Damn It!

Chapter 12

I was a nervous wreck the whole morning. Sure, I had Anna's words in my mind but when push came to shove, I wasn't sure I was ready for it. I had arrived at work and knowing I got no response from Carly since yesterday I was worried she had tendered her resignation and left already. Who catches their boss with their cock in a tube? I arrived at my floor and I knew I had to do the managerial thing and push my feelings down. Not that it was easy given Carly had become someone important to me and was quite special. As was Josephine who I saw her sitting there at her desk as I walked in. That look she gave me was one of understanding but also concern.

"Morning," I said in my most normal way possible.

"Morning," Josephine said sweetly. "You have an hour before your first meeting."

Her tone stopped dead in my tracks. Did she know what had happened?

"Umm, thanks. Do you... can I, is Carly in?" I asked not sure how to proceed. I was making a right mess of it and Josephine knew. Her smile caught me off guard.

"Yes, she is. Got here early by the looks," Josephine replied motioning to Carly's office with a flick of her head. "Did you do something to her? She wasn't her usual self this morning..."

I couldn't keep anything from Carly, let alone Josephine but I had to save myself any further embarrassment. I chose my words carefully.

"I think I may have upset Carly pretty badly," I said looking at Josephine. "Do you think she'd talk to me?"

There was that motherly look I was so used to. The one that said I was being silly.

"You may be surprised. She feels just as bad as you from the looks of it, go and talk to her. Sort it out," Josephine said with a knowing look. "Don't dwell on it. She's worth it."

Never a truer word spoken.

"Thanks Josie," I said leaning down and kissing her cheek. She smiled at me and then pointed to the other cheek. I kissed that one too causing her to giggle.

I walked into Carly's office and closed the door behind me. She looked at me with an anxious and slightly embarrassed look.

"Hi," I said feeling my nerves growing again by the second.

"Hi."

There was definite trepidation there, I could see it and feel it. I never wanted her to feel that way, ever.

"I ah, wanted to talk to you about what you saw... the other day," I said and put my hand up when she began to open her mouth. "Please, I know this is hard. It is for me too. You mean a lot to me and I value you greatly."

"Sorry, please, continue," Carly said softly.

"I can't believe I'm going to say this," I said taking a deep breath. "My wife and I were quite conservative in public. But she liked to, ah... experiment in the bedroom." Carly's eyes widened for a second before she nodded and a brief smile she wrestled with, appeared. "I know. I get it." She smiled and composed herself. "She introduced me to that... which you saw. It was something we did together for about ten years. It was her favourite thing we did together. And, I was feeling like I missed her."

Carly's demeanour changed and I could see her understanding.

"Oh, I see," Carly said with a sigh.

"I know I seem like some deviant and perhaps I... look, never mind. We did that to each other and I was trying to find some... joy," I said suddenly feeling tongue tied. "Bad choice of words. I'm sorry. I screwed up and I want to apologize."

The look Carly gave me changed again.

"Why should you apologize? I was the one that walked into your backyard. I was the one that stared and then ran off. I should be apologizing to you," Carly said her gaze suddenly falling to my crotch and staying there for a moment too long.

"Well, I didn't want to embarrass you and I know most people would... What I am trying to say is I'm sorry and I understand if you don't want to speak to me or see me..." I said but she cut in.

"Why would you think that? We've been through this. I love what I do with you. I don't want to be anywhere else. I thought it might be the other way, you'd want to get rid of me," Carly said which confounded me. I needed to sort that out right away.

"No way! What gave you the impression I would ever want to get rid of you? You mean too damn much to me," I said which hit her hard. She reeled a bit from that, and for the first time I saw her get a bit emotional, with her bottom lip start to quiver momentarily, but I had to make sure we were okay first. "I know this is a lot to ask but, if we could, can we keep it between us?" I was hoping she'd say yes. "I know it's going to be weird between us."

"It's not weird," Carly said bluntly back to her old self. "I don't have a problem with it. Honest. I like to think of myself as having an open mind... so no problems."

"You don't?" I asked shocked at her candid admission.

"No. I promise. Really, it's a normal thing... at least you never saw me, umm... never mind."

I didn't know what to make of that comment but at least we were talking, so I let it go. Looking at her I could tell she was indeed sincere and genuine, and I caught her eyes darting to my crotch again.

"Okay. Good, that's a relief," I said feeling the worry slowly disappear.

"Everything's great. If you meant what you said earlier then I'm a happy little camper," Carly said with that smile she hadn't shown for a while. I could tell she was okay with it all.

I nodded. I had done enough damage already and I might as well quit while ahead.

"I should let you get back to it, unless there is something else to discuss?" I asked sincerely.

She looked at me and shook her head. I got up to leave when she piped up.

"Does it hurt?" Carly asked which stopped me in my tracks.

"What? The ah, thing?" I replied treading very carefully when choosing my words.

"Yes, the pump. Seeing it made me curious," Carly said pouting slightly before staring me in the eyes. She could be intimidating at times but this wasn't one of them, it was more of a look of concentration. I waited but could tell she was curious and had a desire to know more.

"Not if you do it right, but," I said pausing a moment when her eyes widened a bit before returning to normal. "I'm not sure it's a discussion to be had at work."

"I understand, I'm sorry," Carly said clearing her throat and focusing on her desk work.

"Carly," I said capturing her attention. "I value you as a person and a colleague and as a friend. And since it's you and believe me, I wouldn't offer this to anyone else, that's how highly I think of you... I'll answer any question you have, but I'd just like to do it away from here. Okay?"

I was prepared to do whatever it took to appease her and make sure no one in management ever found out about my extra-curricular activities. I still needed my job! Her face lightened up and she nodded.

"Okay."

"You let me know if you want to and I'll make time. It's not like I've got anything pressing going on," I said suddenly grimacing as I felt I had said the wrong things again. She giggled which put me at ease.

"Great," Carly said with a smile. "Thanks."

"Any time," I said opening her door to leave.

"John," Carly asked causing me to look back at her. "Is it okay if we chat tonight?"

I wasn't expecting that so soon, Damn it!

Chapter 13

I was expecting a call after dinner but Carly was there on my door step about five minutes after I got home. I could see she was nervous and anxious but I tried to put her at ease. I welcomed her in and gave her a hug, which seemed to help because I felt her stiffness disappear before I let go.

"Sorry if I'm early, but I just wanted to, shit. I don't know. I should go," Carly said turning around to walk out but I grabbed her arm. She was more nervous than I was about all this.

"Carly. Stay, please. You're here now, I'm not going to bite," I said which caused her to breathe in sharply and then nod.

"Okay. I'm sorry, I'm just so nervous. I don't know what's come over me," Carly said as I showed her into the lounge and we sat down.

"I do. You're worried this is going to affect us and, you're not sure what to ask. It's okay to be curious," I said giving her a smile.

"Am I that obvious?" Carly asked clutching her forehead and sighing.

"A bit. But that's okay. You've seen me in an embarrassing situation and that's hard to take for anyone," I said but she jumped right in.

"That's the thing. I didn't see that as embarrassing. Unexpected, yes, but it's not out of the realm of what I've seen before," Carly said suddenly flushing red.

"You haven't?" I asked watching her closely. She shook her head a little.

"No. We're not all prudes. It's just that... look, can we get back to why I am here," Carly replied changing the subject.

I could see she wasn't ready and I was happy to let her get away with it for now.

"Sure," I said with a nod.

"Great. If you don't want to, I understand. It's just that I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I hope that it's okay to ask," Carly said meekly while trying to gauge my reaction. I knew she would have a hard time getting that imagery out of her head. I know I would if I had walked in on someone like that.

"Of course. Relax, please. You've shown me great trust and I am very comfortable around you. If you didn't already know that," I said which made her smile and nod. She remembered the kiss and hug.

"Okay. I just hope this won't affect... that," Carly said taking a deep breath to try and calm herself.

"I don't think it will, but please, promise me this. That we can talk about it first and try to work it out?" I asked hoping to smooth any fears over.

"Absolutely. I wouldn't have it any other way," Carly replied with a nod. I sat there and waited for her, which caused her to smile. "Okay, I promise."

That lightened the mood.

"Great. So," I said pausing to look around. "What did you want to know?"

"Okay. Well," Carly said before thinking through her words. "You said you did this to each other. What did you mean?"

Straight for the jugular.

"Right. Well, she liked to pump me and also liked me to pump her. We had different... equipment," I replied trying to also speak with my hands at the same time to give her an idea of what I meant.

Her eyes widened when she realised.

"Oh, right. Got it. You pumped her at the same time," Carly said with a nod.

"Yep."

That seemed to open the flood gates and she relaxed a little.

"Did she like having her, ah," Carly said pausing to figure out which word to use.

"Pussy, vagina?" I asked seeing her blush. "You can say it or whatever word you prefer. I'm not going to judge you."

Carly studied me for a minute and then nodded slightly. She relaxed further and was more like her usual self.

"I was going to say 'cunt'," Carly said which made me smile. "That's my favourite word but I thought it might be a bit strong."

"No, no. It's good, powerful," I said which seemed to brighten Carly's demeanour.

"I agree. So, did she like having her cunt pumped?" Carly asked curiously.

"God yes. And her clitoris, nipples, and tits," I replied probably a bit too easily when I realised, I had just blurted it out, but Carly seemed to be excited by it.

"And it didn't hurt?" Carly asked. She seemed to be genuinely interested so I continued.

"Once we got it figured it, we were flying. At first it hurt, sure. We had to get the right cups and tubes. Then we found out low pressure works best and you just do it for longer. We got great results," I replied feeling like I was going a bit too fast given Carly was squinting a bit to take it all in. It was the look of concentration and then came the slight pout as she geared up to ask a question.

"What sort of results," Carly asked. It seemed like nothing was bothering her at all.

"Oh, a huge increase in size of everything. So swollen and big. Her labia would bulge and if we just did her clit, that was awesome. It would get so thick and long," I replied proudly.

"Was it permanent?"

"A little, her clitoris mostly, getting a little bit bigger, while everything else went back to normal. But it was more permanent for me," I replied which caused her to gaze at me and I could see her eyes dart to my crotch before looking back at my face.

"So, what did it do for her? More sensitive? Pleasure?" Carly asked eagerly when I nodded.

"You've never tried it?" I replied thinking perhaps this could go in another direction.

"No. I've never tried it, why?" Carly asked politely.

"All I can suggest is to try it. It makes things more sensitive for sure. Heather would love me playing with her after being pumped, but I'm a guy. It's a bit different for me," I replied. "All I can tell you is that if she didn't like it, we wouldn't have done it every week, sometimes twice a week if the mood struck."

"I see," Carly said intrigued by it all. "So, she came really hard."

I simply nodded and smiled which seemed to have the desired effect.

"Give it a go. That's all I can say," I said with a shrug.

"I'll look into it," Carly said happily. That seemed to be the end of the Spanish Inquisition into my pumping journey at least for now anyway. "Thanks for talking with me about it."

"My pleasure. I know this is going to sound weird, but I feel comfortable with you, talking about this, about anything really. It's something I wasn't expecting... I didn't think I'd be able to talk with anyone again about anything like this," I said which made her smile. It was the truth and thankfully she accepted it.

"I'm not some evil woman you know, that's out to get you and ruin you. I have certain things I like too. And I'd love to be able to talk with someone about them," Carly said reassuringly. Then she smiled again. "I have to admit I like talking to you too, you put me at ease which I love. Just go easy with me, okay? I'm new to this... level of openness."

"I understand. Look, I know I'm your boss, but if you ever want to talk... I'm here. I won't judge," I said warmly. "I'll never tell anyone what we talk about, ever. It stays between us."

"The same goes for me. Thanks, and John," Carly said putting her hand on top of mine. I looked down at it and then up at her. "I don't see you as my boss, not like that. More like a friend. A really good friend I can work with..."

"Me too," I said putting my hand on top of hers. "Now, I'd better get dinner on. Want to stay?"

"I'd better not. I've taken up enough of your time and I suspect you've had enough of me," Carly said with a weak smile.

"I don't think so Carly, I don't get tired of you. You can stay, I'm having steak and salad," I said trying to put her at ease.

"I'd love to, but I do need to go. I've got something to take care of," Carly said politely. There was a sadness her in eyes but that quickly disappeared. Then I had a burning question.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked which caught her attention.

"Of course, you don't have to ask," Carly replied with a smile.

"Sorry. Why are you so interested in... this," I asked motioning with my hands to try and mime that I was talking about everything we had discussed. She got my movements.

"Ah, well. An uninteresting story to that one," Carly replied taking a moment to recall her memories. "It seems hard to believe from my demeanour, but I've always had fantasies. Some things I can't seem to get out of my head and it's good to meet other people that share similar qualities. My ex was interesting but he liked things only a certain way. I realised later I was never comfortable enough to explore things with him. That turned to me being labelled boring and dull, which led us to break up."

"Sounds like an asshole. That's why you couldn't open up," I said before actually thinking through what I was going to say. I caught myself but she laughed putting me at ease.

"He is an asshole. You're so right," Carly said happily. "I made some changes after we broke up, did some things. Now though... I guess I don't want to hold back anymore either."

"That's fair, I can appreciate that. I found it hard to open up, but Heather was so supportive and once I got over the hurdle, it was easy. We never did anything that would hurt our relationship, you know," I said recalling a happy memory.

"Yeah. She was a lucky girl," Carly said putting her hand on my shoulder and giving me a hug. "I hope to find someone I can be comfortable with one day, be open minded with. That we can explore things together, that would be the ultimate."

"You will," I said rubbing her back.

"I should go," Carly said with a warm smile while lingering a moment.

"Okay, See you tomorrow?"

"You bet," Carly said kissing me on my cheek.

I smiled and showed her out. I felt a sense of relief that it all went so well with Carly and hoped it would continue. All I could do was put my life back together and move on from all the shit I had been through the last six months. I realised I was starting to do just that.

Chapter 14

The weather was most definitely warming up again. Anna had suggested a swim in my pool and since I had nothing to do, I figured why not. As usual, she showed up in a terrific bikini, under a thin, loose white shirt and denim shorts that were unbuttoned at the top. She didn't bother with anything else because I had towels and everything else she needed here. Anna was around enough she had practically moved in without actually moving in.

Throwing her arms around me and hugging me was the norm when we greeted nowadays, before we went out the back to the entertainment area and sat down. Not one to beat around the bush, Anna got straight to the point once we were relaxing in the reclining chairs by the pool.

"I know I keep asking, but... how are you? Are things getting better or is there still anger there?" Anna asked politely.

"Things are definitely getting better. I feel more relaxed, more energised if that's what you're asking," I replied with a shrug. I wasn't sure what else to say.

"That's good. Do you see yourself getting back out there in the dating world or still too early?" Anna asked kindly. "I only ask because it was something I had to come to grips with, because I went a little silly and dated some really tragic guys. It made me realise I was doing it for the wrong reasons, I hadn't dealt with the hurt... you know."

"I'm not actively looking. But I haven't resigned myself to being alone forever. It's just hard to think about what I had. She's hard to replace if you get my drift," I replied. There was a definite mix of emotions there competing over different memories of everything that went down.

I knew Anna understood what I meant, given she went through the same thing after her husband died. I also remember some of the jerks she dated and it makes sense why none of them lasted longer than a month. If you're looking for something to forget your troubles it usually ends up being the wrong thing and it was something I didn't want to happen.

"Look, no one is going to be able to replace Heather and nor should they. But you will realise at some point you have to move forward, that you can move forward," Anna said kindly. She was right. I knew that, but it was just taking me time.

"I know and maybe I already am. I'm just taking it a day at a time. I take it you've been through that," I asked referring to her late husband.

"Yes. Having friends was a huge part of my moving forward. Having fun, letting my hair down. I know this sounds grim, but I find it nice to be able to talk with someone close, like yourself who has been through it also," Anna replied so sweetly that I couldn't take it in a negative way. I sure as hell was grateful, I could talk with someone who understood.

"It's not grim. I get it, and I'm thankful I've got you to talk to," I said giving her a smile. Yes, we had a moment right there. She put her hand on mind and I knew, just like she did. "Enough of the dark stuff. What's say we have some fun?"