friend was already at death's door, and in a convoluted way that was as likely to not work at all or result in him or the woman being killed instead. Yet in the first 3 pages Brad was described as an ultra alpha asshole rapist douchebag, not as a full blown retard, so did he also suffer a head injury in that car accident that lowered his IQ by 30 or 40 points? that bump on the head from the steering wheel destroy some part of his brain?

But the sex was hot, the scene so vividly described I'll just go with it. Thanks for writing

Sorry, this story was great until the crash and I was imagining it amicably going one of several ways, all of which would've been acceptable. Now, you are the writer and I go along with the premis that sometimes the characters and your own inspiration takes you down the path of most resistance sometimes. I get that and been there and done it myself. The only power a writer has is to dictate where the story goes and sometimes that power overwhelms us and we forget we are writing a story to entertain others and we do our own selfish wankfest. Tell me about it (my readers in LW have in droves, so I know what I'm talking about). So, as a reader, I found this ending too much of a stretch, bearing in mind the characters than you've sketched for us. Even the shock of the accident shouldn’t have affected Brad's feeling that he was onto a bloody good thing whether Jared survived or not. Just 2* for me while the story up to the crash was jolly and entertaining and, with the expectation of the "sunburnt country" finally coming into the picture, was heading for a solid 4* at least.

First of all thank you for taking the time for a lengthy feedback. It's much appreciated.

But, I disagree.

Brad's motivation and thinking is clearly outlined in the last two sentences. Notice the word MIGHT is fully capitalized in the story showing an emphasis on the thought. It's central to his whole thinking. Brad runs machines. he's not a doctor, not even a biologist. And denial is natural in people (like Chloe) when death is approaching. Jared MIGHT die.

"I thought it was the only way we could be together without him Chloe, you kept saying he MIGHT die," he confessed, head hanging down, eyes refusing to meet mine.

"I had no idea he was really dying, or I never would have done it."

He clearly wanted Chloe for himself, no more sharing and not knowing for sure if Jared would survive..... If Jared survived he'd likely be in for a long recuperation and do you think Chloe would be likely to up and dessert Jared at a time like that? Hell they might even end up going back to Canada and then where would he be?

Why his penis???

I'm shocked that a guy would even ask that question. Which part of your body would you protect the most. I'd give up fingers, hands, arms, legs and more before I'd sacrifice my dear old friend. It was for the shock factor, to make guys squirm.

I get your point about them sleeping so close and the risk. But where would the tension be if they were 20 feet away?

I'd also point out this sentence in the author's notes at the beginning.

"I've taken some literary license with some of the scenes. You'll know it when you

hit them."

You know it, you hit them! It's fiction.

Thanks again for the feedback.

Yes it was. I'm definitely getting the impression people would have rather have them sitting around the campfire singing Kumbaya, having wonderful sex and a good time.

AKA a stroke story.

I doubt you'll ever find that happening in one of my stories. To me bizarre is good, different is good. I'll strive to find that in stories.

Thank you for your compliment on the sex scene. Strangely enough I held back from writing for years because I didn't think I could write a sex scene.

Thank you for your feedback.

It's about those words 'amicably' and that would have been 'acceptable'.

You clearly were reading with expectations that were your own, not mine.

I think it was a little harsh to slam the vote because it didn't go the way you would have preferred. I did note that I was taking some literary license with parts of it.

As per my comment below perhaps Jared should have not been injured. Everyone would be sitting around the campfire singing Kumbaya while Jared goes to work cancelling her credit cards, rearranging their bank accounts and investment funds. Then sending videos to her priest, friends and family. Add in a few more stroke scenes and you have...

The same old, same old.

Certainly unusual but no doubt exceedingly satisfying to the BTB brigade. If they could lift their jaws off the floor that is. However for that ending to really be plausible a wandering Dropbear would work. BUT you already had written in the scoundrel of the piece. A nice juicy croc!! I truly felt that was going to be the outcome! So, so disappointed ;-) For a LW it had well thought out originality. For that it deserves the top slot. Ta muchly for your submission.

That was different!

Thank you for those kind comments.

The croc was in the running originally, but got pushed aside by lack of mobility. Somehow he'd have to get up the hill. I considered having him sneak into camp after dark and everyone was asleep... but...

The Drop Bear would have been a solid choice, but I can't stand vegemite and that's the recommended defense.

You're the first to tap into the BTB aspect. I preferred to think of it as Karma for her.

Thanks again for your kind comments.

Better the second time through. I agree, food karma for everyone concerned. No one innocent in this story. Canadians loose in the outback. Babes in the woods.

Thank you for taking the time to read it again and comment. Indeed Karma is the real story here and a lot of readers seemed to miss that.

And yes, from what I read of the outback almost anyone would be babes in the wood. In fact reading about the place has spawned a second idea for a story.

Working title....The Gardener.

Never heard f drop before... maybe because I adore Vegemite!!!

It's a bit of an Australian folk lore to tease the tourists.

I've only tasted Vegemite once and would compare it to a combo of diesel oil and axle grease.

GARBAGE! 1*

You are original, Gordo. Keep at it.

I appreciate them.

" I'm not to sure whether to believe him because his eyes almost never stray from my thirty-six C tits"

Oh, please. I'm a woman who does have 36C "tits" but never have I thought of them that way. I hate this stupid, juvenile inclusion of bra sizes.

Head injury + snake bite reminded me of an episode of "CSI." The victim, a retired boxer, is allergic to shellfish. He is a handyman at a whorehouse. He's banging the Madam and 2 other whores, one of which hates him for being abusive. The Madam eats some shrimp, then gives him a blowjob. One whore injects him with snake venom. The other (abused) one hits him in the head with a poker causing internal bleeding. Another guy, in love with one of the whores, shoots him through-and-through the neck with a crossbow, missing both carotids and jugulars. The victim drinks more and falls into the pool. The punch line?

Cause of death: unknown.

He was rapist you don't start finger fucking sleeping woman No consent rape

She accepted after fact

All 3 nothing to like

I was all set to make some jokes about a Canuck having to travel all the way to Australia to become a willing cuck after his wife joined the mile high club, then you threw in the accident. She spends most of her time agonizing over Jared and studly Brad murders him after banging her again while he's dying. Now I don't have the heart to make the jokes. Other than Jared who didn't deserve his end it seems the other two got their just desserts. I'm not into cuck stories but Jared did realize he wasn't satisfiying his wife and sought to find a way to deal with it. Tthere are ways to treat the minuteman problem and she should have slapped the cowboy shit out of him for not eating her. I don't remember any blowjobs either but maybe not doing any oral is just a Canadian thing. ;-} Chloe is going to carry what she was involved in forever. I enjoyed the primer on the real and not so Aussie fauna in a good, unique story again, my friend. Signed: BTW

OK. Yeah that ending floored me. Very well written. Gave you another 5 Stars.

Well, the story was well written but where the storyline went really wasn't my cup of tea, however what Brad did by raping Chloe on the plane, by Chloe not prosecuting him for rape and what he did to steal Chloe then making her his slut, then making poor Jared the Cuck was just sad. But then again Chloe wasn't much of a wife to allow it all to happen. I was glad to see Brad go down for Jared's death in the end, that was karma. Then again, this is only a fictional tale that was well written. 5 stars

Don't really like cuck stories but the guy was willing to share and so was the wife so I guess to each his own applies here. Well written though with an interesting twist at the end. Stupid shit that brad guy.

I'm sorry, but this story, although well-written, just didn't gather me in. I'll keep keeping up with your stories, but this one just left me forlorn.

Thanks, Gordo25

Interesting ending!

4

Totally bizaare. As unusual as their threesome relationship. What an unexpected tale!