Prologue

When you wave back at somebody, only to realise they were waving at the person behind you.

When you forget somebody's name 5 seconds after being introduced.

When your stomach decides to perform an impromptu symphony during a flicker of silence.

Life is full of these moments. During which, the same feeling of embarrassment flows through us. A feeling that is quite tangible, if you'd believe it. It's a physical force - Many feelings are. I wouldn't have thought it myself either, but I've been dealing with a peculiar set of circumstances that has led me down a new path.

For the past year, since around my 22nd birthday, I've been having embarrassing moments more often than I can count. On certain days, I have what I've been referring to as "flare-ups" - Days where the universe aligns in such a way that manifests far more embarrassment than usual.

I slowly began to believe these events to be more than a coincidence - They were a curse.

Throughout this journey, you'll learn how this came to be, along with all the times I've had these flare-ups. From peeing myself, to awkward situations, and most commonly of all, being gassy.

My name is Eleanor Grace.

Welcome to Crimson Cheeks - My diary of embarrassing events.

-----

Chapter 1: "Breaking the Silence"

Working from home has its benefits. On this particular Thursday, that really started to work out as a silver lining - I had been passing gas all morning, and into the afternoon. Mostly silent. I am not a gassy person, but on this day, my body had other plans. Holding the pressure in was painful, so I had to let it out whenever it began to brew. I was grateful that I had dodged any awkward encounter by going into the office.

I always work from home on a Thursday. Our boss doesn't care where you do the work from, so long as you're doing it. Some of us only work from home, but I find the physical interaction keeps my sense of urgency up. Some of us only go into the office, but I haven't learnt to drive yet; the 45-minute bus commute is something I'd like to minimise when possible. So, Thursday is home-day.

It was 4:56pm; Only 4 minutes left of work, if the meeting didn't make us run a little overtime. We were on the verge of scoring a potentially huge client, so a last-minute meeting had been scheduled for the end of the day. I'm only a Junior User Experience Designer - Even if we managed to get the contract to design this client's website, I wasn't going to be involved. But this was a company-wide meeting... All 17 of us. We're a small team.

For the most part, I wasn't listening to what was being said. I was too nervous for my first book club. Being an amateur writer in my free time is fun, but a surprising contrast to it is my hatred for reading. I just find it so boring. Of course, that makes inspiration for my own stories difficult, so I try to get myself into it. Listening to audiobooks, renting books so that I'm on a timed limit to finish it, trying books my best friend recommends - None of it seems to work. I love writing, but hate reading. My latest attempt to correct this was signing up to a local book club, just a 10-minute walk from my house.

Feeling a slight rumble in my stomach whilst the boss was talking over the policies of our potential client, I reached over and muted myself on the call. My camera was still on, so I was very careful as I leaned to one side, and...

Ppppppptttttt

A deep, bassy fart erupted out of me, spreading across the chair. Despite leaning to one side, I still felt the bubbles as they pushed past my cheeks. "Ah~," I sighed to myself. I had been holding it in for a good few minutes, but I couldn't keep it up. Feeling relieved, I went to unmute myself.

I'm not exactly sure which I noticed first - Everyone in the call going silent, or the microphone icon already being in the 'unmuted' state.

I felt the heat of embarrassment wash over me, my cheeks turning a scarlet shade. I froze as my heart dropped to my stomach. Shit, I thought to myself, everybody heard that.

I've never been good with embarrassing events. Even my closest friends have never heard me fart - I'm a reserved woman when it comes to my bodily functions. In that moment, sitting on that call, I wanted to fade away.

I don't know how long I sat like that, as all the virtual eyes lay upon me. Even those without their camera on, I could still feel them watching me.

My boss smiled. "Um," he goes silent for a moment and glances down, "oh, look at the time. Sorry to keep you a few minutes later, everyone."

He wrapped up the meeting fast, but time still felt frozen solid to me. I left the call as fast as I could, and sat their for a moment, replaying the deed in my head. Maybe they thought it was chair? I tried to convince myself. It could have been anybody in the call. Unless my name lit up as it happened. Was it loud enough for my name to light up?? My thoughts spiralled.

The smell of my fart hit me, bringing me back to reality. I closed my laptop and stood up.

-----

I left the house just 5 minutes before book club was scheduled to start. I hadn't read the book, nor could I even remember its name, but I figured they'd be understanding - I had only signed up the day prior. I simply didn't have time, but still wanted to hear how people talk about stories. It would be good research.

My main concern at that moment was being late.

Feeling a build-up of gas, I slowly pushed. A silent fff came out of me. At the same moment, my phone buzzed in my back pocket. At first, I thought it was just my fart, but a second buzz clued me in. Taking a look at the screen, it was a call from my best friend, Tina. She was also coming along to book club - She goes every week, and suggested I join her.

I gently chuckled to myself for thinking my butt had made the noise, and then answered the call.

"Hey Tina what's up?"

"Hey Eleanor," I could tell from her voice that it wasn't good news, "I can't come to book club today."

"What? I don't want to go alone!" I contemplated turning around and heading home. "Why can't you come?"

"It's embarrassing, but I've read the wrong book. It would be silly for me to come along."

"I haven't read the book either," I reminded her.

"You signed up not even 24 hours ago, they won't care," she reassured me, "please still go! It'll be a great chance to meet people, and discover things for your own stories. You've always wanted to write a book."

"Yeah, I know..." the apprehension in my voice was clear, "I just hope I don't embarrass myself. I already did in work."

"What happened?"

"Well, I tooted in the work meeting."

Tina burst out laughing.

"What?" I spoke defensively, "Don't laugh!"

"Eleanor, how did you manage that?? Even I haven't heard you fart," she pointed out.

"Believe me, I know," I signed, "I'm not even sure when anybody last heard me...fart."

I've never liked saying the word fart, it's gross.

"I'm going with 'today'" Tina teased.

"Ha, very funny." I felt another gas bubble forming.

"You keep having moments like this recently," Tina pointed out, "remember last week when you --"

"Yes," I interrupted her, knowing where this was going.

"When you burped loudly in --"

"YES," I said louder.

"...when you burped loudly in that restaurant and everyone stared at you..." She spoke too fast for me to interrupt her again.

"YES, Tina. Yes, I remember." Needing to pass more gas, I hurried the call along. "Anyway, I need to rush along. I'm already running late."

Tina's laugh calmed down a little, but still shook her voice as she spoke. "Alright alright, speak to you later. You're gonna be fine! Loves and kisses mwah," she always ends her phone calls like that.

I always say it back...unless I'm in public. "Bye Tina, talk soon!"

As I hung up the phone, I looked around to confirm the lack of anybody nearby. The pressure in my butt was a good indicator that this would not release silently. The sun was still shining bright, making it nearly impossible for anybody to blend in with the streets. Spotting nobody, and only seeing an empty car parked a few yards ahead, I slowed down to allow myself to properly tense my core. I leant forward ever so slightly...

Ppppppppppppppppppptttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

The relief felt incredible. The 5-second-long fart made a monstrous noise. As it ended, I could gently hear an echo of it come back around. I began to walk again, passing the parked car. Only then did I notice the face inside. The reflections on the window had obscured it before, but there, next to me, was the disgusted face of a woman. She stared at me from her parked car as I walked along, pretending to have not noticed her.

I probably went red enough for her to know the truth. I could feel my cheeks becoming brighter by the second. How is this happening? I thought to myself. Once is bad luck, but twice is a pattern. I tried to push the thought to the back of my mind - Being nervous for book club actually helped slightly.

Very slightly.

-----

The book club was held in a small community centre. The hallway was wider than I expected, but I immediately spotted a room with an open door. I walked in and took a seat.

Everybody sat in silence.

"Sorry I'm late," I explained to fill the silence. They all began to stare at me.

The silence continued.

"Should I leave? I'm sorry."

One of them pointed to a sign on the wall. "No talking."

A man next to me laughed slightly - Very quietly. He leaned in and whispered "I think you're in the wrong room. The book club is across the hall."

"Oh my god," I spoke at a normal volume - A volume far too loud for a room with a 'No Talking' sign. "I'm in the wrong room. Sorry everybody, I'm--" I stopped, realising the irony of how loud my apology was. Embarrassed, I gently smiled at the man who had helped me, and left the room.

In hindsight, I should have spotted the other door, with "Book Club" written on a sign stuck to it.

I felt my stomach rumble, but could already tell from the echoes of my steps that it would be a mistake to let anything out. The sound would be amplified for all rooms to hear, including the book club.

I knocked gently on the closed door before entering.

"Ah, Eleanor, I assume? Welcome! We were just getting started." A kind lady with a glowing face gestured an open hand to an empty chair.

I sat down in one of the many mismatched (clearly borrowed from many other rooms) chairs, between an older lady and a man about my age. The seats surrounded a circular table that was just a little too small for the amount of people.

"So, I take it you haven't quite read the book yet?" The same lady, who I assumed to be in charge, asked me.

"Not quite," I confirmed, "but I still wanted to come along to get a feel for what it's like here."

"Not a problem at all, we're happy to have you."

I felt significantly calmer. My stomach, however, did not. It gurgled loudly for a little too long - Long enough that I noticed the man next to me trying to hide a giggle. I could feel the pressure building up, waiting to release.

"My name is Susan," the lady in charge shared, "tell us a little about yourself Eleanor."

Great, I thought, I hadn't come here to be the centre of attention. Not even for a second.

"Well, my name is Eleanor, as you all know," I chuckled slightly at the not-really-even-a-joke, "I enjoy writing, drawing, and psychology. I got a job in web development as a User Experience Designer, because it combines elements of all three!"

Everyone nodded along with smiles. I felt very welcomed, don't get me wrong, but I was cautious of sharing too much. Namely, the smell potentially brewing in my guts.

"Well it's lovely to meet you. Let's get started, shall we?" The woman turned to a man who hadn't spoken yet, "Aaron, you recommended this as our next book. Tell us a little about why."

As Aaron spoke, I felt more gas making its way down. It pushed against my backdoor, the chair holding it in more than my clenching muscles at this point. I felt a tiny amount gently hiss out - I sat tighter to the chair and clenched harder to stop it.

Whilst others began to share their thoughts on the book, I could only focus on the sour smell that had just hit my nose. Fuck, it reeks. How did that come out of me?

I shifted gently in my chair, secretly in an attempt to waft the smell a little. Instead, a larger amount came out of me. Still silent, but smelling just as awful. The older lady next to me briefly had an offended look on her face, before quickly realising she wouldn't want to upset whoever produced that stench, and trying her best to switch back to her happy smile.

The relief already felt incredible. I could feel the pain leaving my body along with the gas. But I was filling the room with a hideous odor and I had no idea how to hide it.

I shifted again. Susan took notice this time. "Are you okay, Eleanor?"

"Yeah," I squirmed a little, trying to think of a way to discreetly relieve my stomach, "I'm just going to head to the bathroom real quick."

I realised quickly that it probably sounded like I needed a shit, but I didn't have time to be embarrassed about that. Instead, I had a far greater thing to be embarrassed about.

As I stood up, the rest came out.

pppttt

A small squeak at first, causing me to instinctively clench it shut. But it was too late. My body needed to get rid of this pain fast. Beyond my control, my body relaxed slightly.

PppppppppppppPPPPPPTTTTTTtttttttttttttttttttttttt

A deep, long, bassy fart forced its way out. I tried to hide it at first with a cough, thinking it would give me enough time to stop it coming out. Instead, the tension of muscles it requires to produce a cough only made it louder and more forceful. The man scooted his chair slightly away from me - As much as he could, at least, on an already cramped table.

My guts emptied what seemed like a lifetime of air. I had never, ever, broken so much wind in one go. The fart went on for what felt forever - It was probably closer to about 10 seconds.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel incredible. This was the type of fart that really, really gives lasting relief. I felt like I could fly - Like I had shrunk in size. This big ball of gas was free. But I didn't have time to focus on that.

"Um," I considered blaming the chair, but I knew I wouldn't ever get away with that.

"Are you feeling okay, dear?" Susan spoke with a gentle voice.

Dear? I thought, You're calling me dear, now?

I'd honestly have preferred everyone to laugh. That is somehow less embarrassing than blasting a trumpet out of your ass so loud that everyone is concerned for you.

"I'm okay," I spoke too fast for anyone to really understand me as I rushed to the door, with no real intention of coming back. I heard a few people coughing, probably at the stink bomb I had just released. I didn't care to look back. I felt sticky with sweat, as the embarrassment manifested as a tight feeling in my chest.

Making my way out of the room and closing the door behind me, I bumped into a familiar-looking man, causing him to drop his notebook.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," I bent over to pick the notebook up.

rrt

A very short, squeaky fart left my backside.

The man laughed, "The floorboards here are so squeaky!"

He stepped back, causing another squeak on a floorboard.

Oh thank god, that sounded exactly like my fart. He has no idea.

I stood up and handed his notebook back to him. As I did, I recognised him as the same man who had whispered to me in the quiet room.

"Oh, hello!"

"Hello again, loud mouth." He smiled at me. He had a cute smile. I tried to subtly wipe the sweat from my face.

"Sorry about earlier in the..."

"Meditation club," he finished my thought - I clearly didn't know what I had walked into. "And by earlier, do you mean 10 minutes ago?"

"Yeah, that sounds right," I smiled, "Are you done meditating, then?"

"I actually got kicked out for being too loud. I guess I'm the loud mouth!"

We both laughed, before simultaneously realising the door to that room was still open.

Speaking quieter now, the man continued, "I'm Alex, by the way. Alex Fox."

He stuck his hand out to shake mine.

"I'm Eleanor Grace," I shook his hand back, "Do people often tell you you're sly?"

Shit, what a dumb joke. Why did I say that?

He chuckled. "Yes, yes. I've heard that one before."

A slight awkward silence washed over me as I felt more pressure in my stomach. Already.

"Well, it was lovely to meet you, Alex."

"Lovely to meet you, too, Eleanor. Take care."

I left the community centre, allowing the fart to come out as soon as the main door had closed.

pppppppprrrrrrttttt

It felt good to finally release one in private.

-----

As I got home, before unlocking my door, I thought I saw a tall figure. At the end of the street, watching me.

I blinked, and it was gone.

My imagination is running wild after this eventful day, I thought.

If only my thoughts were right.