Damn It!

But life went on and while I was letting the medicine do its work, I thought of how things had been going so well lately. Heather, Anna and Olivia had been going out quite a bit, with only Heather and Anna in fact having been out to see a band just last night. The mood has been great and there was an element of excitement around at times, reminding me of our youth, which was great.

Letting those thoughts go, I went back to my task at hand, scanning through my emails when my mobile phone buzzed, catching my attention. I looked at it and saw a message notification, figuring it was Heather sending me something funny. I opened the phone and then the message to see a woman that looked like Heather with a cock in her mouth. And the thing was, it wasn't mine!

I felt the pit of my stomach drop immediately. Trying my best to stay calm I analysed the picture but still couldn't make it any clearer even when I zoomed in. It looked like Heather but I couldn't be certain. I checked the message details to see if it was anyone I knew but it was an anonymous number. The rest of my work day went out the window. I buzzed Carly and told her I'd be taking the rest of the day off; she seemed flabbergasted but I told her it was personal and I'd fill her in later. Without missing a beat, she nodded and I was on my way home to go through anything I had missed from last night before talking with my wife about the photo.

When I got home, I searched for any evidence or signs of her betrayal. Anything that would tell me it was either true or untrue. We never hid anything from one another, but I still felt weird going through her underwear drawer. I found nothing out of the ordinary and headed for the laundry. It was a long shot given it had most likely happened in the last two weeks, but I had to try and satiate my fears. I searched high and low and in my utter disbelief I found a thong that I had never seen before. Heather doesn't wear such underwear which was a huge relief. They had a smell too them, something a bit off which also made me feel better because Heather smelt wonderful. I know that sounds creepy, but it's true. I could bury my face between her legs for hours and never complain because of how good she always smelled and tasted. Deciding I would keep them as evidence anyway, I put them in my pocket and heard her car pull up.

I did one last look around thinking of any hiding place when I heard the front door open and Heather came inside. I met her in the kitchen where she was putting her bag down.

"Oh, hi sweetie, you're home early," Heather said happily. The look of surprise and happiness was off putting, because I couldn't tell if she was hiding anything.

"Yeah, something came up and I figured I'd come home and see you," I said taking a deep breath and letting it out.

"Oh, what's that?" Heather asked turning her attention to me completely.

"I was told something happened at the concert last night," I replied which made her pause a moment and shake her head.

"What do you mean? I don't recall anything happening," Heather said thoughtfully. Damn it! I didn't want to play my hand too soon, but this was getting nowhere.

"Whose are these?" I asked pulling out the thong.

Heather gave a funny look, her eyes closing slightly before she answered.

"They must be Anna's. I don't wear anything like that, you know that," Heather replied rather calmly. "What's this about? Is something wrong?"

We sat down at the kitchen table where I took a deep breath and pulled out my phone. I showed her the picture and her eyes went wide before she burst into tears.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Heather said taking a breath. I could have been knocked over with a feather. I waited on baited breath to let her finish. "Anna and I were backstage meeting the band. She got a little friendly with one. That's her, I didn't want to tell you in case you thought I had done something also. It got a little out of hand, and I didn't think you would believe me. I'm so sorry."

Talk about a weight lifting off my shoulders. Still her reaction was a little odd. I decided to keep that bit of information in the back of my brain until I could figure out what was really going on.

"Phew. That's alright. I thought it might be her. It's just weird though," I said relaxing into the chair. She looked at me funnily. "I got this random message today with this photo. That's all. You can tell me this stuff. You know I don't have a problem with that. As long as it's not you, like we discussed."

Heather began to calm down and wipe away the tears.

"I know. I'm sorry. I had too much to drink, but she asked me not to say anything and well, it made me ill. I don't like keeping secrets from you. Never have," Heather said with a sigh. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Really. It's all good. Now," I said pausing as she calmed down. "How about I make dinner and then I take you for a nice, long shower."

That brought a smile to her face.

Chapter 6

I had all but forgotten about the incident with Heather and Anna the week before, but it came back to the front of my mind, when my wife told me she was going out to see another band again. Of course, we went through everything and while I noticed a difference in attitude, I think it was more that I was being overbearing about them going out. Not that you could blame me, considering what had happened. Heather had assured me everything was alright and at least she was going with Olivia as well as Anna this time. So, I calmed down a bit. Still, I had some nerves and figured they would disappear once she got home that night, incident free.

Half way through the night, my worst fears had been confirmed. I received another message on my phone, again from an anonymous number and again only photos. My emotions went all over the place. There was my wife, flashing people at this concert without a care in the world. As I looked through the few photos there was, clear as day, Heather with another guy's cock in her mouth. I could feel that acidic mess coming up, I started tasting it in my mouth. Then as if it couldn't get any worse, the last photo hit home hard. There was my conservative Heather with another man inside her. It took all of my willpower to keep myself together and not trash everything around me.

Getting up and pacing around helped, keeping my emotions from getting too out of control. I made sure to save the photos in case she got hold of my phone and I decided I needed to make sure my travel bags were ready in case I needed to pack anything. My thoughts were running a mile a minute and I flip-flopped with how I would approach my wayward wife. I figured I'd try to stay calm and not go in guns blazing. You know what they say about the best laid plans. I didn't realise how long I had taken because before I knew it, the two women came back into the house. I made my way to the front of the house, where I saw Heather happily carrying on before Anna saw me and her face dropped even further than it already was.

"John!" Anna said almost in shock. She could see I was mightily pissed off. Anna seemed sober or at least the most sober, while Heather was tipsy.

"Anna," I said bluntly before continuing through gritted teeth. "Have a good night?"

"It was fantastic!" Heather replied happily. "Such a great band. We had a good time, right, Anna?"

"Is that right, Anna?" I asked turning my attention to the woman who was supposed to be a great friend.

"John, please, wait," Anna replied putting her hands up defensively. "Heather needs to..."

"Oh, what's the problem? We had a great time, danced, drank, you know, fun stuff," Heather said in a way that was out of the ordinary for her. I couldn't take it and it just popped out.

"What the fuck happened tonight?" I asked with an obvious edge to my voice.

"What do you mean? We went to see a band!" Heather replied in her inebriated stated.

"No shit! Can you explain this?" I asked holding up the phone.

"What's that?" Heather asked swaying slightly on her feet. Anna stood next to her with a worried look.

I moved the phone closer, showing her the picture of Heather fucking a guy.

"It's you fucking some guy tonight!" I replied spitting venom. What she did next surprised the hell out of me.

"So? He was good," Heather said calmly as possible. "So was the drummer."

"You fucking what?" I asked in utter shock. I somehow managed to look at Anna who was not happy. "You let this happen?"

"You think I wanted this? You think I'm to blame?" Anna asked in shock. I knew it wasn't fair but my anger was just boiling over.

"Then what the fuck is going on? Why is Heather screwing two members of a local shithead band?" I asked in disbelief.

"They're not shitheads," Heather replied interrupting us before I turned the phone around to show Anna I had the photos of Heather flashing and screwing some band member. I turned my attention to my wife.

"Shaking your ass and getting your tits out is one thing, but fucking another guy! What's up with that?" I asked angrily. The weird part was I was couldn't feel my feet or outer extremities. It was as though the life was slowly draining out of my body, but at the edges first.

"Oh, enough! It's not like we don't enjoy the freaky. This is something different, that's all! I always wanted to be a groupie!" Heather replied with a sneer. This was not like her at all. What the fuck happened.

Without hesitating, she lifted her skirt, pulled her underwear down and showed off the results of her little fling. She was covered in semen. I stared at her and then at Anna who had to look away with a sad look in her eyes.

"What the hell happened?" I asked furiously. "Why do you have some guy's semen in your underwear?"

"Tell him!" Anna said looking at Heather and then at me. "He needs to know!"

"Need to know what?" I asked getting angrier by the second. Anna started to back up, seeing me start to shake.

"I've got cancer! You happy now!?" Heather replied angry before erupting into a wail.

"What?!" I asked my whole world coming down around my ears. It was like this loud white noise for a moment.

"Ovarian cancer. It looks like it's spread," Anna said crying and holding Heather as she bawled. "She got the results the other day."

I dropped the phone and took my wife in my arms, holding her tight as Anna held onto both of us. There was no way I was going to let that kick her ass, not now, that was my job when she was better. I summoned up enough courage to vent my anger

"Well now, we're going to march right down to the doctors and get this all sorted out," I said holding my wife. All my anger was going straight to this bigger beast that needed to be dealt with first. "Then we'll deal with this mess!"

Why did I have to choose between my wife's betrayal and her cancer? It wasn't fair, damn it!

Chapter 7

I couldn't deal with my wife's indiscretions and her cancer at the same time. It was all too much. I was sitting there in my office with Carly when I just lost it.

"Why the fuck did she have to fuck the drummer!?" I asked as a rhetorical question.

"What?! Who?" Carly asked which made me realise I wasn't alone. I stared at her for a moment before she continued. "John, are you alright? You've been different lately."

Great, I wasn't the actor I thought I was.

"Yeah, fine. I just," I replied letting out a big sigh. Her warm hand found my forearm and it was like I was hit by a wave of comfort.

"It's okay, John. I'm here for you... for anything," Carly said which was the most comforting thing I had heard and then felt in a long time. Then it all just tumbled out before I could stop myself.

I had explained it all to her and she just sat there listening and offering a comforting ear. How Heather had cancer, that it was most likely a result of her birth control as she'd had it in since she was young, and how the cancer had spread throughout her body. I was completely blown away by how wonderful Carly listened as I went through all of it.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have unloaded like that. These are my problems and I have no right to burden you with them," I said with a sigh.

"Non sense. That's what I'm here for besides," Carly said putting a comforting hand on top of mine. "I've been through something similar. Well, not quite the same..."

I looked at her and her eyes told me stories.

"Oh?"

She hesitated a moment before giving a slight shrug and continuing.

"I used to be married," Carly said which took me by surprise. "Swore I'd never allow myself to be hurt like that again." Everyone, and I mean everyone thought she was married, especially since she had the rock still on her finger.

"Uh, really?" I said pointing at the rock. I know, no my finest response, but I said it.

"Oh, this. It's from my ex. Long story, short. He betrayed my trust big time and I thought, screw him, I like this ring, I'm going to keep wearing it. It also stops a lot of guys from hitting on me, not all, but most," Carly said in such a matter-of-fact way I nearly burst out laughing. I couldn't help it; it was almost sarcastic.

"Right. But was he the love of your life, the one that understood you?" I asked sure she would say no.

"From my point of view I guess... maybe... maybe not, looking back now... but, I'm not sure I was his," Carly said with a tinge of sadness. "But then again, I don't know. Anyway, that was three years ago."

"I see and that didn't scare you, that you'd lose that someone who you could be close to?" I asked trying to get her to see my point of view.

"Of course. Who doesn't want someone who understands them, trusts them and doesn't judge? I know I do, but you also have to do what is right by you. You can't be taken for granted," Carly said which made me see her point. I needed to talk with Heather and sort it out, if she'd let me. While it was hard to go through all this, Heather wasn't making it any easier.

"I know. But she's sick and things don't look good," I said shaking my head. I felt robbed of being able to be angry about what Heather had done, but then I felt angry she was being taken away from me. I couldn't win.

"True. So maybe the best thing to do is deal with one thing at a time," Carly said thoughtfully. "Face the cancer first. You forget, I know Heather too and she adores you, always has. Did you ever stop to think she may have done this to set you free? Maybe she didn't want you to see her die?"

I broke down again. I know, a blubbering mess. My bitch wife was actually being thoughtful when I looked at it from that point of view. We all knew what Anna went through when she lost her husband and it was horrendous. Perhaps she was trying to save me from a similar fate. I couldn't say another word as those realisations took hold and Carly knew just what to do. She hugged me and held me while I got it all out of my system. I owed that woman a lot.

Chapter 8

Our whole lives turned upside down because of this insidious beast called cancer, but we all came together to try and win this fight with Heather. It had all happened so quickly. Heather had the surgery, removed her ovaries, womb and some of her lymph nodes. It was a success in the fact that Heather came out of it alive. But the bad news was, which we already knew, it had spread. Anna was around nearly every day, sometimes taking time off work to spend the whole day with Heather while she was battling this disease. When I couldn't take her to chemotherapy, Anna would go in my place instead. Carly and Josephine were amazing, and with me being allowed to work from home at times, Carly came and worked with me, taking on some of the heavy load as I tended to Heather's needs as things progressed. I had made the fourth bedroom into a makeshift home office which made things a bit easier.

It was hard for all of us watching Heather fade away to a shell of her former self, seeing the chemotherapy eat away at someone who was once vibrant and full of life.

Roger and Olivia had been wonderful as well, coming over to cheer us all up and even stay a night here or there. But towards the end, Heather didn't want them around as much, or me either really, often sending me away while asking Anna for more help. I hated her for that but one night, it was about two in the morning when I woke up. You remember these things, not that other stuff, which is a blur, but these small moments. Heather was looking at me and when I was about to turn the light on and tend to her needs, she placed her hand on me to keep me still. She was frail but the power she had in that hand at the moment was frightening. I didn't move. I just looked at her in the darkness into those eyes I had known so well. I knew something was coming.

"I'm sorry," Heather said softly. There was such weight in those two words that it caught me off guard. I felt my voice catch in my throat momentarily.

"For what?" I asked finally able to speak even though I was about to crumble.

"For all of this. You shouldn't have to look after a dying wife who cheated on you. You don't need me around... to see the worst of me," Heather replied. "You should have left me." She had no tears but I certainly did. Who was cutting onions this early in the morning? Damn it!

"I just want to know, why?" I asked trying not to let on I was crying. I knew she could see me though. She could tell a lot about me.

"Because you deserve better than me," Heather replied sweetly. I could see her sweet smile even if it was weak.

"I don't see how that's possible. I've had the best since I met you," I said which caused her to smile more while closing her eyes. I knew this was using up what precious energy she had left.

"No. That was me, I had the best," Heather said softly. "John..."

"Yes, dear?" I asked feeling like all my buried anger towards her was slowly ripping out of my body. Watching someone fade away before your eyes is one thing, but watching someone who you love dearly fade away, well that's soul destroying.

"I think it's time," Heather replied letting out a slow breath.

"Okay, I'll call the doctor," I said knowing full well this was part of the palliative care plan.

It had been three months since I had found out, and by then Heather had passed away. I can't be sure, but when she looked at me towards the end, the light in her eyes was out. I guess she had just given up.

I was numb and even through the funeral, I never cried, I never did anything except thank everyone for coming and then clean up after the wake. I left it all somewhere out there, and went onto autopilot. There was nothing left, there I was in my early forties and without my soulmate. The one that got me, that challenged me and understood me. Damn it.

Everyone in my life had been wonderful. They stayed at home with me for a bit before heading back to their lives. There was an empty spot in my home now and things didn't seem right, but it was my new normal. I just had to get used to it, didn't I?

Chapter 9

The few weeks off from work had gone rather slowly. Sure, I had my ups and downs, mostly downs but between having Anna, Roger and Olivia, the Taylor's from next door and Carly visiting all the time I had things to focus on. Josephine even visited once which was nice of her. I wasn't expecting that.

Getting back to work was what I needed so I could slowly rebuild my life and not think about how hopeless it was half the time. Walking back into the office and receiving a bunch of condolences and well wishes, I realised I had something to live for. When I got to my office, I saw Josephine and her homely smile and I immediately felt like I had made the right decision returning to work. I had actually missed it.

With big open arms she welcomed me back, hugging me tightly and then clutching my face in her hands. I usually had the pleasure of only looking at Josephine's lips when she smiled or spoke, but right at that moment she kissed me. That warm, motherly feeling from her went straight to my soul. I can't describe it. It wasn't sexual, it wasn't devious, it was just full of, well, love. She looked at me and I at her, taking a few moments to appreciate what I had right there.