Crash Into Me

Cameron raised his eyebrow, then looked over at the nearest table, where a man was getting a lap dance. "Really?" Matt laughed and didn't respond. Cameron smiled. "You must not come up to the bar then, because I work here most nights."

"Really?" Matt said back. He looked thoughtful. "You're right, I don't come to the bar. I go right to the restaurant and entertainment side."

Cameron smiled. "So what are you drinking?"

"Jack and coke."

Cameron patted the counter. "Coming right up." He reached below for the Jack Daniels whisky and began to pour it in a glass. "So how are you?"

"I'm... ah... I'm okay. I moved out, just this week."

"Really?" Cam added cocoa cola to the cup. "So you really are getting a divorce, huh? I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Matt said with a wave of his hand. "It was a long time coming."

Cameron handed him the cup. "First one is on me."

"Only if you take a shot with me," Matt said with a smile.

Goddamn those baby blues, Cameron thought. He smiled back and added whisky to a small shot glass. He held it up. "Cheers."

"Cheers," Matt agreed. They touched cups and Cameron threw it back while Matt sipped. "So how are you? How's the car?"

"Pfft," Cameron said. He caught the eye of another patron and started making a drink for them while he talked with Matt. "My dad freaked when I told him. But it's all fixed now. I'm just waiting to see how high my premium is going to be."

"I didn't report it," Matt informed him.

Cameron's eyes went wide. He handed the other guy a drink and came closer to Matt. "Why not?"

Matt shrugged. "It wasn't a big deal to me. And it could have happened to anyone. So if your premium goes up, it's not going to be because of me."

"Wow. You're a really nice guy, Matt."

Matt shrugged in response and sipped his drink. Someone else got Cameron's attention so he went over and made a few more drinks, before heading back over to his new friend.

"So. Can I ask you a personal question?"

Matt smiled. "Shoot."

"Are you gay?"

Matt was still smiling. "Seems like it."

Cameron laughed out loud. "Okay. Is that why you're getting a divorce? You came out or something?"

Matt's smile faded just slightly. "Or something."

Cameron nodded. He didn't want to pry too much so he left it alone. He went to make some other drinks, then wandered back over to Matt. He saw that Matt finished his drink and promptly made him another one and handed it over.

Matt said, "You know I was wondering where someone would be going to work at seven o'clock at night. So this was the job that you were rushing to?"

"Yeah. I have to be here by 7:45pm to relieve someone else from their shift. I start at 8pm and work till closing." He started making a few shots for a group of men.

"Gotcha. So strange that we never met before." He pointed to the corner of the lounge that faces the stage. "But I come every Thursday to see the show."

Cameron looked up sharply. "The... the show? Thursdays?"

"Yeah," Matt said with a smile. He turned back to Cameron. "I come to see Ryn dance."

Cameron continued to stare with his mouth agape as tequila continued to pour from the bottle to the shot glass he was holding, until it spilled onto his fingers.

"Shit!" he exclaimed and put both on the counter. He turned around and grabbed a bar rag to wipe his hands and the bottle. He apologized to the three men, who frowned at him waiting for their shots, and redid them. Once he placed them down, he went over to Matt and leaned over the counter.

"Say that again?"

Matt grinned. "Ryn is the most amazing human I've ever seen. She's beautiful and talented and special in so many ways. I've been here every Thursday night just to watch her set for weeks. And I send her notes telling her how wonderful she is. I actually moved up here, just a few blocks away, so it would be easier to get here. I'm just venturing out on a Saturday night right now."

Cameron's mouth hung open. "Oh," he heard himself say in a high pitched voice, then cleared his throat. "That's um... That's um..." He looked around and then asked Matt. "What do you do, Matt? Your profession?"

"I'm a contract litigator."

Cameron swallowed. "Litigator as in attorney?"

"Yup." He took a sip of his drink and looked around.

"Oh...."

Suddenly Cameron was hot. His whole body was flushed with heat, and he rubbed his chest as his heart thumped. "I'll be back," he said and went through the double doors behind the bar. Cameron went straight to the back wall and put his head on it.

"Holy fuck balls," he said to himself.

Matt didn't mind, figuring Cameron had something to do. He watched the male strippers make their rounds to the different tables, offering lap dances while the cabaret dancers hit the stage. He also watched a customer follow a stripper past the black beaded curtains manned by a very large bouncer. He hadn't been back there yet.

When Cameron could collect himself, he went back to the bar. He looked to the left at the edge of the bar where Matt was, and promptly made his way to the right to serve customers over there. Tuck gave him a little shove. "What are you doing?"

"Working," Cameron mumbled, making an Incredible Hulk for a customer.

"Get the fuck otta here," Tuck whined. "You left this side and went over there. Now it's my side and my tips."

Cameron rolled his eyes and made his way back to Matt, trying to slow down his heartbeat. Matt smiled as Cameron came closer. He held out his credit card. "No more free drinks. Start a tab for me and keep the Jack and Cokes coming. I planned to get wasted tonight, and you're going to get a big tip."

Cameron smiled and went over to the register to start his tab. They didn't talk much after that. Cameron was a pretty experienced bartender, but he was unfocused and made several mistakes. All he could think of was getting to the bottom of what Matt wanted from Ryn. From him.

After about forty minutes, Cameron tapped Bruno Bear and let him know he was taking his thirty minute break. He went around the bar and whispered in Matt's ear, "Come with me." Then he grabbed his hand and led him to a table away from the speakers.

"So ah...." Cameron tried to find the right words as they sat down. "You come to see Ryn dance?"

"Every Thursday for the last four weeks," Matt said happily.

"Why?"

"I told you. She's beautiful and talented and—"

"No," Cameron cut him off sternly. "What do you want with her?"

Matt looked at him curiously. "You know her?"

Cameron stared into Matt's eyes. "You could say that."

Matt nodded. "You sound pretty protective. I get the feeling you are very close to her."

"Closer than skin," Cam said with a straight face.

"That's great," Matt practically yelled, throwing Cameron off. He touched Cameron's hand on the table and said, "Tell me everything about her. I want to get to know her, but I don't know how. My waitress said she leaves right after her sets and never interacts with the customers. No lap dances, no back rooms, nothing."

"Why? Do you want to fuck her?" Cameron asked.

"No!" Matt said right away. "I mean... yeeessss," he admitted. "Have you seen her cute little ass? But no, it's not like that. Her way of dancing isn't even seductive. It's graceful. Like she should be touring with a dance company, not floating across the stage at some dive bar."

Cameron wasn't prepared for the way his heart fluttered. "Yeah. I agree."

"Remember you told me to go out the night of the accident? Well I did, and I ended up here. She danced to a song I've never heard before, but the song itself and the way she danced to it just took my breath away. I want to know her story. I want to get to know Ryn the person. I want her to get to know me. And I want her to dance for me."

"And then after she dances for you?"

"That would be up to her," Matt said, sipping his drink. "Now, my turn to ask the questions."

Cameron stayed quiet, expecting the worst - Matt figuring out that they were one in the same.

But Matt asked, "Can you help me get to know her? So I can get closer to her? I don't want to scare her, make her think I'm some creeper. But I also want her to know that there is someone that sees the beauty in her."

Cameron literally breathed out air, then he chuckled. "Sure. What do you want to know about Ryn?"

"Everything," Matt said with his eyes widened. "How old is she? Where is she from? How did she end up here? Does she have a steady partner in her life?"

Cameron looked at his watch. He had about twenty minutes. "Ryn is 28 and single. She comes from Small Town, USA. Pick one, they all look the same. She always loved music and dancing, and when she was five she told her parents that she was going to be a dancer. Her father told her that boys don't dance. So she told him she was going to dance as a girl. Her father gave her five slashes across her back with a heavy leather belt. She still carries the scar from the deepest slash to this day."

Matt felt his heart break for the little boy who just wanted to dance. "That's awful."

Cameron shrugged and took a sip of his water. "Ryn kept her love of dance a secret from him. But her mother signed her up for dance classes in a neighboring town when he thought she was at tennis practice, from when she was eight until she was eighteen. She would wear leotards and ballet shoes with the other girls, put her hair up in a bun at the top of her head, and dance.

"On the day of her high school graduation, she stopped hiding. Her hair had grown out really long by then, and she wore a whole face of makeup, her mother's high heeled shoes and a dress she got from a thrift store. She told her family she was gay, which wasn't a shock, came out as non-binary, which was a shock, and that she had met a man who was taking her to New York City to live out her dream as a dancer.

"Her father freaked out. He could understand being gay, but he couldn't understand her need to dance, especially dressed as a woman. He didn't understand that she felt the most free like that. And he was really pissed off when he discovered that his own wife had betrayed him by allowing his son to dance and dress like a girl for the last decade. It was the beginning of the end of their relationship."

Matt was in awe, hanging off of Cameron's every word.

"So she left her small town to meet up with Wyatt who took her to the big city. She fell in love with the nightlife and bright lights. She began training at a professional dance studio and she thought they were inclusive. But the truth was after a year of never getting picked to join the elite dancers to dance competitions or tour with them, she realized that they saw her as some freak, a boy who liked to dance in women's clothing rather than a girl with talent.

"And Wyatt was getting meaner and harsher with her, demanding that she begin to make him money. So she started working at strip clubs on the side, lap dances and such, to keep the bills paid. But Wyatt wanted her to do more."

"Sex work?" Matt offered.

Cameron nodded and took a sip of his water again. "Yeah. And she refused. But after eighteen months of being together and six months of daily pressure, she gave in. She did it one time and hated herself for it. And never did it again. She left Wyatt and moved back home. By that time her parents were divorced, and she lived with her mother. She began working at the same dance studio that she spent her life in, teaching others to dance, but never getting the opportunity herself."

"So how did she end up here in Pittsburgh?" Matt asked.

Cameron shrugged. "A couple of years back she decided she wanted to try again. By this time she was a grownup, and she tried dancing as a man. She was good at it, even accepted into a traveling theatre company. But it wasn't her happy place. It wasn't who she was inside. So she left them and stumbled here."

"A place that welcomes all kinds of people and dancers," Matt said, and Cameron nodded. "Because her type of dance isn't like a stripper. Even when she's being sexually suggestive, it's still sensual, fluid, and beautiful."

Cameron smiled at Matt. "I think she would really appreciate hearing that."

"Will you tell her for me?" Matt pleaded.

Cameron had to turn away from the intensity in Matt's eyes. "Yeah. I can do that."

"Does she like it when I write her notes?"

Cameron turned back. "She loves them. She has them taped to the side of her mirror in the back. Four so far."

Matt smiled to himself. "I can't wait to see her on Thursday again. I'll never forget the way she danced that first dance, like she was dancing for me. And it was ironic because it was the same night of our accident. So I was in a crash with you, then she danced to a song called Crash Into Me and it felt like the universe was telling me something. I would love to see her do that same routine again."

"It was all improv," Cameron blurted out, then kicked himself internally.

"Huh?" Matt said, looking at him.

"She told me that she freestyled that whole thing that night. She wouldn't be able to do that exact same routine again."

"Oh. Wow." Matt let a moment pass. "I think that makes it even more special to me. Something inspired her that night. And she inspired me. It's like it was meant to be."

Cameron's heart beat double time. "Yeah." He looked at his watch and stood up. "I have to get back to work. And you should get home. You're getting a little wasted."

"Wait," Matt said, wrapping his hands around Cameron's arm, surprised at how soft it was. "Will you be here on Thursday? We can watch her dance together."

And Cameron likewise was not prepared for the intensity of their touch. "I don't bartend here on Thursdays. I work my other job."

"Oh, okay." Matt was thoughtful. "What's your other job? Didn't we meet on a Thursday? Where else are you a bartender?"

Cameron swallowed, thinking he was caught. But Amber touched his shoulder. "Bear wants you back. He said it's crowded up there."

"Thank you, beautiful," he said back to her, sliding his arm from Matt's grasp.

She looked at Matt, who smiled at her, then grinned at Cameron. He gave her a look with his eyes, and she understood, gracefully walking away. He turned to Matt and said again, "I gotta go. I'll see you around, Matt."

"Wait, Cam!" he called out. "How do I get close to her?"

Cameron shrugged. "Just keep doing what you're doing." He went behind the counter to finish his shift.

He kept looking over at Matt, who sat in quiet thought, shooing away all the men who kept coming up to try to give him lap dances. He watched Matt ask Amber for napkins and a pen, and he sat there and wrote.

Eventually he stood up and came over to the bar. He held the napkins out to Cameron. "Can you please leave this on her table in the back or something?"

Cameron grabbed the napkins from him. "Or something."

Matt grinned. "It was so great seeing you again, and talking with you, Cam. Now I know that you're here, you'll be seeing me more often."

"Looking forward to it, Matt," Cameron said.

Matt went into his wallet and put a hundred dollar bill on the counter, winked at Cameron and walked out of the lounge.

Cameron left the bar and entered the door behind the stage where three leather daddies were popping their cocks up and down and went into the back.

"Uh-uh honey, you can't be back here tonight," a short man scolded him.

"Sorry, darlings," he said respectfully. "I just need to get to my table for a moment." He went to the last table in the back row and sat down, staring at himself. Then he opened up the napkins.

Dear Ryn,

I had a good talk with our mutual friend Cam tonight. He told me a little about you, your beginnings, how you ended up here. I want you to know that I'm so sorry about the rejection, discrimination, and loss you have felt in your life. And I'm happy that you've found a place that allows you to be free and do the thing you love to do.

You're so inspirational and I admire you more today than I did five weeks ago when I entered this bar and saw your face for the very first time.

I enjoy watching you dance. The first time I saw you dance was to the song Crash Into Me and it moved me in so many ways. Yes, my cock swelled, couldn't help that, you are beautiful. But so did my heart. When Cam told me that it was all freestyle, it put a soft spot in my chest.

See, this whole time, I felt like you were speaking to me with the way your body moved. And now I know you were, without even knowing it was for me.

I wanted you to know a couple of things about me. I was married for thirty years and now I've recently moved out and in the process of an amicable divorce. We just need to separate for six months, then we can sign the papers and move on with our lives. I tell you this because I will always be honest with you.

I have two children, a boy, Ashton, who is 25 and a civil rights attorney, specifically for gay rights and African American rights, and a daughter, Ingrid who is 20, who is a photographer and simply lovely.

I am a gentle giant. At work as a contract litigator, I have to be a beast. But I am a sensitive, sensual soul who would like nothing more than to shower you with all the love, attention, and affection you would ever want. I'm 20 years older than you, I make a shit load of money, so I guess that would make me a Daddy figure to you. But what I wouldn't give to support your dreams and your life with resources beyond what you imagine.

I haven't approached you because I need it to be on your terms. I want to get to know you so badly, but only if you want to get to know me. And if you don't because you don't get involved with men at your workplace, I get it. I just want you to know that the ball will always be in your court.

So that's it. That's me. I'm just Matt the attorney. A simple man who is falling in love with the way your body moves on that stage. Who wouldn't mind getting to know the girl behind the ruby red lips and graceful arms. Who sees your beautiful heart and soul and so grateful that I got the opportunity to see you share it with the world. With me.

And if that's all I get of you then... Thank you.

--Matt.

Cameron put the tissue down and looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes pooled with tears and he let them fall as he folded up the two tissues into a square and taped the end to Ryn's mirror. Then he went back to work to finish his shift.

~~~

And I come into you

In a boy's dream

~~~

He knew Cameron said he wouldn't be there, but Matt stopped at the bar anyway just to look around, as he made his way to his normal booth.

Amber, his regular waitress, put a glass of Fireball whisky on the rocks in front of him. "Back again, are we, Loverboy?"

Matt smiled. "I'll never miss a show."

She smiled at him and walked to another table.

The first two sets were amazing. Ryn started with Shaed's Trampoline in a sexy sleeveless dress. Her second was a Shawn Mendez song Senorita, and she came out in a very short babydoll dress where she constantly flipped up the back, and pretended it was an oopsy. It was fun and flirty.

But for the last set, she came on stage before the music started, which was surprising. She was in a different leotard, this time the same red color as her lipstick and walked up to the microphone on the side.

"Hello," she said in a soft feminine voice, only a hint of tenor there. Everyone quieted.

"This dance is dedicated to The Attorney. I'm ready for us to crash into each other again."

Matt heard himself gasp. She stepped back and started in a standing up pose. The chords for Crash Into Me began to play and Matt found himself grabbing his glass tightly. It was the same song, but a completely different dance. This was more seductive. Sexy. Less floating, more waving of her hips and bending in unbendable positions. Lots of floor work. Flips and rolls.