All Comments on 'Daddy's Good Girl Pt. 01'

I'd like to see where this is going... maybe slow it down a little. A little anticipation goes a long way

Character Perspective and Pronouns

Half way through the Story the perspective changes from First Person to Third Person, it is best to keep the same perspective throughout the whole story. Furthermore there were at least 2 places where pronouns were referring to a male (his), when context was suggesting a female character

Proof Reading can become a vital friend if used; almost an enemy if not.

Please PROOF READ.

"I am shocked to see her sitting on the bed on her knees naked. Her eyes are closed and she is grinding down on the pillow with her panties still on."

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Well, is she naked or does she have her panties on? Those two things are mutually exclusive after all.

Lots of potential and I hate to see the comments ripping it apart for grammatical and spelling errors. Please edit it and in the future have someone proofread and edit it for you before posting.